THE STATE OF THINKING

thinking cap n. A state in which one thinks, esp. carefully —Webster’s New World Dictionary

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I don’t know about your state, but I don’t think the “red” state I live in bothers to do much thinking — or it wouldn’t be a red state. But, GOPolitics aside — and being in a thinking state of mind — I thought I’d do a thinking post today, including quotes about thinking by thinkers whom I think know what they’re thinking about. But first, here’s a thought-full ditty to get you in the mood:

There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking. —Thomas Edison

Few people think more than two or three times a year. I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week. —George Bernard Shaw

When all men think alike, no one thinks very much. —Walter Lippmann

Ours is an age which is proud of machines that think, and suspicious of men who try to. —Howard Mumford Jones

There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything, or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking. —Alfred Korzybski

When men talk, they seldom stop to think; when women talk, they seldom think to stop. —Evan Esar (sorry about that, ladies)

Men can live without air for a few minutes, without water for about two weeks, without food for about two months — and without a new thought for years on end. —Kent Ruth

Many people have eaten and drunk themselves to death. Many people have played themselves to death. Nobody ever thought himself to death. –Gilbert Highet

For God’s sake, don’t let us think. If we did, there would be an end to society. —Lucas Cleeve

But there will be no end to this post without one more song….

….or (on second thought) two….

Here’s thinking of you, kid.

IT’S CRYIN’ TIME

Do you cry easily? Or….ever? I could cry every time I think of what Donald Trump has done to the common good and culture of (t)his country….but that’s a crime an’ shame for another time and another blame. I’ve got better things to cry about in this post….so for cryin’ out loud, let’s get to it:

I’ve heard it sad that one good cry deserves another, so keep that hanky handy:

Continuing to go with the flow….

Well, now that you and I have had a good cry, I

COME UP AND SEE ME SOMETIME

If, like me, you’re a Hollywood Golden Age film aficionado, you recognize the above title as Mae West’s supposed invitation to Cary Grant in a scene from the 1933 movie SHE DONE HIM WRONG. What she actually said in the film was three-words-longer: “Why don’t you come up sometime and see me” — but, since brevity is the soul of hit (songs), who’s counting?

Speaking of Upcoming songs: on the grounds that one such ditty deserves another, here’s a 1940s low-brow “Music Lovers” version of a “Come” song composed in 1910 (barely seven years after the Wright Brothers first flying machine got off the ground):

But far be it from me not to end this flight of fancy on a high note:

And so ends another diversion past where you might have thought this flight was going. Hope you enjoyed the override. If not, refunds will be cheerfully evaded on a first come, first refused basis.

HISTORY’S MYTH-STORIES….FACT OR FICTION?

“The only form of fiction in which real characters are not out of place is history.” —Oscar Wilde

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Do you have a sense of history sufficient to know (or venture an educated guess) which of the following legendary characters were creatures of myth, and which were actual people?

1. JOHNNY APPLESEED
2. PAUL BUNYAN
3. DRACULA
4. LADY GODIVA
5. ROBIN HOOD
6. CASEY JONES
7. MERLIN
8. MONA LISA
9. WILLIAM TELL

I would have included myself in the above list, but even though I’m old, I haven’t yet gone down in history; thus, whether or not I’m real is immaterial at this point. So let’s dissect the list to get to the bottom of who’s fictional, and who was flesh and bled:

1 Johnny Appleseed (real name John Chapman), born 1774 in Massachusrtts, was real, but stories of him randomly spreading apple seeds everywhere weren’t. Actually, he was an itinerant nurseryman/eccentric missionary who set up a profitable business planting seeds and apple trees in parts of five states and Ontario in the early 1800s, supplying frontier folk with the raw material for hard cider (the then-primary use for apples, as the proverb An apple a day keeps the doctor away had not yet taken root).

2. Paul Bunyan, the legendary lumberjack, is, like Babe, his blue ox, a lot of bull. No doubt there have been a lot of Pauls beset with Bunions, but none are known to have approached his feats.

3. Dracula, the fictional character created by Bram Stoker, was based on an actual human monster known as Vlad the Impaler, a 15th century warlord and Prince of Wallachia in southeastern Europe, who may have been the inspiration for the term Off with his head later found in works by the likes of William Shakespeare and Lewis Carroll. Nonetheless, not a real person.

