Tagged: George W. Bush Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • mistermuse 12:00 am on August 22, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, George W. Bush, Gottfried Leibniz, , Paris Hilton, , , , ,   

    HOW TO MAKE A WORLD OF (NON)SENSE 

    If you cannot read these directions and warnings, do not use this product. –WARNING ON DRAIN CLEANER LABEL

    What’s Walmart? Do like they sell wall stuff? –Paris Hilton

    I believe I’ve been reincarnated because every time I eat chicken, I eat with my hands….like they did in the olden days. –Lee Ryan, English singer/actor

    I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. –Arnold Schwarzenegger

    Just remember the words of Patrick Henry: “Kill me or let me live.” –Bill Peterson, football coach

    I don’t think anybody should write his autobiography until after he’s dead. –Samuel Goldwyn

    It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it. –George W. Bush

    [Who was President during the Civil War?] Ummm…. Winston Churchill? I wasn’t around then, so who cares? –Tommy Lee, rocker

    Predictions are difficult, especially about the future. –Yogi Berra

    I guess I’m gonna fade into Bolivian. –Mike Tyson, boxer (after losing his last big fight)

    I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist. –Tara Reid, actress (suggesting Jessica was stoned?)

    [This world is] the best of all possible worlds. –Gottfried Leibniz, German philosopher

    REALLY? That makes a world of sense to me….if our soul competition is the worst of all possible worlds. –mistermuse

     
    • Garfield Hug 2:09 am on August 22, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Great collection of (NON)SENSE😂👍

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:32 am on August 22, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        The first one (WARNING ON DRAIN CLEANER LABEL) sounds like one I might have ‘unwittingly’ stolen from your blog. If not, you’re welcome to add it to your ‘collection.’ 🙂

        Like

    • Edmark M. Law 5:39 am on August 22, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      It’s deja vu all over again. I just read some of these earlier 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 7:39 am on August 22, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      To paraphrase an old proverb, you can never get too much of a laughable thing (until it’s no longer laughable). 😦

      Like

    • Richard A Cahill 10:24 am on August 22, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I love warning labels, Sr. Muse. My favorite was on the manual for a cultivator I rented. It quite clearly stated YOU WILL BE KILLED if the directions weren’t followed.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 11:15 am on August 22, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        That sounds a bit harsh, Ricardo. I would choose a cultivator that promises no worse than a lost arm or leg.

        Like

    • MC Clark 4:32 pm on August 23, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks for the laughs. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 7:27 pm on August 23, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I’m late to the game here. I’m on a Jury. Of course I can’t tell anyone about the case but everyone is free to use their imagination and their common sense.

      But back to this article could we say that if it wasn’t for nonsense some people would have no sense at all?

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:18 pm on August 23, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Don, when it comes to the kind of nonsense that isn’t funny, I don’t have a prayer of being as magnanimous as Robert Frost: “Forgive me my nonsense as I also forgive the nonsense of those who think they talk sense.”

        Liked by 1 person

    • Mark Scheel 10:39 pm on August 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Muse–don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Reminds me of Leno’s Jay-Walking episodes. Heaven help us–that’s all the hope left.

      Mark

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 4:27 pm on August 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Maybe I should’ve subtitled this post ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE (compliments of Dante’s DIVINE COMEDY).

        Like

    • Mél@nie 3:40 pm on August 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      EXCELLENT post, comme d’habitude… 🙂

      • * *

      @”It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.”(George W. Bush) – oh, yeah, I do recall his “high” intelligence… we used to say about him – free translation:”he hasn’t invented hot water or the butter knife!” 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 4:40 pm on August 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Mél@nie, I don’t know about your country, but most Americans who had a low opinion of President Bush think he looks pretty good now, compared to The Donald. Many of us with a nostalgic bent even look back on that time as “the good old days.” 😦

        Like

    • loshame 12:56 pm on August 31, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I like it 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:00 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Al Gore, , George W. Bush, , , , , , , , ,   

    HALFWIT HUNT 

    My last post ventured forth in search of the brilliant wit of certain Presidents/would-be Presidents (past and present). Now I think it only fair to give equal time to the dim-witted musings of those of such sapience as to merit their own re-visiting. By so doing, I intend to demonstrate that a politician need not be Ronald Obama, Barack Reagan, or even Lucy Lou* to prove his/her comedic bone fides (or fidos, as the case may be) for high office.

