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  • mistermuse 12:00 am on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , Ambrose Bierce, , Blaise Pascal, Erica Jong, , Lenin, , , opera, , , ,   

    TRUTH BE TOLD….so it is said 

    When I come across a quote I love, and which is so true that it hits home (home being where the heart is), I often tell Cupid to get lost while I grab a pen, because in my heart….

    Yes, I want to be alone so I can write down said truth on whatever scrap of paper is handy before I get distracted and forget it….even then, I often don’t recall where I left that lovely quote, and Cupid will call me stupid (but then, aren’t we all when Cupid is involved?).

    Anyway, I haven’t written a post since I got home from the (soap) opera six days of our lives ago, so today I thought I’d seek out and gather up some of the bold and beautiful quotations I misplaced, for you alone (you ARE alone, aren’t you?):

    I don’t want to be alone, I want to be left alone.” –Audrey Hepburn, actress

    “In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone, but sometimes it is a great relief. –John Barrymore, actor

    “Solitude is un-American.” –Erica Jong, novelist and poet

    All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.” –Blaise Pascal, writer, inventor, and theologian

    “The trouble with opera in the United States is that it is trying to sell caviar to a hamburger-eating country.” –Helen Traubel, opera singer

    “Opera: a play about life in another world whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures, and no postures but attitudes.” –Ambrose Bierce

    Opera: where anything that is too stupid to be spoken, is sung.” –Voltaire

    Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.” –Aldous Huxley

    It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.” –Mark Twain

    There is a world of difference between truth and facts. Facts can obscure the truth.” –Maya Angelou

    I will close with a timely quote in which the words alone, opera, and truth do not appear….but I would say that truer words were never spoken (despite who said them):
    “Democracy counts heads without regard to what’s in them.” –Lenin

     

     

     
    • Garfield Hug 12:38 am on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I loved your quotes herein Mistermuse! Good share and always nice to read your posts. Looks like you must watch more soap (operas) to encourage you to pen more, on whatever scraps of paper – Hmm even gum wrappers perhaps? 😉

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 1:43 am on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I don’t watch soap operas, GH, but my wife and daughters did years ago, and I got a whiff of a few of them in passing. These days, just following the intrigues of Trump and his cast of sycophants is like watching a soap opera — a VERY BAD soap opera.

      Liked by 2 people

    • blindzanygirl 2:02 am on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Great quotes. Some of them made me giggle. And anything that makes me giggle at 4 o’ clock in the morning MUST be good!

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 10:14 am on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        I’m never up at 4 o’clock in the morning unless nature calls — which doesn’t make me giggle (though I may end up with a jiggle).

        Liked by 2 people

        • blindzanygirl 10:20 am on February 22, 2020 Permalink

          Lol mistermuse. I usually wake up at 4 a.m. for a wee, then can’t get back to sleep again! So I rebd to come in here!

          Liked by 1 person

    • calmkate 3:06 am on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      lol great collection of misplaced quotes! I also had a giggle all alone 😎
      but then my neighbour came knocking to ask what was the matter … lol
      sadly I loathe opera with a passion so some of these were written for me!

      Liked by 2 people

    • obbverse 3:55 am on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Mr Twain nails it again And should life give you Lenin, make a Collective.

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 10:28 am on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Life has given the country a “Lenin” with Trump, and needs a collective of enough voters to make the November election his last stand.

        Like

    • Rivergirl 9:03 am on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I enjoy being alone. Why wouldn’t I? I’m marvelous company…
      😉

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 10:33 am on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Absolutely, Rg — you and the rocks (non-followers of Rivergirl’s blog will have to go there to get that). 😉

        Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, Another Blogger 9:24 am on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Great quotes. Voltaire’s is hilarious.

      Neil S.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 10:40 am on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I agree. “Boogie! Boogie! Boogie!” (to quote Groucho Marx in A NIGHT AT THE OPERA).

      Like

    • magickmermaid 12:18 pm on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Although I have to disagree with Voltaire, I like all the other quotes. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 12:50 pm on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        I’m not an opera lover, but if I had to choose, I’d take opera over soap opera because who needs soap when he only takes a bath/shower once a year, whether he needs it or not?

        Liked by 1 person

    • Elizabeth 6:04 pm on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I find Angelou’s quote confusing. What sense do you make of it?

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:14 pm on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Perhaps the most common use of “Facts [to] obscure the truth” is political spin. See below:

        https://www.britannica.com/topic/political-spin

        Liked by 1 person

        • Elizabeth 6:10 pm on February 23, 2020 Permalink

          Thank you. That makes sense. I really couldn’t understand her quote. Now I do.

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 7:23 pm on February 23, 2020 Permalink

          You’re very welcome, Elizabeth. If Trump & Company were as good at telling the truth as they are at spinning and/or twisting it, his followers wouldn’t know what to believe….and it might even give them second thoughts (not that they do any profound thinking in the first place).

          Like

    • mlrover 8:17 pm on February 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Helen Traubel was on to something,especially when one keeps in mind that most TV watchers consider the singers on “Idol” talented. They may be but they’re certainly not trained and wouldn’t know a well-structured measure from a mordent.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 11:00 am on February 23, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        I remember Helen Traubel well. Though a big (in more ways than one) opera star, she was no stuffed shirt — well, maybe physically, but not culturally — and made many guest appearances on TV back in the day, often on comedy shows like Jimmy Durante’s.

        As for today’s singers (and I mordently and mordantly use the term loosely), I can’t stand to listen to most of them, but as a product of today’s culture, what else would we expect? I suspect that some of them would’ve been good singers if they had grown up several generations ago….but not knowing any better, are they really to blame?

