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  • mistermuse 9:20 pm on July 12, 2020 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Age before beauty, , , , , rhyme   

    PRIME RHYME, NO FIB (AND THAT’S THE RIB) 

    How about something I’ve not done for some time:
    Post a post so sublime, it don’t do nothing but rhyme.
    If I chose prose that’s verbose — longer than a rose is not a nose —
    What woes ‘twould expose, such that who knows how big it grows?

    Thus I propose, pun in hand, to avoid overflows
    And sink to new lows, to the confusion of my foes.
    So, friends, meat my poems that may stop on a dime;
    Just remember this tickler: not all ribs are prime.

    I WILL ONLY STOOP SO LOW

    I don’t do windows;
    I don’t do lawns —
    But when I doo-doo,
    I do do johns.

    AGE BE FOR BEAUTY

    Bald is beautiful —
    Or, so they say —
    But my head is only
    Bald half-way.

    Thus, I look forward,
    The more I age,
    To looking better
    At every stage.

    POST MORT ‘EM

    The world, it go to pot;
    Life literate is shot.
    O, woe is my bon mot….
    Bon mort, and thanks a lot!

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     
  • mistermuse 9:13 am on May 17, 2020 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , One Morning In May, Pied Pipers, rhyme,   

    MAY DAYS 

    What do you say — may I interest you in the music of May? You see, I haven’t posted for a spell, but I don’t think I want to disturb a single brain cell — though I fear somewhere in my sphere the strain’s already rung a bell, as near I can tell. So, before I go too far, let’s get to the tunes, most of which may be before your time….but at least you won’t have to suffer (much) more of my rhyme.

    I’ll start with two versions of my favorite May song, the first sung by the great Mel Tormé:

    This second (and earlier) version is by British crooner Al Bowlly, who was tragically killed in a German air raid on London during WW II:

    Now, let’s see — where are we? Oh, yes — we’re….

    Let us say ‘fini’ appropriately:

     
    • Ashley 11:05 am on May 17, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Another cracking post. Mel Torme…sooo smooth! Ever heard of Matt Munroe? He had a voice like that. Al Bowlly….. my Granny loved him! And Michael Buble….brilliant! I’ve never heard of the Pied Pipers but for some reason, the picture reminded me of Ben Lyons & Bebe Daniels….!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 11:44 am on May 17, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you, Ashley. Yes, I’ve heard of — and heard — Matt Munroe. I don’t own any of his albums, but I do own a ton of Al Bowlly and Mel Tormé albums, as well as two of the Pied Pipers (they were voted top vocal group of the mid-to-late 1940s in the annual Downbeat and Metronome magazines polls, surpassing even the very popular Mills Brothers and Ink Spots).

        Liked by 3 people

        • Ashley 10:56 am on May 24, 2020 Permalink

          You may not have registered my comment about Ben & Bebe Lyons. It was a radio show here in the UK.

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 12:58 pm on May 24, 2020 Permalink

          Thanks for the clarification, Ashley. Yes, I heard of old-time American movie stars Ben Lyon and Bebe Daniels (his wife), but I couldn’t relate them with the Pied Pipers picture, so I let it pass. I also didn’t know they had a radio show “here in the UK” — which tells me why your Granny loved Brit Al Bowlly!

          Liked by 1 person

    • Carmen 1:18 pm on May 17, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I think my favourite was the Pied Piper piece. . it would have been a great dance tune! (Nice to see the inclusion of a Canuck!)

      Liked by 2 people

    • arekhill1 4:14 pm on May 17, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      How do you get a handle like “The Velvet Fog” anyway? Sounds like a name for a whiskey, not a singer.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 6:24 pm on May 17, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        A disc jockey gave him that nickname in honor of his smooth vocal style (the disc jockey may have been under the influence of whiskey at the time, but in any case, the name stuck).

        Liked by 1 person

    • Rivergirl 5:23 pm on May 17, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      May I just say… well done.
      😊

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 6:34 pm on May 17, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        You May indeed, Rg….and just to show my appreciation, I’m going to resist the temptation you say you’re well done yourself. Not that you’re not well done, but….maybe I’d better quit while I’m ahead (or am I?). 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        • Rivergirl 6:47 pm on May 17, 2020 Permalink

          At this point in my life? I’d say I’m approaching medium well.
          😉

          Liked by 2 people

        • mistermuse 8:21 pm on May 17, 2020 Permalink

          The best I can say for myself is that I’m well preserved (and that may be stretching it).

          Like

        • Carmen 9:03 pm on May 17, 2020 Permalink

          Well preserved or well pickled? 😉

          Liked by 2 people

    • obbverse 5:33 pm on May 17, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      The change of the seasons has been an inspiration since forever. I too, never heard of the Pied Pipers. Strange how some very popular acts of the day just don’t have ‘legs.’

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 6:47 pm on May 17, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        It is said that Fame is fickle, but it’s probably more accurate to say that Fame is selectively fickle. Most entertainers of lasting fame probably deserve it, but IMHO, many others deserve it but don’t have it.

        Liked by 1 person

    • calmkate 7:40 pm on May 17, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      enjoyed the pied pipers, and like their name! But michael wins hands down, what a voice!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 8:13 pm on May 17, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        We’ll have to agree to disagree on this one. Mel is the man!

