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  • mistermuse 12:13 am on February 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: glow worm, , , National Postal Museum, North Pole, , Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Santa Claus, , , toys   


    This post is honored to note the 105th anniversary tomorrow of a notable day in U.S. Postal history. Let’s begin with a ‘little’ background, which you can take as gospel because it was written by a Pope:


    Yes, friends, for just 53 cents worth of stamps attached to a little girl’s coat, the precious cargo wearing that coat was shipped by rail in a train’s mail compartment, thereby saving the cargo’s parents a pretty penny in passenger fare. This got me to thinking about the possibility of saving money by restoring the mailing of humans via the U.S. Postal Service. Think, for example, of all the “border wall” money alone that could be saved by shipping President Trump to the North Pole to chill in Santa’s workshop, helping Santa make toys that insure children are happy instead of policies that traumatize them….or Santa could toy with the bright idea of replacing Rudolph’s red nose with Donald and his orange glow.

    Now, I’m not saying The Donald is a worm, but if it acts like a worm, leaves a trail of slime like a worm, and glows like a worm, that may account for why so many have taken the bait.


    • calmkate 2:55 am on February 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      great idea, do hope you act on it!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:29 am on February 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        It would probably take an Act of Congress, which (unlike Parcel Post) has a history of delivering responsibly about as often as Trump tells the truth.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, Another Blogger 9:08 am on February 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply


      Liked by 1 person

    • rivergirl1211 9:53 am on February 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Marvelous ideas all..

      Liked by 2 people

    • mlrover 10:21 am on February 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Fascinating post and article. Love bits of history like this and am over the moon with the Spike Jones album cover. I actually have it. Last night re-watched “Laura” for the umpteenth time with a mystery writer friend who’d never seen it. (How is that possible!?) All through it I could hear Spike’s parody of the theme song. Thanks for the trip down memory lane.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:59 pm on February 18, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        The trip was my pleasure, mirover. How well I remember LAURA, as well as such other Spike Jones classics as CHLOE, COCKTAILS FOR TWO, and HAWAIAN WAR CHANT. In my opinion, GLOW WORM isn’t one of his best, but it’s still fun. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • Susi Bocks 1:41 pm on February 19, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Oh, he’s a worm and so much more than that!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 3:58 pm on February 19, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        In some respects, he’s a monster. What else do you call an egomaniac whose every lie, exaggeration, and maneuver are done in furtherance of seeing himself deemed King Trump.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Richard Cahill 9:15 pm on February 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Completely unfair to worms, Sr. Muse.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 11:36 pm on February 20, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Agreed, Ricardo. No self-respecting worm would want to be seen in the company of The Donald.


    • America On Coffee 9:45 am on February 22, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Video not available


    • Silver Screenings 8:29 pm on February 22, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      That was a fascinating link re: mailing children. I had no idea – and what a good price, too! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 11:27 am on February 23, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        I had the same reaction when I happened upon that link, SS. History is endlessly interesting to those of us who find human nature fascinating (as opposed to those of us for whom the world revolves entirely around him or her self).

        Liked by 1 person

    • The Coastal Crone 7:22 pm on February 23, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      Great idea!

      Liked by 1 person

    • JosieHolford 8:35 am on February 24, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      I like the question: “If you could post trump somewhere where would that somewhere be?” And I like your North Pole occupation location. Very benign. But works as well as any more violent or punitive revenge fantasy would. I think a nice sheltered workshop – a long way away from the means of communication – doing something of value for other people’s children would be a worthy and just punishment. He could even have hamberders and covfefe shipped in if it helped him concentrate on doing things to make other people’s lives better.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 1:36 pm on February 24, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        Yours is certainly a compassionate take on my proposal to send Trump to the North Pole, and more compassionate than he deserves. considering the places he sends children he has separated from their asylum-seeking parents. What he deserves is prison, but that’s probably about as likely as sending him to the North Pole (pending Mueller’s findings and further developments).