        Liked by 1 person

    • Ashley 8:25 am on February 23, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Great quotes here! Some made me frown but mostly they made me smile. Can’t be bad and now the sun has come out! Hoooray!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Silver Screenings 7:09 pm on February 23, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Voltaire’s comment on the opera made me laugh out loud. It sounds so irreverent!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 12:36 pm on February 24, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Every time I watch DUCK SOUP and A NIGHT AT THE OPERA, it’s amazing how funny Groucho’s lines still are today.

      Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 1:45 pm on February 25, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Being alone is ok for some…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E9ydw_aDMg

      Liked by 1 person

    • literaryeyes 11:46 pm on February 25, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I vote (ready to vote already) Mark Twain followed close by Huxley.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 10:16 am on February 26, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        I can’t argue with those votes, Mary. Another one I really like is the Lenin quote, because it goes a long way toward explaining why Trump got millions of votes.

        Like

    • barkinginthedark 10:52 pm on March 5, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      here’s my original quote; “question is the answer.” continue…

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:14 am on March 6, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks for the comment, Tony, but would you kindly answer a question that has puzzled me for some time: your comments always end with the word “continue…” but continue where? At first I thought that if I clicked “continue,” it was a link which led to something….but nothing happens. What do you intend by “continue”?

        Like

    • barkinginthedark 5:16 am on March 6, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      i mean keep on going MM…keep on doing…just keep on. continue…

      Liked by 1 person

    • kutukamus 2:08 am on March 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Especially love those ones by Traubel and Lenin. 🍸

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:52 am on March 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Truth Be Told, the Lenin quote is my fav….but I like them all.

      Like

    • annieasksyou 11:44 pm on March 16, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Hi, Mistermuse. I just stopped by to welcome you to annieasksyou; I’m delighted to have you join me. And since I love bad puns, dislike opera, and have written my share of tirades about a certain White House occupant, I am now following you as well. So cheers!

      Annie

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:10 am on March 17, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks for the comment, about which I have just one quibble: I would call Trump the White House disaster, rather than White House occupant. 😉

        Like

        • annieasksyou 9:25 am on March 17, 2020 Permalink

          I would agree—and even “disaster” doesn’t capture what his egomaniacal ineptitude has wrought on us now…

          But since we all need to keep our immune systems strong because of this plague he’s dramatically worsened, I’m putting a moratorium on myself to try to think of him as little as possible, focusing instead on things that cheer me—such as our budding new crocuses and the bird serenade outside my window.

          Liked by 1 person

    • skullGhost 8:03 pm on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Simply amazing. And to add further, it seems this Lenin has captured the practical utilitarian essence of democracy well in those few words.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:13 pm on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Ironic, but true.

      Like

  • mistermuse 12:01 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Ambrose Bierce, Auguste Rodin, Bessie Smith, , , NO BRAINER DAY, poet, President, , Rene Descarte, , , , , thought, ,   

    NO BRAINER DAY 

    I think, therefore I am. –René Descartes 
    I overthink, therefore I post.
    –mistermuse

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Lately, I’ve been burning too much mental energy cooking up posts to roast Trump (e.g., I almost said toast rump); the heat is turning my face red and giving me the thinking blues:

    Frankly, friends, I think I need to cool it before the strain becomes a drain on my brain and gives me a pain. Fortunately, Feb. 27 is NO BRAINER DAY — a perfect day to post a post which requires little or no thinking. But before you Trump reprobates snidely ask how that would make this post any different from my previous posts, answer me this: how much thought do you think The Donald gives his tweets? Even a smart-ask Trumpite should allow that mistermuse be entitled to one day of devoting the same paucity of gray matter to his post that your Orange Oligarch devotes to his tweets every day.

    With that in mind, I’m giving the rest of this tome over to posting what others thought when they thought about thinking/not thinking. Do I think their thinking will make you think you’re thinking what I’m thinking about thinking/not thinking? Just a thought.

    So, let’s get quoting before I change my mind and start thinking again:

    I think that I think; therefore, I think I am. –Ambrose Bierce

    [I think that I think, therefore] I yam what I yam. –Popeye the Sailor Man

    There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking. –Thomas Edison

    Ours is an age which is proud of machines that think, and suspicious of men who try to. –Howard Mumford Jones

    The best way [for a woman] to win a man is to make him think you think as much of him as he does. –Evan Esar

    In America, we say what we think, and even if we can’t think, we say it anyhow. –Charles F. Kettering

    In closing, did you know Rodin’s THE THINKER was originally called THE POET:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Thinker

    I happen to know that THE POET didn’t appreciate the name change, thus this reaction:

    Mused The Poet to a passing skunk,
    “What good is being called The Thinker?
    To some day convey the aura of a President,
    It should Don the wrap, like you, of The Stinker.”

     

     

     
    • calmkate 12:20 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Kettering says it best … take deep breaths, calm down … your blood pressure is thru the roof young man ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 1:39 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I think what Kettering said applies more to Trump and his supporters, Kate. How does one calm down so long as such a dangerously immoral man remains in power? Call me overly concerned, but Like Popeye (and Trump), “I yam what I yam.”

      Like

      • Yeah, Another Blogger 9:06 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        I’m with you on Trump. He stinks up the joint.

        Neil Scheinin

        Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 9:51 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink

          You got that right, Neil. The most worrying thing is that the joint he stinks up is The White House.

          Correction: he stinks up the country, if not the whole world.

          Liked by 2 people

    • scifihammy 8:13 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I like Your quote. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    • rivergirl1211 9:18 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      You’ve given me a lot to think about there…

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:43 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        You go, rivergirl!