        Liked by 1 person

        • calmkate 8:54 pm on May 17, 2020 Permalink

          na crooners leave me cold Michael .. wow!

          Liked by 2 people

        • mistermuse 11:15 pm on May 17, 2020 Permalink

          Kate, I don’t know where you got the idea that Mel is a crooner. He is first and foremost a jazz-influenced singer (even when he sings ballads). And when he sings straight jazz – well, judge for yourself:

          Liked by 2 people

    • Don Ostertag 11:49 pm on May 17, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Those who are unfamiliar with Mel Torme, the great one, probably never watched Night Court on TV either. And the Pied Pipers, great on their own or backing up Frank Sinatra in his Dorsey Years. And out of that group came Jo Stafford, one of the best ‘girl singers’ ever.
      Al Bowelly, so sad.
      And then you even got my second favorite stunt man, Yakima.
      Nice mixture.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 8:40 am on May 18, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, Don. I couldn’t agree more about Jo Stafford. And if there has ever been a better and more unforgettable name in movie history than Yakima Canutt, I don’t remember it. 😉

        Liked by 2 people

    • masercot 8:29 am on May 18, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I tried to play Torme and Bowlly at the same time but they did NOT synchronize…

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 9:13 am on May 18, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        There aren’t too many jazz-influenced singers (like Tormé) and crooners (like Bowlly) I can think of who “synchronize” — unless they’re combined in one man, like the YOUNG (late 1920s-early 1930s) Bing Crosby. However, if it’s synchronization you want, try playing two orchestras’ versions of the same song at the same time, like the sophisticated Spike Jones

        and jazz man Duke Ellington

        Liked by 2 people

    • annieasksyou 10:26 am on May 18, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Your guided May tour was very pleasing, of course—

      But not quite as much as Mel’s Ella scat de force!

      Liked by 2 people

    • Silver Screenings 2:45 pm on May 18, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I love the (new to me) Pied Piper version! Thanks for sharing it.

      Liked by 2 people

  • mistermuse 12:00 am on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Bunk Johnson, Dyngus Day, , I'm A Ding Dong Daddy From Dumas, , , Lowdown Blues, Mississippi John Hurt, Monday Morning Blues, New Orleans jazz, rhyme,   

    LOWDOWN MONDAY MORNING BLUES 

    I don’t know how many jazz fans I have among my readers — or, for that matter, how many blues buffs I have among my jazz fans — but just between me and you (no matter how few), today I’m in a LOWDOWN and BLUE musical mood. To my non-jazz followers tried and true, you’re welcome to listen in too….with no apologies due if you decide to bid me adieu ’til my next post’s in view.

    So, without further ado, here’s the LOWDOWN — BLUES, that is, played by a legendary New Orleans jazz man….and that’s no Bunk (I beg your pardon: it is Bunk) :

    For my next selection this Monday morning, what else but the….

    Some blues songs are a bit dirty, but I offer one that will leave you cleaner than a flushed toilet with a clogged drain….and, it’s conveniently in the same room:

    Today is Easter Monday which, I’m sure you’re aware, is also DYNGUS DAY, which is big in Poland. Other than that, I don’t know a dang thingus about Dyngus, so I checked it out and found that it’s celebrated like St. Patrick’s Day is in Ireland, with drinking, parades, drinking, parties, drinking, dancing, and drinking. Of course, the Poles are open all night on Dyngus Day, so I’d like to close with a song apropos for the occasion — but unlike St. Patrick’s Day, I can’t show a Dyngus song because I don’t know a Dyngus song. Luckily, a melodious American opus will serve the purpose if we substitute DYNGUS for DUMAS:

    Just between us, I thinkest that’s the dangest Dyngus/Dumas anyone could sing us to bring us to the finus. Thank goodness for Louis.

     
    • Garfield Hug 1:11 am on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I learnt something new from your mistermuse – Dyngus! I did not know you are in Poland. I am sorry you are feeling blue. Cheer up….Garfield, my inanimate furball send you the “highs” to blow away the Monday blues!! Take care and stay safe.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 9:02 am on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Sorry if I gave you the impression I’m in Poland, G.H. — I’m not. There are a few towns named Poland here in the USA, but I’m not in any of those either. One of those towns is in the state of Maine, where a certain follower of this blog lives, but probably not in that town….and it wouldn’t be Pole-ite to ask.

        Take care, and give Garfield a “high-five” for me.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Garfield Hug 6:39 am on April 16, 2020 Permalink

          Garfield gave a “high-five” back at you. I appreciated the advice you gave me for my dad. It does seem to be vertigo, although his blood pressure was really high. He is back in hospital again. Sigh.

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 8:39 am on April 16, 2020 Permalink

          Over the years, I’ve lost my mom, dad, and only (and younger) sibling, so I can relate to what you’re going through, GH. If people can’t have empathy for each other in times like this, when can they?

          Take care.

