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  • mistermuse 1:02 am on September 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Charles Schulz, Erma Bombeck, , , humor quotes, , John Lewis, , , , Saint Augustine   

    DON’T ASK 

    You Asked For It (according to my previous post) — but this post is a different story, so….

     

    By a weird coincidence, ASK ME NO QUESTIONS AND I’LL TELL YOU NO LIES (a quote attributed to 18th century Irish novelist, playwright and poet Oliver Goldsmith) is my springboard for this post of “Don’t Ask” quotes — thus sparing you the fate of my last post, which subjected you to some questionable poems.

    Let’s plunge right in with perhaps the most famous DON’T ASK quote (at least in America):

    “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” –John F. Kennedy

    Here’s another famous one (in jazz circles), leveled at squares:

    “If you have to ask what jazz is, you’ll never know.” –Louis Armstrong

    If you have a humorous bone in your body, the next three should bring a smile to your face:

    “Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, Why me? Then a voice answers, Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.” –Charles M. Schulz

    “Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people see things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” –George Carlin

    “When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?’, it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” –Erma Bombeck

    Now for some serious stuff:

    “What then is time? If no one asks me, I know what it is. If I wish to explain it to him who asks, I do not know.” –Saint Augustine

    “If you ask me whether the election of Barack Obama is the fulfillment of Dr. King’s dream, I say, ‘No, it’s just a down payment.” –John Lewis

    To close, here’s a quote I like which is a stretch to fit the category, but since it’s the birthday of the author, don’t ask me to re-think its inclusion here:

    “Thinkers think and doers do. But until the thinkers do and the doers think, progress will be just another word in the already overburdened vocabulary.” –Francois de La Rochefoucauld (9/15/1613–3/17/1680)

    I think that does it for now. How’s that for progress?

     

     

     
    • rawgod 2:39 am on September 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      If you don’t want to know the answer, please, don’t ask the question.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 6:51 am on September 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        That would seem to be the badge of honor for Trump followers: you don’t want to know the answers because he already has them all.

        Liked by 2 people

        • rawgod 7:58 am on September 15, 2020 Permalink

          Pretty much.
          I just completed a musical rewrite of an old song. I’m not publishing it yet, but if you send me an email I will let you be the first to tell me what you think of it. g-e-w-c-o-l-o-@-g-m-a-i-l-.-c-o-m. I think they call them parodies.

          Liked by 2 people

    • calmkate 2:45 am on September 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      lol left me scratching my head, good one … love the song with the accordion!

      Now what is jazz? and what is time?
      must be the cue for a new rhyme …

      Liked by 4 people

      • mistermuse 7:21 am on September 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Lawrence Welk must be turning over in his grave at such accordion blasphemy!

        This DON’T ASK post means mistermuse needn’t address such questions….
        However & nonetheless, Kate, if in distress, I’m open to readers’ suggestions.

        Liked by 2 people

        • calmkate 7:36 am on September 15, 2020 Permalink

          Well not being one to miss opportunities … the best female jazz artists? thank Mr M

          Liked by 2 people

        • mistermuse 6:56 pm on September 16, 2020 Permalink

          Kate, when it comes to “best female jazz artists,” I’ll start with a name almost all jazz lovers agree on: ELLA FITZGERALD. The rest of my (personal opinion) list will be names you’ve probably never heard of, belonging as they do to the long-past Golden Age of Popular Music: Mildred Bailey, The Boswell Sisters, Bea Wain, Midge Williams, Helen Forrest, Ethel Waters, Martha Tilton and of course, Billie Holiday (who you probably have heard of). A bit later (but still ancient history to those under 60), Peggy Lee and Dinah Washington were probably my post-WWII favorites.

          I sure I’ve left out a few names I should include, but the above will have to do for now..

          Like

    • JosieHolford 7:18 am on September 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Nice haunting bit of accordion there.

      And then there’s this from Alice. B.Toklas on the last words of Gertrude Stein:
      In a letter she wrote about those last words

      “She said upon waking from a sleep—What is the question. And I didn’t answer thinking she was not completely awakened. Then she said again—What is the question and before I could speak she went on—If there is no question then there is no answer.”

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 7:47 am on September 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks for that thought-provoking comment, Josie. I’m thinking there is no answer, question or no question. Perhaps that’s why my favorite quote in the post is that of Charles M. Schulz (of PEANUTS fame).

        Liked by 2 people

    • Rivergirl 7:56 am on September 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Excellent selection. The down payment Lewis quote is sadly relevant again.

      Liked by 3 people

    • masercot 8:47 am on September 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I see you’ve mastered the new interface…

      Liked by 2 people

    • arekhill1 10:36 am on September 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      The answer to Kennedy has been rendered simple by recent history–what you can do for your country is vote Trump and all his enablers out of office.