        On second thought, stay — I need all my brilliant, witty, adorable followers (and you too)! 🙂 🙂 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • mlrover 9:32 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I think, therefore I am. –René Descartes or I overthink, therefore I post. –mistermuse
      I like yours better.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 12:40 pm on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Manoloprofe, thank you for the like. I read your latest post about William Tell, but there appears to be no way to leave responses on your blog, so I’ll leave my response here:

      Like

    • Eliza 2:54 pm on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks for the smiles
      Happy Wednesday
      Love, light and glitter

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 6:39 pm on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks for the comment. I’ll take the love and the light, but leave the glitter to pop artists and Hollywood celebs who (apparently) can never have enough!

        Take care, and remember what Abe Lincoln said: “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • Richard A Cahill 10:46 pm on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I think you failed to write a trump-free post, Sr. Muse. As far as wishing not to abuse Trump in prose, been there, tried to do that, failed miserably myself. I feel your pain.

      Liked by 1 person

    • magickmermaid 7:41 pm on February 28, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      A very well-thought out post! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 7:50 pm on February 28, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I think so too, therefore I thank you! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • masercot 7:38 am on March 1, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I do love me some Bessie Smith…

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:48 pm on March 1, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Hopefully, there’s something here to please every reader (except Trump supporters, some of whom may know how to read, and happen upon this post).

        Liked by 1 person

    • Resa 8:34 pm on March 3, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Nice post! I like the Popeye “Yam am”
      Don’t hear much about Popeye, anymore. He’s too, anchored in the past. 😀
      My cat is named Jeep, after Eugene the Magical Jeep! True!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 10:57 pm on March 3, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Sorry to say, I’ve never heard of Eugene the Magical Jeep. However, I have heard of Puff the Magic Dragon, so I hope that counts for something! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Paul Sunstone 2:03 am on March 4, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I’ve come to believe that for most of us, “thinking” is not much different than exploring the insides of our boxes. The boxes our parents, teachers, peers, culture, etc. give us to play around inside of. Now and then, we make an important discovery. “The walls are brown!”

      Liked by 2 people

    • Susi Bocks 12:27 am on March 7, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I think I need to think about all this carefully. 😉 BTW, “I overthink, therefore I post.” Spot on, Mister Writer! I thoroughly enjoyed your mini-rant. May you be able to de-stress a bit.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Silver Screenings 11:08 am on March 7, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Hey, I didn’t know The Thinker was originally called The Poet. I always learn something when I come here.

      Also: I love the quote about our society being proud of machines that think, but distrustful of people who try to. Very well said.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:14 am on March 15, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks for the comment, SS — I thought I had replied before, but apparently I forgot. Apparently I need a machine that thinks for me, or at least remembers for me! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • kutukamus 2:20 am on March 15, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Now this ‘no-brainy’ is something to think over, really 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:01 am on June 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Ambrose Bierce, , D.B. Cooper, egotist, famous disappearances, , , James Hoffa, , , Virginia Dare,   

    WHERE’S THE CHIEF? 

    Bridge is a trick-taking game using a standard 52 card deck. –Wikipedia

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    I don’t play bridge, but in perusing last Thursday morning’s newspaper, I couldn’t help noticing this headline atop the daily bridge column: DISAPPEARING TRUMP TRICK.

    Given the kind of column it is, I might’ve known what I hoped for was too good to be true. Let’s face it: the notion of learning how to make America’s Look-at-me President magically disappear is a bridge too far. As for voluntarily leaving office at the prospect of obstruction of justice charges, Donald Trump may be a master at the game of evasion, but a disappearing act isn’t in the cards anytime soon; he’s too addicted to tweeting/hearing himself talk. At times, one wonders where his lips shtick comes from: an out-of-control ventriloquist, or from being an egocentric blowhard & shameless con man (for the record, the word dummy appears in the bridge column six times…but I vote for choice #2).

    Actually, it wouldn’t be unprecedented for an American President to disappear. Remember Jimmy Hoffa, ex-(in more ways than one)President of America’s largest union, The International Brotherhood of Teamsters? He was last seen in the parking lot of a suburban Detroit restaurant on July 30, 1975 — the day he was to meet with Mafia bosses Anthony Giacalone and Anthony Provenzano. He hasn’t been heard from since.

    Speaking of a restaurant (not where one of the above two CEOs of their respective fiefdoms was last seen), do you remember this commercial?

    In the case of Hoffa, the question isn’t “Where’s the beef?”, but “Where’s the Chief?” Two weeks before his disappearance, the feds discovered that hundreds of millions of dollars had disappeared from the Teamster’s largest pension fund. Hoffa’s remains remain unfound, although the FBI has checked out numerous tips: under a section of the now-demolished Giants Stadium in New Jersey; in the concrete foundation of Detroit’s Renaissance Center; under a horse barn or backyard swimming pool in Michigan; a swamp in Florida; a vacant lot 20 miles north of that last scene Detroit restaurant  — seemingly everywhere but under Trump Tower in Manhattan (no tip to the FBI intended).

    There have been many other mysterious disappearances in American history (Ambrose Bierce, D.B. Cooper, Virginia Dare, Amelia Earhart, etc.), but I say none is more mysterious than the above….or my real name isn’t James Riddle Hoffa.

     
    • scifihammy 7:05 am on June 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Hi James! 🙂
      It is a pity a few more politicians don’t just disappear.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:22 am on June 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Hi yourself, Sci! BTW, I didn’t make up the middle name of James RIDDLE Hoffa (you can look it up)!

        Liked by 1 person

        • scifihammy 8:05 am on June 25, 2017 Permalink

          I seem to vaguely remember there was a US President (?) who went swimming on his own in the ocean – and disappeared. Another Riddle perhaps? 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:35 am on June 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I’m not aware of a US President who went swimming and disappeared. Perhaps it was some other country’s President.

