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  • mistermuse 12:04 am on October 7, 2019 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , Bald Is Beautiful, , clip joint, corruption, , hair loss, haircut, , , Lost Horizon, puns, quid pro quo, , Rudy Giuliani, ,   

    BALD AND FREE — HOW CAN THAT BE? (subtitle: The Bald And The Beautiful) 

    Nothing makes a woman feel as old as watching the bald spot increase on the top of her husband’s head. –Helen Rowland

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Oct. 7 is BALD AND FREE DAY, but personally, I’m not sure what one has to do with the other. I’m mostly bald, all right, but how free is a married man like me? Of course, I’m just kidding — my wife lets me out of my cage for an hour a week, even though I keep getting balder….and making her feel older. Maybe I shouldn’t be using that hour to get a haircut.

    HEADLONG RETREAT

    As the years go by, my barber
    Takes less and less time with my hair
    Which only serves to remind me
    That there’s less and less of it there.

    To be sure, I’m not the only one whose predicament may become a hair-raising experience:

    That gave me a headache just watching it. If only I could trust the dubious ads that involve spending my moo-lah to get to the root of the problem, I might risk springing for mo-hair….but snake oil aside, there must be a less painful way to restore a Lost Hairy zone:

    Hmm. I wonder whether that great humanit-hairian, Donald Trump, would mind parting with some of his spare hair if I could dig up some skullduggery by his political opponents? For example, much corruption has been reported in the Caribbean nation of Hairti — and it’s surely a lock that all of the Democratic Presidential contenders are involved. All I’d have to do is send my nosey friend, Fruity Giuliani, there on behalf of our Pres with a quid pro-boscis that the Pres of Hairti can’t ignore.

    On second thought, if Agent Orange went to my head, my wife might think I’m losing it along with my hair. I might as well keep to my cage, skip my weekly trip to the clip joint, and try to console myself that, after all is said and done….

    Now, if I can only convince my wife.

     
  • mistermuse 12:17 am on October 1, 2019 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Dick Smith, doo wop, , It's Wondereful, , , , Maxine Sullivan, Mr. Smith Goes To Washington, , Peter Minturn, , puns, Smith Brothers, songwriters, Stuff Smith, The Sheik of Araby   

    SONG SMITHS 

    By all accounts, SMITH has long been the most common surname in America. On the other hand, SMITH has been one of the least common surnames among popular songwriters. Take the example of when, in 1939, Mr. Jimmy Stewart Smith goes to Washington and becomes a sen-sation, rather than going to Tin Pan Alley to become a song-sation. We can surmise why mistermuse goes to Word Press in 2009 but doesn’t become a pun-sation; misterstewartsmith could’ve had A Wonderful Life acting like a songwriter in Hollywood musicals.

    During the period with which I am most musically in tune (1920s-1950s), I can count on one hand the number of songsmiths named Smith whose compositions achieved contemporary hit status (much less, lasting status as standards). Compared to the percentage of Smiths in the overall (or, for that matter, the underwear) population, there were fewer Smiths of note in music than in the Hollywood Senate — which, for better or verse, leads us to the first of our handful of Smiths, Chris Smith, composer of….

    Next, time to rise and shine with Billy Dawn Smith, composer of….

    Next next, we turn to lyricist Harry Bache Smith for the words to this somber classic:

    Speaking of serious stuff, Stuff Smith composed this wonderful ballad. It may not be your cup of tea, but I can say without fear of contradiction that It’s Wonderful:

    We close with a song written by Dick Smith. Yes, THAT Dick Smith. If you don’t believe me, look him up and ask him.

     

     

     
    • calmkate 1:26 am on October 1, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      well I think you are pun-tastic! Some great classics here, thanks for sharing 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:52 am on October 1, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Kate (speaking of Smiths), here’s a song that’s a real classic:

        Footnote: GOD BLESS AMERICA was written by Irving Berlin in 1918 (near end of WWI) for a show, but it was never published or recorded and was filed away by Berlin “to use someday on the right occasion” (quoting him). That occasion occurred after Neville Chamberlain appeased Adolph Hitler in 1938, leading to WWII. Kate Smith introduced the song on her CBS radio show on Nov. 10, 1938.

        Liked by 2 people

        • calmkate 7:17 pm on October 1, 2019 Permalink

          lol we look nothing alike and I can’t sing a note … a bit too much for me at breakfast time thanks MrM 😉

          Liked by 1 person

    • smbabbitt 10:15 am on October 1, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Out of a generic name, a delightful assortment of songs.