  • mistermuse 6:04 pm on December 3, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: bully pulpit, , Christmas wish list, , lie detector, , , Presidential pardon, , , Santa Claus, , Sean Hannity, , the Golden Rule, Tom Steyer, ,   



    December 4 is SANTA’S LIST DAY. Yours truly having been a good boy this year, what better time than now to make out my Christmas wish list and tell Santa that I deserve everything on it? That gives me three weeks to be naughty while the old fart is busy browbeating and driving his elves to peak toy production before D-Day (Delivery Day) — or should I say, before Delivery Night. The way I see it, it’s not my fault that Santa won’t have time to check up on me — he should be a more adept despot.

    Just kidding,of course. I don’t really plan on being a bad boy from now until Christmas…. and to prove it, my list will consist entirely of wishes for someone much more in need than I — a child so spoiled and naughty, he may soon be locked out of his WHITE HOUSE (depending on who holds the key to the outcome). The name of that over-privileged child is Don-Don (known as THE DONALD by those in awe of him — and who isn’t?).

    But why leave to chance the chances that my wishes for Don-Don come true?

    If not upon a star, maybe I could wish upon a STEYER: Tom-Tom STEYER, the billionaire liberal activist, philanthropist, and Trump ingrate, for help in suggesting gifts that Santa (perhaps with coaxing from Mrs. Claus, who could probably use a Steyer-donated fur coat) might deliver to the needy Don-Don. But it seems Tom-Tom is too-too busy donating  to causes instead of Clauses, so I’m stuck doing the dirty work all by myself. Fortunately, I have a pretty good idea of the toys it will take to get little Don-Don to straighten up and fly right, see himself for who he really is, and mend his lying ways:

    Here, then, is my Don-Don wish list to Santa (additional suggestions welcomed):

    1. A self-administered lie detector kit which gives $ for every truth and an electrical shock for every lie.

    2. Smelling salts and a first aid kit to recover from daily attempts (which Don-Don can never resist) to sneak lies past #1.

    3. A game of Trump Monopoly, which is just like regular Monopoly except: only Don-Don and family can play, there are numerous GO-TO-JAIL spaces, and there are no GET-OUT-OF-JAIL-FREE cards. 

    4. A bully pulpit, complete with a bully who calls Don-Don a “loser” whenever something doesn’t go Don-Don’s way.

    5. Don-Don finds Jesus on Fox News, has a revelation that he’s supposed to do unto others as he would have them do unto him, takes the Golden Rule to heart, astounds the world, and gives Sean Hannity a heart attack.

    6. A new law permitting any President named Trump to be above the law (but only with the approval of any Special Counsel named Mueller).

    7. A Presidential pardon for himself, enough enablers to keep him in office two more years, and a country gone to moral indifference and re-electing him in 2020. Hey, how did that wish slip in here? Could it be written in the stars?


  • mistermuse 1:00 am on December 7, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , Santa Claus, Villia, Violetta, Virginia,   

    TO V OR NOT TO V…. 

    To V or not to V….  Verily, I wouldst
    say, That is the question; methinks I shouldst
    look for those old V gals wherever I couldst.

    From what I’ve heard, there were at least three….
    including one who’s as inViolate as she can be.
    Now I remember “My Song” — will she hear me?

    This time of year, many newspapers reprint an editorial which appeared in the New York Sun on Sept. 21, 1897 — an editorial which famously responded “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus” to a letter written to the paper by eight year old Virginia O’Hanlon. Today I would further respond to Virginia that not only is there a Santa Claus, but Santa assures me that, just as in those indelible childhood days, he is coming back to wherever is home on the night before Christmas — and this time he hopes to stay, if only in spirit:

    As for #3: They say it ain’t over until the fat lady sings. Far be it from me to say any such things.

    None-the-less, and in any case, it’s over.

