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  • mistermuse 9:45 pm on August 28, 2020 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: A.A. Milne, , , Clifford Odets, , , , Jack Warner, movie memories, , , , wit,   

    IT’S ABOUT A QUOTER TO NINE 

    Several days ago, one of my readers said she’s partial to humorous quotes, so I’ve been thinking about spending a whole lot of time thinking about devoting a post to things others have said which are funnier than what I say….but after searching high (brow) and low (brow), eye gave up. See what I mean?

    Ha ha! Just kidding. Believe it or not, I was able to find nine selections funnier-than-mine (well, maybe somewhat funnier), though I’m sure I would’ve said them first if I’d thought of them first. Some of the nine guys & gals I’m about to quote said what they said before I was even born, thus taking unfair advantage of circumstances beyond my control. But this is my blog, so as a quoter of quotes, I at least get to determine the subject matter of the quotes I quote, and the quotes I’ve chosen to quote are quotes about quotes….and I quote:

    “A quotation is a handy thing to have about, saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself – always a laborious business.” –A. A. Milne

    “I googled the quote ‘Power means not having to respond.’ Nothing happened.” –John Alejandro King [what “Power means” sounds like something Trump might say, except nothing Trump says is worth quoting]

    “Quotation: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.” –Ambrose Bierce

    “There are two kinds of marriages: where a husband quotes the wife, and where the wife quotes the husband.” –Clifford Odets

    “You can tell a really wonderful quote by the fact that it’s attributed to a whole raft of wits.” –Anna Quindlen

    “I have made it a rule that whenever I say something stupid, I immediately attribute it to Dr. Johnson, Marcus Aurelius or Dorothy Parker.” –George Mikes

    “That woman speaks eighteen languages and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them.” –Dorothy Parker

    “You can always depend on children to quote you correctly, especially when it’s something you shouldn’t have said.” –Evan Esar

    “I can’t see what Jack Warner [Warner Bros. movie mogul] can do with an Oscar – it can’t say Yes.” –Al Jolson

    :

     
    • calmkate 2:05 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I must remind myself not to eat whilst reading your posts … I nearly choked to death!

      Those women look far more sexy in those slinky dresses than most gals these days in next to nothing!

      … see you at 8.30, I don’t want to miss anything 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 9:00 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        I’m kind of partial to “next to nothing” (especially when I’m next to my wife when she’s wearing nothing), Kate — not that I have anything against sexy women in slinky dresses. 😉

        As for “see you at 8:30,” I don’t know what time zone you’re in, but in 45 minutes it’ll be 12 hours since I posted this post (note the time at the top of this post). Can you guess my time zone?

        Liked by 1 person

        • calmkate 10:14 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink

          no idea, I though the states?

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 11:41 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink

          Eastern Standard (Eastern Daylight) time.
          BTW, I neglected to apologize for causing you to nearly choke to death. That would’ve been hard for me to swallow, knowing that my puns are killers (I thought the worst they might do is make some readers ill).

          Like

    • rawgod 3:32 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I can agree with phrase one of this quote, “There are two kinds of marriages: where a husband quotes the wife, and where the wife quotes the husband.” –Clifford Odets, but my take on the rest of it is, “those that end indivorce, or those that end in death.” Which is your preference?

      As for the A.A. Milne quote, I can truthfully say my fafourite person to quote is myself. That way, if I misquote myself, it is not a misquote, but merely a change of time.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 9:28 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        I’ll have to take a paincheck on choosing between those two alternatives, as I’ve never experienced either one.(though I suspect that avoiding the second would prove more difficult).

        I can’t disagree about your favorite person to quote, although I sometimes wonder if I was myself when I said what I said (in which case, the George Mikes quote might prove useful).

        Like

        • rawgod 11:40 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink

          Say it, own it, live with the consequences. It’s not really that hard.
          The main thing is be true to yourself. Say what you mean, mean what you say (maybe you can tell me who first said that?).
          If someone midreads you, or misinterprets you, that is beyond your control.
          The hard part is using sarcasm. You are purposely writing to mislead to make a point. Many readers, unfortunately including myself, miss sarcasm. We read it straight up. Then where do we go? My above quote about marrige/death/divorce is full of sarcasm, but can still be read straight up. Ooooohhh, wny do we write in the first place?
          Because we have to!

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 12:57 pm on August 29, 2020 Permalink

          I Don’t Know WHO FIRST SAID THAT — but I do know Who’s on first and I Don’t Know is on third….not to mention What’s on second. If you ask the name of the shortstop, I Don’t Give a Damn. The rest of That routine, I don’t remember. The rest of your comment: Thumb’s up!

          Like

        • rawgod 2:06 am on September 4, 2020 Permalink

          Funny, but Bud and Lou never once mentioned the right fielders’ name. Here is a good example, https://youtu.be/4t4PzWSLhqQ of them at their greatest. BTW, I know who is in right field, but I made them a promise never to reveal his name, so, I can’t tell ya.

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 7:46 am on September 4, 2020 Permalink

          Something tells me the right fielder’s name is Lefty. I hope Lefty’s right, or Something’s in big trouble!

          Like

    • Rivergirl 8:09 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Quotes about quotes … very circular, that. And you can’t beat Dorothy Parker!

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 9:32 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Agreed! If it weren’t for the fact that I’d be dead by now, I would love to have been within earshot of the Algonquin Round Table when Dorothy and her fellow wits had at each other.

        Liked by 1 person

    • tubularsock 1:33 pm on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Tubularsock has always found that a quotable quote carries no risk. So where’s the fun in that?
      Great post.

      Cheers.

      Liked by 5 people

      • mistermuse 3:23 pm on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        With some quotes, there’s the risk of an insight which may cause a reader to THINK (if he or she can stand the strain)….but granted, “where’s the fun in that?”
        Whatever the case, thanks for the “Great post” compliment, which is fun (for me, at any rate) to quote.

        Liked by 2 people

    • Susan 2:24 pm on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Good selection!

      Liked by 4 people

    • arekhill1 2:38 pm on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      “There are no stupid questions, just stupid people asking questions everybody else already knows the answer to.”

      Liked by 4 people

      • mistermuse 3:27 pm on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        ,,,,and then there’s Trump, who never asks questions, which is why he’s stupid (or, more accurately, ignorant).

        Like

    • Eliza 2:20 am on August 30, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      💕 Number 3 and 8 made me giggle.
      Thank you………….

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 8:49 am on August 30, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Number 3 is from Ambrose Bierce’s THE DEVIL’S DICTIONARY, which is definitely funnier than Webster’s Dictionary (although it’s much less ‘weighty’ than Webster’s….and takes up less room on the bookshelf too). 😉

        Liked by 1 person

    • magickmermaid 12:02 pm on August 30, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I was surprised that Lauren Bacall wasn’t in the video. Funny quotes! I think your own writing is extremely funny. (You may quote me.) 😀

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 6:11 pm on August 30, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, mm. I have to be funny as long as Trump is King — I mean, President — otherwise, I’d lose my sanity (and if Trump is any example of what becomes of a man, I certainly don’t want to lose my sanity).

        Liked by 1 person

        • magickmermaid 7:15 pm on August 30, 2020 Permalink

          Get a Sanity Clause. Groucho can help. 😉

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 7:20 pm on August 30, 2020 Permalink

          Unfortunately, Groucho is deceased….and Trump isn’t. That’s not nice to say, but “consider the source” (of my discontent).

          Liked by 1 person

    • Elizabeth 4:47 pm on August 30, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Can I quote you on that?

      Liked by 3 people

    • masercot 9:57 am on September 1, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      So, quotes about quotes?

      Shame on you!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 2:19 pm on September 1, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        It would be shame on me if I quoted Trump (& his supporters’) quotes about quotes, but I will only stoop so low.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Marietta Rodgers 11:35 am on September 2, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      You can absolutely depend on children repeating something you shouldn’t have said and constantly forgetting the things you want them to remember.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 2:58 pm on September 2, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Very true. The first part of your comment is reflected in a number of DENNIS THE MENACE cartoons (still appearing every day in the local newspaper) which show Dennis repeating discomfiting things his father or mother had said about people (now, in their presence). As for forgetting things, I find that to be more manifest in old age — at least, I personally DON’T REMEMBER it being a problem as a child!

        Liked by 2 people

  • mistermuse 12:18 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , wit   

    AT WIT’S END 

    I don’t know how you spell FRUSTRATION, but I spell it W-O-R-D-P-R-E-S-S. To paraphrase Elizabeth Barrett Browning,

    How do I detest thee? Let me count the ways….

    But counting the ways would take time I don’t have, thanks to all the time-consuming problems I do have with WordPress (especially recently). Suffice it to say that if there’s no improvement when the new WordPress Block Editor kicks in June 1, I’ll be considering my options — ranging from giving up blogging completely, to seeking another venue more user-friendly to a tech-tyro like me.

    In other words….

    As the God of WordPress is my wit-ness, I ask you….