      Liked by 1 person

    • masercot 12:13 pm on October 1, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Leon Redbone did a great version of Sheik of Araby…

      Liked by 1 person

    • Elizabeth 12:50 pm on October 1, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      There are certainly plenty of singers named Smith. Clever of you to realize that there are not too many songwriters with the name.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 3:11 pm on October 1, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Having little or no interest in today’s music, Elizabeth, I don’t know how many Smith singers OR songwriters there are now….but I do find it interesting that historically, there have been relatively few songwriters among the millions of Smiths in America over the past 100 years.

        Liked by 1 person

    • magickmermaid 2:26 pm on October 5, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Mistermuse is definitely a pun-sation! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 6:05 pm on October 5, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        It’s easy to sea that you are no mere-maid and have pun-tastic judgment, mm.

        P.S. I’ve forgotten — how much was it that I agreed to pay you for that comment?

        Liked by 1 person

    • Ricardo 2:06 pm on October 7, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I’d bring to your attention The Smiths, a popular band in the ’80’s whose songs featured ramblings about death, depression and dissatisfaction in love, except that I couldn’t stand them and I’m glad I never hear their music anymore.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 2:57 pm on October 7, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        The Smiths sound like a good(?) example of why I haven’t listened to popular music since the 1970s, Ricardo. If I missed anything, Ignorance is bliss (so they say).

        Like

    • America On Coffee 10:57 pm on October 29, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      A very interesting selection, some I am not familiar with. I really appreciate all of them. Thanks for sharing.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:00 am on May 12, 2019 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: above the law, civility, , , humanity, , legality, , puns, , , , , Stonewell Jackson, ,   

    TRUMP COULDN’T HAVE SAID IT BETTER 

    As we know, our beloved, above-the-law President, Donald “Stonewall Maximum” Trump, is not one to account for his violations of civility, humanity or legality, but in case he ever feels a need to make excuses for his base….instincts, he can grab on to one of the following old floozies — I mean DOOZIES — for justification. Imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, he may even want to lay claim to them all — no matter the doozies became noted quotes ere Trump ere heard of them or the quotees (well, maybe he heard of the first one.)

    “I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.” –DAVID DINKINS, former NYC Mayor

    “I care not who makes the laws of a nation if I can get out an injunction.” –FINLEY PETER DUNNE, humorist

    “Suppression is 9/10ths of the law.” –EVAN ESAR (a pun on the expression “Possession is 9/10ths of the law.”

    “I simply misremembered it wrong.” –MARK KIRK, former Republican Senator from Illinois

    “My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, surrender to what is right.” –DAN QUAYLE, VP of the United States under George H.W. Bush

    “There are people in our society who should be separated and discarded.” –SPIRO AGNEW, V.P. of the U.S. under Richard Nixon

    “I AM the Federal Government.” –TOM DELAY, former GOP Majority leader, after telling a business owner to put out his cigar due to a federal law against smoking in the building

    Now that’s a quote we can lay on THE DONALD without DELAY.

     

     

     

     
    • calmkate 4:54 am on May 12, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      he is way above the law, he doesn’t need any quotes or excuses …
      he simply does what he wants when he wants!

      Liked by 4 people

    • Notes To Ponder 4:55 am on May 12, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Reblogged this on notestoponder.

      Liked by 1 person

    • rivergirl1211 9:01 am on May 12, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      If you or I ignored a subpoena, we’d be in jail. No one should be above the law.

      Liked by 4 people

      • mistermuse 11:53 am on May 12, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Without question, rg. Trump is an ass, and they should put his ass in jail.

        Like

    • Garfield Hug 10:24 am on May 12, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Good post! Trump is untouchable…till the house of cards fall down and then it is the beginning of the end for him.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 12:11 pm on May 12, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        It’s obvious that Trump is trying the three S strategy: Sandbag, Stonewall, and String this thing out until the 2020 election, which he thinks he can win by continuing to con enough gullible people to vote for him. I can only hope 2020 voters remember this truism: Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

        Liked by 3 people

    • D. Wallace Peach 11:51 am on May 12, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I can barely laugh anymore at this disgusting horrible cruel selfish man. You are valiant to try. And I’d be happy to throw the Republicans out with the bathwater. The leaders of that party are corrupt beyond my comprehension. Ugh.

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 12:35 pm on May 12, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        I feel the same, Diana, which is why I’ve laid off Trump for a while. But, because he is so unrelenting in his “horrible cruel” conduct, I think we must be unrelenting in nailing him. He is undoubtedly counting on good people getting so tired of him that they tune him out instead of calling him out.

