ONE THING LEADS TO A NOTHER

In case you were wondering how I came up with the title of my previous post (THE WILDE MAN OF BORN-TO-GO), I blame having sunk to a whole nother level of wordplay, inspired by a century-plus old sideshow act called THE WILD MAN OF BORNEO — which in turn was turned into a 1941 film:

https://travsd.wordpress.com/2019/12/15/on-the-lost-opportunity-of-the-wild-man-of-borneo/

I haven’t seen the film before, and (based on the above review) I’m not wild about seeing it now….but for what it’s worth, here is the film’s trailer:

https://www.tcm.com/video/95649/wild-man-of-borneo-the-original-trailer/

So let’s move on. Just as there are times when one thing leads to a nother, there are times when one thing leads to an otter:

Now that’s what I call otterly charming.

In otter news, eight otters were arrested for stealing cars in Otterwa, the capitol of Canada. Convicted of grand theft otter, they escaped as they were being sent up the river. Personally, I couldn’t give a dam, and my readers probably couldn’t either, but no doubt it played well with otters.

I assume you’ve suffered enough, so I’ll stop here (unless you let me know otterwise).

THE WILDE MAN OF BORN-TO-GO…TOO YOUNG

“The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.” –Oscar Wilde (Dublin-born playwright of the wickedly witty THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST (1895)

“Wilde’s nature was too complex to allow him to be popular with the masses, and the audiences who applauded his plays were even more vociferous in condemning his conduct. Even at the height of his success, Wilde was an object of derision.” –Alvin Redman, author

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The importance of being Oscar Wilde (who was born on a mid-October day in 1854) is taken for granted in the modern world….but the Victorian world of his day was of little mind to humor him (much less countenance his importance) in the years leading up to his death Nov. 30, 1900 at age 46.

It’s almost as if Wilde’s life and demise were a play ‘written in the stars,’ complete with ‘bad actors’ in the cast. Here’s a brief synopsis:

https://www.bl.uk/people/oscar-wilde

Two of my favorite films were made from the works of Wilde. The first is that deliciously delightful comedy of manners based on his 1895 play….

The second is the haunting story of a man whose portrait ages while he retains his youthful appearance, based on Wilde’s one and only novel THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY. Here is the ending (SPOILER ALERT: if you’ve never seen the film but plan to, don’t watch this).

No “picture” of Oscar Wilde would be complete without a sampling of his quotes. He may have died shunned and destitute, but his words left a wealth of wit and wisdom:

“I sometimes think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated His ability.”

“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.”

“I hate people who talk about themselves, as you do, when one wants to talk about oneself, as I do.”

“To believe is very dull. To doubt is intensely engrossing. To be on the alert is to live.”

“It is because Humanity has never known where it was going that it has never been able to find its way.”

“The English mind is always in a rage. The intellect of the race is wasted on the sordid and stupid quarrels of second-rate politicians and third-rate theologians… We are dominated by the fanatic, whose worst vice is his sincerity.”

“Modern journalism, by giving us the opinions of the uneducated, keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.”

“[A poet he admired] was always trying to do the most impossible thing of all — to know himself.”

“The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame.”

[Wilde] was once asked by a fond mother, whose daughter was playing the piano, whether he liked music. Oscar said: “No, but I like that!”
Sounds like Oscar the Grouch to me. Be that as it may, I dedicate to him this piano piece which I expect he’d like no less (in his honor, imagine it re-titled, I’M JUST WILDE ABOUT OSCAR):

FIGURATIVELY BLEEPING

Speaking of bleeping: I’m a writer who delights in wordplay; far be it from me to fart around with gratuitous profanity. You may say I’m passé, but the writers I count among my favs are witty, not vulgar…. which isn’t to say that innuendo goes out the window when it floats my boat, so to speak. I’m simply more on board riding with a dry wit than with a vulgar boatman.