     
    • obbverse 1:01 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Sounds like WP is really really really pissing you off… I know if my spouse didn’t fix my faux pas on my site I’d boot it all down the road in frustration. The WP issue I had seemed to be random- one day I could like, one day I could comment, the next, nada. Then, voila! All good-ish. I am supremely limited in trouble-shooting. Hope the new edit. works, because if it becomes unenjoyable…

      Liked by 1 person

      • calmkate 6:16 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        can’t post comments now so communicating with MrM this way … videos came back on but there is now no avenue to post comments and ours aren’t linked ;(

        Do you think POTUS disciples are targeting you? Have you contacted WP directly with your issues … I did and took another 3-4 days before they resolved it! Good luck ❤

        Liked by 1 person

        • calmkate 6:17 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink

          PS nearly forgot this link, great video on how to use new editor block ..helped me heaps!
          https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/108067070/posts/21702

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 11:25 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink

          Thank you, Kate. Computerese is almost like a foreign language to me. When complications arise beyond what I’m familiar with (writing my blog and commenting), I’m lost because I don’t understand the relevant terminology and concepts. That’s why, in all likelihood after June 1, I’m going to have to rely on my out-of-town daughter for hands-on help the next time she visits.

          Liked by 1 person

        • calmkate 6:37 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink

          that link to the youtube video will help heaps if you can open it … Bella has a sweet clear english voice and her demonstration of using the new block editor is so much easier for luddites like me … please keep persisting!

          We need you and you need an outlet for your creativity ❤

          Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:48 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, Obbverse. My wife is much more tech savvy in general than I, but she doesn’t blog and has no clue what to do about my WP issues. My oldest daughter, who lives out of town, may be able to help the next time she visits. I’ll probably just sit tight until then, if there’s no improvement on June 1,

        Liked by 1 person

        • pendantry 2:37 am on June 1, 2020 Permalink

          Good morning to you, mistermuse
          I come to you bearing good news!
          Classic editor is what you seek?
          It’s still there: here, take a peek!

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 7:14 am on June 1, 2020 Permalink

          Thank you, pendantry, for your poetic reply.
          I see no change whatever — I don’t know why.
          Same format, same problems — not “good news” at all…
          But at least I’m still here, though it wasn’t my call.

          For now, my good man, I’ll muddle on as best I can
          ’til my daughter updates my Windows, or the shit hits the fan.

          Liked by 1 person

    • blindzanygirl 1:16 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I am sad. So many people have said goodbye lately. I am having problems too. Please let us know if you go to another venue. The number of times you have lifted me out of a black pit with youur comments snd your somgs is inestimable., i loved your input. But I understsnd. It is even worse trying to deal with WordPress if you are blind. It’s shit! Much love to you midyer,use snd thankyou. ❤️

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 11:43 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        This may sound corny, Lorraine, but it warms my heart to know there are times when “I have lifted you out of a black pit.” The fact that I have helped you encourages me to want to keep doin’ what I’m doin’….I just wish that my brain was better equipped with the ‘tools’ needed to deal with the technology side of this “shit,” as you so aptly and eloquently put it.

        Like

    • calmkate 5:52 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      oh please don’t leave me … your satrical humour and jazz finds add sun to my day! I am guessing that you added videos to this post but I’m looking at two large white outs … no pics or videos to be found … issue is my end no doubt 😦

      WP seems to go thru glitches … I had a real issue for nearly 3 months, had to blog far less as anything took more than an hour! I nearly gave up but due to support by my followers I hung in there and one day issue just vanished!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 11:52 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Fingers crossed, Kate, that these issues just vanish on June 1. Otherwise, I may have to write President Trump to issue an executive order and make blogging great again.

        Liked by 3 people

        • Rosaliene Bacchus 4:36 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink

          LOL

          Liked by 1 person

        • calmkate 6:41 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink

          well he does bully everybody else so I’d rather like to watch it reciprocated, couldn’t happen to a better idiot … are you softening, that’s the kindest thing I’ve heard you call him 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 10:53 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink

          Kate, if you think I’ve been unkind to Trump, scroll down to arekhill1’s comment below and click on his blog for some posts which put my Trump put-downs to shame. 😉

          Like

    • Carmen 6:09 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      C’mon mistermuse – stick with it! How long have you been married? 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:00 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Would that it were that simple, Carmen. At least in marriage, I can kick my wife in the fanny if she gets out of line, and receive an immediate and proper response. Then, after I’ve recovered, things are back to normal.

        Liked by 1 person

    • masercot 7:07 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Ah, Fallout! A game I gave three months of my life to…

      Liked by 1 person

    • GP Cox 7:33 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I have never understood why – when something works, they insist on fixing it!!!!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 12:19 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        WordPress did work for years, GP — at least, well enough not to frustrate me as it has increasingly done lately. Whether recent problems have anything to do with the process of switching over to the new WordPress Block Editor is beyond me.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Rivergirl 7:46 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I read that we’ll be able to switch back to classic editor as soon as they roll out this new abomination… which I will do immediately. But it seems you have a lot of issues with that as well. I have no answer, just a plea not to leave.
      ❣️

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 12:27 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Very much appreciated, Rg. It may take a while, but I’m hopeful of a satisfactory resolution which will enable me to keep doin’ what I’m doin’. Closing up shop is the last thing I want to do.

        Liked by 1 person

    • josephurban 8:00 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      WordPress is following a well known principle of American business. If something is working properly CHANGE IT. As soon as a customer learns to use a system, CHANGE IT. If something is simple and uncomplicated, CHANGE IT. Why? Because otherwise how do I justify my job ? How do I justify just producing reasonably good product? Everything needs to be NEW and IMPROVED. Otherwise how do I, as a CEO, justify the salary I am given? I saw the same thing over and over and over in the field of education. If something works…CHANGE IT.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Carmen 8:06 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        I think you are onto something, Joseph. Right now, I can’t access my cell phone account because of increased security protections (I can’t even get into my own account with the password I’ve used for years) . . .so I’m sending them monthly payments in an amount that I know is higher than the bill; hopefully when they have to start sending me credits they’ll help me. 🙂 (smh)

        Hopefully mistermuse will return June 1st with a WordPress arsekicking story. ..

        Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 12:37 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        You got that right, Joseph. I think it’s akin to something they used to call “planned obsolescence.” “Change for the sake of change” is hardly an improvement.

        Liked by 1 person

    • magickmermaid 10:58 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Don’t leave!!! Everyone will miss you!!! I was cursing the new system yesterday as I was giving one of my pages a makeover. It was like a video game gone awry and I don’t play video games. However, I refuse to be bested by technology/machines. After I calmed down a bit, I found my own way to make it work for me. Disclaimer: my own way may not be the proper way but I got it to work. 🙂
      The customer service reps at WordPress are very good. They helped me out a when I have contacted them in the past. So don’t give up!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:50 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, mm. My problem is that I don’t understand the terminology, so no matter how good the customer service reps may be, I can’t do what they tell me if I don’t ‘get’ it. I’m sure my daughter would understand, so perhaps I can enlist her to contact the WordPress reps when she comes. Can you give me the customer service dept. phone #, email address, or whatever way you use to contact them?

        Like

        • magickmermaid 1:34 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink

          Drat! I was writing down the way I contacted them before and that seems to have disappeared with the new format. It was always by email–no phone support

          I found this link: https://wordpress.org/support/
          Each link on that page has specific info and a troubleshooting link. There is so much information and it can be daunting. When it comes to terminology, a lot of that is counter-intuitive and makes no sense so try not to get bogged down with that.
          Tell me exactly which thing you are having trouble with and maybe I will know which link to direct you to.

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 8:22 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink

          I’m having trouble with a number of things, mm, but two of the most bothersome have to do with ‘Like’ (or should I say, the absence of ‘Like’). First, no matter if it’s my posts or the posts of other bloggers, all I see is ‘Loading’ immediately below the posts where you would click ‘Like’ if you like the post. Second, on some (but not all) bloggers’ posts, when I try to Like a comment, it won’t ‘take’ and I have to type ‘Like’ in a comment and then go through the ‘verify that’s it’s me’ process to verify that’s it’s me making the ‘Like’ comment (and sometimes even that doesn’t go through).

          Frustrating!

          Liked by 1 person

    • tubularsock 11:45 am on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Funny that. Tubularsock hasn’t had many issues with WordPress perhaps because Tubularsock does all of his editing work on a stone tablet before sending it off.

      Sure it’s dusty and there are the issue of stone chunks getting trapped under some of the keys but let Tubularsock tell you that the shipping cost is wayyyyyyy cheaper!

      Good luck with all this.

      Oh. Whisky helps, double shot, neat.

      Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 1:45 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I’m so frustrated with Weebly I was thinking of switching to WordPress. Maybe not. I don’t plan on giving up blogging, but am really looking forward to Trump getting kicked out onto the street so I can return to topics more whimsical in the aftermath.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 8:32 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Likewise with not wanting to give up blogging — that would be a last (hopefully avoidable) resort. As for Trump, it’s not enough for me to see him kicked out unto the street. If there’s any justice in this world, he’ll be kicked out of office into prison where he belongs (and where anyone else would go for committing half the illegal acts he has committed).