      Like

    • Margarita 12:22 pm on June 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      There is something to be said for a steady and methodical disappearance. Meanwhile, it behooves us to pay attention to what the professional politicians are doing and keep the apprentice in his place. 😉 xoM

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 5:36 pm on June 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Perhaps someone will invent a time machine and make Trump disappear back to Wild West days as a red (rather than orange) man having to communicate via smoke signals rather than middle-of-the-night tweets. It would still be mostly hot air, but at least if he did it at 3 a.m., nobody would see what he was saying.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Carmen 1:20 pm on June 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Looking for Jimmy Hoffa from the Observation Post. ..hmmm. . . 🙂

      I agree with you, however, that there’s no chance Trump’s going anywhere. His motto seems to be, “Attention to my misbehaviour is still attention – I want it all!

      Liked by 2 people

    • Skipah 11:07 pm on June 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      D.B. Cooper is still the most fascinating thing in history. Did he live? How Hoffa has never been found this many years later tells me that there isn’t nothing to find. There is no body to find, he was fed to a gator or ran through a wood chipper!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 10:01 am on June 26, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Shipah, I think you’re right, in the sense that there’s no doubt that Hoffa didn’t survive his disappearance, but we don’t know if D.B. Cooper survived his (of even if that’s his real name). Still, the fact that Hoffa’s remains (if any) have never been found is fascinating in itself.

        Like

      • literaryeyes 8:46 pm on June 26, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        I’d say what I’ve heard happened, but I won’t because I don’t want to disappear too.

        Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 9:40 pm on June 26, 2017 Permalink

          I was going to say you can trust me with what you heard, Mary, because I wouldn’t tell a soul….but on second thought, those who are concerned about their soul aren’t the ones you have to worry about. 😦

          Like

    • Ricardo 1:10 am on June 26, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I, too, want to see Trump disappear, Sr. Muse.I don’t think it’s going to happen. But if he suffered a heart attack at the frenzied height of one of his rallies, that would be just as good. Think of that happening. It’ll help you sleep better at night.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 10:05 am on June 26, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Well, I wouldn’t go that far, Ricardo. Rather than a heart attack, I’d settle for an impeachment that removes him from office. That would make him the one thing he can’t abide — a LOSER.

        Like

    • Don Frankel 5:50 am on June 26, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Geez Muse you seem to be one of the few Trump haters who figured out that he’s just not going to leave office after the next nasty article or unhinged hissy fit by some celebrity or Talking Head. Congratulations!

      BTW the Presidential succession is Vice President, Speaker of the House, President of the Senate, Sec of State, Sec of the Treasury, Sec of Defense and the rest of the Presidential cabinet. It never gets to the losing candidate from the other party unless that person also happens to be in the line of succession. Like losing VP candidate Boy Scout Ryan.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:51 am on June 26, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Don, you classify me as a Trump hater, but as someone who was raised Catholic, I was taught to hate the sin, not the sinner. In like manner, I despise a lot of what Trump says and does, but I see him as someone who can’t help himself, almost like a drug addict (except that most drug addicts are probably aware of what they’re doing to themselves — I think Trump is too narcissistic to see himself as others see him). In short, he’s more to be pitied than hated.

        Liked by 1 person

      • literaryeyes 8:50 pm on June 26, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        It’s true the V.P. would be next in line, etc. and I think Trump is preferable to cruel men with amiable smiles. At least we know the truth about him because he can’t help telling us.

        Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 10:03 pm on June 26, 2017 Permalink

          Perhaps Trump can’t help telling the truth about himself; unfortunately, everything else he says has to be taken with a towering grain of salt. Not that they’re lies — they’re just “alternative facts.”

          Like

    • linnetmoss 7:13 am on June 26, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I have entertained the thought that he will indeed disappear because all of this is actually a big hoax, and Donald Trump is nothing more than a Saturday Night Live sketch. One of their more outrageous efforts…

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 10:15 am on June 26, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      The Donald is a hoax, all right, but a hoax of a President. Still, about a third of the country loves him, so it seems it’s not all that hard to take a lot of people in. As P.T. Barnum (supposedly) said, “There’s a sucker born every minute.” Well, maybe not suckers, but I can’t think of a more apt description at the moment.

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:01 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Ambrose Bierce, , , Brigham Young, , , , , men, , , , , , Solomon, , ,   

    HUSBAND APPRECIATION DAY 

    The third Saturday in April, which happens to be today, is HUSBAND APPRECIATION DAY. Unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case may be), I have but one wife to appreciate me. Not that I’m greedy, you understand, but I can’t help wondering what it would be like having many wives appreciate me — like in such open-minded countries as Afghanistan, where polygamy is a common practice. Speaking of practice, practice may make perfect, but prudence dictates that such things should be checked out before one plunges into it.

    Luckily, one has only to turn to Googlepedia to find pertinent reports. For example, a well-educated Imam of Islam, Mohammed Bello Abubakar, was quoted in The Christian Science Monitor and the BBC as saying, “I married 86 women and there is peace in the house — if there is peace, how can this be wrong? A man with ten wives would collapse and die, but my own power is given by Allah. That is why I have been able to control 86 of them.” By the time of his death on January 28 at 92 (years, not wives), he actually had not 86, not 92, but 120 wives, and had fathered 203 children. And I thought I was busy.

    But Bello Abubakar was a piker at polygamy compared to that wisest of Old Testament wife hoarders, King Solomon, who is said to have had up to 1,000 wives….not to mention 300 concubines on the side. Apparently, it helps to get religion if one hopes to honey-up and handle hives of wives. Bee that as it may, the problem is that one can’t grab unto just any religion in order to have one’s fill of mates. For example, I was raised Catholic, which is not the most reasonable religion in the world when it comes to conjugal largesse. On top of that — though I am now free of such doctrinaire prohibition — the secular powers-that-be in America maintain equally unenlightened views in marital matters. So you can see what we poor, monogamous men are up against in so-called liberal democracies.

