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  • mistermuse 9:11 am on August 10, 2020 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: gaffes, , , jokes, Mt. Rainier National Park, Prsidential Joke Day, , , Yosemite National Park   

    PRESIDENTIAL J. DAY 

    Tomorrow, August 11, is PRESIDENTIAL JOKE DAY. I suppose you think I’ll use this occasion to pile jokes on top of a joke of a President — a megalomaniacal ignoramus who (in political ads) kvells* that he, President Donald J. Trump, “approved this message” – emphasizing his very impressive middle initial (although I personally favor Presidential J. Day — at least, that’s my initial reaction).

    *kvell, a Yiddish word meaning to exult

    But why should I bother, when hardly a day goes by when His Highness doesn’t make a laughing stock of himself:

    Speaking of “kvells,” who but this cognitive genius of a nature-loving leader of the free world knew that Yo Semites have their own National Park? No doubt he is also the only national park authority who knows that majestic Mount Rain-in-ear National Park in Washington state was named after a brave Native American brave who climbed that mountain in a downpour without an umbrella, causing his head to turn into an ice cube when he reached the summit where the temperature was lower than a cold-blooded President’s IQ.

    Now, we must admit (as The Donald does not hesitoot to point out) that his Presidential rival Joe Biden makes his share of gaffes, so who are we to dare air/bare rare, Trumped-up verbal farts such as these:

    So, as you can see, hear, and smell. far be it from me to take advantage of PRESIDENTIAL JOKE DAY here. The Fake News speaks for itself. I don’t need to show you any stinkin’ jokes.

     

     
    • equipsblog 9:22 am on August 10, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      He makes Bush’s 43 Strategery mispronounce sound almost eruditely. He has lowered the bar so far on expected presidential behavior that almost anyone would seem like a civilized genius (and not self-pronounced.)

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 10:43 am on August 10, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Absotootly. Who’d have thought that Bush 43’s reign would come to be thought of as “the good old days” (by comparison).

        Liked by 1 person

    • Rivergirl 9:31 am on August 10, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I saw that clip the other day. Laughed until I cried… that this moron might be reelected.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 10:58 am on August 10, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        You can’t make this stuff up. If an author wrote the story of Trump’s egotistical ineptitude, it would be so unbelievable that it wouldn’t get published even as fiction.

        Liked by 1 person

    • calmkate 11:29 am on August 10, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      well I am surprised at you giving rump so much free airplay!

      You must be warming up to him … 😦

      Liked by 1 person

    • magickmermaid 11:43 am on August 10, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I’m speechless! Which is what King Orange should be at all times unless there is a covfefe.

      Liked by 1 person

    • D. Wallace Peach 12:58 pm on August 10, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

      Liked by 1 person

    • bensbitterblog 3:17 pm on August 10, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you for this. I can’t believe how gud he is at werds.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 4:01 pm on August 10, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Webster is probably terminating over in his grieve.

        Like

        • bensbitterblog 12:01 pm on August 12, 2020 Permalink

          I honestly think he can’t read, meaning he just has to make up things as he goes. He probably doesn’t even know when he makes errors in speech.

          Liked by 1 person

    • Elizabeth 4:43 pm on August 10, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I thought the country of Thighland took the cake the other day. And then there is the threat that Biden is going to hurt God. I guess Joe is a lot more powerful than I knew.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 5:12 pm on August 10, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        “Biden is going to hurt God” is Trump at his most pathetic — I can’t imagine any other President in history saying such a thing.

        The “Thighland ” comment was funny, but it’s minutely possible it could’ve just been a slip of the tongue. On the other hand, “Yo Semite” showed without a doubt that he never heard of Yosemite National Park and didn’t have a clue how to pronounce it. How millions of Americans could vote for such an ignorant, arrogant, morally bankrupt person is beyond me.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Elizabeth 4:17 pm on August 11, 2020 Permalink

          I think he reads phonetically with no clue that the words correspond to reality.

          Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 10:25 am on August 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      My Jewish Significant other means I know what “kvell” means, Sr. Muse. She ordered me a “Yo Semite” T-shirt, which I proudly look forward to wearing at the low beer joints I enjoy patronizing. Happy J Day!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:18 pm on August 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Happy J Day to you as well, Ricardo (sorry I couldn’t reply earlier, but my internet was out most of the day).

        Like

    • josephurban 11:05 am on August 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Last time I was in Europe the folks I talked to thought the entire US had fallen for a bad joke.

      Liked by 1 person

    • masercot 1:57 pm on August 12, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I saw it as Rocky Balboa calling out to a Jewish guy, “Yo, Semite!”

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 3:23 pm on August 12, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Trump might have said that about his flub if he had a bit of wit about him, but he wouldn’t know wit if it hit/bit him….no to mention (and that’s the rub), he didn’t even know he’d made a flub.

        Well, I guess I got roped into that reply, but I won’t hold it against you if you don’t hold it against me.

        Like

    • rawgod 8:50 am on August 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      The second video won’t open in Canada, but I’ll look for it later on You Tube. Finally gotbaround to checking your website. I had asked you a question about howvyou prefer to have pepple approach your blog, but you never got back to me. I gave up waiting. On now to another.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 10:10 am on August 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Sorry about neglecting the question — probably because it was part of one of your longer comments, and by the time I responded to other parts in my reply, i forgot the question. Or maybe it’s just old age — sometimes I don’t even remember where I am. Now, where was I? Oh, yes — how do I prefer to have people approach my blog?

        It’s not a question I’ve given much, if any, thought to, because I can’t control how people approach my blog. I can only control what I write, and I write for an audience of ‘two’ — myself, and anyone who can relate to what I write. I enjoy witty repartee with commenters, as well as with other bloggers on their posts — which I don’t always have time to engage in as much as I’d like because I follow a lot of blogs (they say brevity is the soul of wit, but it can take time to be both brief and witty).

        Enough (for now). Thanks for commenting..

        Like

        • rawgod 11:14 am on August 22, 2020 Permalink

          And you successfully avoided anseering the question yet again, by saying you don’t think about it. As I said somewhere, at least once, I overthink evrrything. My own spiritual atheist blog I baically wrote it to beca progression, although that is not strictly true. I think it helps to know what has come before, THIS COMING FROM A GUY WHO SERIOUSLY BELIEVES IN CHAOS. Order is a hard-won battle, and at best is only temporary. Having said that, I shall approach your blog chaotically. Till later, keep in touch when you have time.
          And so it goes.

          Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 12:56 pm on August 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Because you overthink everything, must you over-react to everything? At least, that’s how your first sentence strikes me….though perhaps I’m over-reacting myself. In any case, I addressed your question, and whatever more you’re looking for, you can spell out if you wish. If you did spell it out before, please refresh my memory because I don’t have time to review previous comments to try to find it.

      As for believing in chaos, I believe in accepting uncertainly in the sense that there are things humans will never know. I’m uncertain how that aligns or fits in with your sense of chaos (if at all). I doubt that it’s a distinction without a difference, otherwise you wouldn’t be an atheist and I wouldn’t be a ‘near-agnostic.’

      Like

  • mistermuse 12:08 am on July 31, 2019 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , end of July, , hotter than hell, How hot is it?, , , jokes, toast,   

    GOOD-BY, JU-LY 

    I don’t know about the weather where you are, but one state north of me, in the town of Hell, Michigan, I hear July has been….

    So, when it’s hotter than ‘ell in Hell, I say it’s time to say good-by to July, and good riddance. As I (would like to) tell my visiting in-laws, come back again when you can’t stay so long. Today, as July leaves, I leave you with some hot jokes to remember me by until my next post….and remember, don’t blame the muse-enger for the clinkers. Acting as a muse meant for amusement, mistermuse mooched most of ’em, thus no funny-back guarantees.

