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  • mistermuse 1:12 am on April 9, 2021 Permalink | Reply  

    HAVING A FIELDS DAY 

    “The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.” –W.C. Fields

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    As far back as I can recall, I’ve been a fanatic fan/addict of the great comedy stars of the 1920s to early 40s: Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, The Marx Brothers, Laurel & Hardy — and the most irascible of them all, Wm. Claude Dukenfield (better known as W.C. Fields). On this, his birthday, I mean to stay awake, have a Fields day with this post, and drink a toast to the man who “Once during Prohibition, was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water”….and also contrived to “gargle with whiskey several times a day, and I haven’t had a cold in years.”

    Fields was born April 9, 1879 in Philadelphia. Although he ran away from home at an early age, he thought often of his hometown. For example , many years later, he remarked that “Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.” On another occasion, he said “I once spent a year in Philadelphia–I think it was on a Sunday.” Asked what he wanted for the epitaph on his tombstone, he replied “On the whole, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.” To prove it, here’s his last request (about 50 seconds into this trailer):

    According to film historian Raymond Rohauer, “Fields always presented himself on screen as a braggart, a windbag, and a schemer–and perpetually in need of or in search for a drink. And if he happened to have emerged from his perennial fight with a hostile world, then surely it was by accident. Still, the audience sympathized with him, not because of any hectic antics, but because he was invariably surrounded by such repulsive villains and sheer imbeciles that his own vices appeared, if not necessarily endearing, at least comparatively acceptable.”

    Earlier, we touched on Fields’ “last words.” In the spirit(s) of this celebration, we close with more quotes to pour over:

    I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.”

    What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?”

    Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snake bite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.”

    A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.”

    It is hard to lose a mother-in-law. Almost impossible.”

    Women are like elephants. I like to look at ’em, but I wouldn’t want to own one.”

    If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again; then quit–there’s no use being a damn fool about it.”

    Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”

    If I had my life to live over, I’d live over a saloon.”

    The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.”

    Fields didn’t get out of it alive — but luckily, the words of his war with the world did….and even in Philadelphia, that’s PA (pretty acceptable).

     
    • Lynette d'Arty-Cross 3:00 am on April 9, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Men are like snapdragons; I like to look at them, but I wouldnโ€™t want to listen to all that noise. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Liked by 4 people

    • obbverse 3:58 am on April 9, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      He had that very ‘in character’ nose too.

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 7:51 am on April 9, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        Speaking of which, get a whiff of the opening exchange (and again a minute-and-a-half in) between W.C. and Charlie McCarthy in this clip from their famous radio ‘feuds’:

        Liked by 1 person

    • Rivergirl 8:57 am on April 9, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Ah, Fields. Reading his quotes make me realize we must be related..

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 9:11 am on April 9, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        I don’t know about his “Women are like elephants” quote, but I can see the relation between you and the others. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Liked by 2 people

    • Don Ostertag 11:57 am on April 9, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Like you, Mr. Muse, those great comedians you mentioned are my ‘addictions’ also and make up a large part of my DVD library. One of the grandkids commented. โ€˜Grandpa only laughs when the movie donโ€™t have colors.โ€™

      Liked by 3 people

    • tubularsock 12:24 pm on April 9, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Excellent. Made Tubularsock laugh aloud with

      ” Are you busy? About as busy as a pickpocket at a nudist colony!”

      Thanks.

      Liked by 3 people

    • magickmermaid 5:51 pm on April 9, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      LOL! One of the greats! ๐Ÿ˜€

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 6:31 pm on April 9, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        Absolutely, mm. Like the other comedy stars I mentioned in the first sentence of my post, he was unique. There was no one else like them, which is one of the things that made them great.

        Liked by 1 person

    • annieasksyou 7:55 pm on April 9, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      I must say I think Charlie McCarthy got the better of himโ€”stringing him along, as it were.

      I once took my daughters to a pediatrician who liked to adopt a WC Fields persona. Made me a tad nervous.

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 10:14 pm on April 9, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      I especially liked Charlie’s zinger about 43 cars stopped at the corner of Hollywood & Vine waiting for Fields’ nose to turn green.
      BTW, I hope your daughters’ pediatrician didn’t have a red nose like W.C. Fields — they might have thought he was Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Elizabeth 3:39 pm on April 11, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      I live by the if at first you don’t succeed try again then quit. I have a greeting card that says “find something you are no good at and then don’t do it.”

      Liked by 3 people

    • Ricardo 8:09 pm on April 11, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      “Who put pineapple juice in my pineapple juice?”

      Liked by 3 people

    • mistermuse 9:24 pm on April 11, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks for reminding me of that one, Ricardo. I should’ve included it in my post.

      Like

  • mistermuse 1:32 am on April 6, 2021 Permalink | Reply  

    DEAD MEN LEAVE NO ENTRAILS 

    Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.” –Somerset Maugham

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Once upon a time, I published a very dreary little book of poems and epitaphs, titled GONERS. Today, April 6, being PLAN YOUR EPITAPH DAY, and April being NATIONAL POETRY MONTH, I thought I’d dig up what’s left of that cryptic tome and (having nothing better to post) see what I could do with a slew of its bygone remains. I’m counting on findng good bones, because no doubt the meat of the missive has long since become the diet of worms.