4. Lady Godiva was a real person, but the story of her ride naked through the streets of 11th century Coventry is almost certainly a myth. I could go into further detail, but it would be a coverup.

5. Robin Hood — What can I say about this legend that hasn’t been said in numerous movies, including ROBIN HOOD: MEN IN TIGHTS and ROBIN HOOD: PRINCE OF THIEVES? I humbly defer to those sources of merrie-meant.

6. Casey Jones — John Luther “Casey” Jones, born 1863, was an American railroad worker and locomotive engineer who was killed when his passenger train ran into a stalled freight train in April 1900. For his valiant actions in mitigating what could have been an even more deadly disaster, he was immortalized in the ballad at the end of this post.

7. Merlin was an Arthurian myth retold and embellished many times over the centuries, one of the later of which portrayed him as a wizard who turned up in the land of Oz (just kidding about Oz, though I suppose anything is possible in the language of legend).

8. Mona Lisa was Lisa del Giocondo, an Italian noblewoman (Mona translates to “noble” or “aristocratic” in Italian) whose husband commissioned the famous portrait by Leonardo da Vinci in 1503. It has the distinction of being the most parodied portrait in history, as well as winning an Academy Award for best song (and a big hit for singer and merry old soul Nat “King” Cole) in 1950.

9.William Tell also had a famous composition named for him (the William Tell Overture), but unlike Mona Lisa, he is a total 14th century myth. The story is told of Tell, an expert marksman with the crossbow, being sentenced to shoot an apple off his son’s head under penalty of both being executed if he didn’t comply (but released if he succeeded, which he did with a single shot, becoming a national hero of Switzerland). There is more to Tell, but my time is limited, so I’m going to call it a day.

HARK THE HAROLD ANGELS SWING

A month and five days from today, how fitting it would be if we were off to sing the praises of the wonderful wizard of song, Harold Arlen (born Feb. 15, 1905). I bring this up now because he is/was the answer to my question (“witch” no one was able to answer) at the end of my last post (Jan. 1). My fault: my clues obviously weren’t enough to ring a bell with readers who aren’t into the music of the 1930s-40s, when Arlen (born Hyman Arluck) was among the top composers of “The Great American Songbook”:

https://www.npr.org/2015/11/07/455017504/remembering-harold-arlen-the-mystery-man-behind-over-the-rainbow .

I daresay that if I tried to include clips in this post of all the Harold Arlen songs I love, I might be here….

You gotta love those lyrics by lyricist Ted Koehler, who combined with composer Arlen to write many hit songs in the first half of the 1930s. Later, Arlen collaborated with other great lyricists like Johnny Mercer in the 1940s on such standards as this oldie:

Back to Arlen-Koehler classics, this one from one of their Harlem Cotton Club collaborations:

Speak of The Devil, it behooves me to be content to make no more than a dent in this post of great Arlen tunes to choose from — but there are so many, I’m having a devil of a time refraining from posting more than three. So, I’m going to make a deal with the devil: I’ll settle for three for now, and make this celebration a two part-er, with three more songs to follow on Arlen’s actual birthday on Feb. 15 (under the post title OZ WELL THAT ENDS WELL) bringing the grand total to six songs IN TOTO.

In the interim, just to keep you from missing me too doggone much over the next 35 days (as if you could be that lucky), I’ll fill in with an undetermined number (or thereabouts) of indeterminate posts. I thank you.

A PENNY FOR YORE THOUGHTS….

….or, I could have gone with a more prosaic title: A PENNY FOR THOUGHTS OF YORE. Either way, my penny-wise-and-pound-foolish friends, I propose to start the New Year with some ancient wisdom….keeping in mind the axiom that “Those that fail to learn from [even ancient] history are doomed to repeat it.” –Winston Churchill (by way of George Santayana). Or, put another way, those who fail to formulate future foresight from foregone experience may find their penny-wise and pound-foolish fate forever firmly fixed.