          Like

    • calmkate 2:44 am on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      not feelin blue coz the sun is shinin … but any jazz is acceptable! Great selection Mr M 🙂

      How can anyone feel blue jivin to that ❤

      Liked by 3 people

    • blindzanygirl 3:14 am on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Ah! Wonderful.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Rivergirl 8:20 am on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Love the blues, especially on scratchy old records. Excellent choices… I was unfamiliar with the bath water, fun!
      It is wrong to say Happy Dyngus? It seems like it should be.
      😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:28 am on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        I’m not sure what Dyngus is, RG, but it sounds like a word one shouldn’t use in Pole-ite company. Anyone who has a dyngus is probably well advised to keep it private except on special occasions.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, Another Blogger 8:42 am on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Hi. The Armstrong recording is funny. Somewhere he mentions that he forgot the words. Hardly matters!

      Neil Scheinin

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:41 am on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        You’re right, Neil — but just for the “record,” the words are scrolled across the bottom of this clip, starting about 35 seconds in:

        There are additional lyrics and many other renditions of this song on youtube, in case anyone’s interested.

        Liked by 1 person

    • D. Wallace Peach 10:24 am on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Happy Dyngus Day, although no partying and parading outside the house. Thanks for the musical Monday. Stay well and have a lovely week. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 11:55 am on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        You’re welcome, Diana. Take care, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do (especially since I’m getting too old to do much anyway). 😉

        Liked by 1 person

    • summerhilllane 11:46 am on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you for sharing this incredible music. I enjoyed it and this surprises me because I don’t usually like Jazz music. I like Blues sometimes. Guess I have the Monday morning blues. Much love.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 10:30 pm on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks for your comment, which I approved hours ago, but it disappeared into cyberspace until suddenly appearing here a little while ago. Glad you enjoyed the music.

        Liked by 1 person

    • annieasksyou 2:02 pm on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I thoroughly enjoyed this bluesy quartet, especially because it’s a rainy, blowsy day outside. Tuba Skinny (an oxymoron?) was unknown to me, so a special thank you for that.

      As a lover—and occasionally shameless creator of—bad puns, I am most appreciative of your narration/responses as well.

      Liked by 1 person

    • scifihammy 2:52 pm on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      You got us all a-foot tapping here, Mr Muse! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    • Elizabeth 4:45 pm on April 14, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Don’t know about Dyngus Day, but it sure reminded me of “My Ding-a-Ling” with Chuck Berry who I had the delight of seeing perform it in Harlem in 1966.

      Liked by 1 person

    • annieasksyou 8:00 pm on April 14, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I thought the first “can” was deliberate, so I riffed on a fine Presidential slogan.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:30 pm on April 14, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, Annie — I didn’t even notice it until you pointed it out….but now that you mention it, I can(‘t) honestly say that my “can” was an improvement over the “can’t” I’d intended to say.

        Liked by 1 person

    • masercot 6:02 am on April 17, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      John Hurt’s piece shows that fifties rock and roll was taken from blues guitar…

      Liked by 1 person

    • Silver Screenings 10:02 pm on May 4, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Ah, it’s been too long since I’ve listened to the blues. Thanks for this!

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:00 am on April 7, 2020 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: blogosphere, food for thought, , , irrationality, , power, rationality, reason, rhyme, SNAFU, The Enlightenment,   

    A HELLUVA WAY TO RUN A WORLD 

    “This is a helluva way to run a railroad.” –from a 1906 speech by Leonor F. Loree, railroad executive, to a committee of creditors who asked him to take charge of the Kansas City Southern Railroad, which was described as two streaks of rust; its engines lost steam; the men were disheartened; and the stations were shacks.

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Since first said in 1906, the above quote has famously become a catchphrase for the high-and-mighty mentality of any commercial, governmental, military, or other top-down entity operating in a fashion oblivious to SNAFU (Situation Normal, All Fucked Up). I (and maybe you too) have had occasion to view SNAFU close-up and personal, having served as a draftee in the military and as a 30-year “soldier” in the corporate milieu before retiring to savor domestic life anew (and rue honey-do). But at least I’m the boss of my own blog (though still at the mercy of invisible forces somewhere out there in the blogosphere).

    Anyway, being of a philosophical bent, this got me to thinking about helluva railroads and SNAFU, writ LARGE –as in, dude: how did this whole woebegone world come to be so SNAFUed? Do we have a clue? Perhaps a few of us do.

    It’s a story we can’t stop telling ourselves. Once, humans were benighted by superstition and irrationality, but then the Greeks invented reason. Later, the Enlightenment enshrined rationality as the supreme value. Discovering that reason is the defining feature of out species, we named ourselves the “rational animal.” But is this flattering story rational? From sex and music to religion and war, irrationality makes up the greater part of human life and history. –from a reference to IRRATIONALITY (subtitled A HISTORY OF THE DARK SIDE OF REASON), a book by Justin E. H. Smith, a professor of history and the philosophy of science.

    Well, if that isn’t food for thought, I don’t know what is. The problem, of course, is what it has always been: those most in need of reflecting on and applying such appraisal to oneself wouldn’t be caught dead doing so. It’s Greek to them. The Trumps of the world live in their own little world where big money talks….and it speaks power.

    Oh well. So much for funny money.

     

     
    • obbverse 12:28 am on April 7, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      The world is mad. I tell ya- mad, its mad mad mad. Powerful mad.