    Of course, we could resort to bigamy, but at what cost? It’s a sad state of affairs when you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. But never let it be said that I’m not a broad-minded guy — thus, I call on the following sexpert testimony, which unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case may be) includes no female witnesses:

    Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. –Oscar Wilde

    The best argument against bigamy is that it leaves a man no place to hang his clothes. –Evan Esar

    Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong. –Bob Hope

    Why a man would want a wife is a mystery to bachelors; why a man would want two wives is a bigamystery. –Evan Esar

    Polygamy, n. A house of atonement, fitted with several stools of repentance, as distinguished from monogamy, which has but one.–Ambrose Bierce (The Devil’s Dictionary)

    Brigham Young originated mass production [in America], but Henry Ford was the one who improved on it. –Will Rogers

    Polygamy: an endeavor to get more out of life than there is in it. –Elbert Hubbard

    Every man should have four wives: a Persian, with whom he can converse; a woman from Khorasan, for the housework; a Hindu woman to raise the children; and one from Transoxiana, whom he can beat as a warning to the others. –Mirza Aziz Koka

    That last quote seems a bit over the top, I must admit. How could the average person be expected to know where the hell Khorasan and Transoxiana are?

     

     
    • linnetmoss 7:13 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Groucho: “Well whadaya say girls? Are we all gonna get married?” Woman: “All of us? But that’s bigamy!” Groucho: “Yes, and it’s big-a-me too.”

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 9:47 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        I remember that joke, but I’m not sure if Groucho was the first to say it. No matter — no one ever said it better!

        P.S. For the benefit of those not up on their Marx (Brothers), Groucho said it in ANIMAL CRACKERS (1930).

        Liked by 2 people

    • Carmen 10:20 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I’ve never heard any women saying they’d like to have multiple husbands. . Hmmm. . . Wonder why? 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 10:47 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Carmen, I can only speak for myself: when a wife has me for a husband, she thinks….

        Liked by 1 person

        • Carmen 11:14 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink

          I’m laughing.

          But since it’s Hubby Appreciation day, I will save my deprecatory comments. 🙂
          (and don’t tell me, you think that song is about you)

          Liked by 2 people

        • mistermuse 11:36 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink

          Carmen, I trust that you are giving your hubby the appreciation he is due today! 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

        • Carmen 11:44 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink

          Always! (in fact, he really is quite spoiled – just ask our daughters!)

          Liked by 2 people

    • arekhill1 10:42 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Transoxiana was easy for Google to find, Sr. Muse, and it turns out to be modern Uzbekistan, approximately. Apparently its natives have always preferred to live in a nearly unpronounceable land.

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 11:33 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I clicked “Like” but I meant “Don’t like.”

      Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 6:24 pm on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      This brings up images of monogamy and or memories of Mr & Mrs Bundy but then there is nothing to suggest that Cahn and Van Heusen were talking about only one marriage. Just that you need love.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 7:39 pm on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Don, as it happens, one of the books I bought at that library book sale several months ago was Sammy Cahn’s autobiography titled I SHOULD CARE….and one of the chapters is titled LOVE AND MARRIAGE. I haven’t gotten around to reading the book yet, but I can tell you that he was married more than once (but not at the same time, because that would’ve been bigamy — or rather, biga-him).

        Liked by 2 people

    • Carmen 7:09 pm on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I thought you made this up. Just took a ‘stroll’ through Noseybook and indeed, it’s true! (I mean, it HAS to be if it’s on FB!)

      I should know better than to doubt you, mister muse. . .

      Liked by 2 people

    • Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC 12:14 am on April 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      SO sorry I missed Husband Appreciation Day, but since I am no longer so encumbered, I hope I may be forgiven. I hope you enjoyed your day.
      xx,
      mgh
      (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMORE dot com)
      ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
      “It takes a village to educate a world!”

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 10:23 am on April 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks, Madelyn. I got a big kick out of Husband Appreciation Day because my wife waited on me hand and foot (a hand grabbing unto my ear and a foot launched at my rear end). It’s good to know she still loves me after all these years.

      Liked by 2 people

    • D. Wallace Peach 5:14 pm on April 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Ha ha ha. Great post. I love the Wilde and Esar quotes. I hope Koka was a bachelor.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Lavinia Ross 7:42 pm on April 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Have you seen the 2009 Woody Allen movie “Whatever Works”? 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • heidi ruckriegel 12:26 am on May 24, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      That whole thing of one guy having 100 wives always seemed a bit selfish to me. Wouldn’t there be 99 guys who have to stay single?

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:40 am on May 24, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Possibly….but 50 of them might WANT to stay single (just kidding — I’d make a quip of almost every single reply if I could!). 🙂

        Like

  • mistermuse 12:01 am on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Ambrose Bierce, , commercialization, , , , Napoleon Bonaparte, , , , , , , ,   

    HUMOR INCORPORATED 

    Humor must both teach and preach if it would live forever; by forever, I mean 30 years.
    –Mark Twain

    If Webster’s definition of humor as the “quality of imagination quick to perceive the ludicrous or express itself in an amusing way” is on the mark, Twain underestimated the staying power of his humor by nigh onto 100 years (and counting). But “staying” is just one of humor’s possible powers, and because (as Lord Acton famously observed) power tends to corrupt, humor cannot absolutely avoid Acton’s axiom.

    My musing on this subject is occasioned by April being National Humor Month — so proclaimed in 1976 by Larry Wilde, Founder/Director of The Carmel Institute of Humor: http://www.larrywilde.com/

    As you might expect, The Carmel Institute of Humor is not without serious competition. A similar entity I’ve come across is The Humor Project, Inc., founded by Joel Goodman in 1977 “as the first organization in the world to focus full-time on the positive power of humor” — a claim that suggests a merger of Norman Vincent Peale’s “The Power of Positive Thinking” with funny business. And, from such appealing funny businesses as Goodman’s, have big businesses grown (judging by their “power” promotions): https://www.humorproject.com/

    Now, far be it from me to regard the corporatizing of humor as a phony business — hey, there are worse things to make of humor than a commodity, and worse ways to earn a buck than to commercialize the process. But, purist that I am, I see making humor in the same light as making love: much to be preferred on a human level than as an industry (the virtues of consumer capitalism notwithstanding). Nonetheless, I’m not so doctrinaire as to deny either humor or sex to potential customers when free(?) enterprise comes a-courting.