    • arekhill1 1:06 am on December 7, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 10:13 am on December 7, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Muse, look what I found and unlike my last discovery this is actually a good one with the Mills Brothers no less.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 11:13 am on December 7, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Great find, Don. I looked through each of my 17 Mills Brothers LP albums and don’t see this song on any of them. I also have many more of their 78s in my collection, but don’t recall this song there either, though I do have a vague recollection of hearing it years ago.

        Well done (by The Mills Bros. AND you)!


  • mistermuse 12:16 am on December 24, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , Muppet Christmas Carol, , Santa Claus   


    I hear that Dec. 25 is Christmas, so I’m departing from my every-five-days schedule to post a day early. For this post, I thought I’d make a little game out of several of my favorite Christmas lines from song and film. It’s simple enough: below are the lines; you name the song or film from whence they came. If you’ve been good, attentive little girls and boys, you should get all of them right; otherwise, I’ll tell Santa you’ve been naughty. However, if you’re a big, grown-up girl, I’ll let him know — ere he shows up down your chimney tonight bearing gifts — that you plan to behave yourself (unless you have other ideas).

     1. He’s making a list. Checking it twice. Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice.

    2. Christmas Eve’ll find me where the love light gleams. [SONG TITLE] if only in my dreams.

    3. SCROOGE: “Let us deal with the eviction notices for tomorrow, Mr. Cratchit.”
    KERMIT: “Uh, tomorrow’s Christmas, Sir.”
    SCROOGE: “Very well. You may gift wrap them.”

    4. You can’t fool me – there ain’t no Sanity Clause.

    5. Although it’s been said, many times, many ways….Merry Christmas to you.

    Now for the answers:




    Chico Marx to Groucho in A NIGHT AT THE OPERA


    You say you answered them all correctly, and you want to know what you get? BAH HUMBUG, that’s what! Nonetheless….


    • ladysighs 5:59 am on December 24, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Three out of five……ain’t bad. Merry Christmas! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • carmen 7:02 am on December 24, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Always learn something from your blog posts! Merry Christmas to you AND ladysighs! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 7:29 am on December 24, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you, girls, and Merry Christmas to two of my favorite ladies (WordPress ladies, that is – I wouldn’t want to give the impression that I have a harem). 🙂 🙂


      • carmen 7:29 am on December 24, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Whyever NOT?? 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 8:13 am on December 24, 2015 Permalink

          Caremn, you got me there – after all, I am very broad minded (I don’t mean to ignore you guys, but it’s a lot more fun to tease broads – I mean, lovely ladies).

          Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 11:12 am on December 24, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Ho, ho, ho to all, and to all a good night, or day.


    • Don Frankel 4:01 pm on December 24, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I got 4 out of 5. I could have lied and said I got them all but then Richard the IVth, set the standard when he admitted to not getting a single one right on my quiz.


    • Don Frankel 4:09 pm on December 24, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Ooops I almost forgot. Merry Christmas Muse.


    • mistermuse 5:26 pm on December 24, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      You got 4 out of 5? Now you got me wondering which one you missed. I KNOW it wasn’t #4, and I don’t think it was #1, 2 or 3, so I’m guessing #5. In any case, Don, I echo Merry Christmas to you (although it’s been said many times, many ways).


    • Leyla 2:36 pm on December 25, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Merry Christmas 🙂


    • mistermuse 3:06 pm on December 25, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you, Leyla. May you picture dandelions as flowers, and may your dreams flower all the days of your life.


  • mistermuse 12:00 am on December 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , owls, Santa Claus, , skeletons, ,   


    Boys and girls (or vice-versa), we are on a 3-day roll, and you are in the middle of it: Dec. 4 was Santa’s List Day, Dec. 5 is Walt Disney’s birthday, and Dec. 6 is St. Nicholas Day.