        Liked by 2 people

        • D. Wallace Peach 1:09 pm on May 12, 2019 Permalink

          I wish Congress (Democrats, at least) would do their jobs and hold him accountable. What wimps! And you’re right, of course, we have to keep talking about it and demanding sanity.

          Liked by 2 people

        • mistermuse 4:13 pm on May 12, 2019 Permalink

          As much as I think Trump deserves to be impeached ASAP, I think House Democrats (led by Nancy Pelosi) are wise to wait until Robert Mueller testifies and gives witness to his 400+ page report and his rebuke of Attorney General Wm. Barr’s brazenly misleading summary of it. In falsely exonerating Trump and delaying release of the actual report, Barr acted more like Trump’s personal attorney than the Attorney General of the United States, and the impact was exactly what Trump and Barr intended: general acceptance of Barr’s initial spin.

          Barr knew that first impressions matter, and the only way to combat that impression of Mueller’s report is to have Mueller himself refute Barr’s summary on live TV. Only then will the majority of the American people learn the truth and support those in Congress who are ready to lead the fight to impeach.

          Like

    • Lisa R. Palmer 11:55 am on May 12, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      So sad, but so true! So many need a good spanking this Mother’s Day! 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 12:47 pm on May 12, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        I agree, Lisa, but since the GOP-controlled Senate will never approve impeachment, the only “spanking” that will chastise Trump is to vote him out of office by an OVERWHELMING margin in 2020.

        Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 12:58 pm on May 12, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Reminds me of a lady I was dating who, when I remonstrated her for gossiping, told me, “Richard, I wasn’t gossiping–I was just telling other people what I’ve heard.”

      Liked by 1 person

    • Elizabeth 7:36 pm on May 13, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Glad to remember that we have outlasted a number of other lying scoundrels.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Chris Karas 3:07 pm on May 15, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Ahh… the arrogance of political figures. Great quotes.

      Liked by 1 person

    • literaryeyes 1:34 pm on June 29, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      The right-wing and loyal Republicans view him as the Righteous Warrior against the Left and Godless, so he has a good chance of winning again. We need to unite around a candidate, and understand our candidate may not be perfect, but is far above the cringing cowardice and corruption of the current crowd (a multiple of c’s!, like a tongue-twister).

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 3:24 pm on June 29, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        We DO need to unite around a candidate. Right now, I think there are too many candidates running for the Democratic nomination, as evidenced during the debates by too much interrupting and talking at the same time, resulting in drowning out each other. I hope the field will narrow ASAP to a half dozen or so ‘serious’ candidates (those with the best chance of beating Trump) so that the choices are less cluttered (for want of a better term).

        I, for one, think it is imperative that (among other qualities) the finalist is able to take on the bully Trump in debates and put him in his place. So far, I think Kamela Harris has best demonstrated that ability, but she needs to become better known, and hopefully will become so as other candidates fall by the wayside.

        Like

    • barkinginthedark 5:58 pm on January 26, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      i fear for us as a (quasi) democracy. continue…

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:00 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: bucket truck, feet, Footloose and Fancy Free, , kick the bucket, , one foot in the grave, , puns, , Richard Himber Orchestra (Stuart Allen vocal), , song,   

    ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOT TALK? 

    When I was young, I never thought about getting old (a stage of life known as having one foot in the grave — almost curtains). So, having two feet in the grave was the last thing on my mind. Now I’m a senior citizen, and I’m still not ready to kick the bucket, but my feet are killing me like I am about to kick bucket — or, with my luck it (this bucket) kicks me:

    Foot cramps, ingrown toenails, fungus among-us, smelly feet (you know this from my last post) — it’s like I got my feet at the Bad Feet Store. You name it, my feet are treating me like a heel. Don’t laugh — someday you may walk in my shoes, and then you’ll know the agony of de feet and be the sole of remorse for not seeing fit to empathize. But I guess you’ll cross that footbridge when you come to it.

    Having retired from a desk job, I didn’t spend most of my life upon my feet, so my tootsies aren’t letting me down because of being mistreated. Likewise, I’ve seldom, if ever, worn high heels (I may have BEEN a heel a time or two, but that’s a different story). I don’t know — maybe I’m finally footing the bill for writing such poems as this:

    All humans have more than one foot,
    Unless one has less than two.
    One can trust I count two on me —
    More or less, can one count on you?

    Groan. I guess my days of being this are over:

     

     

     
    • Paul Sunstone 1:35 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I was forced to forward your post to the proper authorities on the grounds it was exceeding the legal pun limit.