    Unlike Larry Wilde and Joel Goodman, mistermuse does not have a Speaker’s Bureau, a three-day Annual Conference (discounted fee for early registration), a five-point humor program, seminars or workshops. But mistermuse does offer an every-five-days discourse on subjects of interest (his, if not yours) — usually with tongue in cheek, and never with hat in hand. Dis course today concludes with ten humorous quotes, which come with a funny-back guarantee if he doesn’t think they’re priceless:

    Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.Oscar Wilde (not to be confused with Larry – or Curly or Moe, for that matter)
    Conference: a meeting held to decide when the next meeting will take place. –Evan Esar
    You can’t study comedy; it’s within you. –Don Rickles (the Donald Trump of insult-comics)
    Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. –W.C. Fields
    Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else. –Will Rogers
    Culture is roughly anything we do and monkeys don’t. –Lord Raglan
    In politics, an absurdity is not a handicap. –Napoleon Bonesapart (I’ve been waiting a long time for the opportunity to butcher that name)
    Politicians do more funny things naturally than I can think of doing purposely. –Will Rogers
    Humor is just another defense against the universe. –Mel Brooks
    Wit – the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. –Ambrose Bierce

    Over, and out.

     

     
    • Cynthia Jobin 9:52 am on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Why do some people have to ruin the best things in life by turning them into a National Month or an institution/organization of some sort? I thoroughly enjoyed this post, and being partial to the more sardonic (sarcastic? satirical?) edges of humor, was glad to see some of my favorites featured…Oscar Wilde, W.C. Fields, Ambrose Bierce, and of course, Mark Twain.
      On the distaff side, one of my favorites is Dorothy Parker. I offer this bon mot of hers when she was hanging out with her fellow wits challenging each other to compose a funny sentence using the word “horticulture”….Parker’s contribution was: “You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.”

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 10:28 am on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I love Dorothy Parker’s wit and probably should have included a Parker quote, but I’d set myself a limit of ten and liked the ten I’d chosen (plus, I think I already used that great quote before, though it certainly would’ve fit well here, and I thank you for offering it).

      To me, the quote that surprised me the most (in that I didn’t expect such profundity from the likes of Mel Brooks – what’s more, in so few words) was his “Humor is just another defense against the universe.”

      Liked by 2 people

    • D. Wallace Peach 11:03 am on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I like the Rickles quote. Well, I like all of them, but that one has always struck me as true. I would love to be funny, but just don’t have the gene. Fortunately, we don’t have to be funny ourselves to enjoy good wit and a belly laugh 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:13 pm on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Fat people take heart – the bigger the belly, the more capacity to laugh! No wonder Santa Claus is so jolly! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 11:09 am on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Humor is what separates humans from animals. That, and making tools. And not being afraid of vacuum cleaners.

      Like

      • mistermuse 12:21 pm on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Such separation is fortunate indeed, otherwise animals would be laughing themselves silly at what fools we humans be.

        Like

    • Garfield Hug 11:26 am on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Great share 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 12:23 pm on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Share and share a like, I always say. 🙂

      Like

    • Michaeline Montezinos 8:42 pm on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      One good belly laugh extends human life by one year ( My daughter the nurse .)

      Liked by 1 person

    • Todd Duffey Writes on Things 11:21 am on April 16, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Why do witticisms always come from people at least two generations before ours? Those people were way ahead of their time…

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 2:06 pm on April 16, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      As one of those people born more than two generations before this one, I thank you for the tribute. 🙂 Seriously, though, I think there still are such people – they just don’t get the recognition they did in the days before mass instant gratification “re-conditioned” us and became the norm. Wit demands at least a bit of reflection. Who does that anymore?

      Like

    • Don Frankel 11:30 am on April 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      “Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.” Mark Twain. My hero.

      Like

    • mistermuse 6:30 pm on April 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Don, I would stand corrected if I didn’t happen to agree (well, except for politicians – they’ve been withstanding the assault of laughter since most of them evolved from baboons).

      Like

    • Don Frankel 7:03 am on April 18, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      No Muse you’re right. Laughing at elected officials is actually a healthy sign of a society and poking fun is a good thing too. But when they are cooked and ushered off the stage laughter is the last thing they hear. Think Anthony Weiner here and Nixon too.

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:42 am on April 18, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Good point, Don. We in the West take our freedom to laugh at politicians for granted. Any North Korean who dared so much as think about laughing at President Kim Jung-un wouldn’t live to think again.

      Like

  • mistermuse 9:42 am on April 1, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Ambrose Bierce, Annie Dillard, , , , , , , Peter O'Toole, ,   

    DO YOU BELIEVE IN ATHEISTS? 

    ATHEIST HAS REPEAT NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE

    Never.
    Again.