    I certainly hope you made it unto Santa’s “good” list yesterday. Not only is it bad if you didn’t, but you’re running out of time to change Santa’s mind before he comes to town:

    As for Dec. 5, what would visions of Christmas be like without Walt Disney having contributed to bringing them to life? But frankly, boys and girls, who remembers his birthday, because Walt has been dead for 49 years! Despair not, however, because his body is rumored to have been frozen and put in a vault, like a reel of disintegrating old film, awaiting restoration when science conquers death! Walt Disney, as you know — now that I’m telling you — is said to have been fascinated with death since killing an owl at age seven (referring, of course, to Walt — the owl’s age at the time is not known). Whether it was the same owl who-o-o is seen in this scene is also unknown….but, oh, what a hoot:

    That leaves us with St. Nicholas Day, which is celebrated, appropriately enough in light of the above, not on his birthday, but on the day of his reported death, Nov. 6, 343 A.D. As I’m sure you girls and boys have been told, Santa Claus is really St. Nicholas….or, at least (given that he most likely would be too arthritic for the job at his age if he were still alive), his ghost. What better way to close than with a visit from the old boy himself:

    • ladysighs 5:23 am on December 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I haven’t seen those two videos. Probably before my time. 😉 You can’t do better than those. Ten minutes well spent and just about, almost, well maybe they are getting me into the holiday spirit. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 6:35 am on December 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      What a treat “The Skeleton Dance” is — so creative and imaginative, I had to watch it twice when I found it on Youtube. Even after all these years since it was made in 1929, those skeletons are as fresh and lively as if they had just died yesterday!


    • Midwestern Plant Girl 7:37 am on December 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I had never heard of St. Nick day until about 2 years ago, when a coworker filled me in. Have I been under a rock? How long has this been around?
      I’ve always loved the skeleton dance! It always seemed ahead of its time for animation.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:26 am on December 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Wikipedia says that in 1994, “The Skeleton Dance” was voted the 18th best animated cartoon of all time, so it really was ahead of its time (IF cartoons can be ranked objectively by voting, but then that’s how politics, Academy Awards, and where my wife & I go out to eat (she gets two votes) are decided, so who am I to quibble). 🙂


    • arekhill1 1:21 pm on December 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Ho, ho, ho


      • mistermuse 7:38 pm on December 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Thrice (“Ho, ho, ho”) as nice and (arekhill) 1 and done
        to this good boy bring joy and fun.
        His Santa act was short but sweet,
        but he’d better leave gifts next time we meet.


    • Mitch 2:13 pm on December 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      For many Uncle Walt IS Saint Nicholas. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:02 pm on December 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      To paraphrase The Bard: That which we call a saint by any other name would still be Catholic or Greek Orthodox, neither of which applied to Walt….but I’m an ex-Catholic, so why should I care what he is! 😦 🙂


    • Joseph Nebus 10:03 pm on December 6, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Wait, nobody thought to cut the owl in half and count its rings?


    • mistermuse 10:47 pm on December 6, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Apparently nobody gave a hoot….which reminds me of the joke about the wooden Indian who, when a little boy boasted he could cut him in half without a saw, said “How.” (I didn’t say it was very funny.)


    • Mél@nie 2:29 pm on December 8, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      1st of all: I love Bruce aka the Boss… oh, Disney was an “archer”(Sagittarius) – reckoned to be “the clowns of the zodiac”… 🙂

      • * *

      2nd of all: you may know that in Germany, Austria and the East of France, St-Nick(laus) is far more important than Father X-mas…

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:56 pm on December 8, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks for the info. I must admit that I’ve never had an interest in astrology, so I don’t connect birth dates with signs. No doubt it makes for interesting trivia, but I’m already so full of trivia that I couldn’t eat another bite. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Mél@nie 12:07 am on December 9, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        signs have often helped me recall b’days… 🙂 I’ve read and studied some “psycho-astrology” about the characteristics of each sign(man & woman) – quite interesting and useful to figure out and to understand certain things, reactions, facts, deeds, etc… 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:56 pm on November 16, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Chia Pet, Christmas gift giving, , , Santa Claus, , , When you gotta go,   


    When I posted THE TIES THAT BIND (Nov. 11), I thought it was a caveat emptor which put cravats behind me once and for all. But that was before my wife and other hangers-on started asking what I want for Christmas in the form of a wish list, which is of minor import compared to the things I DON’T want for Christmas — ties, of course, being #1 on that list.