      Liked by 4 people

    • calmkate 7:17 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      how footuitous that you have both feet in the grave, are down in the heel and obviously in need of a swift shoe up the posterior IMHO 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 9:36 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Fortunately, I only have one foot in the grave, calmkate. When I have two feet in the grave, I won’t be replying to your comments (or anyone else’s, for that matter). 🙂

        BTW, “one foot in the grave” is an expression which dates back to the 17th century, which makes it almost as old as I am. It means ‘near death’ (like most of my puns).

        Liked by 1 person

        • calmkate 8:47 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink

          had no idea the term or you were so prehistoric, nice chatting with a dinosaur 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

    • masercot 8:23 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      “You need feet, to stand up straight with,
      You need feet, to kick your friends,
      You need feet, to keep your socks up,
      And stop your legs from, fraying at the ends.” – “You Need Feet” Edwin Carp

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 9:43 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Not to Carp, masercot, but did you have to come up with a poem that’s more better than mine in the post (not that difficult to do, I admit)? But I appreciate it, nonetheless. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • rivergirl1211 8:24 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      My name is River… and I have bunions. Don’t get me started on feet! My issues started when I was 40 and that’s just not fair!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 9:51 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        I wish I could tell you a cure, River, but when it comes to bunions, I don’t know my onions. I can only hope that these punions are so bad, they make you forget your bunions for a while.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Richard A Cahill 12:08 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      It’s living in Ohio that’s hurting your wheels, Sr. Muse. Move to a warmer clime, like I’ve lived in most of my life, and liberate those tootsies from the confines of shoes at, least nights and on weekends. Flip-flops never gave anybody bunions.

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 2:47 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Unfortunately, a move to a warmer clime isn’t in my foreseeable future, Ricardo, but if I can just hang around for another century or so, global warming will have moved to me, thereby saving me the trouble.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Elizabeth 4:03 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      My sympathy. We have frequent user discounts at the podiatrist!

      Liked by 2 people

    • magickmermaid 6:43 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      A great post and a toe-tapper of a tune! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 10:43 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Glad you liked both. The composer of the tune was Carmen Lombardo, brother of Guy Lombardo. He was the lead saxophonist in Guy’s orchestra, which you may remember because it was one of the most popular dance bands of all time for many years.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Silver Screenings 9:49 am on March 23, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      The song you posted, “Footloose and Fancy Free”, is a great start to the day. Thanks for that!

      And thanks for the Bucket Truck video – I mean it. It’s fascinating! Now I want to ride in one.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 10:48 pm on March 23, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Glad you enjoyed both the song and the Bucket Truck video, which I was lucky to stumble upon as a good fit for this post. Some amusement park should come up with a version of the Bucket Trucks for a kids’ ride (including us adult kids)!

        Liked by 1 person

    • equipsblog 5:51 pm on April 6, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I’d hate to foot the bill for this entertaining post, because if we have to pay by the pun, it’s very expensive.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 7:06 pm on April 6, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        I see that the latest post on your blog is titled “ImPUNity” (my caps) — a pun so bad that I should probably pay you. But by recommending that my readers check out your blog, suppose we call it even. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:31 pm on April 6, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Actually, “Its” is pronounced “Itz”….but it’s the pits in both cases, so I’ll call it a night before I get in any deeper. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

    • JosieHolford 8:58 am on August 26, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      When the British politician, and future Labour Party leader, Michael Fool won his first election in 1945 he received a telegram;

      “Dear Foot, Congratulations on your feat.”

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:53 pm on August 26, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Love it!

        He – Foot – avoided the agony of de feat
        (no pun in my post is too bad to repeat).

        Like

  • mistermuse 6:04 pm on December 3, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: bully pulpit, , Christmas wish list, , lie detector, , , Presidential pardon, puns, , , , Sean Hannity, , the Golden Rule, Tom Steyer, ,   

    WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STEYER 

     

    December 4 is SANTA’S LIST DAY. Yours truly having been a good boy this year, what better time than now to make out my Christmas wish list and tell Santa that I deserve everything on it? That gives me three weeks to be naughty while the old fart is busy browbeating and driving his elves to peak toy production before D-Day (Delivery Day) — or should I say, before Delivery Night. The way I see it, it’s not my fault that Santa won’t have time to check up on me — he should be a more adept despot.