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 3:15 pm on September 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        If there’s any justice left in this world, nothing less than “out of office” and into prison will suffice (but I’ll settle for just “out of office”).

        Liked by 2 people

    • magickmermaid 10:55 am on September 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Love the video! And the quotes!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 3:23 pm on September 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, mm. I wasn’t looking for that video — I stumbled across it while looking for something else, so it was a ‘happy accident.’

        Liked by 2 people

    • Don Ostertag 1:39 pm on September 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Great quotes Another answer to Charlie Brown: Because there’s just something about you that pisses me off.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Rosaliene Bacchus 2:33 pm on September 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Enjoyed your post 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

    • mistermuse 9:12 am on September 16, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you, my friend. 😉

      Like

    • Elizabeth 7:05 pm on September 16, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      “Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what your country can do for you,” attributed to Jared Kushner(probably apocryphal)

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 10:57 pm on September 16, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        I don’t know if Jared Kushner was quoted correctly, but we know that JFK was:

        Liked by 1 person

        • Elizabeth 12:09 pm on September 18, 2020 Permalink

          Yup. I remember that speech. I am that old.

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 3:48 pm on September 18, 2020 Permalink

          Likewise, Elizabeth. At our age, it’s like humorist Fred Allen (remember him?) once said: “I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and — I can’t remember what the third thing is.”

          Like

    • annieasksyou 5:00 pm on September 18, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I think the Jared Kushner quote was “Ask not what your country can do for you because it’s not your country; it belongs to us.”

      I found the video chilling but enjoyable.

      The John Lewis quote made me teary.

      A very thought-provoking post, mistermuse! And a VERY belated happy birthday to your friend Francois (I’m too lazy to type his full name, but I’m pondering his thought).

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:21 pm on September 18, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        I think the John Lewis quote is even more chilling (than the video) in the context of the Trump presidency, because Trump is doing his best to take back the “down payment.”

        Like

  • mistermuse 9:45 pm on August 28, 2020 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: A.A. Milne, , , Clifford Odets, , , humor quotes, Jack Warner, movie memories, , , , ,   

    IT’S ABOUT A QUOTER TO NINE 

    Several days ago, one of my readers said she’s partial to humorous quotes, so I’ve been thinking about spending a whole lot of time thinking about devoting a post to things others have said which are funnier than what I say….but after searching high (brow) and low (brow), eye gave up. See what I mean?

    Ha ha! Just kidding. Believe it or not, I was able to find nine selections funnier-than-mine (well, maybe somewhat funnier), though I’m sure I would’ve said them first if I’d thought of them first. Some of the nine guys & gals I’m about to quote said what they said before I was even born, thus taking unfair advantage of circumstances beyond my control. But this is my blog, so as a quoter of quotes, I at least get to determine the subject matter of the quotes I quote, and the quotes I’ve chosen to quote are quotes about quotes….and I quote:

    “A quotation is a handy thing to have about, saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself – always a laborious business.” –A. A. Milne

    “I googled the quote ‘Power means not having to respond.’ Nothing happened.” –John Alejandro King [what “Power means” sounds like something Trump might say, except nothing Trump says is worth quoting]

    “Quotation: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.” –Ambrose Bierce

    “There are two kinds of marriages: where a husband quotes the wife, and where the wife quotes the husband.” –Clifford Odets

    “You can tell a really wonderful quote by the fact that it’s attributed to a whole raft of wits.” –Anna Quindlen

    “I have made it a rule that whenever I say something stupid, I immediately attribute it to Dr. Johnson, Marcus Aurelius or Dorothy Parker.” –George Mikes

    “That woman speaks eighteen languages and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them.” –Dorothy Parker

    “You can always depend on children to quote you correctly, especially when it’s something you shouldn’t have said.” –Evan Esar

    “I can’t see what Jack Warner [Warner Bros. movie mogul] can do with an Oscar – it can’t say Yes.” –Al Jolson

    :

     
    • calmkate 2:05 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I must remind myself not to eat whilst reading your posts … I nearly choked to death!

      Those women look far more sexy in those slinky dresses than most gals these days in next to nothing!

      … see you at 8.30, I don’t want to miss anything 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 9:00 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        I’m kind of partial to “next to nothing” (especially when I’m next to my wife when she’s wearing nothing), Kate — not that I have anything against sexy women in slinky dresses. 😉

        As for “see you at 8:30,” I don’t know what time zone you’re in, but in 45 minutes it’ll be 12 hours since I posted this post (note the time at the top of this post). Can you guess my time zone?

        Liked by 1 person

        • calmkate 10:14 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink

          no idea, I though the states?

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 11:41 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink

          Eastern Standard (Eastern Daylight) time.
          BTW, I neglected to apologize for causing you to nearly choke to death. That would’ve been hard for me to swallow, knowing that my puns are killers (I thought the worst they might do is make some readers ill).

