POL POTLUCK

 

April 17 being both NATIONAL CHEESEBALL DAY and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH DAY, my thoughts naturally turn to politics and politicians as subject matter for today’s post. Of course, many politicians are unintentional comedians, so there is a verbal plethora of political humor to choose from — too much, in fact, to arrange here in any coherent fashion in one day (not that I would care to do so anyway, had I the election of a plethora of days). I’ll start with an entree — The Devil’s Dictionary definition of politics — followed by a potluck buffet of jokes, quotes, axioms, etc. in no pontifical order:

Politics, n.  A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.  –Ambrose Bierce

Four surgeons are taking a coffee break and discussing their profession. The first says, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”
The second says, “I think librarians are the easiest. You open them up and everything is in alphabetical order.”
The third says, “I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.”
The fourth says, “I like to operate on politicians. They’re heartless, mindless, spineless, and their heads and their asses are interchangeable.”

We’ll let the other countries of the world be the peacekeepers and the great country called America be the pacemakers.  –George W. Bush

“I have had great financial sex.”  –Presidential candidate Ross Perot (intending to say “financial success“)

Congress is strange: a man gets up to speak and says nothing; nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees.  –Evan Esar

“I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.”  –Dan Quayle, former Vice President

The highest function of conservatism is to keep what progressiveness has accomplished.  –R. H. Fulton

“The American peole’s expectations are that we will fail. Our mission is to exceed their expectations.”  –George W. Bush

The chief defect of a democracy is that only the political party out of office knows how to run the government.  –Evan Esar

“The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.”  –George Stephanopolous, former aide to Bill Clinton

I have never found in a long experience in politics that criticism is ever inhibited by ignorance.  –Harold Macmillan 

“This is a great day for France!”  –Richard Nixon (while attending President DeGaulle’s funeral)

Etc., etc., etc….

 

 

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4 comments on “POL POTLUCK

  1. arekhill1 says:

    I thought financial sex was screwing people out of their money. Happy Cheeseball Day!

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  2. mistermuse says:

    I think you’re right on the money. By the way, today is also National High Five Day, a day when politicians celebrate their biggest scores of the past year in that regard.

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  3. Don Frankel says:

    No matter what they do or what they say, they are spending your money. In all fairness and why should we be fair, but in all fairness if you speak in public enough you’ll say some stupid things. Of course some people make a career of it. Sorry to pick on Dick Nixon, and he said we wouldn’t have him to kick around anymore, but he said one of my favorites. He was President and sex was the issue of the day and in the middle of some speech he said. “When it comes to the question of sex, no one can stand pat.” Of course he was married to Pat Nixon. Even he laughed at that.

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  4. mistermuse says:

    Good point, Don. Some of the “stupid things” said by politicians are the spoken equivalent of written typos — funny but entirely excusable (like what Dick Nixon said about standing pat, which I hadn’t heard before).

    On the other hand, some guys’ verbal screwups (and it’s usually guys, notwithstanding the Sarah Palins of the world) are so ingrained and such a window into their real self that you have to question their capability for the office they hold or seek. To me, the poster child for this is former VP Dan Quayle, who I shudder to think what this country would’ve endured if he had become President. No doubt many right-wingers feel the same about current VP Joe Biden, but his malapropisms strike me as being of the “typo” type, not of being gravitas-and-insight challenged (if I’m not being too unkind).

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