    OLD ED YOUNG

    Dismissed as “minor” poet
    By critics half his age,
    Young, Edward, found no solace
    Could pacify his rage.

    Yet, his epitaph managed
    Homage to his skewers:
    Those who can are poets;
    Those who can’t, reviewers.

    LET NO MAN WRONG MY EPITAPH

    Here, for good, lies Chastity Wood,
    Her casket wood, sin’s snares withstood.
    The wood without is without flaw.
    The Wood within, men never saw.

    SATAN NEVER SLEEPS

    So. Help me God!

    IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT

    Now I lay me down to sleep;
    I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
    If I should die before I wake,
    I pray there’s been ONE HELLUVA MISTAKE.

    POETIC LIAR-SENSE

    The Great American Novel
    Is the Everest of climbs;
    I have written it myself
    Any number of times.

    And I have written lyrics
    To the music of the Spheres;
    The sound is magic to the soul
    ….and yet, tragic for the ears.

    One last triumph yet remains
    When, at my mortal ending,
    Doth expire the greatest lyre
    Since Orpheus descending.

    HELL TO PAY

    Ego
    Ergo
    We go.

    ALL THIS AND HEAVEN TOO?

    Lord, what fools these mortals be
    ….and You get to watch for free.

    JOURNEY’S END, JOGGINS, NOVA SCOTIA

    On the fossil beach at Joggins,
    One finds fossil bods and noggins.
    Comes high tide, the sea Atlantic
    Summons sleep with the Titanic.

    IMPOLI-TICK

    Tempus fugit.
    Please excuse it.

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Please excuse it? Hold on. Where is the life that late I led?




     
  • mistermuse 9:29 am on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply  

    E-Z P-Z PLEASE-Z ME-Z 

    If you (like me) have noticed the growing trendiness lately of the term “easy peasy,” you (like me) may have wondered where this seemingly recent phrase originated….so I decided to check into it. Turns out that it’s not all that recent. I was in fact please-zeed to learn that its first known appearance was in the January 17, 1953 edition of my hometown newspaper, The Cincinnati Enquirer: in a review of the 1952 film BREAKING THE SOUND BARRIER, journalist Ellis Radcliffe wrote “The flight is such an easy-peasy affair for the air travelers….”

    It should come as no surprise to my regular readers to hear that this gave me an idea for a ‘songs’ post — specifically. a post about songs with the word EASY in the title. Lucky for you, I remember several such songs from the Golden Age of Popular Music, and they are decidedly….

    Listening to a great vocalist sing a great song by a great composer — now that’s what I call….

    It is said that When you gotta go, you gotta go — but why not go as we came?

     
    • equipsblog 9:56 am on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      EZ 4 U 2 say….. I thought with all of the Zzzing around-it was going to be a Zombie thing.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 11:03 am on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        I’m not really into zombies, although I often feel like one due to not getting enough sleep. Fortunately I’m most wide awake first thing in the morning, which is when I came up with this post.

        Liked by 1 person

    • willedare 10:07 am on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      One of my favorite co-workers โ€” our invaluable and always helpful computer guru Scott โ€”used to say “easy peasy” sometimes when I would present yet another problem to him for help… And your song selections are delicious. Starting the day with Ella Fitzgerald singing Cole Porter is sublime. THANK YOU!

      Liked by 2 people

    • ladysighs 10:48 am on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      I clicked on each of the videos and got them to play at the same time.
      That made it sorta easy to listen to and get on to the next blog on my reading list. Gotta keep moving.

      (not that I don’t enjoy spending time on your blog …… ) ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 11:47 am on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        I fear you are taking multi-tasking to a ‘whoa’ new level if you don’t ease up , Edith….though I empathize with having so many blogs to follow that it’s sometimes necessary to take shortcuts to keep up (which is why I don’t have time to comment on other bloggers’ posts as often or as much as I’d like).

        Liked by 1 person

    • Rivergirl 11:06 am on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      My husband has an old uncle who says easy peasy Japaneasy all the time. Have no idea where that came from, and all attempts at stealing him toward political correctness are ignored.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 11:56 am on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        I came across “easy peasy Japaneasy” when I was researching the origin of “easy peasy.” According to Wikipedia, it’s nothing but an extended, childish form of “easy peasy”….though I agree it’s not PC.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Rivergirl 11:57 am on April 1, 2021 Permalink

          Itโ€™s cringe worthy, but heโ€™s been saying it for nigh on ninety years… so itโ€™s here to stay.

          Liked by 2 people

    • rawgod 11:23 am on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Probably not related, but back in the early Sixties a group of people decided to use a new look at ig-pay atin-lay. I have no idea where the idea came from, but in mixed company (adults, teachers, kids from rival cliques) we started using pe-az-ig leazatin. Could that and easy peasy have common roots? Anything is possible.
      Good songs.

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 12:21 pm on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      I seem to remember hearing pig Latin in a few movies from the 1930s-early 40s. I too don’t know where it originated, but I’m guessing it was a teen age fad back in those days.