        Like

    • Don Ostertag 1:48 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Why? Why? Why? Just because somebody wants to show off his/her knowledge and figures we should do something different. We haven’t got enough on our plate what with the Virus, our ‘leadership’, here in MN we have fires and looting and cop- murderers.
      I’m 81 years old and there isn’t a day goes by I don’t learn something new. And I am sick of it.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 8:44 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Don, I’m about your age, and the longer I live, the more see that the human race as a whole is beyond saving (in a humane and empathetic sense), and always will be. There is only hope for individuals, and that is why we must be the best models we can be for those in our immediate lives and those who come after us.

        Liked by 2 people

    • Rosaliene Bacchus 4:46 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Understand well your frustration. Sigh. I found “A First Guide to the Blocks Editor” on another blog and hope that I do better this weekend. Here’s the link to Part Two of Sue’s Guide, that I’ve just printed out. You’ll find the link to Part One at the end of her post.
      https://weeklyprompts.com/2020/05/29/part-two-dont-panic/

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 10:35 pm on May 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you very much, Rosaliene. At first glance, this looks beyond me. I’ll need to consult with my tech-savvy daughter the next time she visits, in order to see where I go from here. Thanks again.

        Liked by 1 person

    • magickmermaid 11:24 am on May 30, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I couldn’t reply above so I’m going to ask some basic questions.
      1-Have you updated your browser recently? It’s always best to keep your browser updated because tech changes at warp speed. If it isn’t this can sometimes affect how websites work for you.
      2-Do you clear your cache every day? I clear mine a few times every day because there is so much info in the cache on a daily basis it can sometimes interfere with what the browser can do.
      3-If you are using the Windows operating system (I don’t know anything about the others) is it updated? Have any new updates been installed recently? Sometimes with Windows updates I have to reset certain functions.

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 12:20 pm on May 30, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, mm. I appreciate the tips.

        Regarding numbers 1 and 3, my browser is Internet Explorer and, as I understand it, Windows is part of Internet Explorer. They have not been updated recently and neither my wife nor I know how, but my out-of-town daughter does, so I’ll ask her to do it on her next visit here.

        As for #2 (clearing my cache everyday), I am way behind on doing that, so I will have to take time to clear it and see if that helps.

        Thank you again.

        Like

        • magickmermaid 6:36 pm on May 30, 2020 Permalink

          I may be wrong, but I don’t think Internet Explorer can be used successfully any more as MIcrosoft updated their browser to Microsoft Edge when they launched Windows 10. So that may be the cause of some of the problems. Once browsers and operating systems are no longer supported, things don’t work as they used to. Have you upgraded to Windows 10?

          (A lot of people were reluctant to upgrade to Windows 10 and stuck to Windows 7. I’m not sure why. When I bought my new computer it came with Windows 7. A year later Windows 10 was introduced and I upgraded on the spot because it was free. After 2 or 3 days I forgot what Windows 7 was all about LOL)

          I use Firefox for my browser and it works great. It has automated updates (if you choose that option) and it is very user-friendly so ask your daughter about that. Chrome is also good but Firefox is faster in my opinion.
          Clearing the cache only takes a minute so definitely do that every day. 🙂

          Like

        • mistermuse 9:29 pm on May 30, 2020 Permalink

          You may have hit on the main problem, mm, as I’m still on Windows 7. I’ve cleared most of my cache (I hadn’t cleared it for several months), and there has been no improvement, so I’ll ask my daughter to upgrade me to Windows 10 as a Father’s Day present (unless the new Windows Block Editor miraculously solves everything on June 1). I’m reluctant to try Firefox because my wife uses it, says it’s too slow, and isn’t happy with it.

          Stay tuned! 😉

          Liked by 1 person

    • Elizabeth 12:45 pm on May 30, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Let’s hope we all get through this. Do you think they were counting on us being eager to learn something new while quarantined? If so they misread their clientele completely.

      Liked by 1 person

    • annieasksyou 12:09 am on May 31, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I am reading all this as a welcome diversion because our country is currently on fire. But I want to add my two bits (no bytes—I’m non-violent) to those who say please stay—together we’ll find a way.

      I have had oodles of WP issues and not received much help lately, though I have in the past. I am terrified what I will find on June 1. I
      watch those little videos and can’t tell what the hell they’re showing me. Tomorrow I shall try again. My out-of-town daughters were the ones who thought blogging would be a neat idea for me; they were right, but I can’t turn to them for my daily fiascos.
      But I do believe we’ll muddle through; I really, truly do.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 12:45 pm on May 31, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Much appreciated, Annie. I do very much want to “muddle through” (hard as that may be due to my EXTREMELY limited tech skills). Like you, I have an out-or-town daughter who can’t help with my “daily fiascos,” but whom I will need to at least help me function here without losing my sanity (such as I have left). But at least I’m still sane enough to have a sense of perspective, like this guy:

        Liked by 1 person

    • Carol A. Hand 12:45 am on June 2, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Ah, now I understand your comment, “Like,” on my most recent post, Mister Muse! Thank you!

      I so hope you decide to continue blogging!

      Just to add a little more complexity to the well-informed advice you have already received, WP happiness engineers weren’t able to help me when my blog wasn’t working properly a while ago. After trying to follow their complicated suggestions, I seriously contemplated just giving up. On a whim, I decided experiment to see if updating my “theme” would make a difference. Lo and behold, it worked… The features that weren’t working (likes and comments) miraculously were working again!

      Sending my best wishes!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:05 am on June 2, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Your comment (and time) are very much appreciated, Carol.

        I, too, have experienced the “complicated suggestions” of the WP happiness engineers and almost given up because their jargon is way beyond my extremely limited tech skills (they might as well be speaking a foreign language). Your “experiment” sounds intriguing and worth trying, but I’m not sure what you mean by “updating my theme.” If you have time, could you explain so that I too might try to get my “features that aren’t working” working again?

        Thank you for the good wishes — my best to you as well.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Carol A. Hand 11:01 am on June 2, 2020 Permalink

          I will try my best to explain this as one non-techie to another. You can delete this long comment when you’re done seeing if it helps. 🙂

          1. I enter WP via email informing me about a new comment or my new post – the easiest way for me to get there.
          2. In the upper left corner of the screen, I see the WP icon and words “My Sites”
          3. I click on the icon and a drop down list appears. I click on the last item on the list, “WP Admin.”
          4. In WP Admin, a new list appears. About halfway down is “Appearance”
          5. I hover over “Appearance” and another list appears. The first item is “Themes” and I click on it.
          6. I find myself on a page (actually pages) of choices with so many possible options. I want something free and something newer than the theme I’ve been using for years.
          7. By hovering over each possible choice, several options appear: “theme details,” “activate,” and “preview.”
          8. I want to know more about the features first, so I check out the details. If it sounds like a possibility, I can chose to “preview” it.
          9. My most recent post appears in this new theme. I can keep exploring new themes until I find something that works, and click “activate.”
          10. Once I do, I have a lot more customizing options to choose from before hitting the save button. 11. I can always go back to make changes via the “WP Admin” screen. It’s easier for me to use than the newer options. It’s also how I still create new posts, using the “quick post” option on the “home” screen and edit using the drop down menu choice “posts.”

          I hope this makes sense and helps! You can always email me at carolahand@gmail.com.

          Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:35 pm on June 2, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you so much, Carol. I hope I haven’t put you to too much trouble.

      It’s getting rather late tonight, so I’ll ‘tackle’ your instructions in the next day or two when I have more time…and if all else fails, my techie daughter is coming on Father’s Day and assures me that she can fix my issues. One way or the other, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel at last!

      Like

    • mistermuse 2:54 pm on June 5, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Carol, as you may have noticed in my June 4 post (A CONSOLATION OF STARS), one of my comments announced a “miracle” — the sudden restoration yesterday afternoon of “Like” from “Loading” and apparent return to normalcy of at least some of my other issues. I suspect this was due to changing to one of the different themes I tried on June 3 (if so, it was a ‘delayed reaction’), but in any case, you went “above and beyond the call of duty” by taking time to explain themes to me, and it apparently paid off.

      From now on, I shall think of you as St. Carol Hand rather than Dr. Carol Hand! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • Sara 10:55 pm on June 14, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      nice article

      Liked by 1 person

    • America On Coffee 3:57 am on June 18, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Great videos!👍

      Liked by 1 person

    • Silver Screenings 3:03 pm on July 5, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Ah, Dean Martin! Thanks for posting this – it’s my fave Dean Martin song. I’ll be singing it all day, thanks to you. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 5:15 pm on July 5, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        You’re welcome, SS.
        Sorry that I now need to APPROVE your (and all) comments before they’re posted, but a recent vulgar comment made me decide to do so (after 10+ years of publishing this blog). “Ain’t that a kick in the head?” 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 1:07 am on November 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , names, , , Thanksgiving, , , wit,   

    A NAME BY ANY OTHER NAME 

    A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. –William Shakespeare

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    When I was young, the above was one of the first truisms I remember coming upon which took me beyond the surface of its simple truth….a proposition, if you will, that by any other name would be as true. After all, what is a name but a representation of what must be named because how else are we to picture in common what is being referred to?  For example, if my name were Mister Muttonhead, I would still be me, though my name would be Mister Muttonhead, not Mister Muse (and I would still smell as sweet).