      Liked by 2 people

    • calmkate 12:47 am on April 7, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      we spell SNAFU differently here down under, it’s spelt STUFFED …

      Liked by 2 people

    • masercot 5:18 am on April 7, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      It’s post-modernism in its grossest form…

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 8:40 am on April 7, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        My post makes no apologies (except for subjecting readers to the inclusion of His Grossness near the end).

        Liked by 1 person

        • masercot 9:13 am on April 7, 2020 Permalink

          Remember when the right-wing accused their opponents of trying to make reality flexible? Little did we know that they’d actually be the ones doing that…

          Liked by 2 people

        • mistermuse 9:28 am on April 7, 2020 Permalink

          “Flexible” is a very charitable word for the right-wing’s appropriation of reality.

          Liked by 3 people

    • Rivergirl 8:14 am on April 7, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      SNAFU times 2!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 8:52 am on April 7, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        ….as in Doublemint gum on one’s shoes (sorry about that — I searched my sole, but was stuck for a better reply).

        Liked by 2 people

        • Rivergirl 8:54 am on April 7, 2020 Permalink

          I’d insult your reply, but that would make me a heel. A sticky situation at best…

          Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 9:30 am on April 7, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      😉

      Like

    • magickmermaid 11:03 am on April 7, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Hell in a hand basket to be sure! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 5:50 pm on April 7, 2020 Permalink | Reply

    • mistermuse 6:16 pm on April 7, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I see that I commented on that January post, Ricardo, but unfortunately no space alien has subsequently come to take Trump back to his home planet for experiments, as I hoped (probably scared off by the coronavirus outbreak, which Trump was ignoring at the time).

      Liked by 1 person

    • Elizabeth 4:49 pm on April 8, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I suppose those are the stimulus checks floating down to appease us and distract from the insanity.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 6:39 pm on April 8, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Everything Trump says or “floats” is either about him, or is something he does to turn things to his advantage. I have no doubt he will tout the stimulus checks accordingly.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Elizabeth 4:49 pm on April 9, 2020 Permalink

          He will probably sign them himself.

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 5:33 pm on April 9, 2020 Permalink

          ….and the checks will probably have his face imprinted on them (giving BAD checks a whole new meaning!).

          Like

    • GP Cox 6:58 am on April 10, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      People keep saying they admire the Greatest Generation, in this world-wide predicament, they can try to emulate them, rather than sit back and find things to complain about.
      They can’t make movies like ‘It’s a Mad, mad, Mad World’ – the actors would want too much money, plus a percentage of the profits.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:51 am on April 10, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        It seems to be mostly young people (teens & 20s) and evangelicals who are disregarding the “rules” and doing their own thing. Young people have always thought they’re invincible, but evangelicals should know better….actually, deep down they probably do, but under the spell of the Falwells and Rick Warrens of the world, they suspend belief in everything but what they’re misled to believe.

        As for “Mad World,” no doubt you’re right. It probably had more stars than any other film in movie history (most of them in cameo appearances), including Spencer Tracy, Mickey Rooney, Ethel Merman, Sid Caesar, etc. — many of them all but forgotten today.

        Liked by 1 person

    • moorezart 12:10 pm on April 10, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Reblogged this on From 1 Blogger 2 Another.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Silver Screenings 5:04 pm on April 12, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I always forget how many big stars were in this film. It was a truly ambitious undertaking in so many ways.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:23 am on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        It’s a pretty good film, but I think it should’ve been better. It was director Stanley Kramer’s first attempt at comedy, and despite some good scenes, the unevenness shows. I’d rate it about a 7 out of 10.

        Liked by 1 person

    • blindzanygirl 3:28 am on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      And the world gets madder and madder each day!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 2:35 pm on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        I couldn’t agree more, Lorraine….especially when you think how much better it could be if more countries had better leaders. Trump has been an absolute disaster for the US, and no doubt your country is hurting for lack of competent, humane leadership, as well….while the rest of us pay the price for their arrogance and bungling.

        Sorry this reply is such a downer. Hopefully we’ll survive this epidemic and live to elect leaders worthy of their calling.

        Liked by 1 person

        • blindzanygirl 3:05 pm on April 13, 2020 Permalink

          Don’t worry about it being a downer Mistermuse. We have to say it as it is. I’m all for that. I don’t know how any of us are going to get out of this mess but I bet once we have, there will be another one waiting around the corner. How are all our Leaders going to deal with the Recession that we are going to get? Hmmm.

          Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:20 pm on April 13, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Good attitude, Lorraine. As for handling the recession-to-come, I don’t know about your country, but I have no confidence whatsoever in Trump. It would be hard enough for a competent, caring President, much less an incompetent, self-serving narcissist like Trump.

      Like

    • Carol A. Hand 6:21 pm on April 16, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      It’s a mad world, indeed, Mister Muse. Thought you might appreciate a bit of musical humor about these times, created by Don Caron from the Parody Project:

      Battle Hymn of the Republic – Revised for Relevance (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eR0ckpJ3bk);

      The Ballad of New Orleans (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YB11scadABg)

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:04 am on October 7, 2019 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , Bald Is Beautiful, , clip joint, corruption, , hair loss, haircut, , , Lost Horizon, , quid pro quo, rhyme, Rudy Giuliani, ,   

    BALD AND FREE — HOW CAN THAT BE? (subtitle: The Bald And The Beautiful) 

    Nothing makes a woman feel as old as watching the bald spot increase on the top of her husband’s head. –Helen Rowland

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Oct. 7 is BALD AND FREE DAY, but personally, I’m not sure what one has to do with the other. I’m mostly bald, all right, but how free is a married man like me? Of course, I’m just kidding — my wife lets me out of my cage for an hour a week, even though I keep getting balder….and making her feel older. Maybe I shouldn’t be using that hour to get a haircut.