    *canine Mayor of Rabbit Hash, KY, whose dogged bid for the Presidency regrettably went up in smoke when her campaign headquarters went down in flames:

    So, without further adog, let us turn our attention to the business at hand (or paw):

    When a great many people are unable to find work, unemployment results. –Calvin Coolidge

    Rarely is the question asked, “Is our children learning?” –George W. Bush

    The voters have spoken — the bastards! –Morris Udall (after his loss in the 1976 Democratic Presidential primary)

    It isn’t pollution that’s harming our environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. –Dan Quayle (V.P. under George H. W. Bush and later a Presidential candidate for a short time)

    Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country, and neither do we. –George W. Bush

    My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, never surrender to what is right. –Dan Quayle

    Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country. –George W. Bush

    I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future. –Dan Quayle

    Hattie, I’m horny. –Bruce Babbitt to Mrs. Babbitt (not realizing his microphone was on) during his 1988 Democratic Presidential campaign

    A zebra cannot change his spots. –Al Gore (not true; zebras change their spots every time they move — ha ha)

    I want to be sure [the choice for new IRS commissioner] is a ruthless son of a bitch, that he will do what he’s told, that every income tax return I want to see, I see, [and] that he will go after our enemies and not our friends. If he isn’t, he doesn’t get the job. –Richard Nixon (May 1971 tapes)

    There’s a place in Hell reserved for women who don’t support other women. –Sarah Palin on 10/4/08, when she was John McCain’s running mate

    Well, Sarah, I may not be a woman, but I’ll be damned — who knew that you could be counted on to support Hillary Clinton for President in 2016? And now I can bring this post to a close, mercifully finding no need to inflict on my readers proof, in so many words, of The Donald’s endlessly witless qualifications.

     
    • Cynthia Jobin 12:28 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you for some good laughs, mistermuse. In my own twisted way,I think I like half-wit even more than wit. It’s often a whole lot funnier.

      In the interest of fair play, however, I should point out that just this past February of 2016, Madeleine Albright, Democrat, former Secretary of State and FOH (Friend of Hillary) said, at a Clinton rally in New Hampshire: “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” Did she steal that from Sarah P. or vice versa? As a person of the female persuasion, I say a pox on both their houses.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:36 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Funnier indeed, because most of those statements came out the opposite of what the speaker meant. Dan Quayle, of course, was notorious for his malapropisms, and George W. Bush was no slouch either.
        Thanks for the point about Madeleine Albright, which made me so curious about the origin of the quote that I turned to Google, but Barney wasn’t exactly definitive. I did see that when asked if she agreed, Hillary replied that Madeleine’s “been saying that for as long as I’ve known her, which is about 25 years.” So, if you believe Hillary (and who doesn’t?), Madeleine said it first and Sarah was being a tiny bit fey — and no one can tell Tina Fey and Sarah apart ever since.

        Liked by 2 people

    • Carmen 6:16 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      It’s 3:13 a.m and I am stuck at San Francisco airport for 24 hours. .. I laughed out loud at these, mistermuse! Thanks for the humour injection. Oh, and I’m with Cynthia re: the pox. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:50 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, Carmen — I’ve got a feeling you’re not going to leave your heart in San Francisco, but if it’s any consolation, it could happen at any airport. 🙂
        P.S. I look forward to your resuming posting when you get home. It’s been a while!