But right now, I’m about to cuss up a storm because WordPress is still messing with me (and many others, no doubt), as I find myself back in block editor (from classic) every time I go to start a new post, or resume writing a post (such as this one) which I’d started the day before. So pardon me for tripping out while I have a bleeping fit: *#@*#*%*#@*@!!!!!!! Aaaaargh!

I don’t know what more I can say along these lines….so I’ll turn to a few of those witty writers to put in their true sense worth:

“In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.” –Mark Twain

“The average man has a vocabulary of 10,000 words — until he misses the nail and hammers his thumb.” –Evan Esar

“Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.” —Finley Peter Dunne

“American professional athletes are bilingual: they speak English and profanity.” –Gordie Howe

“Sacrilege or not, I want to crap.” –Aristophanes

Now there’s a man after my own….heart. I’ve had about enough of this crap for a while, so I’m going to take a posting break for a week or two….or until I find a way to block “block” from screwing with me at every turn.

THAT WAS NOW, THIS IS THEN

“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself.” –Walt Whitman, American poet
“The more things change, the more they remain the same.” –Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr, French writer

The above quotes came to mind as I’m reading a 2006 biography of Upton Sinclair (1878-1968) by Kevin Mattson titled UPTON SINCLAIR AND THE OTHER AMERICAN CENTURY. Sinclair, for those unfamiliar with him, was an American muckraker famous for his 1906 novel THE JUNGLE:

Although muckraker tends to have a negative connotation, Theodore Roosevelt, who coined the term, had a different view: “The men with the muckrakes are often indispensable to the well-being of society.”

Getting back to Mattson’s 2006 biography, it includes these words:

“Recently, history has become more politically charged and polarized. This is a sad reflection of our times. Yes, Sinclair exposed the uglier side of American life and politics. But he also believed that this tale had to be placed squarely at the center of the American story. Sinclair’s goal was not simply to document all the sins of our country but to use them as a means of understanding our society’s possibilities in spite of our reluctance to confront problems of our own making [emphasis mine].”

My point here, should you find it in need of clarification, is that 2006 is now (only more so), and now is then (whether “then” be 1906, 2006, or Nov. 2016): America as both “shining light on the hill” and dark swamp of corruption….not to mention willful ignorance, ignorant will, and violence. As 19th century English poet and wit Charles Calverley said some 150 years ago, ’twas ever thus.

Self-contradiction “Very well?” Well, Walt, as a gathering reality, if that’s not a loaded proposition….

Two days ago, I intended to write a humorous post (if you saw my AUTO DRAFT post of Oct. 2, you know how that turned out)….and after that not-of-my-own-making muddle, humor is the lost thing on my mind. But only for now.

 

 

 

 

TESTING

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Auto Draft

STYLING FOR DOLLARS

Have you heard about The Donald’s $70,000 hair-styling tax write-off, as reported in Trump’s tax return data published by The New York Times on Sept. 27? In case you missed it:

https://www.thecut.com/2020/09/trump-taxes-trump-wrote-off-usd70-000-in-hairstyling-expenses.html

Now, “everyone knows” (as King Donald is fond of saying about things nobody knows) that his Highness is vain, but $70,000 for hair styling? Even my Vanity Fair-reading wife would consider $70,000 a rather extravagant sum to pay for getting her hair ‘done’ (would that women were ever ‘done’ getting their hair done). Just kidding, ladies — I keep forgetting I might do the same in your place if I had hair on my head, but my head is done with hair).

The moral of my story is that a hair in the head is worth two in the brush.

In any case, since all is fair in love and vanity, be warned there is a caterpillar that looks like Donald Trump’s hair — and, just like Donald’s hair, contact should be avoided under pain of….well, see for yourself:

That’s all I have to say off the top of my head. This post was brought to you as a public service announcement by the makers of Baldy’s Hair Tonic.