    With that in mind, I thought I’d try my hand at furthering the Bard’s example by expounding on his original paradigm, to wit:

    Flour by any other name would smell as wheat.

    An alert cat by any other name would smell a rat.

    An antique by any other name would cost far less.

    The God of man by any other name would smell like WHAT’S UP WITH THAT.

    Time by any other name would smell like a flier on life.

    A duck by any other name would quack like the other name.

    A Donald Trump by any other name would quack like an amuck Donald Duck.

    Thanksgiving turkey by any other name would smell like a thankless (but not tasteless) turkey.

    Such is life. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

     

     

     
    • carmen 2:24 am on November 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      So very true, Mister Muse.
      I’m still ‘down under’ and wanted to point out to you that your last line – “Such is Life” is supposed to be the last words uttered by one of Australia’s infamous ‘hero’s – Ned Kelly. Before he was hung in the Melbourne Goal, that is.
      Do have a lovely Thanksgiving and I really hope you avoid the spending frenzy of Black Friday. .. *she shudders*. Hope you enjoy your turkey though!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 10:13 am on November 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, Carmen. It’s too late for me to wish you a lovely Thanksgiving because, as a Canadian, you had your holiday in October. In Australia, they don’t even have a Thanksgiving day, so the best I can do is wish you a lovely day thinking of Mister Muttonhead — I mean, Mister Muse — enjoying his turkey, while I try not to think of the poor turkey sacrificing his life so a bloke like me could stuff himself like a gluttonhead. Oh, well, at least I can take consolation in knowing it was for a good cause.

        Such is life. 😦

        Like

    • calmkate 2:32 am on November 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      love the play on words … enjoy the family and feast 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • masercot 5:49 am on November 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Nice riff, Muse… How ’bout, “A nose by any other name would smell as sweetly”?

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 10:25 am on November 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        I like it, I don’t care what others say — ha ha (sorry, that attempt at humor was a real turkey). Have a great Turkey Day.

        Liked by 1 person

    • scifihammy 8:44 am on November 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Nicely done and Happy Thanksgiving. 😀

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 10:29 am on November 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, scifi. Tomorrow probably isn’t Thanksgiving in your neck of the woods, but enjoy the day anyway. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • scifihammy 11:05 am on November 21, 2018 Permalink

          No it isn’t – but we have Black Friday looming large!! Seems the shops like to make money!
          And thank you 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

    • rivergirl1211 9:53 am on November 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      An antique by any other name would be far cheaper if it weren’t for Antique Roadshow.
      Great list!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 10:46 am on November 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        You got that right, r.g. They say one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, so I guess Antiques Roadshow might then be called TRASH ROADSHOW. Somehow it doesn’t quite have the same appeal, and Shakespeare’s “rose by any other name” assertion would become a thorny issue. 😦

        Liked by 1 person

        • rivergirl1211 10:53 am on November 21, 2018 Permalink

          My husband loves anyone else’s treasure. We have full barns and a cellar you can hardly walk through to prove it…
          😑

          Liked by 1 person

    • D. Wallace Peach 10:46 am on November 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      The way your mind works makes me smile. Happy Thanksgiving!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Richard A Cahill 12:42 pm on November 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Gobble, gobble to you as well, Sr. Muse.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Don Frankel 5:41 pm on November 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      We could call it a mohaska and it would still smell as sweet but I’m sticking with calling it a rose. It has a certain history to it.

      Happy Thanksgiving.

      Liked by 2 people

    • America On Coffee 8:32 am on November 22, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Undying! LOL! Happy feast day!… Nov 22nd.

      Liked by 2 people

    • anne leueen 9:48 pm on November 24, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Made me smile. And the quacking reference drew a distinct chuckle from me. Thanks!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 11:33 pm on November 24, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Glad you liked it. Duck humor has always quacked me up since I was a kid, when Donald Duck was my favorite cartoon character.

        Like

    • markscheel1 8:05 pm on November 26, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Muse,

      Indeed, some names are interchangeable. However, if Adolf Hitler had taken the name of his illegitimate father’s mother, Schicklgruber, would he still have been Hitler? Why, we might have avoided WW II!! LOL

      Thank you, my Thanksgiving was most pleasant. Hope yours was likewise.

      Mark

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 11:34 pm on November 26, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Mark, I must admit that “Heil Schicklgruber!” doesn’t command quite the same obeisance as “Heil Hitler!” Another ‘benefit’ of the name “Hitler” was that “Schicklgruber” would’ve taken a lot longer to spell and pronounce.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Euphrates. 11:21 pm on January 1, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      LOL!😂
      Enjoyed reading!

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:00 am on May 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Bennett Cerf, game shows, , , , , , , TV history, What's My Line?, wit   

    CERF’S UP 

    In his comment to 20/20 BEHINDSIGHT (my May 20 post which contained a look back at TWENTY QUESTIONS), long-time blog buddy Don Frankel mentioned WHAT’S MY LINE? (another old TV game show). It so happens that one of the regulars on that show, humor writer and publisher (co-founder of RANDOM HOUSE) Bennett Cerf had chosen the 25th of May (1898) to be born; thus, today I honor his birthday by posting a selection of favorite Cerf puns and quotes (and high time I returned the favor, considering that lo, some twenty-plus years ago, RANDOM HOUSE published several of my poems in THE RANDOM HOUSE TREASURY OF LIGHT VERSE).

    But first, let’s take a look back at one of the WHAT’S MY LINE? programs from the same year as the TWENTY QUESTIONS clip shown in my previous post:

    There is little question, I think you’ll agree, that WHAT’S MY LINE? was a step up in class compared to TWENTY QUESTIONS…..so it’s time to hit the Cerf (as beach bums refer to the swells) and ride the wave….to wit:

    Gross ignorance is 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance.

    The confused young man couldn’t decide whether to marry Kathryn or Edith. Try as he might, he just could not make up his mind. Unwilling to give up either, he strung them along far too long. This indecision continued until both women tired of the situation and left him for good. Moral of the story: You can’t have your Kate and Edith too.

    Then there was the young female comic who was promised good roles in a hit TV show. All she had to do was divide her favors between the star and the producer. But it was just a sham; she never got any air time at all. You might even say she was….shared skit less.

    There once was a student named Bessor
    Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
    It at last grew so small
    He knew nothing at all
    And today he’s a college professor.

    The Detroit String Quartet played Brahms last night. Brahms lost.

    I shouldn’t be surprised  — it was four against one.

    And on that note, I bid thee a fond fare well.

     

     

     

     
    • Ricardo 12:30 am on May 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Substantial puniness, Sr. Muse. Substantial.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 7:35 am on May 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Gracias, Ricardo. At first I thought you might be accusing me of substantial puniness in the sense of weakness, but being both puny and substantial would be an oxymoron, which also sounds rather unflattering. So, knowing you’re too much of a gentlemen to be doubly insulting, I graciously re-gracias you.

        Like

    • calmkate 1:25 am on May 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      put a smile on my dial … a published poet and I didn’t know it! Had anymore published since?

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:42 am on May 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        I had hundreds of poems published in my former life, Edith — I mean, Kate — but THE RANDOM HOUSE TREASURY OF LIGHT VERSE publication was probably the most rewarding. Maybe I’ll re-publish those light verse poems in my next post. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

        • calmkate 7:50 am on May 25, 2017 Permalink

          lovely that would be greatly appreciated 🙂 well which of us do you prefer … lol

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 2:50 pm on May 25, 2017 Permalink

          I prefer Kate over Edith, of course — otherwise, you might become agitatedkate, and I wouldn’t want that to happen! 🙂

          Like

    • Don Frankel 12:14 pm on May 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Glad to be of some assist Muse. I’m struck by the level of discourse here. This is a far cry from the Kardhasians.

      I think the Mick blew it as soon as he said. “Yep.” To the first question. Not just the Oklahoma accent but he had a very distinct voice.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 2:42 pm on May 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Don, from what I hear, just about anything is a far cry from the Kardashians. But I agree that Mick could’ve done a much better job of disguising his voice and saying something other than “Yep.” BTW, I was glad to see Steve Allen on the panel — he was one of the shining lights in the ‘dark ages’ of early TV.

        Liked by 2 people

    • D. Wallace Peach 12:47 pm on May 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Very entertaining. Thanks for the laughs. Kate and Edith was hysterical, but the one I’m going to remember is gross ignorance. Ha ha. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 3:07 pm on May 25, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you. In the interest of maintaining a peaceful relationship with another commenter (above), I agree with only Edith being hysterical. Kate is as calm as a clam (at least, I think clams are calm, though I suppose they have bad days just like anyone else).

