APRIL 3 IS INTERNATIONAL KISS MY ASS DAY

If ever someone invented a freedom-loving holiday, this is the day. July 4th may be Independence Day, but April 3rd is even more liberating (if less patriotic). July 4 is a federal holiday when servicemen present arms at certain ceremonies; April 3 is an international holiday when fed-up men present asses without ceremony — and if anyone doesn’t like it …. well, (s)he can smooch you-know-what. As for me, I’m going to present the liberated observations of other men, and take the rest of the day off (April 3 also happens to be Don’t Go To Work Day):

What distinguishes Independence Day from all other days is that both orators and artillerymen shoot blank cartridges.  –John Burroughs

Liberty doesn’t work as well in practice as it does in speeches.  –Will Rogers

Liberty, n. One of Imagination’s most precious possessions.  –Ambrose Bierce (THE DEVIL’S DICTIONARY)

Liberty is being free from the things we don’t like in order to be slaves of the things we do like.  –Ernest Benn

Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting.  —Alan Dean Foster

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that you have to spend much of your life defending sons-of-bitches.  –H. L. Mencken

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.  —Soren Kierkegaard

The greatest freedom of speech [is] the greatest safety, because if a man is a fool, the best thing is to encourage him to advertise the fact by speaking.  –Woodrow Wilson

Give me liberty or give me drink.  –Patrick O’Henry

The last word goes (as usual, ha ha) to a woman:

Please feel free to contact me with other matters that are of importance to you. I am honored to serve as your representative in the U. S. Congress. i think you’re an asshole.  –Jo Ann Emerson (letter sent to constituent; she subsequently claimed no knowledge of how the last line got added)