    The thing is, why should I strain my brain trying to think of what I want for Christmas when I have no idea what I want for Christmas….well, except for God to let me know if He really exists, because if He doesn’t, it’s high time the name of the holiday be changed to SANTA CLAUS DAY (inasmuch as everyone in Virginia and elsewhere knows YES, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS).

    So I’m going to do the next best thing (actually, the best thing): compile a DO NOT WANT FOR CHRISTMAS list — a list of gifts it would make me most happy NOT to receive. Anything I get that isn’t on this list, I’ll do my best to appreciate (provided it doesn’t explode in my face or need to be fed):

    1. A tie (already covered, but bears repeating)

    2. Fruit cake (surprise, surprise)

    3. An old-fashioned clock (it’s ticky)

    4. Taco Bell gift card (it’s tacky)

    5. A “WHO YOU CALLING AN OLD FART?” T-shirt (it’s ticky-tacky)

    6. A twelve-pack of tubeless t.p. (see my Sept. 9 post “WHEN YOU GOTTA GO….”)

    7. A lifetime pass to anything (at my age?)

    8. Belly button brush (not needed – I keep my belly button covered with Scotch tape)

    9. Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia Pet (Sp-Sp-Sp-Spare me)

    10. _________ (to be filled in the day after Christmas/Santa Claus Day)


    • scifihammy 12:31 am on November 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      ha ha I like number 10 best 🙂


    • Don Frankel 9:27 am on November 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Good luck.


    • mistermuse 9:54 am on November 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I’m re-considering #5 – a “WHO YOU CALLING AN OLD FART?” T-shirt might be good to wear when in-laws visit. It lets them know I’m hip to what they’re calling me behind my back.


    • arekhill1 10:37 am on November 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Sr. Muse, you know one of my habits is theological nitpicking, so may I remind you that in order to celebrate Christmas with the proper religious ardor, you not only have to believe in a God but also in a Jesus? As for even thinking about Christmas before Thanksgiving, my personal faith forbids it.


    • mistermuse 2:24 pm on November 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I was so brainwashed by my former Catholic faith that even now, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are inseparable, like three Persons in one God, the Three Musketeers in one novelist, the Three Stooges in one lunatic, the Three Amigos (Ricardo, Sir Don and mistermuse) in one blogospirit, etc.
      I’m with you on the Christmas before Thanksgiving thing, but obviously my wife isn’t, or she wouldn’t have asked for my Christmas wish list a week ago. I don’t ask for her wish list. I’ll wait until Christmas eve, go to Home Depot and buy her a nice snowblower – with luck, they’ll have enough of a selection left that I can get one in her favorite color.


  • mistermuse 6:31 am on October 11, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: boys, children's books, , , , library, Santa Claus, ,   


    My kids haven’t been kids for many a decade. I, on the other hand, have almost decayed, but am still a kid. The old saying must be true that you can’t take the boy out of the man….at least, I think it’s an old saying. My memory isn’t as good as it used to was.

    Anyway, what prompted the foregoing musing was a Children’s Books catalog I got in the mail the other day. Why the sender thought a V.A.P. (Very Ancient Person) might be a potential buyer of young children’s books, I can’t say — but upon perusing the catalog’s oft-amusing titles, I must admit I’m tempted. What young-at-heart reader wouldn’t be thrilled at the thought of receiving any of these books (words in italics quoted from book description):

    ME HUNGRY! by Jeremy Tankard (sounds like he might be thirsty, too) — Book begins with a cave boy saying, “Me hungry!” Ignored by his family (“Me busy!”), he suddenly is inspired to hunt. But rabbit hides, and porcupine is too sharp, and tiger is too mean.
    And you think you’ve got trouble.