          Like

    • rawgod 3:32 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I can agree with phrase one of this quote, “There are two kinds of marriages: where a husband quotes the wife, and where the wife quotes the husband.” –Clifford Odets, but my take on the rest of it is, “those that end indivorce, or those that end in death.” Which is your preference?

      As for the A.A. Milne quote, I can truthfully say my fafourite person to quote is myself. That way, if I misquote myself, it is not a misquote, but merely a change of time.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 9:28 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        I’ll have to take a paincheck on choosing between those two alternatives, as I’ve never experienced either one.(though I suspect that avoiding the second would prove more difficult).

        I can’t disagree about your favorite person to quote, although I sometimes wonder if I was myself when I said what I said (in which case, the George Mikes quote might prove useful).

        Like

        • rawgod 11:40 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink

          Say it, own it, live with the consequences. It’s not really that hard.
          The main thing is be true to yourself. Say what you mean, mean what you say (maybe you can tell me who first said that?).
          If someone midreads you, or misinterprets you, that is beyond your control.
          The hard part is using sarcasm. You are purposely writing to mislead to make a point. Many readers, unfortunately including myself, miss sarcasm. We read it straight up. Then where do we go? My above quote about marrige/death/divorce is full of sarcasm, but can still be read straight up. Ooooohhh, wny do we write in the first place?
          Because we have to!

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 12:57 pm on August 29, 2020 Permalink

          I Don’t Know WHO FIRST SAID THAT — but I do know Who’s on first and I Don’t Know is on third….not to mention What’s on second. If you ask the name of the shortstop, I Don’t Give a Damn. The rest of That routine, I don’t remember. The rest of your comment: Thumb’s up!

          Like

        • rawgod 2:06 am on September 4, 2020 Permalink

          Funny, but Bud and Lou never once mentioned the right fielders’ name. Here is a good example, https://youtu.be/4t4PzWSLhqQ of them at their greatest. BTW, I know who is in right field, but I made them a promise never to reveal his name, so, I can’t tell ya.

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 7:46 am on September 4, 2020 Permalink

          Something tells me the right fielder’s name is Lefty. I hope Lefty’s right, or Something’s in big trouble!

          Like

    • Rivergirl 8:09 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Quotes about quotes … very circular, that. And you can’t beat Dorothy Parker!

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 9:32 am on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Agreed! If it weren’t for the fact that I’d be dead by now, I would love to have been within earshot of the Algonquin Round Table when Dorothy and her fellow wits had at each other.

        Liked by 1 person

    • tubularsock 1:33 pm on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Tubularsock has always found that a quotable quote carries no risk. So where’s the fun in that?
      Great post.

      Cheers.

      Liked by 5 people

      • mistermuse 3:23 pm on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        With some quotes, there’s the risk of an insight which may cause a reader to THINK (if he or she can stand the strain)….but granted, “where’s the fun in that?”
        Whatever the case, thanks for the “Great post” compliment, which is fun (for me, at any rate) to quote.

        Liked by 2 people

    • Susan 2:24 pm on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Good selection!

      Liked by 4 people

    • arekhill1 2:38 pm on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      “There are no stupid questions, just stupid people asking questions everybody else already knows the answer to.”

      Liked by 4 people

      • mistermuse 3:27 pm on August 29, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        ,,,,and then there’s Trump, who never asks questions, which is why he’s stupid (or, more accurately, ignorant).

        Like

    • Eliza 2:20 am on August 30, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      💕 Number 3 and 8 made me giggle.
      Thank you………….

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 8:49 am on August 30, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Number 3 is from Ambrose Bierce’s THE DEVIL’S DICTIONARY, which is definitely funnier than Webster’s Dictionary (although it’s much less ‘weighty’ than Webster’s….and takes up less room on the bookshelf too). 😉

        Liked by 1 person

    • magickmermaid 12:02 pm on August 30, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I was surprised that Lauren Bacall wasn’t in the video. Funny quotes! I think your own writing is extremely funny. (You may quote me.) 😀

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 6:11 pm on August 30, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, mm. I have to be funny as long as Trump is King — I mean, President — otherwise, I’d lose my sanity (and if Trump is any example of what becomes of a man, I certainly don’t want to lose my sanity).

        Liked by 1 person

    • Elizabeth 4:47 pm on August 30, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Can I quote you on that?

      Liked by 3 people

    • masercot 9:57 am on September 1, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      So, quotes about quotes?

      Shame on you!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 2:19 pm on September 1, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        It would be shame on me if I quoted Trump (& his supporters’) quotes about quotes, but I will only stoop so low.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Marietta Rodgers 11:35 am on September 2, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      You can absolutely depend on children repeating something you shouldn’t have said and constantly forgetting the things you want them to remember.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 2:58 pm on September 2, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Very true. The first part of your comment is reflected in a number of DENNIS THE MENACE cartoons (still appearing every day in the local newspaper) which show Dennis repeating discomfiting things his father or mother had said about people (now, in their presence). As for forgetting things, I find that to be more manifest in old age — at least, I personally DON’T REMEMBER it being a problem as a child!