      Liked by 1 person

    • magickmermaid 1:36 pm on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      An easy-peasy post to like! All great songs. I always liked Mario Lanza’s song Be My Love.

      Liked by 2 people

    • magickmermaid 3:39 pm on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      I like this one as well! So romantic!

      Liked by 2 people

    • obbverse 4:54 pm on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      All 3 = easy to Like. Easy peasy has been in the family lexicon since waaay before I became mummys treasured little darling. (of course, that’s easy for me to say. Mom would probably have phrased it differently!)

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 6:43 pm on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        I first heard someone actually say it about a year ago, though I probably heard OF it before. In any case, I’m even hearing it on TV occasionally now. Why? I don’t have an easy peasy answer.

        Liked by 1 person

    • JosieHolford 10:16 pm on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      You always find the best tunes!
      Thank-you.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Wistful Nostalgic 11:16 pm on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Great song choices mistermuse. Al Bowlly also recorded Easy To Love: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9rUx3wbt1Q

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 1:47 am on April 2, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks for your comment and link. EASY TO LOVE is such a great song that, according to Jimmy Stewart (who was complimented for his singing of it in the 1936 film BORN TO DANCE), anybody could sing it. He was of course just being modest, but he did sing it well. I like Bowlly’s rendition, but to be honest, I like Ella’s version (in my post) more.

        Like

    • annieasksyou 11:37 pm on April 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Easy peasyโ€”what the hell…

      I canโ€™t get enough of Ellโ€”a.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah, Another Blogger 12:03 pm on April 2, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Hello there. Ellaโ€™s songbook albums are so great. I never get tired of them.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 12:26 pm on April 2, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        I have four of them (Irving Berlin, Porter, Gershwin, and Rodgers & Hart) in my collection. If there are more, I missed out.

        Liked by 1 person

    • josephurban 11:46 am on April 3, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks for clearing things up. I thought “easy pees-he” was the mantra for those of us who had prostate operations.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 12:40 pm on April 3, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        My wife tried to do such an operation on me when I was in the prostrate position on her nice clean sheets with mud on my shoes. I don’t know what this world is coming to when a guy can’t even take a nap after working hard in the yard digging up dirt ’til I hurt.

        Like

    • Elizabeth 12:57 pm on April 3, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      “Summertime and the living is easy.” Not yet of course. I had never heard that phrase before I had grandkids. I have no idea where they picked it up.

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 1:50 pm on April 3, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      It’s of course a lyric in the song SUMMERTIME by Gershwin (from Porgy And Bess). I couldn’t use it in this post because the word EASY isn’t in the song title. I can’t imagine where your grandkids picked it up, but I’m glad they did!

      Like

    • Mr. Ohh's Sideways View 5:12 pm on April 5, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Now these were easy to hear and love. You can never go wrong with Ella and Billie
      ,,
      ,,
      ,,
      Spread Laughter Today

      Liked by 2 people

  • mistermuse 6:31 pm on March 28, 2021 Permalink | Reply  

    THIS POST IS NOBODY’S BUSINESS 

    You might think a song about nobody wouldn’t appeal to anybody, but lots of somebodies thought otherwise back in the day. “Nobody” songs did good business in the 1920s to early 40s, as anybody who’s well versed in that era’s popular music can demonstrate….speaking of which, I would love to parade some examples before you here and now:

    And then there’s the ‘meme’ song of Casper, The Friendly Ghost:

    Casper first appeared in 1945. but here’s a 1921 hit which had an afterlife when Judy Garland sang it in this 1940 film….

    Even if you ain’t got no body, I hope you were still able to get into the spirit of things, like most ghosts seem able to. I’m guessing it’s just a matter of believing in yourself.

     
    • masercot 7:52 am on March 29, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      I love that Judy Garland song. Seems she was never happiest except when she was saddest…

      Liked by 3 people

    • Rosaliene Bacchus 2:28 pm on March 29, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      The first song that came to mind when I read the title of your post was “Ain’t nobody’s business but my own” by Ella Fitzgerald.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 3:06 pm on March 29, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        For the most part, I try to limit my posts to 3 video clips because 4 or more may be too much of a good thing for followers with limited time….especially those who follow a lot of blogs. However (to be honest), if I had added another clip, it probably wouldn’t have been the one that came to your mind, because (as much as I love Ella) there are a number of “Nobody” songs I like more than that one.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Mr. Ohh's Sideways View 10:49 pm on March 29, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      I think you opened a can of worms with nobody songs. I can think of seven of the top of my head and I am not well versed in the a lot of the early music. That being said I’ll take Fats Waller any day of the week and any song. and seeing Maurice that young was worth the price of admission. I loved this post Thanks for the three smiles
      ,,
      ,,
      ,,
      Laugh out loud. Start a trend

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 11:01 pm on March 29, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        I’m always glad to ‘chew the fat’ with a fellow Fats Waller fan — there was no one else like him. And you’re right about the abundance of “nobody” songs in those days — I could easily do a few more posts of such songs, but I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead, as most of my followers have probably had enough of nobody!