    HEADLONG RETREAT

    As the years go by, my barber
    Takes less and less time with my hair
    Which only serves to remind me
    That there’s less and less of it there.

    To be sure, I’m not the only one whose predicament may become a hair-raising experience:

    That gave me a headache just watching it. If only I could trust the dubious ads that involve spending my moo-lah to get to the root of the problem, I might risk springing for mo-hair….but snake oil aside, there must be a less painful way to restore a Lost Hairy zone:

    Hmm. I wonder whether that great humanit-hairian, Donald Trump, would mind parting with some of his spare hair if I could dig up some skullduggery by his political opponents? For example, much corruption has been reported in the Caribbean nation of Hairti — and it’s surely a lock that all of the Democratic Presidential contenders are involved. All I’d have to do is send my nosey friend, Fruity Giuliani, there on behalf of our Pres with a quid pro-boscis that the Pres of Hairti can’t ignore.

    On second thought, if Agent Orange went to my head, my wife might think I’m losing it along with my hair. I might as well keep to my cage, skip my weekly trip to the clip joint, and try to console myself that, after all is said and done….

    Now, if I can only convince my wife.

     
  • mistermuse 9:40 am on August 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Hickory dickory dock, , , , , rhyme,   

    THE ART OF BAD POETRY 

    Oscar Wilde quote: “All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling.” Maybe so, but you can’t blame a guy for trying.

    A few days ago, in pondering the possibility of posting a post of putrid poetry for BAD POETRY DAY (August 18th), I took the precaution of reviewing a decade (my blog began in 2009) of August posts to make sure I hadn’t previously perpetrated poetic perfidy on unsuspecting readers on this day. Unluckily for you , I found that I’ve never posted a post on Aug. 18, so we’re good to go….make that, I’m good to go. Or bad to go. You have to stay, because if you don’t, you’ll break my poor art — and that wouldn’t be polite.

    Perhaps you think that my calling bad poetry an art
    doesn’t pass the smell test, like calling passing gas a fart.

    Not to put you on the spot, but was that a bad-ass poem, or what?
    Granted, it has a perfect rhyme, but is that such a crime?
    As bad poetry, I still say it’s sublime….speaking of which, I’ll have you know there are actually high-class contests to determine how low a bad poem can get, such as:

    With that behind us, it’s time we get back to sum-more of my cool august poetry:

    CLOCKING OUT

    Hickory, dickory, dock,
    The doc ran up the rock.
    The rock was more slippery
    Than doc’s hickory dickory,
    So down he fell, which cleaned his clock.

    HAIR APPARENT

    A Whig party wig
    Is my saving grace —
    It diverts your gaze
    Away from my face.

    I WILL ONLY STOOP SO LOW

    I don’t do windows,
    I don’t do lawns —
    But when I doo-doo,
    I do do johns.

    And with that, I bid you a fond adieu-doo.

     

     
    • Carmen 10:20 am on August 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      • she chuckles *

      Of course you know I’ll have to offer my favourite poem (by Sheree Fitch, of Nova Scotia)

      TOES IN MY NOSE

      I stuck my toes in my nose and couldn’t get them out
      It looked a little strange and people began to shout
      “Why would you ever?”
      “My goodness I never!”
      They got in a terrible snit.

      “It’s simple” I said, as they put me to bed –
      “I just wanted to see if they FIT!”

      Liked by 4 people

      • mistermuse 10:45 am on August 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you for that beautiful bad poem, Carmen. It calls to mind this golden oldie:

        You’re a poet
        though you don’t know it
        but your feet show it —
        they’re Longfellows.

        HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

        Liked by 2 people

    • equipsblog 11:29 am on August 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Your last poem is so bad it’s actually good.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:46 am on August 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      To quote the late author and critic D.B. Wyndham Lewis, “There is bad Bad Verse and good Bad Verse.” Hopefully he would have agreed with you that my last poem fits the latter category.

      Like

    • Rivergirl 1:22 pm on August 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      When it comes to bad… you’re very good.

      Liked by 1 person

    • D. Wallace Peach 1:48 pm on August 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Chelsea Owens here on WP runs a weekly terrible poetry contest that is a total hoot. Much in line with the rhymes you posted. Lol. If you ever need a laugh in these dark days of Trump, there are plenty of bad poets willing to share their terribleness. 😀 Thanks for the clip about intolerable moo too.

      Liked by 1 person

    • calmkate 7:20 pm on August 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Only you could pull off bad poetry with such aplomb!