STOP THE WORLD – I WANT TO GET OFF

Although every worsening day of the virulent Trump reign has served to make me wish the above urge was an option in 2020, today’s a day to look back and “Stop the World — I Want to Get Off” in the 1960s…..a decade when British singer, actor and songwriter ANTHONY NEWLEY (born Sept. 24, 1931) was as well known (especially in England) as David Bowie and Elton John were in the 1970s.

And yet, Newley is now all but forgotten  — so on his birthday, I want to devote a post to remembering this Songwriters Hall of Fame member whose talents I like so much that I still have 11 of his LPs in my collection – including the original Broadway cast album of the title show (co-written with Leslie Bricusse), featuring this song:

That was the #1 (but not the only) hit song from STOP THE WORLD. If you’re up for seconds, let’s give it a go:

Three years after they Stopped the World, Newly and Bricusse co-wrote THE ROAR OF THE GREASEPAINT – THE SMELL OF THE CROWD with more show-stopping songs, including this one which fits a certain braggart President who loves the smell of the crowd (and apparently the sight of their adoring, maskless faces, as well):

In closing, a bit of trivia: do you know who wrote the lyrics to the title song of this James Bond film (the answer is in the credits near the end of this trailer):

 

 

 

 

HYPE-OH-WHAT-A-MESS

The following meaning comes courtesy of the ghostwriter of THE DEVIL OF A DICTIONARY, a book of definitions and proverbs by the late Ambrosius Beericus, who died adages ago but is still with us in spiritus:
HYPE-OH-WHAT-A-MESS (not to be confused with HIPPOPOTAMUS, a thick-skinned, fat-bodied, hairless member of the genus mammalis): a cross between a hype-ochrondriac and a hypocrite, as exemplified by Donaldo Trumpotomus, a thin-skinned, fat-headed, hairbrained member of the genus ignoramus politicus.

In other news, The President of THE NATIONAL TRIFLE ASSOCIATION, Wayne La Peeinthehair, has announced that a contribution in the trifling amount of 99 bizillion dollars and two cents has been made to the re-election campaign of Donaldo Trumpotomus because the nation cannot afford four years of sanity, competence, and integrity under Josephus Bidenopus and Camelus Would Harassus. This news was immediately applauded by the nations evangelical leaders, who believe in the separation of church and state of government led by people who don’t have faith in Jesus Televangelicus Miraculous.

Mean-while, back at the White House, Donaldo Trumpotomus has granted an interview to that Randymous guy. Let’s listen in….

And there you have it. Sorry, no refunds.

DON’T ASK

You Asked For It (according to my previous post) — but this post is a different story, so….

 

By a weird coincidence, ASK ME NO QUESTIONS AND I’LL TELL YOU NO LIES (a quote attributed to 18th century Irish novelist, playwright and poet Oliver Goldsmith) is my springboard for this post of “Don’t Ask” quotes — thus sparing you the fate of my last post, which subjected you to some questionable poems.

Let’s plunge right in with perhaps the most famous DON’T ASK quote (at least in America):

“Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” –John F. Kennedy

Here’s another famous one (in jazz circles), leveled at squares:

“If you have to ask what jazz is, you’ll never know.” –Louis Armstrong

If you have a humorous bone in your body, the next three should bring a smile to your face:

“Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, Why me? Then a voice answers, Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.” –Charles M. Schulz

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people see things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” –George Carlin

“When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?’, it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” –Erma Bombeck

Now for some serious stuff:

“What then is time? If no one asks me, I know what it is. If I wish to explain it to him who asks, I do not know.” –Saint Augustine

“If you ask me whether the election of Barack Obama is the fulfillment of Dr. King’s dream, I say, ‘No, it’s just a down payment.” –John Lewis

To close, here’s a quote I like which is a stretch to fit the category, but since it’s the birthday of the author, don’t ask me to re-think its inclusion here:

“Thinkers think and doers do. But until the thinkers do and the doers think, progress will be just another word in the already overburdened vocabulary.” –Francois de La Rochefoucauld (9/15/1613–3/17/1680)

I think that does it for now. How’s that for progress?