        Liked by 2 people

    • calmkate 11:09 pm on March 29, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      from one nobody to a somebody … thanks for the songs!
      JG resonates deepest ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 12:05 am on March 30, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        Speaking of JG, Nobody and Somebody,,,,

        Like

        • calmkate 2:57 am on March 30, 2021 Permalink

          your link was a dud, went to roof sales …

          Like

        • mistermuse 11:37 am on March 30, 2021 Permalink

          Sorry about that, Kate. It’s a clip of Judy, Frank Sinatra & Dean Martin singing “You’re Nobody ’til Somebody Loves You.” Apparently the video is unavailable in your country.

          Like

    • mlrover 9:59 am on March 30, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Wow! Wonderful post! Will remember this evening to look for some Judy/Mickey flicks. (And try not to get sad and fixated on how frantic they were from having been encouraged to take uppers.) Their energy always made me want to run out, find a barn, some costumes, and put on a show. BTW, in the sixties a friend of my dad’s got us in to the rehearsals (not the taping) of the Dean Martin Show. One really gets to see the “real” side of personalities. Dean was always cheerful and kind.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 11:41 am on March 30, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you. If you’re a Dean Martin fan, I recommend the 1960 film BELLS ARE RINGING. It’s a very good musical starring Dean and Judy Holiday.

        Like

    • rkrontheroad 5:29 pm on March 30, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Great selections! I’ve never seen such a young Maurice, so charming to the last. But Judy is the best.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 6:25 pm on March 30, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        Maurice was a bit of a roueรฉ (pardon my French) from the beginning of his career, but “so charming” that you couldn’t help but like him. His best film (in my opinion) was LOVE ME TONIGHT, made 3 years after the film shown in the clip. If you haven’t seen it, see it!

        Liked by 1 person

    • Elizabeth 6:07 pm on March 31, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      I am now singing a medley of nobody songs. Hope my husband doesn’t take it personally!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 6:18 pm on March 31, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        If you include YOU’RE NOBODY ‘TIL SOMEBODY LOVES YOU in the medley, that should reassure him that (thanks to you), he stopped being a nobody when he fell in love with you! ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 1:12 am on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply  

    TEN INFERNAL QUESTIONS 

    “By nature’s kindly disposition, most questions which it is beyond man’s power to answer do not occur to him at all.” –George Santayana, philosopher

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Every once in a while, I peruse my bookshelves looking for a book I haven’t yet read ((of which I have more than a few), or even a book I may want to re-acquaint myself with or consider discarding. The other day, I dusted off one such even/or tome titled TEN ETERNAL QUESTIONS, in which the author asked notable leaders, artists and scientists such questions as Do you think this life is all there is or do you believe in an afterlife?, Do you believe you have a destiny?, and What advice or words of wisdom would you like to pass on to those close to you?

    A sample answer is the following (partial) reply by actor Peter Ustinov to the first question above: “We believe in eternity out of fear that all this acquisition of knowledge is there for no reason at all. It seems a terrible waste. At the same time I am just as terrified by the idea of immortality: where does it lead to?”

    As you may surmise, the book in question(s) is probably not of interest to the incurious know-nothings George Santayana must have had in mind. But my readers are nothing if not questionable, so I have decided to do a post of even more grave and stupefying questions to ponder, which I have apparently titled TEN INFERNAL QUESTIONS. Feel free to bypass any of the questions which may cause your head to explode, as I certainly don’t want your scattered brain bits on my conscience. And just to get you off on the right foot, I will follow the first question with the answer.

    Why did Yankee Doodle call the feather in his hat macaroni?

    If space is a vacuum, where do you plug it in?

    How is it possible to survive being scared half-to-death twice?

    If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes?

    Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

    If you had to give up drinking alcohol or wiping your butt, which would you choose?

    Can you imagine a world with no hypothetical situations?

    If the 7-11 is open 24-7 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

    When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

    That’s ten. No doubt you’re begging for more, but it’s out of the question.

     
    • tref 1:36 am on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Naturally, the cheese says, Me!

      Liked by 3 people

    • Lynette d'Arty-Cross 1:53 am on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Umm, maybe Iโ€™ll wait til tomorrow to answer these. But in the meantime, the answer to the cheese question? Make sure you get my Gouda side. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 8:47 am on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        They say there’s two sides to every question, but I’m sure both of yours are Gouda, Lynette. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Liked by 2 people

    • cindy knoke 2:09 am on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      My 94 year old mother, still sings, Mr Murphy’s Chowder.

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 8:52 am on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        Gouda for her! (I shamelessly stole that from my previous reply to Lynette.) ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Like

    • obbverse 4:43 am on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Where the light year fitting is?
      Half and half = dead simple.
      We’re slow on the uptake?
      It’s been stated: What goes around…
      Drink enough and you’re beyond caring.
      Not on this earth.
      Leap year?
      ‘Milk Teeth.’

      Liked by 4 people

    • Rivergirl 8:31 am on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Thought provoking questions all. But alcohol or butt wiping? Iโ€™m in trouble.