    Just kidding,of course. I don’t really plan on being a bad boy from now until Christmas…. and to prove it, my list will consist entirely of wishes for someone much more in need than I — a child so spoiled and naughty, he may soon be locked out of his WHITE HOUSE (depending on who holds the key to the outcome). The name of that over-privileged child is Don-Don (known as THE DONALD by those in awe of him — and who isn’t?).

    But why leave to chance the chances that my wishes for Don-Don come true?

    If not upon a star, maybe I could wish upon a STEYER: Tom-Tom STEYER, the billionaire liberal activist, philanthropist, and Trump ingrate, for help in suggesting gifts that Santa (perhaps with coaxing from Mrs. Claus, who could probably use a Steyer-donated fur coat) might deliver to the needy Don-Don. But it seems Tom-Tom is too-too busy donating  to causes instead of Clauses, so I’m stuck doing the dirty work all by myself. Fortunately, I have a pretty good idea of the toys it will take to get little Don-Don to straighten up and fly right, see himself for who he really is, and mend his lying ways:

    Here, then, is my Don-Don wish list to Santa (additional suggestions welcomed):

    1. A self-administered lie detector kit which gives $ for every truth and an electrical shock for every lie.

    2. Smelling salts and a first aid kit to recover from daily attempts (which Don-Don can never resist) to sneak lies past #1.

    3. A game of Trump Monopoly, which is just like regular Monopoly except: only Don-Don and family can play, there are numerous GO-TO-JAIL spaces, and there are no GET-OUT-OF-JAIL-FREE cards. 

    4. A bully pulpit, complete with a bully who calls Don-Don a “loser” whenever something doesn’t go Don-Don’s way.

    5. Don-Don finds Jesus on Fox News, has a revelation that he’s supposed to do unto others as he would have them do unto him, takes the Golden Rule to heart, astounds the world, and gives Sean Hannity a heart attack.

    6. A new law permitting any President named Trump to be above the law (but only with the approval of any Special Counsel named Mueller).

    7. A Presidential pardon for himself, enough enablers to keep him in office two more years, and a country gone to moral indifference and re-electing him in 2020. Hey, how did that wish slip in here? Could it be written in the stars?

     

     
  • mistermuse 12:01 am on August 25, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , kiss and make up, , , , , , puns, ,   

    KISS HER IN THE KISSER AND MAKE UP 

    My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can. –Cary Grant

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    August 25 is KISS AND MAKE UP DAY. In the Cary Grant spirit of occupying myself as best I can, I thought I’d present an assemblage of good old-fashioned “kiss and make up” goodies (the idea being, if you don’t love my premise, you can kiss my assortment). Let’s start with Cary’s take on make-up, which (as you can see) I’m not making up:

    Well, apparently Cary never did make up with that gal, because here he is two years later, singing another love song to another gal:

    It seems that Cary would rather play the field than kiss and make up. Let us therefore pick a dilly of a ditty less playboy-like in character:

    So much for the guys. I give the last word to the gals (they usually have it anyway):

    Kiss and make up — but too much makeup has ruined many a kiss. –Mae West

    Kiss & make up. Maybe making out for a few minutes would help us figure things out. –Katie Anderson

    In trying to get our own way, we should remember that kisses are sweeter than whine. –Ann Nonymous

     
    • masercot 1:45 pm on August 25, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Wake up (Wake up)
      Grab a brush and put a little makeup
      Hide your scars to fade away the shakeup

      Serj Tankian

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 2:11 pm on August 25, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Serj is a little after (not BEFORE) my time, musically speaking….but I appreciate a lyric that most of my non-geezer readers may be familiar with, and that even I can dig.

        Like

    • Rosaliene Bacchus 2:13 pm on August 25, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Enjoyed that 🙂 My ex didn’t like me wearing makeup, but eyed-up* all the women with makeup.
      *Caribbean expression

      Liked by 2 people

    • chattykerry 5:45 pm on August 25, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      I can’t help thinking that Cary Grant seemed to enjoy kissing boys as much or more than girls…

      Liked by 1 person

    • Richard A Cahill 7:32 pm on August 25, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      ‘Scuse me while I kiss the sky.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 8:21 pm on August 25, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        I had to look that one up, Ricardo, and it turns out that you’re just blowin’ smoke (not that I disapprove). 🙂

        Like

    • Paul Sunstone 11:51 pm on August 27, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      “Ann Nonymous” That cracked me up.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:28 am on August 28, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        I said I’d give the last word to the gals, so on my post, Ann Nonymous is a gal, whether (s)he likes it or not.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Paul Sunstone 2:27 am on August 28, 2018 Permalink

          I’ve always said, “A man of his word is an admirable man” even if he has to lie to be a man of his word.

          Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 9:11 am on August 28, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Paul, I think you may be giving me more credit than I’m due, because (not knowing if Ann Nonymous is guy or gal), I may not be lying….though the quote sounds more likely to have been said by a gal. Nonetheless, I would like to be thought of as at least a half-admirable man, so I’ll concede a 50-50 chance that Ann is a man. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • calmkate 5:39 pm on August 28, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      lol Cary didn’t even like the girls, it was all just the camera … love this one but the last wins a gold star!

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:02 am on July 3, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Canis Major, cannabis, constipation, , heat, , , , , , , puns, ,   

    SIRIUS STUFF – POT – AND PUNS 

    July 3 is both STAY OUT OF THE SUN DAY and the official start of the DOG DAYS OF SUMMER, the period (July 3-August 11) during which Sirius, the Dog Star, rises at the same time as our star, the sun. The Dog Star, for your information and mine, was so named for its prominence in the constellation cluster Canis Major, which was in turn named for its prominence in the constipation buster* Cannabis Maximus.

    The point is, this is one smokin’ hot season, when (assuming you’re not a mad dog or Englishman) you’d best stay indoors all day with an ice chest full of cold ones within reach, and drink to mistermuse’s posts. What could be cooler than that?

    Friends, by staying inside, I’m not prescribing letting yourself go to pot, but the clime this time of year in the Northern Hemp-isphere isn’t fit for a dog (mad or not). It’s simply….

    How hot is it? Today I saw two birds using potholders to pull worms out of the ground…. not only that, but after the birds swallowed their prey, I could swear I saw steam coming out of their rears….er, ears. Talk about being madder than a birddog in heat–those birds were so steamed, the eggs they laid were hardboiled.

    Speaking of laying an egg, all booed things must come to an end; however, for those fans who think my yolks weren’t so hot, I leave you with these:

     
    • calmkate 3:09 am on July 3, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      they were sure some bad egg jokes and it’s yolk’s all over your face … 🙂
      thanks for the light relief!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Carmen 7:51 am on July 3, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Oh, mistermuse. You are a funny guy! I always figured cannabis was good at slowing you down rather than promoting ‘movement’ — who knew?

      Hope you’ve got some help for the heat – it’s hot enough here that we’re getting warnings on the weather channel! (You heard it from the token Nova Scotian) 🙂

      Liked by 5 people

      • mistermuse 8:28 am on July 3, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Carmen, I hear it’s hot all over. On the Weather Channel, they’re now referring to your province as Nova Scorch-ia and your capitol as Hellifax. Not only the ice, but the glue in the Eskimos’ iglues, is melting. In fact, all of Cannibis–make that, Canada–is becoming a melting pot, making it too soggy to smoke. Fortunately, you can always drink it (to mistermuse’s posts, of course).

        Liked by 3 people

        • Carmen 8:33 am on July 3, 2018 Permalink

          Since my drug of choice is alcohol, I will drink to that, thanks! 🙂

          Liked by 2 people

    • Richard A Cahill 1:08 pm on July 3, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      I’m in my choice of country, Mexico, so I’ll drink to that.

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 3:28 pm on July 3, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      My neighbor family just returned from a week in Puerto Vallarta, where it was so hot, the palm trees had checked into all the hotel rooms and the family had to sleep on the beach at night. I don’t know what the palm trees used for money–maybe the hotels accept coconuts in lieu of pesos or credit cards.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 5:47 pm on July 4, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Since we’re in the middle of one right here in NYC, this one is appropriate.

      Liked by 1 person

    • RMW 3:24 pm on July 5, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      “Well, you know what they say… mad dogs and Englishmen…” was a favorite saying of my mother’s so I’ve been familiar with that song since a very young child… I’m still amused by it.

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 4:18 pm on July 5, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Noel Coward, who wrote the song, was of course an Englishman, so he knew whereof he wrote. Like Americans Cole Porter and Irving Berlin, he wrote both words and music….but he sang better than either of them.

      Liked by 1 person

    • restlessjo 5:26 am on July 6, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Brad is kind of cute 🙂 🙂 Much cooler here today. I’m missing the heatwave already.

      Liked by 2 people

    • moorezart 2:10 pm on July 8, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Reblogged this on From 1 Blogger 2 Another.