    DUCK IN THE TRUCK by Jez Alborough — While driving home, Duck gets his truck stuck in the muck.
    Does duck have the pluck to buck such yuck? Or is duck schmuck-out-of-luck?

    I BELIEVE IN UNICORNS by Michael Morpurgo — Eight-year old Tomas Porec hated school, hated reading, and hated stories, until the unicorn came to the library.
    Why not? According to Dr. Elizabeth Mitchell of Answers In Genesis, the absence of a unicorn (mentioned in Job 39:9-12) in the modern world “should not cause us to doubt its past existence.” Tomas Porce was probably in a very old library in the very old days.

    SANTA RETIRES by David Biedrzycki — Things up north are going south. “Sacks are getting bigger. Chimneys are getting smaller. And you never know what the weather will throw at you.” So Santa announces that he means to retire.
    Say it isn’t so, Santa! Will Santa go the way of the unicorn? Come back, Santa!

    There are more fascinating titles such as THE GREAT FAIRY TALE DISASTER and CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS, but I’m already overwrought just thinking about the books I’ve already covered and wondering how they’ll turn out. Maybe you could order me one or two for Christmas. Hopefully Santa will change his mind and deliver them like a good old boy.


    • arekhill1 9:15 am on October 11, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I’m thinking of writing a children’s book myself, “Heather has Three Mommies and an Uncle Who Never Wears Pants” about life in a big, polygamous and polyamorous family. I don’t know if I can get it done by Christmas, though.


    • mistermuse 10:00 am on October 11, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I hope you can get it done by Christmas, Ricardo. If anything can convince Santa not to retire, that should do the trick.


    • Don Frankel 8:47 am on October 14, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Someone could send Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs to Cave Boy and the Unicorn to the guy who’s truck got stuck.

      I like Richard the IVth’s book though. I mean someone has to write the first great novel about polyamorous love.


    • mistermuse 10:50 am on October 14, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      If anyone can send Meatballs and Unicorns to those in need, surely it’s Santa. All the more reason for the old boy to stay on the job until he and Mrs. Claus start making babies and raise a successor.


  • mistermuse 11:33 am on January 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , Elysian fields, , Horace Greeley, Knute Rockne, , Newt Gingrich, , , Sam Goldwyn, Santa Claus, , , , West Virginia, Yes Virginia,   

    SAYS WHO? 

    I really didn’t say everything I said.  — Yogi Berra

    Maybe he didn’t….but Yogi did say that he didn’t say everything he said — and it should go without saying that some say he is not the only one who didn’t say everything he said. Sad to say, no way can one say who said what was said in all cases, and always saying who said what one said is way easier said than done. Or so they say.

    That said, the following is a selection of famous quotes not said (or at least not said originally) by those to whom they are attributed, along with some quotes which are correctly attributed (or so they say). Some mis-atributed quotes happened inadvertently, others deliberately; some have persisted despite attempts to set the record straight.  Can you separate the suspect ones from the correct ones?

    1. Go west, young man, go west.  –Horace Greeley
    2. Go West, Virginia, yes, Virginia: there is a  —Santa Claus
    3. Win one for the Gipper.  –Knute Rockne
    4. Win one for the Gingger.  –Newt Gingrich
    5. A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.  –W. C. Fields
    6. Forget your troubles, come on, get happy.  –Elysian Fields
    7. Our comedies are not to be laughed at.  –Samuel Goldwyn
    8. Our cold meds are not to be sneezed at.  –Dr. Don
    9. Elementary, my dear Watson.  –Sherlock Holmes (Arthur Conan Doyle)
    10. Excelente, my dear Sr. Muse.  –Ricardo Cahill (after bribe payment) 

    Of the above, the following are attributed incorrectly (supposedly):