      Liked by 1 person

    • obbverse 7:21 pm on August 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Always a pleasure to read bad poetry- or so my proof reader tells me. Seriously, it is a pleasure to read. No doubt you’re aware of William McGonagle, the high/low mark of all bad poets He tried so hard to write well, in his so earnest po-faced way. That makes it all the more hilarious.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:12 pm on August 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks. McGonagall had this in common with all bad poets: he was clueless that his poetry was bad. Still, I don’t mean that uncharitably — bad poets ‘gotta live too,’ and for all I know, maybe it keeps many of them out of trouble (although we all know a certain very bad tweeter who makes a lot of trouble for others).

        Like

    • America On Coffee 2:36 am on August 22, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I kind of like bad poetry. Composition charisma is what it has. 💕

      Liked by 1 person

    • magickmermaid 12:04 pm on August 22, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Hooray for bad poetry! Groaning 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    • barkinginthedark 4:17 am on August 26, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      oy!
      oh boy!
      hoy hoy floy floy
      i may just be the hoi polloi
      but i really truly did enjoy.

      continue…

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:00 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: bucket truck, feet, Footloose and Fancy Free, , kick the bucket, , one foot in the grave, , , rhyme, Richard Himber Orchestra (Stuart Allen vocal), , song,   

    ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOT TALK? 

    When I was young, I never thought about getting old (a stage of life known as having one foot in the grave — almost curtains). So, having two feet in the grave was the last thing on my mind. Now I’m a senior citizen, and I’m still not ready to kick the bucket, but my feet are killing me like I am about to kick bucket — or, with my luck it (this bucket) kicks me:

    Foot cramps, ingrown toenails, fungus among-us, smelly feet (you know this from my last post) — it’s like I got my feet at the Bad Feet Store. You name it, my feet are treating me like a heel. Don’t laugh — someday you may walk in my shoes, and then you’ll know the agony of de feet and be the sole of remorse for not seeing fit to empathize. But I guess you’ll cross that footbridge when you come to it.

    Having retired from a desk job, I didn’t spend most of my life upon my feet, so my tootsies aren’t letting me down because of being mistreated. Likewise, I’ve seldom, if ever, worn high heels (I may have BEEN a heel a time or two, but that’s a different story). I don’t know — maybe I’m finally footing the bill for writing such poems as this:

    All humans have more than one foot,
    Unless one has less than two.
    One can trust I count two on me —
    More or less, can one count on you?

    Groan. I guess my days of being this are over:

     

     

     
    • Paul Sunstone 1:35 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I was forced to forward your post to the proper authorities on the grounds it was exceeding the legal pun limit.

      Liked by 4 people

    • calmkate 7:17 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      how footuitous that you have both feet in the grave, are down in the heel and obviously in need of a swift shoe up the posterior IMHO 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 9:36 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Fortunately, I only have one foot in the grave, calmkate. When I have two feet in the grave, I won’t be replying to your comments (or anyone else’s, for that matter). 🙂

        BTW, “one foot in the grave” is an expression which dates back to the 17th century, which makes it almost as old as I am. It means ‘near death’ (like most of my puns).

        Liked by 1 person

        • calmkate 8:47 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink

          had no idea the term or you were so prehistoric, nice chatting with a dinosaur 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

    • masercot 8:23 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      “You need feet, to stand up straight with,
      You need feet, to kick your friends,
      You need feet, to keep your socks up,
      And stop your legs from, fraying at the ends.” – “You Need Feet” Edwin Carp

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 9:43 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Not to Carp, masercot, but did you have to come up with a poem that’s more better than mine in the post (not that difficult to do, I admit)? But I appreciate it, nonetheless. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • rivergirl1211 8:24 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      My name is River… and I have bunions. Don’t get me started on feet! My issues started when I was 40 and that’s just not fair!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 9:51 am on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        I wish I could tell you a cure, River, but when it comes to bunions, I don’t know my onions. I can only hope that these punions are so bad, they make you forget your bunions for a while.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Richard A Cahill 12:08 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      It’s living in Ohio that’s hurting your wheels, Sr. Muse. Move to a warmer clime, like I’ve lived in most of my life, and liberate those tootsies from the confines of shoes at, least nights and on weekends. Flip-flops never gave anybody bunions.

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 2:47 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Unfortunately, a move to a warmer clime isn’t in my foreseeable future, Ricardo, but if I can just hang around for another century or so, global warming will have moved to me, thereby saving me the trouble.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Elizabeth 4:03 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      My sympathy. We have frequent user discounts at the podiatrist!

      Liked by 2 people

    • magickmermaid 6:43 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      A great post and a toe-tapper of a tune! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 10:43 pm on March 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Glad you liked both. The composer of the tune was Carmen Lombardo, brother of Guy Lombardo. He was the lead saxophonist in Guy’s orchestra, which you may remember because it was one of the most popular dance bands of all time for many years.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Silver Screenings 9:49 am on March 23, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      The song you posted, “Footloose and Fancy Free”, is a great start to the day. Thanks for that!

      And thanks for the Bucket Truck video – I mean it. It’s fascinating! Now I want to ride in one.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 10:48 pm on March 23, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Glad you enjoyed both the song and the Bucket Truck video, which I was lucky to stumble upon as a good fit for this post. Some amusement park should come up with a version of the Bucket Trucks for a kids’ ride (including us adult kids)!