    How hot is it?
    So hot, the birds are using potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

    How do you make holy water?
    Boil the hell out of it.

    What did one pig say to the other in a steamy pigpen?
    I’m bacon.

    How hot is it?
    So hot, the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

    What happened when Mr. White bought a loaf of bread at the store?
    By the time he got home, White’s bread was toast.

    How hot is it?
    So hot, when I spilled ice water on my computer, it begged for more.

    Somehow, I have a funny feeling it’s gonna be a while before my next post.

     

     
  • mistermuse 12:02 am on July 3, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Canis Major, cannabis, constipation, , heat, , jokes, , , , , , ,   

    SIRIUS STUFF – POT – AND PUNS 

    July 3 is both STAY OUT OF THE SUN DAY and the official start of the DOG DAYS OF SUMMER, the period (July 3-August 11) during which Sirius, the Dog Star, rises at the same time as our star, the sun. The Dog Star, for your information and mine, was so named for its prominence in the constellation cluster Canis Major, which was in turn named for its prominence in the constipation buster* Cannabis Maximus.

    The point is, this is one smokin’ hot season, when (assuming you’re not a mad dog or Englishman) you’d best stay indoors all day with an ice chest full of cold ones within reach, and drink to mistermuse’s posts. What could be cooler than that?

    Friends, by staying inside, I’m not prescribing letting yourself go to pot, but the clime this time of year in the Northern Hemp-isphere isn’t fit for a dog (mad or not). It’s simply….

    How hot is it? Today I saw two birds using potholders to pull worms out of the ground…. not only that, but after the birds swallowed their prey, I could swear I saw steam coming out of their rears….er, ears. Talk about being madder than a birddog in heat–those birds were so steamed, the eggs they laid were hardboiled.

    Speaking of laying an egg, all booed things must come to an end; however, for those fans who think my yolks weren’t so hot, I leave you with these:

     
    • calmkate 3:09 am on July 3, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      they were sure some bad egg jokes and it’s yolk’s all over your face … 🙂
      thanks for the light relief!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Carmen 7:51 am on July 3, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Oh, mistermuse. You are a funny guy! I always figured cannabis was good at slowing you down rather than promoting ‘movement’ — who knew?

      Hope you’ve got some help for the heat – it’s hot enough here that we’re getting warnings on the weather channel! (You heard it from the token Nova Scotian) 🙂

      Liked by 5 people

      • mistermuse 8:28 am on July 3, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Carmen, I hear it’s hot all over. On the Weather Channel, they’re now referring to your province as Nova Scorch-ia and your capitol as Hellifax. Not only the ice, but the glue in the Eskimos’ iglues, is melting. In fact, all of Cannibis–make that, Canada–is becoming a melting pot, making it too soggy to smoke. Fortunately, you can always drink it (to mistermuse’s posts, of course).

        Liked by 3 people

        • Carmen 8:33 am on July 3, 2018 Permalink

          Since my drug of choice is alcohol, I will drink to that, thanks! 🙂

          Liked by 2 people

    • Richard A Cahill 1:08 pm on July 3, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      I’m in my choice of country, Mexico, so I’ll drink to that.

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 3:28 pm on July 3, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      My neighbor family just returned from a week in Puerto Vallarta, where it was so hot, the palm trees had checked into all the hotel rooms and the family had to sleep on the beach at night. I don’t know what the palm trees used for money–maybe the hotels accept coconuts in lieu of pesos or credit cards.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 5:47 pm on July 4, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Since we’re in the middle of one right here in NYC, this one is appropriate.

      Liked by 1 person

    • RMW 3:24 pm on July 5, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      “Well, you know what they say… mad dogs and Englishmen…” was a favorite saying of my mother’s so I’ve been familiar with that song since a very young child… I’m still amused by it.

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 4:18 pm on July 5, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Noel Coward, who wrote the song, was of course an Englishman, so he knew whereof he wrote. Like Americans Cole Porter and Irving Berlin, he wrote both words and music….but he sang better than either of them.