      Liked by 2 people

    • magickmermaid 1:27 pm on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Hilarious! ๐Ÿ˜€

      Liked by 2 people

    • calmkate 1:38 pm on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      once you find that plug we’re all sucked in!
      impossible!
      those bleedin relatives never know when to leave …
      typo, it’s intestate
      if drunk enough one won’t notice the obvious odour
      last 3 have appropriate answers above!

      just call me yoda .. now what was this infernal post about ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 3 people

    • masercot 2:01 pm on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Nice list! I’m jealous…

      Liked by 2 people

    • Ricardo 2:38 pm on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      As a former Hawaii resident, I can tell you that the highways in Hawaii are interstates because they all go to the airport.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 6:57 pm on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        It might be more accurate to call those highways touristates, but I’m not complaining. I was there once (40 years ago), and I loved it.

        Like

    • calmkate 6:33 pm on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      TWO questions for you …
      has Biden ordered a cone of silence about his rule?
      or is it merely media’s blatant bias?

      so far only heard Biden tripped on some plane stairs.

      but we were daily swamped with 3-5 news articles about your orange man … and more recently we’ve heard the tower crumbled, his residence is under lockdown and he was inaugurated a fortnight ago … the change of pace is simply astounding!

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 7:11 pm on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      I don’t know which media you’re referring to, Kate — I watch CNN and MSNBC an hour or two daily, and there’s no shortage of news about him even if he isn’t MAKING news every day (as Trump did). The only “cone of silence” I’m aware of is in regard to the crisis at the southern border, with so many migrant children overcrowding available facilities. Hopefully, he’ll address that in detail soon.

      Liked by 1 person

    • D. Wallace Peach 8:15 pm on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Ha! Some great questions there, Mr. Muse. Thanks for the laughs. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 3 people

    • Doug Jacquier 11:27 pm on March 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      If space is a vacuum, where do you plug it in? Trick question; space is actually a tumble dryer.

      How is it possible to survive being scared half-to-death twice? Ask any cat.

      If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes? Because otherwise we wouldn’t know what we’d evolved from.

      Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Because Trump is coming back to build a huuuuge bridge.

      If you had to give up drinking alcohol or wiping your butt, which would you choose? If the alcohol is contained in the cask, why does it matter if it’s never dusted?

      Can you imagine a world with no hypothetical situations? Hypothetically, no.

      If the 7-11 is open 24-7 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? They’re not real locks, they’re wigs.

      When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? I’m happy to take my rind off if you think it would make the shot more artistic.

      Liked by 3 people

    • smbabbitt 1:23 am on March 25, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      All these years! I thought my parents had invented that song about the overalls, The lyrics are surprisingly fresh in my mind.

      Liked by 2 people

    • jilldennison 1:19 am on March 27, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Some interesting questions here that I’ve never considered … Why ARE there interstate highways in Hawaii and locks on the doors of 7/11 stores? Thanks … now I’ll lie awake all night pondering ๐Ÿค”

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 7:36 am on March 27, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        I don’t know why there are interstate highways in Hawaii, but if I were a 7/11 employee working the overnight shift alone, I’d want to be able to lock the door when I go to the john. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

    • annieasksyou 10:34 am on March 28, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      I missed these asks in my emailโ€”
      So glad I found them now
      For each is just beyond the pale,
      And hurts my head…and how!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 2:35 pm on March 28, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        Better ‘wait’ than never
        If the wait’s worthwhile
        And in the case of Annie
        The wait is worth a smile. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 1:11 am on March 15, 2021 Permalink | Reply  

    THE PUN GENT SMELLS OF PUNS 

    “Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.” –Fred Allen, humorist

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    As my wronged-suffering readers can tell you, I have been known to make them groan with the brilliance of my puns from time to time….but I’ll be the first to conceit that other puns are occasionally as fragrant as mine. Here are a few so fulgent, I no doubt would have composted them myself, if others hadn’t beaten me to the pun:

    Why did the pencil smell so bad?
    It was a number 2.

    Have you heard the one about the flower that never bloomed?
    It was a bud omen.

    Patient to psychologist: “Doctor, doctor! I think I’m a wigwam, then I think I’m a tepee. I’m a wigwam, I’m a tepee. I’m a wigwam, I’m a tepee…”
    “Relax,” says the shrink. “You’re just two tense.”

    A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

    You may think that’s enough pun-ishment for one post, but try telling that to these thankful guys:

    You’re welcome.

     
  • mistermuse 9:42 am on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply  

    ARTISTS AND MOGULS 

    Pair-enthetically speaking, polar-opposite people fall into two classifications; e.g.: extrovert and introvert, progressive and conservative, world-wise and gullible, etc. One can even find two opposites in one person:

    There is another split as uncompromising (but arguably not as open-and-shut) as those above….and that is the great divide between creative people (including creative artists/those who appreciate them), and those without a creative bone in their dna. Seldom is this chasm more pronounced than in the post-silent film era known as The Golden Age of Hollywood, when movie moguls such as Samuel Goldwyn ruled the roost, and creators like William Wyler (director of such acclaimed films as DODSWORTH and THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES) fought for creative control of the movies they directed. The following passage from the Wyler biography A TALENT FOR TROUBLE typifies their separate tracks:

