WOR(L)D-WEARY

world-weary, adj. weary of this world; tired of living –THE WORLD BOOK DICTIONARY

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I may be world-weary — I am, after all, an octogenarian — but if I’m tired, it’s not due to old age, but to dislike of the state of the world under growing threat of authoritarianism from the likes of Vladimir Putin, Bibi Netanyahu, Donald Trump, etc. and their tens of millions of avid supporters. Did I say “dislike of”? Make that distressed and disgusted with the state of the world.

However, there is another world — the world of words and music (and a bit of wit) — of which I never tire, and it is that world which sustains my spirit and love of what makes for “a life that is worth living now as it was worth living in the former days, and that is the honest life, the useful life, the unselfish life, cleansed by devotion to an ideal.” –Henry Van Dyke

Of course, authoritarians also have a way with words — twisted words, contorted words, self-serving words, soul-stifling words. Why do millions take them at unexamined faith value? Are they incapable of thinking for themselves, of facing the words of those who have thought for themselves?

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” –Socrates
“The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.” –Helen Keller
“Accept nothing on my authority. Think, and be a lamp unto thyself.” –Buddha
“It is not true that life is one damn thing after another: it’s one damn thing over and over.” –Edna St. Vincent Millay
“The life of man in this world is like the life of a fly in a room filled with a hundred boys, each armed with a flyswatter.” –H. L. Mencken
“If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.” –Woody Allen

KNOW QUESTION ABOUT IT

July 22 is the birthday of, among others, the former long-time host of the popular game show JEOPARDY! If, like me, you’re a big fan of the show and therefore know I’m referring to the late Alex Trebek, I hope your response was in the form of a question, otherwise I have to question your bona fides….which of course is Latin for good fetish — and that would be a shame.

In any case, Trebek being a Canadian, I thought I’d observe his birthday with an appropriate song written during his lifetime. This one, set down in 1956, qualifies — here is a later rendition:

Our second July 22 birthday personality is a novelist whose best known book is THE OUTSIDERS, written in 1965 (when she was 16) and published in 1967. If you guessed Who is SUSAN E. HINTON? — guess what: you’re right….and don’t I know it!

Another Susie born on July 22 is the winner of 11 LPGA tournaments who was elected in 2022 into the World Golf Hall of Fame. If you said Who is Susie Bernin?, you’ve got more on the ball than I, whose idol when it comes to golf is this guy:

Happy birthday to all, and to all, a good Canadian Club night.

TONIGHT IS OXYMORON DAY

It is one minute after midnight, July 13, as this post is being published — which means that it is now OXYMORON DAY. The word “OXYMORON” — as most high class members of the hoi polloi know — is from the Greek oksus (“keen“) and moros (“stupid“), which apparently makes oxymoron itself an oxymoron. Sounds like Greek to me.

You may wonder who came up with this day. Would you believe no one seems to know….except, presumably, the anonymous (and possibly late, as in dead) Oxymoron Day perpetrator him-or-herself. So, if so inclined, you could claim that you did it, and no one (but you) would be the wisenheimer.

Many of us here in America consider an OXYMORON to be a supporter of Donald Trump (the taker-upper of all the oxygen in a room). For whatever reason, however, dictionaries (if you’d rather believe them) insist on defining OXYMORON as a figure of speech in which words of opposite meaning or suggestion are used together.…but what does dictionaries know? I, at least, know proper English.

In any case, the last thing I want to do is write a post about Donald Trump supporters, so I’ll go with the dictionary and celebrate the day with examples based on Webster’s take on OXYMORON:

Awfully good
Holy war
Civil war
Military intelligence
Unbiased opinion
Jumbo shrimp
True lies (a Trump fav)
Only choice
Old news
Airline food

In my OBJECTIVELY unbiased opinion, no such list would be complete without a few “Yogi-isms” (compliments of YOGI BERRA):

“Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.”
“It gets late early out there.”
“Pair up in threes.”
I’ll save the most famous Yogi-ism for the very end.

Meanwhile, I know at least half a dozen oxymoron songs, which I’ll pare down to three:

Oxymoron song #2 is a latter-day rendition of an ardent 1932 ballad:

And now I must be going:

“It ain’t over till it’s over.” –Yogi Berra

THREAD BARE

I am today announcing the rollout of my latest blog post, which I am calling THREAD BARE because I’m a multi-quasi-gazillionaire, and I can call it what I want to. Despite the title, I will not be publishing nude photos of bare women or of Donald Trump, for the simple reason that I don’t need hordes of followers, and thus have no need to lure the prurient or the MAGA rabble to my high-class babble.

No, friends, the title refers simply to the thread-bare supply of ideas I had for a new post — until it struck me that I could fashion a post around the subject of….thread. OK, granted it may not be the most exciting idea I ever had, but darn it, it IS a challenge. A blogger would have to be a knit-wit to try to see it through, but who better than eye to thread that needle? Sew I say, let ‘er rip.

On second thought, I’m about punned out. What do you say to some THREAD songs, starting with one that’s even older than I (yes, there are such songs):

Remember these two golden folk singers?

Let’s sew this up with Buttons & Bows sung by Jane Russell’s beau, Bob Hope:

THE FOURTH BE WITH HU…MOR

“Independence Day is the day married men celebrate something they once had.” –Evan Esar

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By tomorrow, we will have come in the course of time to July 4th, 2023, which is America’s INDEPENDENCE DAY. If there’s any justice in the world, it will be the last “Independence” Day for yet-out-of-jail-free ex-President Trump. So, in the spirit of “hope springs eternal,” I thought I’d set aside America’s low politics (and my high dudgeon) for the occasion, and dig up some good humor:

“Humor must both teach and preach if it would live forever; by forever, I mean 30 years.” –Mark Twain

30 years? The joke would be on Trump if that were his prison sentence. But You Bet Your Life he wouldn’t find it funny. Seriously, this would mean war!