      Liked by 1 person

    • restlessjo 5:26 am on July 6, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Brad is kind of cute 🙂 🙂 Much cooler here today. I’m missing the heatwave already.

      Liked by 2 people

    • moorezart 2:10 pm on July 8, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Reblogged this on From 1 Blogger 2 Another.

      Liked by 3 people

    • mistermuse 3:38 pm on July 8, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks again….and likewise as far as your blog is concerned. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • barkinginthedark 10:34 pm on July 11, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Mad dogs etc – one of the great songs. continue

      Liked by 2 people

  • mistermuse 12:01 am on October 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Dylan Thomas, , jokes, Marianne Moore, one-liners, , , poets on poetry, , , , substance, T. S. Eliot   

    NONE LINERS TO ONE LINERS 

    Because my last post (TITLES FOR BARE NAKED POEMS) featured ‘no-line’ poems, which some readers might consider devoid of substance, I will try to wrecktify that air with a whole caboodle of one-line poems for you nit-pickers who insist that poems should have words — followed (in a spirit of munificence) by a bonus kit of one-line quotes, just for the tell of it. Now, far be it from me to make threats, but be forewarned: if this post isn’t enough to placate your unreasonable expectations, I may have to up the ante next time with a post of two-line poems….and you wouldn’t want that two happen, would you?

    POET AT WORK

    Have an angst day.

    A VERY SHORT, PASSIONATE POEM

    Would I lie to you?

    WE LIVE IN IGNORANCE

    Who knows why?

    GOD ONLY KNOWS

    So….I suppose.

    DEER HUNTER TRIES SHOTGUN

    Anything for a buck.

    BLUE NOSE STUMBLES UPON RED-LIGHT DISTRICT

    Whores!

    DEAF SQUAD SEARCHES HENHOUSE

    Nobody hear but us chickens.

    TEMPUS FUGIT

    Please excuse it.

    MOLEHILLS AS MOUNTAINS

    What’s up with that?

    GREAT POEMS NEED GREAT READERS

    Sign here ______________________

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    There are two ways of disliking poetry: one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope. –Oscar Wilde

    I like to think of poetry as statements made on the way to the grave. –Dylan Thomas

    All that is worth remembering of life is the poetry of it. –William Hazlitt

    Poetry is what Milton saw when he went blind. –Don Marquis

    Poetry is a way of taking life by the throat. –Robert Frost

    You will not find poetry anywhere unless you bring some of it with you. –Joseph Joubert

    Poetry is a gift; maybe that’s why you can’t sell it. –Evan Esar

    In a poem, the words should be as pleasing to the ear as the meaning is to the mind. –Marianne Moore

    Once in a while I meet someone who has read me; it did him good — I mean it served him right. –Robert Frost

    What stimulates me to write a poem is that I have got something inside me that I want to get rid of — it is almost a kind of defecation. –T. S. Eliot

    Gotta go.

     
    • scifihammy 2:32 am on October 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      haha Excellent one-liners 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • D. Wallace Peach 9:05 am on October 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Clever. Ha ha.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:58 am on October 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you. While I’m at it, I’d like to recommend your blog to readers who value the values expressed in your interview post of Oct. 7 — check it out (by clicking “D. Wallace Peach” above) to see what I’m talking about. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • Cynthia Jobin 10:08 am on October 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I have a favorite among your poems and a favorite among the quotes.

      Favorite poem: TEMPUS FUGIT It has great potential to continue on as a two-liner, a three liner, etc. and is very inspiring as long as you don’t abuse it, confuse it, obtuse it or generally over-mistermuse it….

      Favorite quote:The one by T.S. Eliot….it explains a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:27 am on October 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Tempus fugit was originally the first line (“Please excuse it” was the second line) of a poem I wrote titled IMPOLI-TICK, back in the day when clocks actually ticked. Because tempus fugit, many people today are too young to remember such clocks and probably wouldn’t get the title, so I salvaged the poem as a one-liner.