        Liked by 1 person

    • equipsblog 5:51 pm on April 6, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I’d hate to foot the bill for this entertaining post, because if we have to pay by the pun, it’s very expensive.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 7:06 pm on April 6, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        I see that the latest post on your blog is titled “ImPUNity” (my caps) — a pun so bad that I should probably pay you. But by recommending that my readers check out your blog, suppose we call it even. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:31 pm on April 6, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Actually, “Its” is pronounced “Itz”….but it’s the pits in both cases, so I’ll call it a night before I get in any deeper. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:01 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Auguste Rodin, Bessie Smith, , , NO BRAINER DAY, poet, President, , Rene Descarte, rhyme, , , , thought, ,   

    NO BRAINER DAY 

    I think, therefore I am. –René Descartes 
    I overthink, therefore I post.
    –mistermuse

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Lately, I’ve been burning too much mental energy cooking up posts to roast Trump (e.g., I almost said toast rump); the heat is turning my face red and giving me the thinking blues:

    Frankly, friends, I think I need to cool it before the strain becomes a drain on my brain and gives me a pain. Fortunately, Feb. 27 is NO BRAINER DAY — a perfect day to post a post which requires little or no thinking. But before you Trump reprobates snidely ask how that would make this post any different from my previous posts, answer me this: how much thought do you think The Donald gives his tweets? Even a smart-ask Trumpite should allow that mistermuse be entitled to one day of devoting the same paucity of gray matter to his post that your Orange Oligarch devotes to his tweets every day.

    With that in mind, I’m giving the rest of this tome over to posting what others thought when they thought about thinking/not thinking. Do I think their thinking will make you think you’re thinking what I’m thinking about thinking/not thinking? Just a thought.

    So, let’s get quoting before I change my mind and start thinking again:

    I think that I think; therefore, I think I am. –Ambrose Bierce

    [I think that I think, therefore] I yam what I yam. –Popeye the Sailor Man

    There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking. –Thomas Edison

    Ours is an age which is proud of machines that think, and suspicious of men who try to. –Howard Mumford Jones

    The best way [for a woman] to win a man is to make him think you think as much of him as he does. –Evan Esar

    In America, we say what we think, and even if we can’t think, we say it anyhow. –Charles F. Kettering

    In closing, did you know Rodin’s THE THINKER was originally called THE POET:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Thinker

    I happen to know that THE POET didn’t appreciate the name change, thus this reaction:

    Mused The Poet to a passing skunk,
    “What good is being called The Thinker?
    To some day convey the aura of a President,
    It should Don the wrap, like you, of The Stinker.”

     

     

     
    • calmkate 12:20 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Kettering says it best … take deep breaths, calm down … your blood pressure is thru the roof young man ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 1:39 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I think what Kettering said applies more to Trump and his supporters, Kate. How does one calm down so long as such a dangerously immoral man remains in power? Call me overly concerned, but Like Popeye (and Trump), “I yam what I yam.”

      Like

      • Yeah, Another Blogger 9:06 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        I’m with you on Trump. He stinks up the joint.

        Neil Scheinin

        Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 9:51 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink

          You got that right, Neil. The most worrying thing is that the joint he stinks up is The White House.

          Correction: he stinks up the country, if not the whole world.

          Liked by 2 people

    • scifihammy 8:13 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I like Your quote. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    • rivergirl1211 9:18 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      You’ve given me a lot to think about there…

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:43 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        You go, rivergirl!

        On second thought, stay — I need all my brilliant, witty, adorable followers (and you too)! 🙂 🙂 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • mlrover 9:32 am on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I think, therefore I am. –René Descartes or I overthink, therefore I post. –mistermuse
      I like yours better.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 12:40 pm on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Manoloprofe, thank you for the like. I read your latest post about William Tell, but there appears to be no way to leave responses on your blog, so I’ll leave my response here:

      Like

    • Eliza 2:54 pm on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks for the smiles
      Happy Wednesday
      Love, light and glitter

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 6:39 pm on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks for the comment. I’ll take the love and the light, but leave the glitter to pop artists and Hollywood celebs who (apparently) can never have enough!

        Take care, and remember what Abe Lincoln said: “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • Richard A Cahill 10:46 pm on February 27, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I think you failed to write a trump-free post, Sr. Muse. As far as wishing not to abuse Trump in prose, been there, tried to do that, failed miserably myself. I feel your pain.

      Liked by 1 person

    • magickmermaid 7:41 pm on February 28, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      A very well-thought out post! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 7:50 pm on February 28, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I think so too, therefore I thank you! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • masercot 7:38 am on March 1, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I do love me some Bessie Smith…

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:48 pm on March 1, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Hopefully, there’s something here to please every reader (except Trump supporters, some of whom may know how to read, and happen upon this post).

        Liked by 1 person

    • Resa 8:34 pm on March 3, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Nice post! I like the Popeye “Yam am”
      Don’t hear much about Popeye, anymore. He’s too, anchored in the past. 😀
      My cat is named Jeep, after Eugene the Magical Jeep! True!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 10:57 pm on March 3, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Sorry to say, I’ve never heard of Eugene the Magical Jeep. However, I have heard of Puff the Magic Dragon, so I hope that counts for something! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Paul Sunstone 2:03 am on March 4, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I’ve come to believe that for most of us, “thinking” is not much different than exploring the insides of our boxes. The boxes our parents, teachers, peers, culture, etc. give us to play around inside of. Now and then, we make an important discovery. “The walls are brown!”