Trivia question: How long did the Thirty Years War last?
Answer: From 1618 to 1648, including time off for good behavior, of which there was none. Nonetheless, 1620, 1624, 1628, 1632, 1636, 1640, 1644, and 1648 were leap years, so those years should of course be subtracted (you do the math — I’m busy writing this post).

Independence Day being America’s birthday, many Americans celebrate by lighting fireworks and having a blast. Unfortunately, some of our less learned DIYers find themselves less handy on July 5th, but with practice, they can still count on their toes to do a limited number of bang-up jobs.

We close appropriately with….

THREE “CAN’T FACE THE MUSIC” QUESTIONS FOR TRUMP

Not that Donald Trump is even remotely capable of seeing himself as he really is, but if he were, he’d need look no further than three songs which pose questions to face to find his left-behind humanity.
To begin at the beginning:

Two….get to the heart of the matter:

But in the bitter end, the one question Trump can’t avoid (if he would take responsibility for what he has been and done) is:

Let’s face it: To think Trump will listen to any of the above music would be To Dream The Impossible Dream. Sadly, the nightmare that is Trump plays on.

Over and out.

ALL THE THINGS I AIN’T

Noddly enough, I am nodding off when some of my best(?) post ideas come to me: for instance, the title of this post, which hit me when I was about two winks into catching forty winks. This led to food for thought about examples of things I ain’t — like Donald Trump, for which I’m grateful, for he would be a plate full of hateful.

On the other hand, there are some things that, if I said I’m glad I’m not, I’d be lying:

And then, there are things I think I ain’t, but after listening to this, I cain’t be sure:

Well, one of the things I definitely ain’t is this guy (though I do loves me spinach):

So, after thinking about all the things I ain’t, will my next post be about all the things I am? I ain’t sayin’!

PLATITUDES WITH ATTITUDES

“I laugh, bitterly, when I hear the phrase HE GAVE HIS LIFE FOR HIS COUNTRY. No one gives his life. His life is taken” –Andy Rooney, overseas war correspondent during WWII / writer / TV commentator (from 1977 to 2011) on 60 MINUTES

What is your reaction to the Rooney quote? Is the phrase “He gave his life for his country” a patriotic platitude….or is Rooney bitterly off base despite witnessing many deaths in combat? Do non-combatants even have standing to express opinions about it? I served in the army but didn’t see combat — if I agree with Rooney, will I pay the price of being mislabeled a pacifist — I’m not against all wars, just unjust wars (are there any that aren’t, you might ask)? Yes, it’s a free country (but at the expense of expendable lives).

Notwithstanding the foregoing, I don’t take all platitudes with a grain of sacrilege (some I take with a whole sack of sacrilege). So, just for the hell of it, let’s lighten up a bit with a look at a selection of less conflicted platitudes — I’ll even let them pass without comment (why should I do all the nerdy work?):

Love conquers all.
Everything happens for a reason.
Good things come to those who wait.
Work smarter, not harder.
All men are created equal.
Tomorrow is another day.
Money can’t by happiness.
If the rich could hire someone else to die for them, the poor would make a wonderful living.
Age is just a number.
Fit as a fiddle.

If I didn’t include your favorite platitude, my attitude is: feel free to let me hear from thee.

P.S. Here it is, a day after publishing this post, and I just realized that I left out a platitude that’s the biggest joke of them all: NO ONE IS ABOVE THE LAW!

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DING DONG, THE WHISKERED WIT IS DAD

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ME!
ONE OF MY DAUGHTERS IS NOW 53.
THE OTHER JUST WHIZZED PAST 51.
SAD TO SAY, I’M WITHOUT A SON.
NONETHELESS, DAD IS TWICE BLESSED….
BECAUSE HIS GIRLS TELL HIM HE’S THE BEST!

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO EACH AND EVERY FELLOW DAD.
MAY FATHERHOOD BE THE VERY BEST JOB YOU EVER HAD!

LAUGH-OVERS

As long-time followers of my blog have come to know, I have an affinity for acidity — here meaning an acid wit, such as wielded by Oscar Wilde, Ambrose Bierce, Groucho Marx, W. C. Fields, and Dorothy Parker (and her Algonquin Round Table lunch-mates). Growing up, my relish of wicked wit and wordplay was further nurtured by the songs of composers/lyricists of my (and earlier) generation(s), like Cole Porter, Noel Coward, and Gilbert & Sullivan. Nowadays, I doubt that many people under 50 have even heard of most of the above notables. Fair enough — I’ve never heard of most of today’s pop culture paragons.

Since “they don’t make ’em like that anymore,” I thought I’d devote a post to examples of what made those wits and wise guys and gal well known in their day. Here are some of my favorite such quotes and songs:

“I can resist everything except temptation.” —Oscar Wilde

“Politician, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive.” —Ambrose Bierce (from his THE DEVIL’S DICTIONARY)

“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll make an exception.” —Groucho Marx

“Once during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.” —W. C. Fields

“Hollywood is the land of yes-men and acqui-yes girls.” —Dorothy Parker

Now let’s turn to the land of song (and dance) with this delightful rendition of COLE PORTER’s “Brush Up Your Shakespeare” from his musical KISS ME KATE:

For sheer poignancy, no one wrote more sophisticated songs than NOEL COWARD. One of his many timeless pieces of which I never weary is those dreary TWENTIETH CENTURY BLUES:

We ring down the curtain with the wit of G & S,
Who started it all musically….more or less.
The wordplay is mock-serious, and therefore
Never Mind the Why and Wherefore.