YOU ASKED FOR IT! YOU GOT IT!

My last post featured poetry which one of you commented that you wanted more of. So, it is by popular demand (who am I to deny my adoring readers?) that my Fats friend and I are bound to reply:

The initials of that reader are mm. No, mistermuse isn’t the mm who asked for more. If you must know, it was magicmermaid, who I assume is a real person (not that mistermuse isn’t real — as real, at least, as magicmermaid….or as you, for that matter). You are real, aren’t you? — if not, just pretend you are, because mistermuse can use the reassurance.

THE FAUX PAS OF POSITIVE THINKING

“Doubt is not a pleasant mental state, but certainty is a ridiculous one.” –Voltaire

I can live with
Uncertainty and doubt —
It’s know-it-alls
I have my doubts about.

THE PETER PRINCIPLE

“I am not young enough to know everything.” –Sir James M. Barrie (author of the play subtitled The Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up)

Sorry that things didn’t quite Pan out
(except in Neverland….or thereabout).

HOW TO BETTER CULTIVATE KNOWLEDGE

“Scholars esteem knowledge not for its use in attaining other values, but as a value in itself.” –Max Eastman

Know,
Weigh,

Hoe
Say.

KNOW PROBLEM

“If reality wants to get in touch, it knows where I am.” –Phil Proctor

But if reality says,
“Hello there, it’s me” —
How would you know
Absent a show of real ID?

 

 

 

 

 

 

RELAX

Today being RELAXATION DAY, I’m of a mind to put as little effort into this post as possible. Now that I think of it, I should probably stop right here….but then, how could I relax, knowing I’d short-changed my countless faithful followers. After all, our President never ceases to model being a ‘word’-class genius, so who am I to act less nobly than he — am I not duty-bound to follow his lead, even if I have to hold my nose? Of course snot.

In any case, let us proceed….to RELAX:

Well, that looked more like an example of do as they sing, not as they do. Here’s something a bit more in the spirit of the day:

Now that we’ve boned up on how to properly relax, we can truly….

But just in case you’re still not at ease with taking it easy today, I suggest that this demonstration of the lotus position warts — I mean, warrants — serious consideration (if you’re so inclined):

https://quotesgram.com/img/funny-quotes-about-relaxing/2098415/

Now that’s what I call a croaker who knows how to croak — I mean,       relax     .

LIKE, WHAT’S NOT TO LIKE?

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I haven’t liked your posts since about this time yesterday. I haven’t liked them, not because I haven’t liked them, but because I haven’t been able to Like them. All I get where one normally clicks “Like” is “Loading” — and as much as I’d like it to stop Loading, it doesn’t. I can still comment, but if I commented on all the posts I like but can’t Like, I’d spend my whole day writing comments….which isn’t likely, because I also like to eat, sleep, and be merry. So, since I can’t Like you on your posts, I’ll LIKE you musically here.

Speaking of being merry, today is the birthday (May 21, 1904) of Thomas “Fats” Waller, who was about the merry-makingest singer/songwriter/pianist I know. Here he at the piano with such fellow jazz greats as Jack Teagarden and Gene Krupa playing his own composition I NEED SOMEONE LIKE YOU:

There’s more “Like” songs where that came from. Here is the First Lady of Song/Queen of Jazz singing a ballad like only she can:

I’d like to close with something high class, like this:

 

MAY DAYS

What do you say — may I interest you in the music of May? You see, I haven’t posted for a spell, but I don’t think I want to disturb a single brain cell — though I fear somewhere in my sphere the strain’s already rung a bell, as near I can tell. So, before I go too far, let’s get to the tunes, most of which may be before your time….but at least you won’t have to suffer (much) more of my rhyme.

I’ll start with two versions of my favorite May song, the first sung by the great Mel Tormé:

This second (and earlier) version is by British crooner Al Bowlly, who was tragically killed in a German air raid on London during WW II:

Now, let’s see — where are we? Oh, yes — we’re….

Let us say ‘fini’ appropriately:

INTERNATIONAL JAZZ DAY

April 30 is INTERNATIONAL JAZZ DAY. Mistermuse could write a book about jazz, but many books have already been authored by jazz writers more authoritative than he, so mistermuse will settle for doing a post — and on this post, he has a chick who can sing a lick here, scat a lick there, wing a lick everywhere:

You may think that’s hotter than a chicken wing or a pig on a spit — but here’s a cat who can scat too, and when he blows his bugle, he’s even….

Is your computer smoking yet? We don’t want to alarm the Firehouse brigade, so before your pc bursts into a

….let’s do one number more and stop at four, because….

 

 

TWO IN ONE

April 23 is both LOVER’S DAY and TAKE A CHANCE DAY. As it happens, one of my favorite composers wrote a song which encompasses both of those gambols/gambles in one title:

The name of that composer is Vladimir Dukelsky, better known to lovers (of The Golden Age of Popular Music) as VERNON DUKE, writer of such all-time standards as APRIL IN PARIS and AUTUMN IN NEW YORK. Here, in keeping with our ‘double take’ on this occasion, is one of his lesser known songs:

On this April day, I will keep our celebration short and bittersweet by closing with the above-noted ‘song of the month’:

LOWDOWN MONDAY MORNING BLUES

I don’t know how many jazz fans I have among my readers — or, for that matter, how many blues buffs I have among my jazz fans — but just between me and you (no matter how few), today I’m in a LOWDOWN and BLUE musical mood. To my non-jazz followers tried and true, you’re welcome to listen in too….with no apologies due if you decide to bid me adieu ’til my next post’s in view.