Ere I forget: before posting yore thoughts, I would be remiss if I neglected to offer you the posted title’s proffered penny. It’s yours for a song:

Now let us turn to the wisdom of my fellow ancients, whom I have long outlived time-wise, but for some penny-dreadful reason, am doomed not to outlive, immortality-wise. Why, heaven only knows, as I, too, am a wise guy….so, to counter this injustice, I’ll follow each of their thoughts of yore with a thought of my own, and, like pennies from heaven, let the chits fall where they may.

PLATO: “Philosophy begins in wonder.” (and ends in no end of loose ends)

“If anyone at all is to have the privilege of lying, the rulers of the state should be such persons.” (Who knew Trump read Plato?)

ARISTOTLE: “Some men are just as firmly convinced of what they think, as others are of what they know.” (I think, therefore I know?)

CONFUCIUS: “If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.” (Unless you are Trump, then you are in the wrong country (if not planet)

AUGUSTINE: “The world is a book, and those who do not travel, read only a page.” (Now that’s a novel idea….though I suspect Augustine had in mind a more encylopedic tract — World Book, perchance?)

MACHIAVELLI: “It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.” (It is better you speak for yourself, if you ask me.)

I think I’ll close with a (Red) Nichols worth of pennies — one for each of the five wise men quoted above. Keep a penny for your thoughts, and spend the rest wisely — you never know when your ass(ets) may not be worth a plug nickel.

P.S. If I only had a brain, I’d quit while I’m ahead….but I got a brainstorm: This could be ARlucky (or at least, YOURlucky) day — that is, if you can identify the vocalist in the above clip. Your prize, if you know the answer, will be the satisfaction of realizing that, in the end, you’re a genius….and, of course, it goes without singing that Oz well that ends well.

CELEBRITY RESOLUTIONS

Taking up where my last post (CELEBRITY CRAZY) left off, this post will feature NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS of the heinous and famous, fabricated by me on their behalf. Knowing how they thrive on attention, I’m confident that my chosen celebs will appreciate such puffery on their behalfery when they see that their resolutions will be read and admired by my VAST audience, thus making them even more famous. After all — like Frenchmen, fifty million followers can’t be wrong (fifty million and one, if you count my Dutch uncle).

Before making with the resolutions, how about a little transition music to take us sanelessly from the previous post into this one:

“I will overturn the stolen 2020 election in 2023, or my middle name isn’t KING JOHN ” –Donald J. Trump

“I will prosecute Donald J. Trump in 2023, or my game isn’t….what’s-his-name….Jack Smith.” –Merrick Garland

“I will change my name back to Kanye West in 2023 or Ye may see me pee in my PJ’s.” –Ye (To pee or not to pee, that is the ?)

“In order to advance women’s right to be just as obnoxious and unhinged as our male GOP counterparts, we resolve to be even more so in 2023 than in 2022.” –Lauren Boebert, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Kari Lake

“I will take Ukraine in 2023 if I have to bomb it back into the dark ages.” –Vladimir Putin (Ye and who’s army?)

SO ENDS MY FINAL 2022 POST. HAPPY 2023!

CELEBRITY CRAZY

“In the past if someone was famous or notorious, it was for something—as a writer or an actor or a criminal, for some talent or distinction or abomination. Today one is famous for being famous.” –Malcolm Muggeridge (1967)

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Much has changed in our culture since 1967, but without a doubt, the above quote is even more true in recent years than it was 55 years ago. Now we not only have celebrities famous for being famous, but celebrity TV shows famous for being celebrity TV shows — like CELEBRITY LEGO MASTERS, CELEBRITY IOU, and (for the more discriminating viewer) CELEBRITY WIFE SWAP. No doubt coming soon (or maybe already here, for all I know), we can expect to see sophomoric class acts along the lines of CELEBRITY TRUMP LOVERS, CELEBRITY ELECTION DENIERS and CELEBRITY FRUITCAKES.

I can also envision large potential audiences for such sure-fire winners as CELEBRITY ARSONISTS and CELEBRITY IDIOTS….speaking of which (despite Donald Trump having fired CELEBRITY APPRENTICE), he apparently plans to re-run for CELEBRITY PRESIDENT. No doubt, CELEBRITY OATH KEEPERS and CELEBRITY PROUD BOYS are also waiting in the wings. Can CELEBRITY ASSHOLES be far behind?