        Like

    • Midwestern Plant Girl 6:52 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      These were funny! I found a few recent dooseys from Hillary…
      “No. We just can’t trust the American people to make those types of choices…. Government has to make those choices for people.” –Hillary, on whether Americans should be able to make their own health care decisions.
      “We are going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good.”
      “The American people are tired of liars and people who pretend to be something they’re not.”

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 8:07 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Her biggest doozy was on March 13 in the coal mining state of West Virginia when she said “we’re going to put a lot of coal miners and coal companies out of business.” She meant it in the context of replacing those jobs with clean energy jobs, but it was a tone-deaf thing to say and (although she later apologized) it will no doubt cost her the state of West Virginia in the election.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Midwestern Plant Girl 9:45 pm on June 30, 2016 Permalink

          Oops. Always remember what state you’re in!

          Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 7:11 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      “If nominated I will not run. If elected I will not serve.” William Tecumseh Sherman. No half wit he.

      Yes others have said this but I think he was the first.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:09 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      If only The Donald were so noble (Trump, not Frankel).

      Like

    • linnetmoss 8:32 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      “Rabbit Hash” is very funny in and of itself. I don’t think anyone will ever wrest the King of the Morons title from Dan Quayle. With George W., one felt that he had a wire loose that kept discombobulating him. With Quayle, one could only conclude that he was wireless.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 10:56 am on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        It certainly makes one wonder why in the world George H. W. Bush would pick someone like the “King of the Morons” as his VP (not to mention John McCain choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate). But, not content with wacko VP candidates, Republicans have now come up with The Donald to run for Pres. All I can say is that Hillary must be living right to find herself pitted against the only office seeker in the country more disliked than she is.

        Liked by 1 person

        • linnetmoss 2:22 pm on June 30, 2016 Permalink

          Haha! Well, as a Hillary supporter I don’t understand the intense dislike. But I realize that she doesn’t excite people–she is too wonkish for that. She’s got to find a way to communicate that has more intuitive appeal, and I’m hoping she will do it through humor 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

    • Richard Cahill 12:05 pm on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      There are certainly a lot of places that have been reserved in Hell to this date, and I think that’s all to the good–when I get there, I’m hoping to be turned away for lack of a reservation.

      Like

      • mistermuse 2:30 pm on June 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Here’s hoping that the old saying “There’s always room for one more” doesn’t hold true for either of us, Ricardo.

        Like

    • D. Wallace Peach 9:13 pm on July 2, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Ha ha. Oh my. GWB was full of them. Quayle’s are pretty hysterical too. And Trump is going to need a whole post to himself!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:16 pm on July 2, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Re GWB and Quayle, I think linnetmoss got it exactly right with the first of her two comments (above). As for Trump, I need a long vacation from anything he says (or has said)!

      Liked by 1 person

    • RMW 5:23 pm on July 3, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      “The voters have spoken — the bastards!” Overheard in London very recently…

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 6:23 pm on July 3, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Although most losing politicians may not say it, I suspect they think it. In London, probably even most non-politicians (who voted to remain in the EU) think it!

      Like

    • eths 12:16 am on July 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Wonderful, wonderful quotes!

      Like

    • heidi ruckriegel 8:06 am on July 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Oh dear. I fear our politicians are not much better. No Donald trump, though, at least. That’s something to be grateful for, I guess.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 9:46 am on July 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I just read your ANTHONY GREEN post on your Australian blog and wonder if he would be just as accurate at predicting the outcome of the American Presidential election. If he would come to America and predict with certainty Trump will win, he can stay here and I’ll move to Australia!