      As for the T.S. Eliot quote, perhaps it explains a lot about political speechifying as well as writing poetry, except that poetry is seldom a lot of BS.

      Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 10:20 pm on October 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Tempus fugit indeed, Sr. Muse. I fugited the weekend away in Mexico, which left me behind on mucho today. Glad I could finally catch up to you.

      Like

      • mistermuse 11:45 pm on October 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Now that The Donald’s chances of being elected Pres are fast fugiting away, you can go to Mexico as often as you please without worrying about a wall being built while you’re there, keeping you from returning home unless you dig a tunnel underneath. Yes! There is a God after all!!!

        Like

    • Mark Scheel 6:16 pm on October 11, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Muse,

      I like the one-liners, but Esar’s comment really enlightened me. So that’s the reason there’s no money in it! Now I understand. LOL

      Mark

      Like

      • mistermuse 10:23 pm on October 11, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, Mark. If I may change the subject, I notice that, in order to submit comments on your posts, I have to duplicate and submit a ‘CAPTCHA Code’ which, if I don’t do it exactly right, results in the disappearance of the comment which I may have spent 20 minutes (or more) composing. Not only is that frustrating, but I don’t see any point to it (even if I got it right every time)!

        Like

    • BroadBlogs 7:35 pm on October 11, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Clever!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 10:10 pm on October 11, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks. It makes me happy when my work appeals to a “Broad” audience. 🙂

        Like

    • Don Frankel 3:11 pm on October 12, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Frost was lucky he lived in the day before the internet. Can you imagine what some people might have said to him on SWI? Could he handle it?

      Like

    • mistermuse 6:00 pm on October 12, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      That last Frost quote surprised me with its wit. As for “Could he handle it?”, wit can handle almost anything but the witless, so no doubt he wouldn’t waste time trying.

      Liked by 1 person

    • inesephoto 9:36 am on October 13, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Brilliant and profound!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:38 am on October 13, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      As the circus elephant said to its admirer, I should hire you as my publicist, but I could only pay you peanuts!

      Like

  • mistermuse 12:02 am on August 25, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Barbara Tuchman, Bermuda Triangle, , , jokes, , , Scrabble, , The Guns of August,   

    THE PUNS OF AUGUST 

    Disaster is rarely as pervasive as it seems from recorded accounts. After absorbing the news of today, one expects to find a world consisting entirely of strikes, crimes, power failures, stalled trains, shutdowns, muggers, drug addicts, neo-Nazis, and rapists. The fact is that one can come home in the evening –on a lucky day– without having encountered more than one or two of these phenomena.
    Barbara Tuchman, author of The Guns of August (1962 Pulitzer Prize winner)
    ………………..     ………………..     ………………..     ………………..     ………………..     ………………..

    I chose the above tongue-in-cheek quote to serve as the introduction to this pun-in-cheek post because….well, because the post’s title had come to me as wordplay based on the title of Tuchman’s book, and I thought the quote would connect the dots….

    Now that the dots are taken care of, let us turn to the pun, which, it’s alleged, is mightier than the sword….as long as you don’t get the point. Hahahahaha. The pun has been defined as a short quip followed by a long groan (which is punderstandable if you get the point, assuming it has a point, which would seem to be the point, otherwise what is the point?). It’s all very punfusing.

    But enough about whatever that was about. Here are more killer puns (not mine, you’ll be pleased to know) for your edification. If you don’t suffer from edification, take them for anything that ails you.They’re guaranteed to cure every ill known to man. If you’re a woman, take them anyway, just in case you come in contact with man. Why take chances?

    What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.

    I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

    Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

    What do the Bermuda Triangle and sexy women have in common? They both swallow a lot of seamen.

    I told some jokes about the unemployed, but none of them worked.

    Thank God for nipples. Without them, boobs would be pointless. 

    I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

    Vagina jokes aren’t funny. Period.

    Thieves broke into my house and stole everything except my soap, towels and deodorant. Dirty bastards.