    1. Greeley did write this in an 1865 editorial, but denied originating it, crediting it to John Soule’s authorship in a Terre Haute (Indiana) newspaper in 1851. Nonetheless, the Greeley attribution persists.
    3. Actually, this was said by Ronald Reagan in the 1940 film “Knute Rockne – All American.”
    6. Forget Ely Fields – this is the opening lyric of “Get Happy” by Harold Arlen & Ted Koehler: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGk3tY4yP7k
    7. Like many “Goldwynisms,” origin is suspect. Reported to be an old Hollywood quip pre-dating its attribution to Goldwyn.
    9. Never said by Holmes in Doyle’s novels and short stories. Made famous by actor Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes in movies.

    How many did you get right?
    You got all of them?
    Says who?

    • Don Frankel 6:41 pm on January 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Just one more Muse. It is said that General Sherman did not say. “War is all hell.” However upon hearing that he had said it, he made sure he kept saying it, until he said it.

      My favorite Yogism is. “Some guys don’t like to swing on an 3 – 0 count because they swing.” I know he said it because I heard him say it.


    • mistermuse 8:48 pm on January 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Don, if Yogi said even half of what he said, it would still be twice as funny as all of the other half….speaking of which, since my Yogi and Goldwyn quotes post was un-posted on SWI, maybe I’ll do another one here sometime if I can come up with a fresh angle or approach. “It ain’t over till it’s over.”


      • Don Frankel 5:55 am on January 18, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        Why not post this one on SWI so a few other people like Minnette, Michael, Richard, Kaye and even itsTV or is it VD? guy can get a laugh?


    • mistermuse 10:19 am on January 18, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Don, I love ya like my brother (I was tempted to say like my MOTHER, who would keep after me to do something because it was for my own good), but as far as posting again on SWI, you can forgeddaboutit – I can forgive, but I can’t forget Bob Grant’s destruction of 200 of my posts, while not deleting even one of Minnette’s 800+. I know SWI is his site & he can do as he pleases, but if my hard work didn’t warrant more respect (& a more even-handed take) than that, nothing short of an abject apology will change my mind.

      As for the people you mention, Richard reads & comments frequently on my posts here; I don’t think Minnette ever was as much of an “appreciater” of my posts as I am of hers; and I’d love to have Michael and Kaye connect with me here, but they know where to find me if they wish (it’s not as if I haven’t pointed out how easy it is on SWI a number of times).

      Finally, it would be remiss of me not to thank you and Ricardo (or Richard, for you gringos out there) for continuing to follow my “humble” offerings here. Your continued patronage is warmly appreciated.


      • Don Frankel 12:16 pm on January 18, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        Forgive me for being a nudge. My social psychological profile is like an Alpha in a Grey Wolf pack. So my instinct is to keep the Pack together. You are an integral part of SWI. The way I see it Bob may own and run the site but like everything else in life, SWI belongs to its ownself. It is what we make of it.

        I think you give Bob too much credit or say or sway or importance. One time some woman, I forget who but she didn’t write there much, but she said in a comment that I was trying to make her behave. After I stopped laughing and stopped myself from writing back. Do you want me to make you behave? I just chalked it up to everybody has a right to say whatever or “everybody has to love somebody sometime.”

        Sorry about that last one but Dean Martin was singing on my cable TV. I’d close by saying I won’t nag you anymore but I can’t promise that..


    • mistermuse 1:19 pm on January 18, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      No problem, Don – I don’t have a brother to love you like I said anyway (though I do have a sister, if you don’t mind the gender adjustment). And you can rely on me, if you do “nag” me again, not to say what that woman said in her comment to you; my reply will simply be a youtube clip of Cole Porter’s “Why Can’t You Behave?” from KISS ME KAYE – I mean KATE.