      Like

  • mistermuse 3:30 am on June 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Andrew Greely, George W. Bush, , Josef Stalin, , , ,   

    WOULD THAT IT WERE SO 

    I found that there is only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.  –Rodney Dangerfield

    God Himself could not sink this ship.  –Deckhand on the Titanic

    I see no good reasons why the views given in this volume should shock the religious sensibilities of anyone.  –Charles Darwin, preamble to THE ORIGIN OF SPECIES

    Moral systems are devised not to make life difficult, not to forbid pleasure, but to protect human beings from other human beings.  –Rev. Andrew Greeley

    I tell you, cocaine isn’t habit forming. I know, because I’ve been taking it for years.  –Tallulah Bankhead

    Live and learn.  –Old proverb

    I think we agree, the past is over.  –George W. Bush (to John McCain)

    I often think how much easier the world would have been to manage if Herr Hitler and Signor Mussolini had been to Oxford.  —Lord Halifax

    Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union.  –Josef Stalin

    Once you’ve seen one ghetto, you’ve seen them all.  –Spiro Agnew, former Governor and Vice President

    It’s so bad being homeless in winter. They should buy a plane ticket and go somewhere hot like the Caribbean where they can eat free fish all day.  –Lady Victoria Harvey

    We shall never make war except for peace.  —President William McKinley

    I thank you for your very kind attention from the bottom of my post.  –mistermuse

     

     

     

     

     

     
    • Don Frankel 6:55 am on June 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      “You can observe a lot just by watching.” Yogi.

      I think on the past I’ll stick with Faulkner not that W didn’t say some memorable things. “The past is never dead. It’s not even the past.”

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:18 am on June 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      You can’t go wrong with Yogi (Berra, for those who don’t know & can’t Berra not to). Love the Faulkner quote too.

      Like

  • mistermuse 10:43 am on April 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , Devil's Dictionary, George Stephanopolous, George W. Bush, , , ,   

    POL POTLUCK 

     

    April 17 being both NATIONAL CHEESEBALL DAY and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH DAY, my thoughts naturally turn to politics and politicians as subject matter for today’s post. Of course, many politicians are unintentional comedians, so there is a verbal plethora of political humor to choose from — too much, in fact, to arrange here in any coherent fashion in one day (not that I would care to do so anyway, had I the election of a plethora of days). I’ll start with an entree — The Devil’s Dictionary definition of politics — followed by a potluck buffet of jokes, quotes, axioms, etc. in no pontifical order:

    Politics, n.  A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.  –Ambrose Bierce

    Four surgeons are taking a coffee break and discussing their profession. The first says, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”
    The second says, “I think librarians are the easiest. You open them up and everything is in alphabetical order.”
    The third says, “I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.”
    The fourth says, “I like to operate on politicians. They’re heartless, mindless, spineless, and their heads and their asses are interchangeable.”

    We’ll let the other countries of the world be the peacekeepers and the great country called America be the pacemakers.  –George W. Bush

    “I have had great financial sex.”  –Presidential candidate Ross Perot (intending to say “financial success“)

    Congress is strange: a man gets up to speak and says nothing; nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees.  –Evan Esar

    “I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.”  –Dan Quayle, former Vice President

    The highest function of conservatism is to keep what progressiveness has accomplished.  –R. H. Fulton

    “The American peole’s expectations are that we will fail. Our mission is to exceed their expectations.”  –George W. Bush

    The chief defect of a democracy is that only the political party out of office knows how to run the government.  –Evan Esar

    “The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.”  –George Stephanopolous, former aide to Bill Clinton

    I have never found in a long experience in politics that criticism is ever inhibited by ignorance.  –Harold Macmillan 

    “This is a great day for France!”  –Richard Nixon (while attending President DeGaulle’s funeral)

    Etc., etc., etc….

     

     

     
    • arekhill1 10:58 am on April 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I thought financial sex was screwing people out of their money. Happy Cheeseball Day!

      Like

    • mistermuse 12:27 pm on April 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I think you’re right on the money. By the way, today is also National High Five Day, a day when politicians celebrate their biggest scores of the past year in that regard.