    I couldn’t figure out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked!

    People who say they suffer from constipation are full of shit.

    I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory, when all I did was take a day off.

    Speaking of taking a day off, I’m off for the next five days. I leave you with this disclaimer: I assume you are a groan-up and therefore I am NOT RESPUNSIBLE for any side effects, sound effects, after effects or any other effects resulting from reading this post, with the exception of an irresistible urge to send me money (diamonds and gold also accepted).

     

     

     

     

     

     

     
    • Melanie (DoesItEvenMatterWhoIReallyAm?) 4:01 am on August 25, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Those were good for a rather painful giggle! 😘 💖

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 6:15 am on August 25, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Well, I appreciate your reaction. It beats that of the reaction to the person who invented Zero: “Thanks for nothing!” 😦 🙂

      Like

    • arekhill1 9:33 am on August 25, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Well, I hope your next crap spells quotidian, Sr. Muse. It would be less painful and get you more points.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 10:44 am on August 25, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Fortunately I was quoting someone else’s pun, but if I ever swallow any Scrabble tiles, I’ll shit – I mean shoot – for something even less painful, but still points-rich….like maybe letters that spell L-A-X-I-T-I-V-E.

      Liked by 1 person

    • BroadBlogs 4:54 pm on August 25, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Funny!

      Like

    • mistermuse 9:14 pm on August 25, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Who am I to disagree with so brilliantly perceptive an evaluation (I’d say more, but I’ve already had a few drinks too many).

      Like

    • Mél@nie 8:39 am on August 26, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      EXCELLENT puns, mille merci, Monsieur Muse! 🙂

      Like

    • mistermuse 10:46 am on August 26, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      It seems we both agree with Oscar Levant: “A pun is the lowest form of humor….when you don’t think of it first.” 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • Mél@nie 12:17 pm on August 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        yep… 🙂 I learn lots of interesting “stuff” from your posts, Sir… I’m serious, grateful and thankful!

        Liked by 1 person

    • Bette A. Stevens 8:36 pm on August 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Well done! 🙂

      Like

    • mistermuse 8:50 pm on August 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I tried to make it medium rare, but I guess I overdid it. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 3:19 am on August 31, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      That which we call a pun by any other name would still be funny.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 6:56 am on August 31, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      We could call a pun a-muse-thing. I don’t know if it would still be funny, but I’m for anything that might make people think of mistermuse (well, ALMOST anything).

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:24 am on September 2, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I just realized that some may consider one of my post’s puns: Bermuda Triangle/sexy women both swallow a lot of seamen, tasteless. Sorry about that.

      Liked by 1 person

    • barkinginthedark 5:41 pm on August 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      ba-da-bomp.

      Like

      • mistermuse 8:55 pm on August 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Having already said “Sorry about that,” and since those “killer puns” weren’t mine to begin with, I don’t know that further pun-ishment is warranted (though I could probably come up with even ba-da-bumpier ones, if I put what’s left of my mind to it).

        Liked by 1 person

    • Invisibly Me 8:07 am on August 1, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      These made me chuckle!!

      Liked by 1 person

    • JosieHolford 7:52 pm on August 1, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Enjoin your thyme aweigh.
      And – always good to be reminded of one of the great books of all time.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mlrover 8:44 am on August 8, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      This is a hoot! Thanks. Needed a laugh.

      Liked by 1 person

    • equipsblog 3:53 pm on August 6, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Four groan ups. Arghhhhh.

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:05 am on July 1, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ethnic humor, French cuisine, , , jokes, Somerset Maugham,   

    NO JOKE – IT’S INTERNATIONAL JOKE DAY 

    July 1 is International Joke Day, one of those days when I get to pilfer humor from others rather than strain my brain for something original. Hence, if you find any of the following jokes offensive to your ethnicity, they’re not my jokes, so don’t shoot the messenger. Yes, I’m posting them, but the devil made me do it (just so you know who to blame). Thus pre-absolved, off we go around the world:

    What do you name a retarded Chinese baby?
    Sum Ting Wong.