        Liked by 1 person

    • Mark Scheel 2:57 pm on May 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      muse,

      Well, that takes me back. I remember old Bennett and his wit. And, hey, congrats on getting into that anthology! A most pleasing accomplishment.

      Have a pleasant Memorial Day weekend.

      Mark

      Liked by 1 person

    • RMW 3:01 pm on May 31, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Remember watching What’s My Line as a kid in England… loved it…. coming to the US I was surprised to learn it was an American invention!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 4:59 pm on May 31, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Don’t forget Donald Trump is an American invention too, which just goes to show that you never know when you’re going to hit a clunker! 🙂

        Like

        • RMW 12:15 pm on June 7, 2017 Permalink

          If we did a DNA test on the Donald I believe we would discover he is actually an alien… from another planet! Some other politicians I could think of too….

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 5:39 pm on June 7, 2017 Permalink

          Trump’s an alien, all right — alien to practically every decent human instinct.

          Liked by 1 person

    • literaryeyes 9:33 pm on May 31, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I like the Brahms one. There’s been many variations on it, but it’s good to know the original – and Cerf was an original.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:21 pm on May 31, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Absolutely!

      Like

    • barkhabale 2:28 am on June 19, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Beautifully written

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 9:43 am on June 19, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you!

      Like

  • mistermuse 12:00 am on December 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , E. B. White, George S. Kaufman, , , , , optimist, , , S. J. Perleman, , , wit   

    PARDON MY QUOTES 

    It is easier to buy books than to read them, and easier to read them than to absorb them. –William Osler

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Now that’s a quote I can relate to — of the near-50 books I bought at that November used book sale I wrote about recently, in 3 weeks I’ve managed to find time to read all of 2 1/2; that’s all of two books (plus half of one) traversed in 21 days, as the crow flies. At that rate, I’ll have bought 50 more books before I’ve read an iota of my quota from the last batch — and I’ve already bought ten more books since then. Nonetheless (actually all the more, both batches combined), rather than completely skip a post as I did December 5, I’ll at least try to save composing-time by posting (aka com-posting) the words of others.

    Fittingly, I’ll quote the six Masters of Wit (from my previous post) to whom Groucho Marx dedicated his book GROUCHO AND ME. The last quote below cites another timesaver some people practice, but rarely admit….however, I’ll open with Robert Benchley, who undoubtedly said the following following A Night At The Opera with the Marx Brothers:

    Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings.
    –ROBERT BENCHLEY

    I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions  — the curtain was up.
    — GEORGE S. KAUFMAN

    An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve.
    –RING LARDNER

    Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?
    –JAMES THURBER

    The fact is that all of us have only one personality, and we wring it out like a dishtowel. You are what you are.
    –S. J. PERLEMAN

    Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.
    –E. B. WHITE

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

     

     
    • Carmen 5:33 am on December 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I always thought I was an optimist and, after reading that quote, I know for sure. 🙂 Great quotes for sure!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:58 am on December 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Carmen, your comment threw me a curve until I went back to the quotes, and then it hit me. No problem, though — how appropriate that the “bulge” quote was made by Ring LARDner! 🙂

      Like

    • Don Frankel 7:53 pm on December 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      A book a week Muse that sounds about what I do. But this reminds me of a time I bought a book at Barnes and Noble and while I’m paying the woman at the counter she asks. “Would you like to join the Barnes and Noble club?” And, I explain that I buy books here and at other book stores and off of guys on the street corner and just about anywhere and I conclude that when it comes to books the term that applies to me is… and I guess you as well Muse, “promiscuous.”

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:19 pm on December 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Actually, a book a week is quite a bit more than I usually manage, Don, but I hope to pick up the pace over the winter when I don’t have grass to mow, leaves to rake, and other work around the house. Now if I could only resist buying more books for the next five years!

      Like

    • BroadBlogs 5:11 pm on December 16, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      You may not have gotten through all the books, but you’ve got some great quotes!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:13 pm on December 16, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I must modestly agree. I like them all so much, I can’t name a favorite.

      Like

    • RMW 6:25 pm on December 18, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Over the years I accumulated a large library of mostly unread books. I sold many of the books some years ago but lately I’ve been driving carloads over to the local library… makes me feel really good to donate them… but kind of sad when I think of the money that could have been better spent. I still have a good size library of art books and those are in my will! Now I only buy Kindle books and the deal is I have to finish one before I buy another… that plan almost works most of the time!! Hope you get to read all of yours….

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:08 pm on December 18, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I don’t know what kind of unread books they were that make you sad to “think of the money that could have been better spent,” but my guess is that the money could also have been worse spent, so if you think of it that way, perhaps you would feel differently. In any case, I thank you for the comment and share your hope for my reading goal. 🙂

      Like

      • RMW 9:38 pm on December 18, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        At least the books have ended up in a good place at the library or a book sale to raise money for the library… so in that sense it isn’t sad… and yes, better than a gambling or drug addiction for sure! Happy reading!

        Like

    • mistermuse 7:00 am on December 19, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks, and Happy Holidays to you.

      Like

    • mariasjostrand 6:48 am on February 12, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      “Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.”
      –E. B. WHITE
      Loved this one 🙂😀

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 12:23 pm on February 12, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I agree….and thanks for commenting!

      Like

    • Mary P 12:46 am on May 2, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      WHITE
      Loved this one 🙂😀 I always thought I was an optimist and, after reading that quote, I know for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:00 am on December 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , Broadway, , , , HORSE FEATHERS, , , MONKEY BUSINESS, , , , wit   

    GROUCHO AND M(US)E 

    Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age. –Groucho Marx, Chapter I, GROUCHO AND ME

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    As long-time readers of my blog know, I’m a big fan of Groucho Marx/The Marx Brothers, so it should come as no surprise that one of the first books I read from my used book sale haul (see previous post) was Groucho’s autobiography, GROUCHO AND ME. And who, you ask, is the ME in that title? (Hint: it’s not me).  It’s none other (says the back cover) than “a comparatively unknown Marx named Julius, who, under the nom de plume of Groucho, enjoyed a sensational career on Broadway and in Hollywood with such comedy classics as Monkey Business, Horse Feathers, Duck Soup [and] A Night at the Opera.”

    Julius Groucho Marx (1895-1977) wasn’t just a comedian — he was a wit who appreciated wit in others and “Gratefully Dedicated This Book To These Six Masters Without Whose Wise and Witty Words My Life Would Have Been Even Duller: Robert Benchley / George S. Kaufman / Ring Lardner / S. J. Perelman / James Thurber / E. B. White.”

    I already owned several Marx Brothers books (written by others) and had at least a whit of an impression of Groucho’s rĂŠsumĂŠ before sinking my teeth into this book….but there’s nothing like an autobio for getting it straight from the Horse’s mouth (Feathers and all). At least, that’s what I thought until I got to page 11, where Groucho wrote:

    “This opus started out as an autobiography, but before I was aware of it, I realized it would be nothing of the kind. It is almost impossible to write a truthful autobiography. Maybe Proust, Gide and a few others did it, but most autobiographies take good care to conceal the author from the public.”

    Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle. This is a different kettle of soup. You pay coal hard cash for an autobiography, and what do you get? A bit of Cash back, another day older and deeper in debt.

    Well, two can play that game. This opus began as a book review of GROUCHO AND ME, but Groucho’s bait-and-switch gives me no choice but to turn it into a GROUCHO AND me thing (sorry, readers, no refunds) by invoking the Sanity Clause in my contract….

    As I started to say before me was so rudely interrupted, you will have to be satisfied with some suitable quotes from Groucho’s book, which left me in stitches:

    My Pop was a tailor, and sometimes he made as much as $18 a week. But he was no ordinary tailor. His record as the most inept tailor that Yorkville ever produced has never been approached. This could even include parts of Brooklyn and the Bronx. The notion that Pop was a tailor was an opinion held only by him. To his customers he was known as “Misfit Sam.”

    They say that every man has a book in him. This is about as accurate as most generalizations. Take, for example, “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man you-know-what.” Most wealthy people I know like to sleep late, and will fire the help if they are disturbed before three in the afternoon. You don’t see Marilyn Monroe getting up at six in the morning. The truth is, I don’t see Marilyn getting up at any hour, more’s the pity.

    Recognition didn’t come overnight in the old days. We bounced around for many years before we made it. We played towns I would refuse to be buried in today, even if the funeral were free and they tossed in a tombstone.

    After we hit the big time on Broadway, naturally our lives changed. Each member of the family reacted differently. Chico stopped going to poolrooms and started to patronize the more prosperous race tracks. After he got through with them, they were even more prosperous. Zeppo bought a forty-foot cruiser and tore up Long Island Sound as though to the manner born. Harpo, a shy and silent fellow, was taken up by the Algonquin crowd, at that time probably the most famous and brilliant conversational group in America. The quips flew thick, fast and deadly, and God help you if you were a dullard!