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Although not an atheist myself, I believe they exist, and I’m not above quoting them….and what better day to do so than April Fool’s Day, a day of dubious origin and God-awful jokes? So, without further a-Dieu, I bring you the word(s) of Godless mortals:

    I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world. -Georges Duhamel

    When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion, it is called Religion. -Robert M. Pirsig

    I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up — they have no holidays. -Henny Youngman

    If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God? -George Deacon

    Eskimo: If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?
    Missionary: No, not if you didn’t know.
    Eskimo: Then why did you tell me?
    -Annie Dillard

    I admire anyone who’s genuinely trying to achieve spiritual enlightenment and live a peaceful life. But religious dogma is a barrier to that. The last thing a dogmatist wants is for anyone to be enlightened, any more than a pharmaceutical company wants anyone cured. -Pat Condell

    When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself. –Peter O’Toole

    Christianity, as many religions, was just dreamed up by a couple people with really good imaginations, a lot of time on their hands, and even some “herbal” help. I mean, who would dream up half of that crap without being totally baked? -Jillian A. Spencer

    Puritanism, n. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. -Ambrose Bierce

    There ain’t no answer. There ain’t going to be any answer. There never has been an answer. That’s the answer. -Gertrude Stein (when asked about God)

    Oh, well. We’ll always have Paris.

     

     

     

     
    • arekhill1 9:54 am on April 1, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I’ve proposed Darwin Day as an atheist holiday for many years now, Sr. Muse, but so far a groundswell of popular support for the idea has failed to materialize. Coincidentally, my meditation tomorrow will be on the power of prayer.

      Like

    • mistermuse 10:24 am on April 1, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Although Darwin was at one time a deist and later an agnostic, there seems to be some dispute as to whether he died an atheist. So why not make Darwin Day a holiday for believers in any of that holy trinity? I’m up for it.

      Like

    • Michaeline Montezinos 1:15 am on April 2, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      To correct an earlier commentary, I do believe in a God who is a Creator. And I think that Christianity, among many other pagan and non pagan (how do we tell the difference?) religions was built upon the major earthly and atronomical events. Like the Vernal Equinox which heralds the arrival of Spring. Thus we have Easter and Passover. Both are a celebration of overcoming the fear of mortal death.

      The idea of a Darwin Day makes more sense to me than Christmas, Mid Summer’s Eve and Easter combined. I vote we incorporate it into the calendar.

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:03 am on April 2, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I “tried” Christianity once upon a time, but (to paraphrase my little poem at the top of the post), “Never again.” To quote the late journalist Herb Caen, “Born again Christians are an even bigger pain the second time around.”

      Like

    • Don Frankel 9:27 am on April 2, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      “I remember it well. The Germans wore gray. You wore blue.”

      Like

    • mistermuse 9:55 am on April 2, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Don, thanks for remembering it well. Actually two movies brought my post’s closing line (We’ll always have Paris”) to my mind: not only CASABLANCA, but also MIDNIGHT IN PARIS, the Woody Allen film in which one of the characters in 1920s Paris is Gertrude Stein (who lived most of her life in Paris and provided the last of the post’s ten quotes).

      Like

    • BroadBlogs 1:27 pm on April 3, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Some great quotes. My philosophy is to do what works for you. If you feel you’re happier and healthier not believing, do that. If you are feel you’re happier and healthier believing, do that.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 2:03 pm on April 3, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Sounds like a good philosophy to me, though for some, I think it’s more a matter of coming to a rational conclusion rather than what makes them feel happier and healthier. In other words, they have no choice but to accept wherever the search for “truth” has led them.

      Like

    • Mélanie 1:53 am on April 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I do NOT believe in atheists, but in… myself! I do respect all believers as long as they respect me… 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 5:25 am on April 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      As a deist,
      the leist
      I can do
      is respect you.
      🙂

      Like

  • mistermuse 10:43 am on April 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Ambrose Bierce, , , Devil's Dictionary, George Stephanopolous, , , , ,   

    POL POTLUCK 

     

    April 17 being both NATIONAL CHEESEBALL DAY and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH DAY, my thoughts naturally turn to politics and politicians as subject matter for today’s post. Of course, many politicians are unintentional comedians, so there is a verbal plethora of political humor to choose from — too much, in fact, to arrange here in any coherent fashion in one day (not that I would care to do so anyway, had I the election of a plethora of days). I’ll start with an entree — The Devil’s Dictionary definition of politics — followed by a potluck buffet of jokes, quotes, axioms, etc. in no pontifical order:

    Politics, n.  A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.  –Ambrose Bierce

    Four surgeons are taking a coffee break and discussing their profession. The first says, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”
    The second says, “I think librarians are the easiest. You open them up and everything is in alphabetical order.”
    The third says, “I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.”
    The fourth says, “I like to operate on politicians. They’re heartless, mindless, spineless, and their heads and their asses are interchangeable.”

    We’ll let the other countries of the world be the peacekeepers and the great country called America be the pacemakers.  –George W. Bush

    “I have had great financial sex.”  –Presidential candidate Ross Perot (intending to say “financial success“)

    Congress is strange: a man gets up to speak and says nothing; nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees.  –Evan Esar

    “I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.”  –Dan Quayle, former Vice President

    The highest function of conservatism is to keep what progressiveness has accomplished.  –R. H. Fulton

    “The American peole’s expectations are that we will fail. Our mission is to exceed their expectations.”  –George W. Bush

    The chief defect of a democracy is that only the political party out of office knows how to run the government.  –Evan Esar

    “The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.”  –George Stephanopolous, former aide to Bill Clinton

    I have never found in a long experience in politics that criticism is ever inhibited by ignorance.  –Harold Macmillan 

    “This is a great day for France!”  –Richard Nixon (while attending President DeGaulle’s funeral)

    Etc., etc., etc….

     

     

     
    • arekhill1 10:58 am on April 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I thought financial sex was screwing people out of their money. Happy Cheeseball Day!

      Like

    • mistermuse 12:27 pm on April 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I think you’re right on the money. By the way, today is also National High Five Day, a day when politicians celebrate their biggest scores of the past year in that regard.