    Not long before filming ended on Dodsworth, Wyler was summoned to Goldwyn’s home. He arrived in a pleasant frame of mind, having heard his boss was happy with the nearly completed footage. But Wyler was not greeted by a happy man.
    Goldwyn, recovering from a gall bladder operation and the extraction of his appendix, had been unable to keep his usual close watch on the progress of his productions. Though he liked what he’d been shown of Dodsworth, he positively loathed the footage of Come and Get It, which Howard Hawks was filming.
    Hawks had rewritten some of the script and improvised scenes. An infuriated Goldwyn had called Hawks on the carpet and fired him. Now Goldwyn needed someone to finish Come and Get It. His new favorite, Wyler, quickly came to mind.
    Goldwyn suggested the idea gently. Wyler begged off gently. “I can’t just walk into another man’s picture,” he said.
    Goldwyn insisted. Wyler declined, more firmly. This sent Goldwyn into a temper tantrum.
    “We had a scene I’ll never forget. Sam was in bed, but he raised such hell that Frances, his wife, ran in with a flyswatter and started beating him over the legs while he was screaming at me. He said he was going to ruin me, fix it so I’d never be able to get another job in Hollywood as long as I lived.”
    “I ended up doing it because in those days guys like Goldwyn and Louis B. Mayer could ruin you.”

    So the next time you watch a Golden Age movie classic with its glamorous stars and character actors bringing to life the creative vision of its writers and director, know that what you see on the screen may be less dramatic than what went on behind the scenes.

    P.S. Were you wondering where I got the idea for the title of this post? I didn’t think so….but I’ll tell you anyway. It’s a play on the title of the 1937 film ARTISTS AND MODELS (in which this song played a part):

     
    • Rivergirl 10:48 am on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Itโ€™s strange to think how different Hollywood was back in the golden years. Total studio control, the actors were mere pawns.

      Liked by 3 people

    • masercot 11:00 am on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      I prefer the Martin/Lewis Artists and Models. More Bat-Ladies and Fat-Ladies…

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 12:57 pm on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        I’ve never been a Jerry Lewis fan, so I haven’t seen M and L’s A and M (1955). I don’t know if the Fat-Ladies sang in that film, but I think the days of the Golden Age movie mogul were all but over by then.

        Liked by 1 person

        • masercot 8:27 am on March 15, 2021 Permalink

          If only for the Jerry Lewis/Shirley MacLaine dance number, this should be seen. Plus if you ever need to calibrate your “Objectifies Women Meter”, this movie will show you the maximum level of that.

          Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:09 am on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Absolutely, Rg. You had to be a strong-willed super star (before they were even called super stars) like Katherine Hepburn in order to buck the system, and even then it was tough sledding..

      Liked by 2 people

    • smbabbitt 11:56 am on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Enjoyed the slideshow–including TWO shots of my ideal gent, Ronald Colman!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 1:03 pm on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        Ronald Colman starred in 3 of my fav films: LOST HORIZON, RANDOM HARVEST, and TALK OF THE TOWN. He was indeed the “ideal gent.”

        Liked by 1 person

    • equipsblog 2:41 pm on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      A pair of docs worthy of a PhD Youtube doctorate defense. Fun post.

      Liked by 2 people

    • willedare 3:02 pm on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Sad to see how power corrupts/erupts wherever it accumulates…

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 5:18 pm on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        At least there were a lot of happy endings in those old movies….and even when there weren’t, somehow the endings seemed right. Odds are that in real life, you end up cynical (well, actually you end up dead, but the chances of ending up cynical aren’t bad either).

        Like

    • magickmermaid 3:20 pm on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      I enjoyed this post immensely and surprised myself with how many of the stars and films I knew.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 4:47 pm on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you, mm. Did you make the connection between the vocalist in the first clip and the voice of Jiminy Cricket (WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR) in Walt Disney’s PINOCCHIO eleven years later? It’s the same man, Cliff Edwards:

        Liked by 1 person

    • magickmermaid 5:08 pm on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      The voice sounded familiar but I didn’t know the name. One of my favourite series is The Thin Man.

      Liked by 2 people

    • magickmermaid 5:23 pm on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      And Asta! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

    • Elizabeth 6:02 pm on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      I forgot how much I was not attracted to Clark Gable when I was young. But my love of Gregory Peck appears to have lasted for 60 years! I would have thought I would have changed over time, but apparently not. As for the horror of the backlot, I guess I am familiar with the exploitation of women, so this new information wasn’t much of a surprise.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 7:50 pm on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        To tell the truth, I wasn’t a Clark Gable fan either, though I presumed he was attractive to the ladies. Gregory Peck was a much better actor. He was absolutely perfect opposite Audrey Hepburn in one of my all-time favorite films, ROMAN HOLIDAY.

        Liked by 1 person

    • calmkate 7:15 pm on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      moguls are usually power hungry nobs! Shame to think the creatives bowed to such crassness …

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 8:05 pm on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        In those days, “the creatives” didn’t have much choice, but some of them still managed to make some darn good movies despite the heavy hand of not only the moguls, but the censors. Yes, there were a lot of insipid and/or silly films too, but that’s a subject for another time (or not).

