Tagged: The flood/Noah’s ark Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • mistermuse 12:05 am on January 20, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , Mount Ararat, Noah, , , , The flood/Noah's ark,   

    OH, WHAT A RELIEF IT IS 

    Life is just a dirty four-letter word: w-o-r-k.  –J. P. McEvoy, writer/comic strip creator

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    If you have a job that stinks because your caseload is overwhelming (like maybe social work, child welfare or criminal court), you can probably relate to this:

    http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2016/01/09/3737789/ohio-judge-poem-mocks-inmate/

    If I’m any judge, that’s a Judge (and fellow Ohioan) who knows how to do creative “sentencing” — a Cain who is able, as Judge Cain himself might pun. As a poet, I see poetry as a way to express myself creatively, but the above case demonstrates that poetry is also good for getting a load off one’s mind. Take those times I’m on the throne, dumping a commodious b. m. — I’d liken it to killing two turds with one stone, because at times, it may be the only place I find peace and quiet to compose the poems I post….such as this com-post:

    THE REAL POOP BEHIND THE FLOOD

    Noah did build a mighty ark;
    He worked by day and he worked by dark.

    From lands afar he gathered pairs
    Of kangaroos and polar bears,

    Of groundhogs and water buffalo,
    And every creature, bound to go

    With him o’er deserts, swamps and seas,
    Across the Alps and Pyrenees,

    Taking those beasties from where they were at,
    Straight to his ark for a cruise to Mount Ararat,

    Got them on board, two of each species,
    Ere long to amass a mess of feces,

    And though the elephants brought their trunks,
    Two hoses could but horse with a stench like skunks.

    Fortunately, as much as decks stinked,
    Dinosaurs and mastodons had become extinct.

    But how do we know Noah knew their gender?
    The pairs multiplied like rabbits by THE ENDer….

     
    • Michaeline Montezinos 12:47 am on January 20, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Although I have not composed a poem when on the pot, I have to admire someone who has done it a lot. Unless I’m wrong and this was only one occurrence, I hope you face the throne with calm assurance. Very witty and punny poem mistermuse.. Thanks for enlighterning us about the critters on the Ark. I can picture Noah’s family and friends itching to find land after days parked on that hill with the stench growing stronger still .

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 8:28 am on January 20, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        For my poem to have inspired you to such eloquence, Michaeline, I can truly rest assured that my hard work on the throne was worth the effort. In fact, I think your rhyme is so sublime that you should run for Judge there in Florida and (as an ex-Ohioan) show Floridians how we put criminals — not to mention stool pigeons — in their place.

        Like

    • ladysighs 6:18 am on January 20, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      LOL

      Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 11:22 am on January 20, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      That judge is hard on your heels for the title of Poop Poet Laureate of your Midwestern state, Sr. Muse.

      Like

    • mistermuse 1:45 pm on January 20, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Hopefully, as long as the judge keeps his day job on the bench and I keep my play job on the throne, I will remain Poop Poet Prince. I could say more, but that’s the long and shit of it, Ricardo.

      Like

      • Michaeline Montezinos 3:29 pm on January 20, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Once you get going, Mister Muse, with the “Princely potty” jokes, you start to “roll.” Its okay with me as long ” you enjoy the go .” Those Charmin Bears on the television, which you said you did not always watch, are usually exclaiming how tidy, soft and complete their toilet tissue has been with their running to the “John.” Whomever John is I pity him. Mama Charmin Bear must make a lot of chili. I think she uses “kidney” beans. That explains the “running” and the copious supply of Charmin in her cupboard. I hope this mono log” has not discouraged you. After all is said and “done” you can also read newspaper. At the condo Where we lived before Florida, I discovered why our news paper disappeared before could go down stairs to retrieve it.

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    • mistermuse 6:08 pm on January 20, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I don’t remember saying anything about Charmin Bears, Michaeline — in fact, I bear-ly remember them on television at all. But I do think newspapers can serve as more than reading material – at least, that’s what I advise my wife when she tells me we’re running low on toilet paper. 🙂

      Like

      • Michaeline Montezinos 6:43 pm on January 20, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I write so much that my computer “freezes.” Then I cannot finish or proofread what I wrote. That is a “bum”mer,. “Butt” at least I got the main idea of “what I was trying to get out.” Oh My! Now I can’t stop with the potty jokes and puns. Help! I am sinking into the doo doo of my life’s S##T Hole. I’ve gone from naughty to not nice. Sorry, mistermuse and others here on this web site. Me BAD !

        Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 6:48 pm on January 20, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      We’ve always been told that it all comes out in the end but now I have to wonder… does it?

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:41 pm on January 20, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      It has been said that a pun is the lowest form of humor, which makes sense, if it all comes out in the end. But I agree with Oscar Levant, who said a pun is the lowest form of humor — when you didn’t think of it first.

      Like

    • mistermuse 8:26 am on January 21, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      He was also an excellent pianist (and good friend of George Gershwin – I have an old 78 rpm record album of him playing Gershwin’s RHAPSODY IN BLUE).

      Like

      • Michaeline Montezinos 7:41 pm on January 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        When TCM has the movie about George Gershwin’s life, I watch it not so much for the acting. I love the music and like the tile of this movie RHAPSODY IN BLUE. I wait until the actor plays the title song and I can feel the sidewalks of New York, and see the bridges that span the Hudson River. I do not own any of the record but I do enjoy the magic of Gershwin’s songs.

        Liked by 1 person

    • BroadBlogs 5:58 pm on January 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Clever.

      I had never thought about this before, but good question: But how do we know Noah knew their gender?

      Liked by 1 person

    • hooklineandinkwell 10:56 am on January 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Brilliantly penned. I find the throne to be the quietest place where poet and thoughts assemble to flush the crap of the day away and out of it draw a breath of creativity. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:52 am on January 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you. I hope you’ve never had to write any “Dear John” letters on the throne. 🙂

      Like

  • mistermuse 1:28 pm on March 29, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: agnostics, , Arianna Huffington, , , cynics, , , , , , , skeptics, The flood/Noah's ark, ,   

    SCOFFER, BUT WISER 

    I tend to be drawn more to the wisdom of those who question everything than to “accepted” wisdom, since no one knows everything — no one I know and trust, that is. But what of God, who (I was taught) does know everything. As an American, how could I not trust God? The proclamation IN GOD WE TRUST is all-inclusively bannered on our country’s legal tender –which, if you stop to think, seems an odd bearer for it, given the admonishment that money is the root of all evil (1 Timothy 6:10).

    Be that as it may, the thing about God is like the thing about truth — exactly whose God, whose truth are we talking about? To paraphrase the late Daniel Patrick Moynihan, you’re entitled to your own God, your own truth — but not your own facts. If you take the discrepant God of divergent religions for a fact, how can a fact divided against itself stand?  Aren’t we left with the logic that no deity conceived by humans has a basis in fact? But you knew that …. right?

    I don’t believe in any religion’s God (which isn’t the same as not believing in a Creator), but if I did, why would I want to take the life of, or coerce, a man of a different faith — both of our faiths are, after all, only fallible beliefs. Better to take the measure of human folly, as observed and recorded by those who have questioned everything:

    The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunk man is happier than a sober one.  –George Bernard Shaw

    If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?  –George Deacon

    I don’t pray because I don’t want to bore God.  –Orson Welles

    When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.  —Emo Phillips

    Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.  –Ambrose Bierce (THE DEVIL’S DICTIONARY)

    Many a long dispute among divines may be thus abridged: It is so. It is not so. It is so. It is not so.  –Ben Franklin 

    Well, you could become a Southern Baptist. I mean, instead of having to obey the Pope, you could just obey your husband.  –Arianna Huffington

    The only thing that stops God from sending a second flood is that the first one was useless.  –Nicolas Chamfort

    When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, “Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe?”  –Quentin Crisp

    I too much respect the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world.  –Georges Duhamel

    Amen.

     

     
    • arekhill1 2:48 pm on March 29, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I think that it is obvious that if there is a God, He eats over the sink.

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:54 pm on March 29, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Or maybe over the john. Either way, it all ends up down the drain.

      Like

    • Don Frankel 3:38 am on March 30, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Reminds me of the time my cousin went to Ireland. She was in a Pub when she was asked if she was a Protestant or a Catholic. She said. “I’m Jewish.” To which she was asked was she a Jewish Protestant or a Jewish Catholic.

      “World without end. Amen.”.

      Like

    • mistermuse 6:27 am on March 30, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Love your “cousin” story, Don. It’s the perfect example of a one-track mind.

      Like

    • carmen 5:22 am on December 18, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I think it makes more sense to believe that man made god(s) rather than the other way ’round.

      Liked by 1 person

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