    I am not sure how I got to be a comedian or a comic. As a lad, I don’t remember knocking anyone over with my wit. I’m a pretty wary fellow, and have neither the desire nor the equipment to know what makes one man funny to another man. My guess is that there aren’t a hundred top-flight professional comedians, male and female, in the whole world. But because we are laughed at, I don’t think people really understand how essential we are to their sanity. If it weren’t for the brief respite we give the world with our foolishness, the world would see mass suicide in numbers that compare with the death rate of the lemmings.

    And so ( just between Groucho and us) it seems that there is a Sanity Clause after all. 🙂

     

     

     

     

     
    • D. Wallace Peach 10:50 am on December 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      It sounds like an autobio to me, just seen through Groucho’s lens, which is shaded with humor. I get the impression that you enjoyed the book 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 11:34 am on December 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I did indeed enjoy the book. I think Groucho made his autobio-denial with tongue in cheek — as he does with most of the anecdotes in his book, which makes his autobio much different than most I’ve read. And what’s not to like about making (in many instances) serious points with insightful wit!

      Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 4:22 pm on December 11, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I’m glad to say I’ve read every author on Groucho’s list, Sr. Muse.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 4:39 pm on December 11, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I shall take up your defense against anyone who ever accuses you of being listless, Ricardo.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 10:44 am on December 13, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Some people say this never happened and others say it was why he got kicked off TVr. But a little research showed he said it on the radio and they just cut it out before it was aired.

      Sounds real to me. But either way he was a classic.

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 11:42 am on December 13, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      In those days, even Groucho couldn’t get away with that one — classic though it was. Thanks for digging up that clip, Don.

      Liked by 1 person

    • BroadBlogs 7:18 pm on December 13, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Sure am glad film was invented by the time Groucho came around.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 9:57 pm on December 13, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      You said it! And so did the movies, in converting from silent to sound just as Groucho and his brothers came to Hollywood from Broadway in the late 1920s.

      Like

    • linnetmoss 7:15 am on December 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I adore Groucho! And S. J. Perelman too. Surprised to find that Wodehouse was not on his list 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:09 am on December 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I’m surprised that Dorothy Parker wasn’t on his list, as Groucho seemed partial to members of the Algonquin Round Table (with which Harpo “was taken up by,” according to one of Groucho’s quotes) — she, Benchley, Kaufman and Lardner being ‘charter members.’ But Wodehouse spent much of his life in New York and Hollywood (as did the Marx Brothers), so I can only guess that P. G.’s humor was a bit too droll for Groucho’s taste.

      Like

    • restlessjo 2:10 am on December 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      We have a boxed set of the Marx Brothers. Thanks for reminding me 🙂 They used always to be on at Christmas. Wishing you a joyful time!

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 7:42 am on December 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you, and have a great Christmas!

      Like

  • mistermuse 12:00 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Al Gore, , , , , , , , , , , wit   

    HALFWIT HUNT 

    My last post ventured forth in search of the brilliant wit of certain Presidents/would-be Presidents (past and present). Now I think it only fair to give equal time to the dim-witted musings of those of such sapience as to merit their own re-visiting. By so doing, I intend to demonstrate that a politician need not be Ronald Obama, Barack Reagan, or even Lucy Lou* to prove his/her comedic bone fides (or fidos, as the case may be) for high office.

    *canine Mayor of Rabbit Hash, KY, whose dogged bid for the Presidency regrettably went up in smoke when her campaign headquarters went down in flames:

    So, without further adog, let us turn our attention to the business at hand (or paw):

    When a great many people are unable to find work, unemployment results. –Calvin Coolidge

    Rarely is the question asked, “Is our children learning?” –George W. Bush

    The voters have spoken — the bastards! –Morris Udall (after his loss in the 1976 Democratic Presidential primary)

    It isn’t pollution that’s harming our environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. –Dan Quayle (V.P. under George H. W. Bush and later a Presidential candidate for a short time)

    Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country, and neither do we. –George W. Bush

    My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, never surrender to what is right. –Dan Quayle

    Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country. –George W. Bush

    I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future. –Dan Quayle

    Hattie, I’m horny. –Bruce Babbitt to Mrs. Babbitt (not realizing his microphone was on) during his 1988 Democratic Presidential campaign

    A zebra cannot change his spots. –Al Gore (not true; zebras change their spots every time they move — ha ha)

    I want to be sure [the choice for new IRS commissioner] is a ruthless son of a bitch, that he will do what he’s told, that every income tax return I want to see, I see, [and] that he will go after our enemies and not our friends. If he isn’t, he doesn’t get the job. –Richard Nixon (May 1971 tapes)

    There’s a place in Hell reserved for women who don’t support other women. –Sarah Palin on 10/4/08, when she was John McCain’s running mate

    Well, Sarah, I may not be a woman, but I’ll be damned — who knew that you could be counted on to support Hillary Clinton for President in 2016? And now I can bring this post to a close, mercifully finding no need to inflict on my readers proof, in so many words, of The Donald’s endlessly witless qualifications.

     
    • Cynthia Jobin 12:28 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you for some good laughs, mistermuse. In my own twisted way,I think I like half-wit even more than wit. It’s often a whole lot funnier.

      In the interest of fair play, however, I should point out that just this past February of 2016, Madeleine Albright, Democrat, former Secretary of State and FOH (Friend of Hillary) said, at a Clinton rally in New Hampshire: “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” Did she steal that from Sarah P. or vice versa? As a person of the female persuasion, I say a pox on both their houses.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:36 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Funnier indeed, because most of those statements came out the opposite of what the speaker meant. Dan Quayle, of course, was notorious for his malapropisms, and George W. Bush was no slouch either.
        Thanks for the point about Madeleine Albright, which made me so curious about the origin of the quote that I turned to Google, but Barney wasn’t exactly definitive. I did see that when asked if she agreed, Hillary replied that Madeleine’s “been saying that for as long as I’ve known her, which is about 25 years.” So, if you believe Hillary (and who doesn’t?), Madeleine said it first and Sarah was being a tiny bit fey — and no one can tell Tina Fey and Sarah apart ever since.

        Liked by 2 people

    • Carmen 6:16 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      It’s 3:13 a.m and I am stuck at San Francisco airport for 24 hours. .. I laughed out loud at these, mistermuse! Thanks for the humour injection. Oh, and I’m with Cynthia re: the pox. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:50 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, Carmen — I’ve got a feeling you’re not going to leave your heart in San Francisco, but if it’s any consolation, it could happen at any airport. 🙂
        P.S. I look forward to your resuming posting when you get home. It’s been a while!

        Like

    • Midwestern Plant Girl 6:52 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      These were funny! I found a few recent dooseys from Hillary…
      “No. We just can’t trust the American people to make those types of choices…. Government has to make those choices for people.” –Hillary, on whether Americans should be able to make their own health care decisions.
      “We are going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good.”
      “The American people are tired of liars and people who pretend to be something they’re not.”

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 8:07 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Her biggest doozy was on March 13 in the coal mining state of West Virginia when she said “we’re going to put a lot of coal miners and coal companies out of business.” She meant it in the context of replacing those jobs with clean energy jobs, but it was a tone-deaf thing to say and (although she later apologized) it will no doubt cost her the state of West Virginia in the election.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Midwestern Plant Girl 9:45 pm on June 30, 2016 Permalink

          Oops. Always remember what state you’re in!

          Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 7:11 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      “If nominated I will not run. If elected I will not serve.” William Tecumseh Sherman. No half wit he.

      Yes others have said this but I think he was the first.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:09 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      If only The Donald were so noble (Trump, not Frankel).

      Like

    • linnetmoss 8:32 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      “Rabbit Hash” is very funny in and of itself. I don’t think anyone will ever wrest the King of the Morons title from Dan Quayle. With George W., one felt that he had a wire loose that kept discombobulating him. With Quayle, one could only conclude that he was wireless.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 10:56 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        It certainly makes one wonder why in the world George H. W. Bush would pick someone like the “King of the Morons” as his VP (not to mention John McCain choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate). But, not content with wacko VP candidates, Republicans have now come up with The Donald to run for Pres. All I can say is that Hillary must be living right to find herself pitted against the only office seeker in the country more disliked than she is.

        Liked by 1 person

        • linnetmoss 2:22 pm on June 30, 2016 Permalink

          Haha! Well, as a Hillary supporter I don’t understand the intense dislike. But I realize that she doesn’t excite people–she is too wonkish for that. She’s got to find a way to communicate that has more intuitive appeal, and I’m hoping she will do it through humor 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

    • Richard Cahill 12:05 pm on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      There are certainly a lot of places that have been reserved in Hell to this date, and I think that’s all to the good–when I get there, I’m hoping to be turned away for lack of a reservation.

      Like

      • mistermuse 2:30 pm on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Here’s hoping that the old saying “There’s always room for one more” doesn’t hold true for either of us, Ricardo.

        Like

    • D. Wallace Peach 9:13 pm on July 2, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Ha ha. Oh my. GWB was full of them. Quayle’s are pretty hysterical too. And Trump is going to need a whole post to himself!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:16 pm on July 2, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Re GWB and Quayle, I think linnetmoss got it exactly right with the first of her two comments (above). As for Trump, I need a long vacation from anything he says (or has said)!