        Liked by 2 people

  • mistermuse 12:00 am on April 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , humor quotes, , , , , , , Tina Fey, Virginia Woolf, ,   

    FOR YOU, MORE HUMOR 

    N’yuk-n’yuk-n’yuk! –Curly Howard, The Three Stooges

    April being NATIONAL HUMOR MONTH, I thought I’d humor you with humor-us woids of wisdom from some of my favorite humor-ists. I’d have begun with a self-sample, but thought it best to start on a higher plane — and who in comedic history soared higher than Curly when it comes to debonair comedy? So it is written that I must take second place in my own post (third, if you count comedienne Joan Rivers’ intro to my poem):

    THE DIVINE COMEDY CLUB

    Humor is God’s gift to all of us.
    –Joan Rivers

    Thank God for funny
    because seriously
    we could be
    dying out there.

    Being a comedian is a lonely occupation; you stand on the stage talking to yourself, being overheard by audiences. –Fred Allen

    Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn. –Irvin S. Cobb

    Humor is just another defense against the universe. –Mel Brooks

    When humor works, it works because it’s clarifying what people already feel. It has to come from someplace real. –Tina Fey

    Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. –Virginia Woolf

    Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. –W. C. Fields

    The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven. –Mark Twain

    Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. –Francis Bacon

    I don’t want to run for office; there’s already too many comedians in Washington. –Will Rogers

    Without a sense of humor, I don’t know how people make it. –Marlo Thomas

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    We close on an upbeat note from this laughing-at-life jazz great whose birthday is April 7:

     

     
    • Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC 12:13 am on April 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I love Will Rogers – and his is my fav among the quotes above. I clicked here expecting funnies, but finding the quotes was even better. Thanks for sharing.
      xx,
      mgh
      (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMORE dot com)
      ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
      “It takes a village to transform a world!”

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:42 am on April 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks for commenting, Madelyn. When searching for good quotes, it usually pays to look in Mr. Rogers’ neighborhood.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Mél@nie 3:22 am on April 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      MERCI, Mr Muse: you’ve made my mornin’… 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • linnetmoss 7:05 am on April 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      If there is no humor in heaven, I hope at least there is wit…

      Liked by 3 people

    • Garfield Hug 9:11 am on April 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      👍👍👍

      Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 11:15 am on April 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      As a dabbler in the humor field for some years now, Sr. Muse, the mystery of it to me is how nobody laughs at the same jokes. Some people love clever puns, others refuse to laugh unless they are watching an old lady being pushed down the stairs.

      Liked by 2 people

    • D. Wallace Peach 11:40 am on April 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Will Rogers always cracks me up. The Twain one is pretty evocative too. Thanks for the smiles. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 1:31 pm on April 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Some of the quotes (like Twain’s) aren’t exactly humorous, but are just as pungent (such as Bacon’s). Needless to say (so why am I saying it?), I like them all. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • Don Frankel 4:30 pm on April 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      “Look at yourself if you had a sense of humor..”

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 5:23 pm on April 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks for the clip, Don. Until I checked, I didn’t realize (or had forgotten) that this is a Rodgers & Hart song. In all honesty, though, Billie sounds to me like she was past her prime when she sang this. Too bad she didn’t record it when R & H wrote it back in 1937.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC 9:30 pm on April 8, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      FINALLY was home long enough to insert a link here from the Friday Funnies about writers.
      xx,
      mgh

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 10:59 pm on April 8, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks for the Friday Funnies link, Madelyn. I hope to get the work week off to a funny Monday start with my next post.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC 11:30 pm on April 8, 2017 Permalink

          I shall look forward to it – and you are most welcome for the link. Next time, drop it with your comment and I’ll move it up – meanwhile it will be there for anybody wanting a bit more humorous inspiration.
          xx,
          mgh

          Liked by 1 person

    • BroadBlogs 12:08 am on April 9, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      These are some insightful quotes on humor.

      Lately I’ve been looking at the political humor of Saturday Night Live and some of the other shows and thinking of them as court fools of old who spoke truth to power.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 6:17 am on April 9, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Nowadays we might think of them as speaking truth to TOWER (Trump Tower). 😦

        Like

    • Lavinia Ross 12:08 pm on April 9, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      That is a great Billie Holiday song!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 2:43 pm on April 9, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Agreed! Billie recorded that song (LAUGHING AT LIFE) June 1940, accompanied by such jazz greats as Teddy Wilson on piano and Lester Young on tenor sax.

        Liked by 1 person

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