      Liked by 2 people

    • Susi Bocks 12:27 am on March 7, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I think I need to think about all this carefully. 😉 BTW, “I overthink, therefore I post.” Spot on, Mister Writer! I thoroughly enjoyed your mini-rant. May you be able to de-stress a bit.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Silver Screenings 11:08 am on March 7, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Hey, I didn’t know The Thinker was originally called The Poet. I always learn something when I come here.

      Also: I love the quote about our society being proud of machines that think, but distrustful of people who try to. Very well said.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:14 am on March 15, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks for the comment, SS — I thought I had replied before, but apparently I forgot. Apparently I need a machine that thinks for me, or at least remembers for me! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • kutukamus 2:20 am on March 15, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Now this ‘no-brainy’ is something to think over, really 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:16 am on June 29, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , rhyme, , vanity, virtue   

    LET US PRAY…. 

    that the malaise of Donald Trump’s moral vacuity
    doesn’t linger like a curse in oral (and worse) perpetuity
    so when his term on his bully stage is o’er, we
    see that our humanity (which his vanity tested sore-ly)
    has withstood base attacks based on our credulity,
    as we pray virtue is its own reward (virtus ipsa pretium sui).

     
    • Carmen 6:48 am on June 29, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Even this atheist would pray for that, mistermuse. But I can’t help but wonder if the Supreme Court is going to be the next bastion of the destructive Christian Right. It’s not looking good. 😦

      Liked by 4 people

      • mlrover 8:11 am on June 29, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        I’m Christian and can’t help but gag at the hypocrisy of groups like the CR and Moral Majority. They have no understanding of the Constitution which gives them the right to be bullies.

        Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 9:31 am on June 29, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        You got that Right, Carmen (sorry, I couldn’t resist a pun, even when the subject’s not fun).

        Liked by 1 person

    • D. Wallace Peach 1:10 pm on June 29, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Pretty soon Trump-supporters are going to start feeling the economic pain. (And it will be Obama’s fault, of course.)

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 5:20 pm on June 29, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        And in that case, Diana, you can count on most Trump supporters believing him (that it’s Obama’s fault).

        Liked by 1 person

    • Rosaliene Bacchus 1:44 pm on July 2, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Amen.
      Thanks for the follow 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • America On Coffee 4:48 am on July 4, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Prayer is the answer. There are no presidents or prime minister’s worldwide. The courts rule. The courts are misleading to form a one world gov thru the UN is the big possibility. Nice post.

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 8:59 am on July 4, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        A.O.C., the title of this post was meant figuratively rather than literally, but you’re free to take it literally if you wish. Deists, of which I am one, have a different “take” on prayer (for the ‘reason,’ click “World Union of Deists” under BLOGROLL (right column)….but take care, because it is said the devil is in the details. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • America On Coffee 3:58 pm on July 4, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      I understand. Consider still.– And, have a great day.

      Like

    • The Coastal Crone 10:54 pm on July 4, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      I like your style! Thanks for the visit to my humble blog!

      Liked by 2 people

  • mistermuse 12:17 pm on June 20, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: airplanes, aviation, , , rhyme, , slapstick, , ,   

    THE WRONG BROTHERS 

    Friends, as much as I have enjoyed telling you in recent posts of the inspiring exploits of The Wright Brothers, inventors of the aeroplane, things don’t always go the Wright way in this woebegone world. As we all know, friends, the best laid planes of mice and men oft go a-why? Shot down happens. But, ever looking for new girls–make that, new worlds–to conquer, mice and men are not deterred. Onward and upward! Winners never quit, etc.:

    But enough of such air-brained schemes. Let us put these proceedings on a higher plane:

    Yes, my friends, the moral of the story is when you hit a downer, don’t be a frowner; and when you hit a sour note, don’t let it get your goat. Never despair — there’s music in the air. Go for it!

     
    • arekhill1 12:39 pm on June 20, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      You could revive that first contraption on the newsreel, the flapping bicycle, and repurpose it as a new kind of exercise machine easily, Sr. Muse. But you won’t. I won’t either. It’s why neither of us is rich.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 3:42 pm on June 20, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        I got all shook up just watching some of those contraptions, Ricardo. It’s the first time I ever got ‘see-sick’ on dry land.

        Liked by 1 person

    • scifihammy 2:25 pm on June 20, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      It’s amazing men ever got airborne! 😀

      Liked by 2 people

    • calmkate 7:07 pm on June 20, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      lol love the humour, keep smiling 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 9:24 pm on June 20, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      If I’m not mistaken, “that kid” is Dean’s daughter Deana, who made a number of TV appearances with her father. She was born in 1948, so I’m guessing the video dates from the late 1950s.

      Like

    • Don Frankel 10:21 am on June 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Great stuff Muse. I remember these clips. I had a little trouble finding this one but it has my favorite early Aviator at the 56 second mark.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:07 pm on June 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        That “favorite early Aviator” segment is funnier than hell, Don. You can’t make stuff like that up (although The Three Stooges do a pretty good job of it).

        Like

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