        Liked by 1 person

    • annieasksyou 11:34 pm on March 8, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      From the stellar to the silly: you descended to the lowest deaths, mm. I amazed myself by watching that entire bonefooleryโ€”even giggling at the xylophone. So you entered โ€œsilly filmsโ€ into Googleโ€”and that came rattling up? Next time…

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 2:43 am on March 9, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        You underestimate my knowledge of old movies, Annie. I didn’t have to Google “silly films” because I was aware of Disney’s series of “Silly Symphonies” animated cartoons in the 1930s — it was simply a matter of selecting one out of many to choose from……but I’ll grant you that “The Skeleton Dance” was a boneheaded choice, ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

    • annieasksyou 11:19 am on March 9, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Boneheaded was exactly what I thought ofโ€”immediately after entering my comment.

      Iโ€™m pleased to have underestimated you in this instance. It must be a terrible burden to have a skull full of THAT clatter.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 11:56 am on March 9, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        Not as terrible a burden as ‘undertaking’ to respond to boneheaded comments….but I too have made a few such comments in my time, so all is forgiven….

        Liked by 1 person

    • Mr. Ohh's Sideways View 1:31 am on March 12, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Everything changes. Then the studio owned you, now the studio begs on it’s knees

      Keep laughing, It don’t cost nothing

      Liked by 2 people

  • mistermuse 2:13 pm on March 6, 2021 Permalink | Reply  

    NOTHING DOING 

    Since my last post, nothing has come to mind as a subject for my next post. Thus I’m doing nothing for this post, which happens to be my next post. As for my next post, what I’ll post remains to be seen, but hopefully I’ll come up with something. Meanwhile, I got nothin’ better to do, so let’s do it!

    Am I doing nothin’ good, or what? What’s that you say: more like good for nothin’! But there’s more to it, and here’s the “but” part:

    And with that (and this), I rest my case:

     
  • mistermuse 8:14 pm on March 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply  

    BONSOIR OF THE VANITIES 

    Vanity of vanities, all is vanity. –Ecclesiastes

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    This headline on an article in this morning’s newspaper caught my eye:

    OHIO REJECTED MORE THAN 460 VANITY PLATES IN 2020

    According to the article, the Ohio Bureau of Motor Vehicles rejected 462 custom (aka vanity) license plate requests in 2020, “largely for profanity or sexually explicit phrases.” Among the requests doomed to go un-gently into that good night were F U COVID, FURONA, FK COVID, F 2020, F U BIDEN, FUK TRMP, and GOT2P. No doubt, a maximum of seven characters limited the number of ‘dirty’ vanity submissions seeking admission to the state’s clean plate club.

    Now, tempting though it be to Follow Up the Foregoing Uncivil liberties with some Forbidden Umbrages of my own creation, my sense of good taste must prevail ere I offend the delicate sensibilities of my high class audience. But what’s that I hear….

    Yes, Loudly Let the Trumpet Bray —
    Such vanity is nothing but fool’s play.
    Those Mother F***ers tried to win the day
    Now the Other F***ers will have their say:

    If it isn’t vanity, what is it that drives a man to make his son grow up just like his father? –Evan Esar (What say you, Trump et al?)

    The highest form of vanity is love of fame. –George Sanayana

    The only cure for vanity is laughter, and the only fault that’s laughable is vanity. –Henri Bergson

    Vanity is becoming a nuisance. I can see why women give it up, eventually. But I’m not ready for that yet. –Margaret Atwood

    Vanity is the quicksand of reason. –George Sand (pen name of Amatine Lucile Dupin)

    My vanity is excessive: wherever I sit is the head of the table. –H. L. Mencken

     
    • Carmen 8:20 pm on March 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      My husband is wondering what the hell I’m laughing at . . .which of course makes me laugh even harder! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 10:19 pm on March 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        I didn’t spend as much time on this post as I usually do, so I wasn’t sure if it needed more editing. Thanks to your comment, I’ll just let it ride, and if others criticize it, I’ll just blame you. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Liked by 2 people

    • Lynette d'Arty-Cross 9:47 pm on March 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Hahaha. ๐Ÿ™‚ These are great!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 12:12 am on March 2, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, Lynette. I must remember to pay my newspaper bill because I ‘owe’ them for the idea for this post.

        Liked by 2 people

    • Ricardo 10:28 pm on March 1, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      One thing about getting a vanity plate, nobody will ever ask you to drive getaway for them.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Rivergirl 9:05 am on March 2, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Maine must have different rules because Iโ€™ve seen FK Covid as well as FK Mills ( our current Governor ). A great example to set for our children.
      ๐Ÿ™

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 10:01 am on March 2, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        That doesn’t surprise me, Rg. The Ohio executive and legislative branches of state government are completely controlled by the GOP, which of course is the party of good old-fashioned values, as well as the party of Trump (I’ll stop before I go any farther, because I’m starting to choke on my own words).

        Liked by 3 people

    • equipsblog 9:55 am on March 2, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Vanity thy name is Trump, Fool’s gold toilet to rest your rump. A fake gold statue in the hall for the wannabee peacocks who follow your call. Lies, distortions but no more tweets to help you spread more false repeats.