      Like

    • Don Frankel 3:12 am on April 18, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      No matter what they do or what they say, they are spending your money. In all fairness and why should we be fair, but in all fairness if you speak in public enough you’ll say some stupid things. Of course some people make a career of it. Sorry to pick on Dick Nixon, and he said we wouldn’t have him to kick around anymore, but he said one of my favorites. He was President and sex was the issue of the day and in the middle of some speech he said. “When it comes to the question of sex, no one can stand pat.” Of course he was married to Pat Nixon. Even he laughed at that.

      Like

    • mistermuse 6:19 am on April 18, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Good point, Don. Some of the “stupid things” said by politicians are the spoken equivalent of written typos — funny but entirely excusable (like what Dick Nixon said about standing pat, which I hadn’t heard before).

      On the other hand, some guys’ verbal screwups (and it’s usually guys, notwithstanding the Sarah Palins of the world) are so ingrained and such a window into their real self that you have to question their capability for the office they hold or seek. To me, the poster child for this is former VP Dan Quayle, who I shudder to think what this country would’ve endured if he had become President. No doubt many right-wingers feel the same about current VP Joe Biden, but his malapropisms strike me as being of the “typo” type, not of being gravitas-and-insight challenged (if I’m not being too unkind).

      Like

  • mistermuse 8:52 pm on April 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Ambrose Bierce, April 3, freedom, , Independence Day, July 4th, liberty, Soren Kierkegaard, , Woodrow Wilson   

    APRIL 3 IS INTERNATIONAL KISS MY ASS DAY 

    If ever someone invented a freedom-loving holiday, this is the day. July 4th may be Independence Day, but April 3rd is even more liberating (if less patriotic). July 4 is a federal holiday when servicemen present arms at certain ceremonies; April 3 is an international holiday when fed-up men present asses without ceremony — and if anyone doesn’t like it …. well, (s)he can smooch you-know-what. As for me, I’m going to present the liberated observations of other men, and take the rest of the day off (April 3 also happens to be Don’t Go To Work Day):

    What distinguishes Independence Day from all other days is that both orators and artillerymen shoot blank cartridges.  –John Burroughs

    Liberty doesn’t work as well in practice as it does in speeches.  –Will Rogers

    Liberty, n. One of Imagination’s most precious possessions.  –Ambrose Bierce (THE DEVIL’S DICTIONARY)

    Liberty is being free from the things we don’t like in order to be slaves of the things we do like.  –Ernest Benn

    Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting.  —Alan Dean Foster

    The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that you have to spend much of your life defending sons-of-bitches.  –H. L. Mencken

    People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.  —Soren Kierkegaard

    The greatest freedom of speech [is] the greatest safety, because if a man is a fool, the best thing is to encourage him to advertise the fact by speaking.  –Woodrow Wilson

    Give me liberty or give me drink.  –Patrick O’Henry

    The last word goes (as usual, ha ha) to a woman:

    Please feel free to contact me with other matters that are of importance to you. I am honored to serve as your representative in the U. S. Congress. i think you’re an asshole.  –Jo Ann Emerson (letter sent to constituent; she subsequently claimed no knowledge of how the last line got added)

     

     
  • mistermuse 1:28 pm on March 29, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: agnostics, Ambrose Bierce, Arianna Huffington, , , cynics, , , , , , , skeptics, , ,   

    SCOFFER, BUT WISER 

    I tend to be drawn more to the wisdom of those who question everything than to “accepted” wisdom, since no one knows everything — no one I know and trust, that is. But what of God, who (I was taught) does know everything. As an American, how could I not trust God? The proclamation IN GOD WE TRUST is all-inclusively bannered on our country’s legal tender –which, if you stop to think, seems an odd bearer for it, given the admonishment that money is the root of all evil (1 Timothy 6:10).

    Be that as it may, the thing about God is like the thing about truth — exactly whose God, whose truth are we talking about? To paraphrase the late Daniel Patrick Moynihan, you’re entitled to your own God, your own truth — but not your own facts. If you take the discrepant God of divergent religions for a fact, how can a fact divided against itself stand?  Aren’t we left with the logic that no deity conceived by humans has a basis in fact? But you knew that …. right?

    I don’t believe in any religion’s God (which isn’t the same as not believing in a Creator), but if I did, why would I want to take the life of, or coerce, a man of a different faith — both of our faiths are, after all, only fallible beliefs. Better to take the measure of human folly, as observed and recorded by those who have questioned everything:

    The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunk man is happier than a sober one.  –George Bernard Shaw

    If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?  –George Deacon

    I don’t pray because I don’t want to bore God.  –Orson Welles

    When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.  —Emo Phillips

    Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.  –Ambrose Bierce (THE DEVIL’S DICTIONARY)

    Many a long dispute among divines may be thus abridged: It is so. It is not so. It is so. It is not so.  –Ben Franklin 

    Well, you could become a Southern Baptist. I mean, instead of having to obey the Pope, you could just obey your husband.  –Arianna Huffington

    The only thing that stops God from sending a second flood is that the first one was useless.  –Nicolas Chamfort

    When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, “Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe?”  –Quentin Crisp

    I too much respect the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world.  –Georges Duhamel

    Amen.

     

     
    • arekhill1 2:48 pm on March 29, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I think that it is obvious that if there is a God, He eats over the sink.

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:54 pm on March 29, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Or maybe over the john. Either way, it all ends up down the drain.

      Like

    • Don Frankel 3:38 am on March 30, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Reminds me of the time my cousin went to Ireland. She was in a Pub when she was asked if she was a Protestant or a Catholic. She said. “I’m Jewish.” To which she was asked was she a Jewish Protestant or a Jewish Catholic.

      “World without end. Amen.”.

      Like

    • mistermuse 6:27 am on March 30, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Love your “cousin” story, Don. It’s the perfect example of a one-track mind.

      Like

    • carmen 5:22 am on December 18, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I think it makes more sense to believe that man made god(s) rather than the other way ’round.

      Liked by 1 person

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