Yes, friends, America has long been celebrity crazy, but manifestly now so more so than ever. Why is this so? Who is to blame?

OK, if we can’t blame an individual, is it the class of Americans who largely determine and dominate our pop culture?

I leave it to you to decide

P.S. The first clip inexplicably popped up twice and I don’t know how to delete the duplicate (below), so simply disregard it.

OWL SAY

A wise old owl sat in an oak,
The more he heard, the less he spoke;
The less he spoke, the more he heard;
Why aren’t we all be like that wise old bird?

This wise old nursery rhyme poses a question which most humans, being social animals, might say is anti-ethical — make that antithetical — to their nature. Be that as it may, it’s in my nature as a wise guy to wink and sigh and blink an eye at human foibles, because I give a hoot:

As the above New Owleans jazz classic shows, music can be instrumental in the instancing of ‘no or less is more’ (words, that is). I consider myself a man of few words, but that’s not to say I’m adverse to poems and quotes in delight of a wise old owl’s insight.

“Revolutions are not made by men in spectacles.” –Owliver Wendell Holmes

There was an Old Man with an owl / Who continued to bother and howl / He sat on a rail / And imbibed bitter ale / Which refreshed that Old Man and his owl. –Edward Lear

“No man goes further than the man who doesn’t know where he is going.” –Owliver Cromwell

“That’s another fine mess you’ve gotten me into.” –Owliver Hardy (to Stan Laurel)

Mused the owl roosting on a pine tree shoot / My Colleagues think I’m not very astute / But I wisely perch in pines / Not on hot transmission lines / If they singe their butts, I don’t give a hoot! –Robert L. Hinshaw

“Tact: to lie about others as you would have them lie about you.” –Owliver Herford

A scholarly old owl in a tree sat high / Calling out to all, Is any wiser than I? / He’d read his book / From his overlook / Whoo whoo ha hoo, was his airy cry. –Tom Wright

“Please, sir, I want some more,” –from Owliver Twist, by Charles Dickens

Sorry, Owliver, but that’s all there is. Merry Christmas to owl, and to owl a good night.

THE MAN WHO….

Who knows when or where an idea for a new post will come from? The other day, after watching a movie on TCM, I was about to turn off the TV when a trailer appeared for a coming film titled RIDE, VAQUERO! (1953). The trailer included a scene in which one character speaks of another as “a man who cannot live without power.” My immediate reaction: HOW PERFECTLY THAT MAN DESCRIBES DONALD TRUMP. Then I started to think about how many old movie titles begin with the words THE MAN WHO….and this post began to begin.

One such film is THE MAN WHO BROKE THE BANK AT MONTE CAROL (1935), which film critic Leonard Maltin sums up as “translating a famous [19th century British music hall] title song into the story of a man who calculates to clean out the treasury of a Riviera gambling establishment.” As you see below, the song was evidently of a piece with “James Joyce’s Musical Dublin”:

A list of “The Man Who….” films is probably too long for those who have no particular interest in such things, but here is a representative sampling:

THE MAN WHO CAME TO DINNER (1941)
THE MAN WHO CHEATED HIMSELF (1950)
THE MAN WHO COULD WORK MIRACLES (1936)
THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH (1934 & 1956 Hitchcock remake)
THE MAN WHO TALKED TOO MUCH (1940) (maybe the same MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH, thus the 1956 revival?)
THE MAN WHO LAUGHS (1928) (but no one heard him — this adaptation of a Victor Hugo novel was a silent film)

THE MAN WHO LIVED AGAIN (original British title THE MAN WHO CHANGED HIS MIND) (1936)
THE MAN WHO PLAYED GOD (1932) (another description redolent of Donald Trump)
THE MAN WHO RECLAIMED HIS HEAD (1934)
THE MAN WHO UNDERSTOOD WOMEN (1959) (now that’s a fictional character if ever there was one)
THE MAN WITH MY FACE (1951) (poor guy!)
THE MAN WITH TWO FACES (1934) (a film wherein an actor plays an actor; you thought it was about a politician, didn’t you?)

We close with THE MAN WHO COMES AROUND, a title they never got around to making a film of, but seriously, who could base a film on such a sophisticated song?