      Like

    • Don Frankel 3:12 am on April 18, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      No matter what they do or what they say, they are spending your money. In all fairness and why should we be fair, but in all fairness if you speak in public enough you’ll say some stupid things. Of course some people make a career of it. Sorry to pick on Dick Nixon, and he said we wouldn’t have him to kick around anymore, but he said one of my favorites. He was President and sex was the issue of the day and in the middle of some speech he said. “When it comes to the question of sex, no one can stand pat.” Of course he was married to Pat Nixon. Even he laughed at that.

      Like

    • mistermuse 6:19 am on April 18, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Good point, Don. Some of the “stupid things” said by politicians are the spoken equivalent of written typos — funny but entirely excusable (like what Dick Nixon said about standing pat, which I hadn’t heard before).

      On the other hand, some guys’ verbal screwups (and it’s usually guys, notwithstanding the Sarah Palins of the world) are so ingrained and such a window into their real self that you have to question their capability for the office they hold or seek. To me, the poster child for this is former VP Dan Quayle, who I shudder to think what this country would’ve endured if he had become President. No doubt many right-wingers feel the same about current VP Joe Biden, but his malapropisms strike me as being of the “typo” type, not of being gravitas-and-insight challenged (if I’m not being too unkind).

      Like

  • mistermuse 12:11 am on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Barbara Boxer, , , George Gobel, George W. Bush, Gerald Ford, , , Marion Berry, , ,   

    NO BRAINERS 

    February 27 is NO BRAINER DAY, the one day in the year which provides all the excuse I need to do a post requiring no intelligent writing on my part (as opposed to all those posts for which I had no excuse). This will be, in other words, a post of others’ words. I will, however, endeavor to be clever as ever by never resorting to quotes irrelevant to the subject of the day.

    The world is more like it is now than it has ever been before. -Dwight Eisenhower

    Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, “Thank God, I’m still alive.” But of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again. –Calif. Senator Barbara Boxer

    If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate. -former Washington D.C. Mayor Marion Berry

    More and more of our imports are coming from overseas. –George W. Bush

    A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer voters going to the polls. -Dan Quayle

    If it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching TV by candlelight. -George Gobel

    Ignorance has its virtues: without it, there would be mighty little conversation. -Evan Esar

    There is nothing so stupid as the educated man, if you get off the thing he was educated in. -Will Rogers

    The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. -Joe Theisman

    Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean. -Pedro Guerrero

    I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. –Winston Bennet

    Most ignorance is vincible ignorance: we don’t know because we don’t want to know. -Aldous Huxley

     
    • Don Frankel 6:49 am on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      At first I was thinking no Yogisms? But then Yogisms make sense when you think about them. Like “Some guys don’t like to swing on 3 and 0 because they swing.” But today is a day I can relate to and will enjoy. Because “You can’t hit and think at the same time.”

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:43 am on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      In a way, these quotes make sense too if you think about them, otherwise they wouldn’t be funny. I would’ve included some Yogisms (and Goldwynisms), but I’ve already done posts on them on SWI. Whether they still exist or not, I haven’t checked, but maybe I’ll do so and, if they’ve been deleted, repeat them here (as best I can) when my brain can’t think of anything else to write about.

      Like

    • arekhill1 3:25 pm on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Personally, I notice that I can only be wrong when I’m sure I’m right.

      Like

      • mistermuse 6:30 pm on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        I think the same could be said of Tea Party members (except they never notice it).

        Like

    • pat hagan 5:45 pm on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      There’s a lot of unintentionally funny stuff here, most of which I hadn’t heard or seen before. I imagine that you are well aware of this, but, just to be sure all are, Gobel, Esar, and Rogers were not being stupid… they were intentionally being clever and funny.

      Keep up the good work!

      Like

    • mistermuse 6:37 pm on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Right, Pat. Of course, Aldous Huxley wasn’t being unintentionally funny either – in fact, he wasn’t being funny at all. That’s why I saved his quote for last, to end on a serious note.

      Thanks for your comment.

      Like

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