      Liked by 1 person

    • RMW 5:23 pm on July 3, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      “The voters have spoken — the bastards!” Overheard in London very recently…

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 6:23 pm on July 3, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Although most losing politicians may not say it, I suspect they think it. In London, probably even most non-politicians (who voted to remain in the EU) think it!

      Like

    • eths 12:16 am on July 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Wonderful, wonderful quotes!

      Like

    • heidi ruckriegel 8:06 am on July 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Oh dear. I fear our politicians are not much better. No Donald trump, though, at least. That’s something to be grateful for, I guess.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 9:46 am on July 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I just read your ANTHONY GREEN post on your Australian blog and wonder if he would be just as accurate at predicting the outcome of the American Presidential election. If he would come to America and predict with certainty Trump will win, he can stay here and I’ll move to Australia!

      Like

  • mistermuse 12:00 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , , , John Adams, , , , , , , wit   

    WIT HUNT 

    Eight years ago, I said it was time to change the tone of politics; in hindsight, I should have been more specific. — Barack Obama (2016 White House Correspondents’ Dinner)

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    I am going to miss President Obama when he’s ‘gone’….if for no other virtue than his laid-back wit — a quality sadly lacking in the two major candidates to succeed him, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump  (not to mention his wit-less former GOP rivals):

    One View: 2016 candidates lack wit of predecessors

    At least Hillary managed a treasonable (to Trump apologists) facsimile of wit in a June 21 speech: “Trump has written a lot of books about business – they all seem to end at chapter 11” (a reference to his four corporate bankruptcies). Granted, that line was probably conceived by a speech writer, but she delivered it as if it were her baby, and to hold it against her is extraneous to witticisms delivered by past actual or would-be Presidents. Wit the help of assiduous research, here are a dozen of yore favorites (and I quote):

    I do declare, if this be true, General Pinckney has kept them all for himself and cheated me out of my two. –John Adams (in response to rumors that he had dispatched the General to England to bring back four mistresses: two for Pinckney and two for Adams)

    If I had two faces, would I be wearing this one? –Abraham Lincoln (when accused by Stephen Douglas of being two-faced)

    Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction. –Adlai Stevenson

    Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. –Ronald Reagan

    Being President is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening. –Bill Clinton

    If the Republicans will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them. –Adlai Stevenson

    Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. –Abraham Lincoln (Are you listening, Donald Trump?)

    I hope you’re all Republicans. —Ronald Reagan (to surgeons upon entering the operating room following 1981 assassination attempt)

    I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered together at the White House, with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone. –John F. Kennedy (at a White House dinner honoring Nobel Prize winners)

    I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency — even if I’m in a cabinet meeting. –Ronald Reagan

    A hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation. –Adlai Stevenson

    When they call the role in the Senate, the Senators don’t know whether to answer “present” or “not guilty.” –Teddy Roosevelt

    And with that exhaustive compendium, I’m at wit’s end.

     

     
    • Michele 12:57 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Yes the living here in Florida is easy but also challenging at times. I liked your Wits End poem and enjoyed the commentary from several of our nation’s wittiest politicians. Oh my! I had not realized how life of John Adams’ was so stressful that he chose to have a duel Thank you mistermuse for writing about this topic.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 2:18 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Michele, I’m guessing that you meant “duo” (not “duel”) — although, if the rumors had been true, Adams might have chosen to duel the General for having “kept them all for himself!”

        Like

    • Michele 1:10 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      A funny and entertaining poem and commentary. Your quotes are notable. The elected officials are not always the smartest but they are certainly easy to talk with on more than one question:

      Liked by 1 person

    • charlypriest 6:36 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I won´t get into politics because we disagree and I will make you such a great argument to vote for Trump and that you would be so dazed that I will have to buy you a weel chair…..so I got the so I got the real solution, I´m going to get into the race so you can vote for me. These are my 3 primary things to change in America
      1- Manddatory to go to MacDonalds once a day
      2- Mandatory to have sex at least 3 times a week( that would bring the calories of the burger down, see? Balance)
      3- Mandatory to party twice a week ( taking off the stress will make you go back to work on Monday with renewed energy therefore the workforce will be more productive)

      My slogan: CHARLY WILL MAKE AMERICA GREATER THAN GREAT

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:08 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I suspect a multi-million dollar donation from MacDonalds to your campaign is in the mail as we speak (as well as similar donations from Wendy’s, Burger King, Arby’s, etc. to your opponents’ campaigns).

        Liked by 2 people

    • linnetmoss 8:07 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Hillary has an unexpected talent for delivering funny lines. If only she would loosen up a little and learn to love a joke 🙂 Lord knows we need something to laugh about these days.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 10:26 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I’d like to see Hillary use more lines like the “chapter 11” zinger I cited in my post. As I said, I doubt that she came up with it herself, but her delivery was spot-on, which is a talent in itself. Obama probably doesn’t write most of his funny lines, though I believe he is more than capable of doing so (Hillary, not so much).
        Looking over the list of 12 quotes, it would be interesting to know which ones were original to those who spoke them. My money would be on Lincoln, Adams and Stevenson for sure, and Reagan for at least the “I hope you’re all Republicans” quip.

        Liked by 2 people

        • linnetmoss 12:47 pm on June 25, 2016 Permalink

          Hillary might be funny in private. That’s what her aides say, any way. It’s riskier for women to use humor in public. But I agree that she should develop that talent for delivery. And get some good writers. Humor can be a powerful weapon in the coming election!

          Liked by 3 people

        • mistermuse 4:23 pm on June 25, 2016 Permalink

          I agree that “Humor can be a powerful weapon in the coming election” — but with the emphasis on “can be”….as in POWERFUL BUT NOT SUFFICIENT (a variant of ‘necessary but not sufficient’). There has probably never been a wittier Presidential candidate than Adlai Stevenson, but the relatively humorless Dwight Eisenhower beat him in a landslide in the 1952 election. Fortunately for Hillary, The Donald is no Eisenhower, and I think more wit of the “chapter 11” type would serve her well.

          Like

    • Don Frankel 10:10 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I like TR’s the best there as it seems the most apropos in New York right now. But what will all this Brexit mean? Tune in Monday and find out. Also an update on Dumbgate.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 10:36 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Speaking of TR, what this country needs right now is one more Teddy Roosevelt and one less TRump running for President.

        Like

    • D. Wallace Peach 4:57 pm on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      These are great. Who knew Reagan was such a wit? Sad that some of the old ones still apply today 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 6:05 pm on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Reagan proved that one doesn’t have to be an intellectual to be witty. On the other hand, Adlai Stevenson (who is little remembered today) proved that an intellectual can be extremely witty (but not necessarily a successful Presidential candidate).

      Liked by 1 person

    • Cynthia Jobin 7:16 pm on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      What is “an intellectual”? Who is “smart?” Shouldn’t the humor of wit appeal in a universal way, to regular human beings in general, and not as an adolescent “in joke” appealing to the cafeteria table where all the popular kids hang out? (for example, “chapter eleven” would be meaningless to a great number of ordinary people, and is it actually true about the number of chapters in the book?) I say this because I find nothing to enjoy or find witty about Barach Obama or Hillary Clinton. I take a risk weighing-in here, since the smoke of lopsided partisan politics is so thick it forms the letters: “MEMBERS ONLY.”

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:05 pm on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I suppose one could put “an intellectual” in the same class as Potter Stewart’s being unable to define pornography, but knowing it when he sees it. So I don’t find it hard to see Adlai Stevenson as an intellectual and Donald Trump as other-wise, though it goes without saying (?) that not every juxtaposition is so black and white….speaking of which, I half agree with you regarding Barack Obama, and completely agree re Hillary Clinton (as I indicate in my post). I think Obama is pretty darn funny at the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinners (though I’m sure most, if not all, his witty remarks come from his speech writers). Outside of such occasions, he is indeed almost entirely serious….and I probably would be too, in his position.

        BTW, if I may say so, I definitely do not agree that the humor of wit must NECESSARILY appeal only to “regular human beings in general,” although perhaps in an ideal world, it should. Take, for example, the John F. Kennedy quote (or the Hillary quote, for that matter). Should those quotes be disqualified as witty just because “a great number of regular human beings” may not ‘get’ them? That seems to me to make a virtue of insufficient education (which I don’t mean in a way that faults anyone for something that may well not be their fault). I don’t think humor needs to fit in one box. Jokes no doubt should appeal in a universal way; wit: not so much.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Cynthia Jobin 9:45 pm on June 25, 2016 Permalink

          I like what you say here. I still think the chapter eleven joke was a joke and not wit, as you’ve nicely differentiated those things. Now for another expression…which, as a life long teacher, and denizen of schools, I would be interested to explore, if I weren’t too weary at the moment: “insufficient” education…I have known persons with a PhD.. whom I would deem insufficiently educated.