      Liked by 3 people

    • mistermuse 3:38 pm on July 8, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks again….and likewise as far as your blog is concerned. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • barkinginthedark 10:34 pm on July 11, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Mad dogs etc – one of the great songs. continue

      Liked by 2 people

  • mistermuse 12:02 am on February 9, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , old films, , puns, The Fat Lady Sings   

    JAZZ FOR LAUGHS (PART 05) 

    If you haven’t been following this series, you don’t know what you’ve been missing (athough some might claim ignorance is bliss). If you are a follower, you may think the humor has been pretty juvenile. This first selection of Part 05 should assuage all concerns:

    3 to 1 you now think this series is for the birds….but you ain’t heard nothing yet. Here’s a real turkey:

    OK, I don’t need a straw vote to tell me the next selection has nowhere to go but up….

    Now that’s what I call ending on a high note (as opposed to starting on a high chair). And so we come to the moment you’ve all been waiting for….

    You’re welcome.

     
    • Garfield Hug 12:28 am on February 9, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Not at all juvenile as I enjoy these very much! Thanks for the laughs!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 1:09 am on February 9, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        I intended “juvenile” in a tongue-in-cheek way, but no matter how you took it, I’m glad you appreciated the clips. Two of the four were very obscure, and I was fortunate to find them.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 9:32 am on February 9, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Great clips here. I’m not sure which is the best but I’ll give the nod to Laurel and Hardy.

      Now in the interests of political correctness let us say the opera ain’t over till the plus sized lady sings. Or maybe we could use the medical code E66.3 which is used to indicate overweight. It would be like spelling a word in front of a two year old because you don’t want them to hear it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 11:36 am on February 9, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        I agree with your nod to the Laurel & Hardy clip, which is from one of their best movies, WAY OUT WEST (1937). I thought TURKEY IN THE STRAW (one of the two obscure clips I mentioned in a previous comment) was relatively well done, given that many ‘hayseed’ films of this type are just plain cornball.

        As for “the plus sized lady sings,” that description may be more politically correct, but it ain’t nearly as FUNNY as “it ain’t over until THE FAT LADY sings” — though I admit I probably wouldn’t think it was funny if I were a fat lady. On second thought, make that “if I were a plus sized lady.” 😦

        Liked by 1 person

    • 2017blogpresse 2:24 pm on February 9, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      nice blog, I like very much.

      Liked by 2 people

    • D. Wallace Peach 3:42 pm on February 9, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Wonderful. Thanks for the giggles!

      Liked by 2 people

    • moorezart 1:18 pm on February 10, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Reblogged this on From 1 Blogger 2 Another.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 6:30 pm on February 10, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you, moorezart. May the Fat Lady never sing on your blog!

      Like

      • mistermuse 9:30 pm on February 10, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Make that “May the Fat Lady never sing AGAIN on your blog!” 🙂

        Like

    • tref 11:40 pm on March 12, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      “Turkey in the Straw” is one of those songs I like to suddenly start whistling when I’m in line for a movie or something.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:29 am on March 13, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Probably no one in line who hears you whistling knows the title of the song, because if they did, they’d might say there’s a turkey in the theater (just kidding — I’m sure you whistle beautifully, tref).

        Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:12 am on January 26, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ALL OR NOTHING AT ALL, Cocktails for Two, firewater, , horticulture, , , , puns, , Tchaikovsky,   

    JAZZ FOR LAUGHS (PART 01) 

    This post is JAZZ FOR LAUGHS — or, more to the part, the first in a series of JAZZ FOR LAUGHS posts. Just for laughs is my musical theme — when it comes to funny, I’ll stop at nothing. So, when you hear Nothing, it means something. Or Nothing At All.

    So, what’s so funny about that song, you ask. Nothing. Nothing at all. But I needed a lead-in, and that’s the best I could do. Seriously. Speaking of seriously….

    Well, that clip started out well, but I must admit it Peter-ed out after a while. (Did you get it — Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky “Peter-ed” out….hahahahaha.) So enough of the serious stuff. Let’s see what else drives Spike to drink….

    As the horse said to the horse traitor who led him to firewater, “I’ll drunk to that” (with apologies to Dorothy Parker, who once said, “You can lead a whore to culture, but you can’t make her think.” Horticulture has had a soiled reputation ever since.).

     
    • Don Frankel 8:54 am on January 26, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Muse, I’m glad you’ve decided to stop at nothing because…

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:45 pm on January 26, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Don, if I recall correctly, that’s from the gospel according to Luke. Luckily, they took a gamble and made a movie of it, with Paul Newman playing Luke.

        Like

    • arekhill1 3:47 pm on January 26, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Any post that mentions Dorothy Parker gets five stars from me, Sr. Muse. “There, but for a typo, is the story of my life.”