      Liked by 3 people

    • masercot 10:57 am on March 2, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Vanity is the quicksand of reason, but Seth MacFarland is the Quagmire of Family Guy…

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 12:24 pm on March 2, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        Sorry to say I’ve never watched Family Guy (though, based on your comment, I’m guessing I shouldn’t be sorry).

        Like

    • equipsblog 12:19 pm on March 2, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Love your answer.

      Liked by 1 person

    • magickmermaid 12:34 pm on March 2, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      This made me LOL! Now excuse me as I must go post pictures of my outfit of the day and what I had for breakfast on all social media. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 6:49 pm on March 2, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        I didn’t know a mermaid wears a different outfit every day, mm. Just out of curiosity, do you change under water or on shore? ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

    • Elizabeth 4:57 pm on March 2, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      I laugh at the ones that seem to have bypassed the staid DMV folks in Connecticut. I do love your take on vanity.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:06 pm on March 2, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        The GOP obviously needs to gain control of the Connecticut political apparatus in order to clamp down on the DMV’s loose enforcement practices, Elizabeth. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

    • Mr. Ohh's Sideways View 5:17 pm on March 2, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      This is again wonderful

      Laughter is contagious. Start a pandemic

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:42 pm on March 2, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        You’re right, to a point. Many of us laughed at Trump when he ran for President, and he made the country sick. Then came the pandemic (which he didn’t start, but discounted) and 500,000 Americans died, not laughing, but paying the price. Now he’s the only ex-President who’s so laughable, it isn’t funny — it’s pathetic.

        Sorry to close on a downer, but if laughter doesn’t come from telling it like it is, it isn’t much more than a joke.

        Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 9:53 am on February 25, 2021 Permalink | Reply  

    OLD SAYINGS FOR SALE 

    By the look of things, one of the worst transgressions one can commit these days is to own something that is “outdated.” The thing may be perfectly functional, but when the seductiveness of a shiny new model is insinuated in your head (regardless of whether it’s an improvement), chances are you’ll abjurus the old and covetus the new modus, lestus your status operandi turn corpus delicti.

    With that in mind, let us sell out some of our old sayings (though they may retain continuing utility), because you certainly don’t want to be caught dead echoing words which put you in grave danger of being looked down on. Lucky for you, I have started the dirty work of updating enough outmoded sayings to teach you that old dogs can turn new tricks. If these don’t inspire you to take up where I leave off….

    If you can’t stand the heat, sit down.

    Malpractice makes perfidy.

    Alimony is the loot of all evil.

    Beauty is beholder deep and pound foolish

    The.road to Hell is paved with good inventions (lies).

    Familiarity breeds consequences

    Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know (except for Trump).

    Jack of small tirades and Mistermuse of pun.

    That last one can be taken with a grain of solvent.

     
    • masercot 10:57 am on February 25, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Well, I’ve got crow on my face…

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:14 pm on February 25, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        You’re just jealous of that “Don’t Blame Me” clip with the face on its radio. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Like

    • Rivergirl 11:24 am on February 25, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Ha! Well done.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Paulie 12:46 pm on February 25, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Well done. Your irreverent repurposed old sayings brought to mind Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 1:55 pm on February 25, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        The devil, you say!
        I see that Bierce defines aphorisms (old sayings) as “Predigested wisdom.” So that’s what I’ve regurgitated!

        Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 12:50 pm on February 25, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks, Rg, but that served to give me second thoughts about the “You can’t judge a cook…” saying, so I replaced it with “The road to Hell….” It may not be much better, but I’ll let it lie.

      Like

    • magickmermaid 1:14 pm on February 25, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Punderful! Old Sayings 2.0; very apropos!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 5:07 pm on February 25, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        My fav is #4, partly because it combines parts of 2 old sayings into one. I’m sure you know which two I mean, but if not, let me know and I’ll provide the answer at a very reasonable price. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Like

    • equipsblog 3:58 pm on February 25, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      These traverse the universe from fairly clever to punintended gag reflex.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 5:14 pm on February 25, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        I was thinking of following up with more old sayings and song clips, but maybe you’ve suffered enough. Stay ‘tuned.’

        Like

    • Lynette d'Arty-Cross 4:05 pm on February 25, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Don’t thump around the shrubbery! ๐Ÿ˜€

      Liked by 2 people

    • Mr. Ohh's Sideways View 11:56 pm on February 26, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Great song but I live my life from a thrift store and buy old cars. I can’t remember the last new thing i bought.
      Great Puns

      Laughter Can be habit forming

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 1:58 am on February 27, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      I buy my cars new, but keep them forever — still driving the one I bought new in ’94 (same thing with women — still living with the one I married in ’68).

      Like

    • annieasksyou 6:02 pm on February 28, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      My fav is the last, mm.

      And to you I say: โ€œMay you live in interesting rhymes.โ€

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 7:41 pm on February 28, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Changing “times” to “rhymes” in that reputed old Chinese curse
      Is Ah, so much more for the better than the worse —
      Which is not to say that my rhymes all carps disperse….
      In fact, some (not you, of course) might say the reverse

      Like

    • bettiecarmack 2:39 am on March 6, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you for sharing
      This article is so musical and full of out of the box thinking.

      Liked by 1 person

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