So, without further ado, here’s the LOWDOWN — BLUES, that is, played by a legendary New Orleans jazz man….and that’s no Bunk (I beg your pardon: it is Bunk) :

For my next selection this Monday morning, what else but the….

Some blues songs are a bit dirty, but I offer one that will leave you cleaner than a flushed toilet with a clogged drain….and, it’s conveniently in the same room:

Today is Easter Monday which, I’m sure you’re aware, is also DYNGUS DAY, which is big in Poland. Other than that, I don’t know a dang thingus about Dyngus, so I checked it out and found that it’s celebrated like St. Patrick’s Day is in Ireland, with drinking, parades, drinking, parties, drinking, dancing, and drinking. Of course, the Poles are open all night on Dyngus Day, so I’d like to close with a song apropos for the occasion — but unlike St. Patrick’s Day, I can’t show a Dyngus song because I don’t know a Dyngus song. Luckily, a melodious American opus will serve the purpose if we substitute DYNGUS for DUMAS:

Just between us, I thinkest that’s the dangest Dyngus/Dumas anyone could sing us to bring us to the finus. Thank goodness for Louis.

GO TO HELLISTAN

Yesterday, I commented on Rivergirl’s March 25 post titled “THINGS THAT FALL INTO THE WTH? CATEGORY”, which told of (among other things) a place known as the Door to Hell in Derweze, Turkmenistan. As I mentioned in that comment, I’ve actually gone to Hell (by car, by the way; not in a handbasket) — the town of Hell in Michiganistan, which may not be as hot as Hell in Turkmenistan, but is more convenient. I figure this is more than enough to qualify me as an authority on anystan’s Hell, hence this post.

When I say “more convenient,” I of course mean convenient to my followers here in the good old United Statesistan. If you live in Asiastan, you will undoubtedly be able to go to Hell more conveniently in Turkmenistan. On the other stan, if you live in Hindustan (aka The Republic of India), you’re stuckistan in Hindustan because India is in total lockdown due to the coronavirus (I would’ve said coronavirustan, but I understan that’s sickistan).

Anyway, the Hell I’ve been through in Michiganistan has an official website; rather than me give you the scoopistan, here’s the official poopistan straight from the horse’s mouth:

https://www.gotohellmi.com/

Now, if that doesn’t make you want to go to Hell, I don’t know what willistan. I happen to know a guy (his name is Stan) whose wife is a real clothes horse and looks hot in green, gray or white; he often takes her through Hell no matter what she’s wearing, even though….

I close with this thought: Where do people in Hell tell each other to go?

 

BEWARE THE BRIDES OF MARCH

March 15 being THE IDES OF MARCH (but still winter), I thought I’d work on a post I’d call THE BRRRR-IDES OF MARCH — however, it hasn’t been very winter-like where I live, so it’s no weather for snow jobs. Thus I’ll settle for a post about The Brides of March, of whom there have been some blushing ones, some gushing ones, some rushing ones, and a mother lode of if-at-first-you-don’t-succeed-try-try-again ones….such as singing star Peggy Lee, whose marriage to jazz guitarist Dave Barbour was her first of four such gigs.

Here are twenty March brides who gave it the old collage (French for to stick together) try, listed by March wedding day (along with the names of the grooms, just for the wreck of it):

March 1, 1968   JUNE CARTER / Johnny Cash
March 8, 1952   NANCY DAVIS / Ronald Reagan
March 8, 1943   PEGGY LEE / Dave Barbour
March 9, 1796   JOSÉPHINE de BEAUHARNAIS / Napoléon Bonaparte
March 13, 1946 MARY WELSH / Ernest Hemingway

March 15, 1964 ELIZABETH TAYLOR / Richard Burton (again)
March 16, 2002 LIZA MINNELLI / David Gest
March 17, 1905 ELEANOR ROOSEVELT / Franklin D. Roosevelt
March 18, 1869 HARRIET TUBMAN / Nelson Davis
March 19, 1918 DAISY PARKER / Louis Armstrong (who recorded this song 3/2/1932):

March 20, 1969 YOKO ONO / John Lennon
March 21, 1945 LAUREN BACALL / Humphrey Bogart
March 21, 1963 BARBRA STREISAND / Elliott Gould
March 21, 1984 SARAH BRIGHTMAN / Andrew Lloyd Webber
March 23, 1985 CHRISTIE BRINKLEY / Billy Joel

March 24, 1950 INGRID BERGMAN / Roberto Rossellini
March 27, 1916 GLORIA SWANSON / Wallace Beery
March 28, 1920 MARY PICKFORD / Douglas Fairbanks
March 28, 1939 CAROLE LOMBARD / Clark Gable
March 28, 1957 BILLIE HOLIDAY (LADY DAY) / Louis McKay

All but three of those ladies married multiple times, and one of the three (Daisy Parker) died soon after her divorce from Louis Armstrong. Lost passion being the fashion, this quote seems a fitting way to call it a day:

“I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.” –Will Rogers

So ladies, this be your day to be given away. Gents, beware the BRIDES OF MARCH (apologies to Shakespeare) — not to mention, pity your poor (after the divorce) befuddled comrades-in-arms who married them.

 

 

 

 

TRUMP AIN’T NOTHING BUT A GROUNDHOG

I wasn’t going to do a Groundhog Day post, but then I came across this Feb. 1, 2017 clip and, though I had second thoughts, decided (on third thought) to pass it on. Who said I ain’t nothing but a gentleman?

Hey, nothing said (or sung) about Trump could be more vulgar (not to mention obnoxious and disgusting) than Trump himself, right?