      Liked by 1 person

    • RMW 1:11 pm on January 29, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      I had heard the name, Spike Jones, but really had no idea who he was (before my time in the US). So this was an education… of sorts! A different era, for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 2:35 pm on January 29, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Spike Jones’ music was an education, all right — though not exactly what you’d call a ‘high class’ education (except maybe in the opinion of those in the upper classes, like The Three Stooges). 😦

        Like

    • tref 6:07 pm on February 2, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Each time I saw Sinatra I wanted to be the guy who, during a moment when Sinatra was between songs, yells out, “You’re the king!” Of course, Sinatra always had a ready answer. Yet, for the handful of times I saw Sinatra sing I could never muster the nerve. And then, inevitably, somebody would yell a variation of that line. Sinatra would effortlessly return the volley. And I’d sit in my chair and think, “Damn. I missed it again.”

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:01 pm on February 2, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        And to think that back in the early 1940s, Sinatra was a heartthrob of teenage girls who didn’t wait until he was between songs to voice their adulation (not that I fault them….or us adults, for that matter)

        Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:26 am on January 11, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Chaz Bono, gender issues, , Nero, puns, , , Sonny and Cher, transgender, transsexual,   

    THIS POST IS A DRAG 

    Having been a ‘square’ since round one of my life, I’ve never been too interested in the affairs of those of various and sundry sexual orientations. There are lots of ‘different’ people who aren’t on the same wavelength and/or don’t meet with other people’s approval, but I can’t help that — I’ve got my own problems. My mantra has been: To each his own. Live and let live. Whatever rattles your cage. Etc.

    You may think the reason I’m writing this is because I have just experienced a sudden conversion and intend to become a zealot for the causes of the transsexual, transvestite, transgendered….etc. Not so. I’m still an old-fashioned, “You go your way, I’ll go mine” kind of gay — er, guy. But issues surrounding the foregoing have come increasingly to the fore in recent years, so I’m finally taking the trouble to educate myself a bit. How much time can it take to see if you can put yourself in the other guy’s/gal’s/gay’s shoes for a moment? They may not fit, but food for thought won’t make you fat.

    http://www.medicaldaily.com/what-difference-between-transsexual-and-transgender-facebooks-new-version-its-complicated-271389

    Then there is the biblical story of the prodi-gal son (forgive me, Father, for I have punned) as a reminder that sexual duality is nothing new. It’s been around since long before Commodus was commodious and Nero fiddled around. Would they have not been tyrants if they had been straight arrows? Isn’t that like saying a magician would not be an illusionist if he had one less rabbit in his bag of tricks? (I just pulled that one out of the hat — no doubt you can come up with a better analogy.)

    And on that venture into the androgynous zone, I will close with this:

    There’s a gender in your brain and a gender in your body. For 99 percent of people, those things are in alignment. For transgender people, they’re mismatched. That’s all it is. It’s not complicated, it’s not a neurosis. It’s a mix-up. It’s a birth defect, like a cleft palate.” — Chaz Bono

    Who is Chaz Bono? Click on this 2009 video clip, then click where it says Watch on YouTube:

     

     
    • Don Frankel 12:58 pm on January 11, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Muse this I learned from being married to a Doctor, in medicine they study everything from hang nails to heart attacks. So somewhere are actual studies on the subject with real information not the stuff bandied about in the media. The other thing I know is everything about us is in our jeans, no wait, genes.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 2:39 pm on January 11, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Don, that’s one reason why I never ‘invested’ time in forming hard and fast opinions on this subject: you don’t know who to believe (not unlike politics, come to think of it). Nonetheless, I think the Chaz Bono quote deserves to be taken seriously because it comes from a serious, intelligent person speaking from personal experience, not from someone wearing ideological jeans, or genes (notice that I liked your wordplay so much, I re-used it).

        Like

    • arekhill1 6:25 pm on January 11, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Live and let live indeed, Sr. Muse. Also, pee and let pee, wherever you think you should.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Don Frankel 8:07 am on January 12, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Muse I’m flattered that you re-used it. And the patient”s thoughts and perceptions are very important. We call that patient history. Ooops I’m not really a Doctor. I only play one on nyuge.com. But a whole lot of people will weigh in on this and a whole lot of other subjects without a clue. The irony of it, is all you have to do is use a search engine and you can get real knowledge. But maybe that would ruin all the fun of screaming and gnashing of teeth.

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 9:52 am on January 12, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Well said, Don.

      Like

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