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 10:35 pm on June 25, 2016 Permalink

          I think we can probably agree that there are a number of things that can’t be completely separated in all instances, and that, though I drew a distinction between jokes and wit, there can be crossover. I will therefore meet you halfway on “chapter eleven” and call it a witty joke. And you will get no argument from me regarding some with a PhD being insufficiently educated!

          Liked by 1 person

    • Richard 1:30 pm on June 27, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Should we lower the level of humor to a universally understandable one for reasons of political correctness. (Still on vacation, and can`t find the rightside up question mark on this Spanish keyboard). Wouldn`t that leave us with nada but knock-knock jokes? (Found it!) But I will also regret the changing of Adminstrations no matter who wins. When will we have a President as chill as Obama again? You and I may well not live long enough to see it, Sr. Muse.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 2:57 pm on June 27, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      My guess is that the average person (who isn’t well-versed in history and current events) probably finds much of my wordplay over their heads, but if one must lower his/her “level of humor” to a universally understandable one, what’s the point — that anyone who doesn’t ‘dumb down’ their wit is guilty of being an ELITIST (pardon my language) and should be ostracized? In short, I agree with you, Ricardo.

      Like

    • eths 12:22 am on June 28, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Wonderful! I think Hillary has a great sense of humor. Watch: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/hillary-clinton-bar-talk/2916002

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 9:15 am on June 28, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks for the clip, in which Hillary does very well. I agree that Hillary has a good, & perhaps even great, sense of humor, but there are lots of people who have a good sense of humor who aren’t witty, and I would put Hillary in that category. I don’t mean that in a derogatory sense, because I think wit is in a person’s DNA, and to not have it is not that person’s fault.

      What I really like about that clip is that she’s not afraid to be self-deprecating, and that’s a type of humor that is completely foreign to the likes of Donald Trump, who has probably never said a self-deprecating thing in his life.

      Like

    • Richard Cahill 11:08 am on June 29, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      The dumbing down of humor would be a bad idea indeed, Sr. Muse–all we would have left would be knock-knock jokes.

      Like

    • mistermuse 3:07 pm on June 29, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Knock-knock,
      Who’s there?
      June.
      June who?
      June 29th.
      So what?
      So tune in tomorrow for the follow-up to this post.

      Like

    • barkinginthedark 12:07 am on July 21, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      “If the Republicans will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.” –Adlai Stevenson one of the all-time wittiest quotes….just like W. – or Trump eh? continue….

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:09 am on July 21, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      If only Adlai were alive today, I would love to see him running for Pres against The Donald (aka the battle of The Wit against The Witless).

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:01 am on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , commercialization, , , , Napoleon Bonaparte, , , , , , , , wit   

    HUMOR INCORPORATED 

    Humor must both teach and preach if it would live forever; by forever, I mean 30 years.
    –Mark Twain

    If Webster’s definition of humor as the “quality of imagination quick to perceive the ludicrous or express itself in an amusing way” is on the mark, Twain underestimated the staying power of his humor by nigh onto 100 years (and counting). But “staying” is just one of humor’s possible powers, and because (as Lord Acton famously observed) power tends to corrupt, humor cannot absolutely avoid Acton’s axiom.

    My musing on this subject is occasioned by April being National Humor Month — so proclaimed in 1976 by Larry Wilde, Founder/Director of The Carmel Institute of Humor: http://www.larrywilde.com/

    As you might expect, The Carmel Institute of Humor is not without serious competition. A similar entity I’ve come across is The Humor Project, Inc., founded by Joel Goodman in 1977 “as the first organization in the world to focus full-time on the positive power of humor” — a claim that suggests a merger of Norman Vincent Peale’s “The Power of Positive Thinking” with funny business. And, from such appealing funny businesses as Goodman’s, have big businesses grown (judging by their “power” promotions): https://www.humorproject.com/

    Now, far be it from me to regard the corporatizing of humor as a phony business — hey, there are worse things to make of humor than a commodity, and worse ways to earn a buck than to commercialize the process. But, purist that I am, I see making humor in the same light as making love: much to be preferred on a human level than as an industry (the virtues of consumer capitalism notwithstanding). Nonetheless, I’m not so doctrinaire as to deny either humor or sex to potential customers when free(?) enterprise comes a-courting.

    Unlike Larry Wilde and Joel Goodman, mistermuse does not have a Speaker’s Bureau, a three-day Annual Conference (discounted fee for early registration), a five-point humor program, seminars or workshops. But mistermuse does offer an every-five-days discourse on subjects of interest (his, if not yours) — usually with tongue in cheek, and never with hat in hand. Dis course today concludes with ten humorous quotes, which come with a funny-back guarantee if he doesn’t think they’re priceless:

    Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.Oscar Wilde (not to be confused with Larry – or Curly or Moe, for that matter)
    Conference: a meeting held to decide when the next meeting will take place. –Evan Esar
    You can’t study comedy; it’s within you. –Don Rickles (the Donald Trump of insult-comics)
    Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. –W.C. Fields
    Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else. –Will Rogers
    Culture is roughly anything we do and monkeys don’t. –Lord Raglan
    In politics, an absurdity is not a handicap. –Napoleon Bonesapart (I’ve been waiting a long time for the opportunity to butcher that name)
    Politicians do more funny things naturally than I can think of doing purposely. –Will Rogers
    Humor is just another defense against the universe. –Mel Brooks
    Wit – the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. –Ambrose Bierce

    Over, and out.

     

     
    • Cynthia Jobin 9:52 am on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Why do some people have to ruin the best things in life by turning them into a National Month or an institution/organization of some sort? I thoroughly enjoyed this post, and being partial to the more sardonic (sarcastic? satirical?) edges of humor, was glad to see some of my favorites featured…Oscar Wilde, W.C. Fields, Ambrose Bierce, and of course, Mark Twain.
      On the distaff side, one of my favorites is Dorothy Parker. I offer this bon mot of hers when she was hanging out with her fellow wits challenging each other to compose a funny sentence using the word “horticulture”….Parker’s contribution was: “You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.”

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 10:28 am on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I love Dorothy Parker’s wit and probably should have included a Parker quote, but I’d set myself a limit of ten and liked the ten I’d chosen (plus, I think I already used that great quote before, though it certainly would’ve fit well here, and I thank you for offering it).

      To me, the quote that surprised me the most (in that I didn’t expect such profundity from the likes of Mel Brooks – what’s more, in so few words) was his “Humor is just another defense against the universe.”

      Liked by 2 people

    • D. Wallace Peach 11:03 am on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I like the Rickles quote. Well, I like all of them, but that one has always struck me as true. I would love to be funny, but just don’t have the gene. Fortunately, we don’t have to be funny ourselves to enjoy good wit and a belly laugh 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:13 pm on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Fat people take heart – the bigger the belly, the more capacity to laugh! No wonder Santa Claus is so jolly! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 11:09 am on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Humor is what separates humans from animals. That, and making tools. And not being afraid of vacuum cleaners.

      Like

      • mistermuse 12:21 pm on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Such separation is fortunate indeed, otherwise animals would be laughing themselves silly at what fools we humans be.

        Like

    • Garfield Hug 11:26 am on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Great share 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 12:23 pm on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Share and share a like, I always say. 🙂

      Like

    • Michaeline Montezinos 8:42 pm on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      One good belly laugh extends human life by one year ( My daughter the nurse .)

      Liked by 1 person

    • Todd Duffey Writes on Things 11:21 am on April 16, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Why do witticisms always come from people at least two generations before ours? Those people were way ahead of their time…

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 2:06 pm on April 16, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      As one of those people born more than two generations before this one, I thank you for the tribute. 🙂 Seriously, though, I think there still are such people – they just don’t get the recognition they did in the days before mass instant gratification “re-conditioned” us and became the norm. Wit demands at least a bit of reflection. Who does that anymore?

      Like

    • Don Frankel 11:30 am on April 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      “Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.” Mark Twain. My hero.

      Like

    • mistermuse 6:30 pm on April 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Don, I would stand corrected if I didn’t happen to agree (well, except for politicians – they’ve been withstanding the assault of laughter since most of them evolved from baboons).

      Like

    • Don Frankel 7:03 am on April 18, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      No Muse you’re right. Laughing at elected officials is actually a healthy sign of a society and poking fun is a good thing too. But when they are cooked and ushered off the stage laughter is the last thing they hear. Think Anthony Weiner here and Nixon too.

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:42 am on April 18, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Good point, Don. We in the West take our freedom to laugh at politicians for granted. Any North Korean who dared so much as think about laughing at President Kim Jung-un wouldn’t live to think again.

      Like

  • mistermuse 12:18 am on January 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , Obsession by Calvin Klein, , wit   

    GET IT 

    OBSESSION

    buy Calvin Klein;
    sell futures.

    WIT HAS A MESSAGE

    Ah.
    Ha.

     
    • arekhill1 11:49 am on January 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Seized by a cryptic mood, Sr. Muse?

      Like

    • mistermuse 1:57 pm on January 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      While I’m in the mood, Ricardo, I’ve just posted another crypticism – if this first post didn’t lay an egg, I think the second one will be hard to beat.

      Like

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