    What’s the difference between an Irish wake and an Irish wedding?
    There’s one less drunk at the wake. (Or, as I would’ve said, one less Irish stewed.)

    A French chef, Monsieur H. Cuisine, tired of being a glorified cook, decided to retire and raise rabbits to sell to Paris’s finer restaurants. After searching all over the city for a place to raise his rabbits, an old priest at the cathedral agreed to rent him a small plot behind the rectory. The venture proved so successful that one restaurant owner asked where he got such tasty rabbits. Monsieur H. Cuisine smiled and replied, “I raise them myself, near the cathedral. Actually, I have a….hutch back of Notre Dame.”

    If you want to eat well in England, eat three breakfasts daily. –W. Somerset Maugham

    A New Zealander, hoping to immigrate to Australia (which was largely a British penal colony until the 1850s), was questioned by a customs officer upon arrival: “What is your business in Australia?”
    “I wish to immigrate.”
    Customs officer: “Do you have a conviction record?”
    Confused, the New Zealander answered, “I didn’t think you still needed one.”

    Why do Italian men have mustaches?
    They want to look like their mama.

    It’s almost impossible to do inventory in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.

    My next door neighbor is loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.

    January 19th was Martin Luther King Jr. Day in America….or, as it’s known in the south, Monday.

    The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive. –W.C. Fields

     

     

     
  • mistermuse 9:18 am on July 1, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Catholic priests, , , jokes, July 1,   

    THERE’S SOMETHING FUNNY GOING ON HERE 

    ….at least, we think so:

    🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

    July 1st is International Joke Day, brought to you by the maker of human beings everywhere — for most of you, that would be God, so let us begin with a prayer by Robert Frost:

    Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I’ll forgive Thy great big joke on me.

    Speaking of seeking forgiveness, I stole almost every joke in this post, so forgive me too, Lord. If jokes were meant to be kept to oneself, I’m pretty sure You wouldn’t have invented sex.

    What do Christmas trees and Catholic priests have in common? Their balls are just for decoration.

    PMS is just a term for ovary-acting.

    How do you make Holy Water? Boil the hell out of it.

    A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

    What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.

    What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth hurtie.

    Did you know dwarfs and midgets have very little in common?

    How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

    Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

    If Adam came back to earth, the only thing he’d recognize would be the jokes.

     

     

     

     

     
  • mistermuse 9:11 pm on January 26, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: gnu jokes, gnus, , jokes, New York Times, , wildebeest, zoo   

    GNU BUSINESS 

    What did the guy in the wildebeest costume say at the Halloween party?
    I feel like a gnu man.
    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

    Tourist: Can you tell me how to get to the zoo from here?
    Wildebeest: Sorry, I’m gnu in town.
    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

    Why did the dyslexic bank robber walk out without any loot?
    He walked in carrying a gnu.
    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

    What did the unsuccessful wildebeest poacher say to the game warden?
    No gnus is good gnus.
    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

    What did the wildebeest say when her doctor told her she was having twins?
    That’s gnus to me!
    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

    What is  the wildebeests’ favorite publication?
    The Gnu York Times.
    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

    What did Ricardo do when he felt sorry for the San Diego Zoo’s wildebeest?
    Took it to Gnu Mexico.
    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

    (No extra charge for the ha’s)

     
    • Don Frankel 8:20 am on January 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Let us not forget Gnu Russia, Gnu Greece or of course Gnu York itself. Do they like The Gnu York Daily News or is that something they would turn their Gnu nose up at?

      Like

      • mistermuse 8:59 am on January 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        I can’t answer that, Don, but I do know their favorite politician is Gnuwt Gingrich.
        Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

        Like

    • literaryeyes 8:39 pm on January 31, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I gnu this would be funny.

      Like

    • mistermuse 10:01 pm on January 31, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I’m out of gnu comments, so I’ll just say I’m glad you liked it.

      Like

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