  • mistermuse 8:28 pm on December 16, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Letters to Santa, Santa Claus, Santaclaustrophobia   


    I don’t know how Santa finds time during this, his peak season, to read my humble musings (unless he has a surplus of elves helping him this year),but apparently he manages. Not only that, but he has found time to respond to two of my recent tomes in which I happened to mention him in a manner to which he has, for some reason, taken exception.

    I refer, for the benefit of you unfortunates who have been less than assiduous followers of my every posted thought, to the posts of November 15 (PHOBIAS, SCHMOBIAS) and December 14 (THE AGE OF INNOCENTS). In the former, I used the term “Santaclaustrophobia,” and in the latter, I inferred there is some question as to whether the old boy even exists.

    Now, far be it from me to purposefully offend the old fart with the beard-over-belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly, but — well, out of respect, perhaps I should address the sainted fat man directly:

    Dear Santa,

    I have been a very good boy this year — no, wait. Wrong year. I was re-living December 1942.

    Dear Santa,

    I am in receipt of you recent elf-mail threatening to leave a lump of coal in my Christmas stocking unless I apologize for certain inflamatory remarks in my posts of 11/15 and 12/14. Ho ho ho. That’s a good one, Santa — always making with the jollies. Surely, you can’t be serious.

    Dear Santa,

    Just got your second elf-mail telling me not to call you Surely. Ok, OK, I’m sorry. I apologize for everything. Now, about my Christmas wish list, how about making me rich and famous? If that’s too much to ask, I’ll settle for Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night.



    P.S. “You can’t fool me — there ain’t no Sanity Clause.”

    • Don Frankel 5:52 am on December 21, 2013 Permalink | Reply

      Of course he’s real Muse. He’s a made up guy. How could he be otherwise?


    • mistermuse 10:42 am on December 21, 2013 Permalink | Reply

      I guess you’re right, Don. To anyone who finds it hard to believe in Santa, they say you can’t prove a negative, so go with Johnny Mercer and “Accent-chu-ate the Positive.”

      Speaking of which, I find it hard to believe anyone reading this wouldn’t know where the quote in my concluding P.S. came from, but just in case, it was said by Chico to Groucho in the contract scene in the classic Marx Bros. film, A NIGHT AT THE OPERA.


  • mistermuse 2:20 pm on December 14, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , innocence, , Santa Claus,   


    I always feel young people are innocent. [They] have a certain beautiful innocence to them that’s touching and remarkable to see. –Woody Allen

    Christmas is for kids. As truisms go, that is one I find especially valid. It seems to me that even if you’re not Christian, it won’t hurt your young children to believe in Santa Claus. They’ll have to contend with the real world soon enough (there could be worse introductions to reality than the day they discover the truth about Santa). So, while they may, let them be innocent and without sin and believe in pure, unalloyed being loved. Isn’t that the idea that Christmas is supposed to represent?

    I may be old, but I’m not too old to remember the thrill of Christmas mornings as a boy in the early 1940s. What did I know of the World War raging a world away, where young men of my age little more than a decade earlier, were now dying like sacrificial lambs because innocence was foreign to the forces of time. Life is short. Life as a young child is short beyond belief, although wishful thinking can extend the warranty indefinetly. I wouldn’t count on it.

    • Ricardo 8:26 pm on December 14, 2013 Permalink | Reply

      But now that Fox has made Santa’s ethnicity an issue. I think I’ll be penning “I’m Dreaming of a White Santa” shortly, Sr. Muse


    • mistermuse 9:43 pm on December 14, 2013 Permalink | Reply

      I hadn’t heard about the Fox/Santa issue, Ricardo. I’d check it out, but I can’t bear to watch Fox, no matter how much I could use a good laugh. In fact, if I knew Hell consisted of watching Fox News for all eternity, I (and maybe even you) would immediately start being so good that Santa would give me a sleigh ride straight to heaven’s gate when my time comes.


    • Don Frankel 11:01 am on December 16, 2013 Permalink | Reply

      I can’t remember too well but I don’t think I was told that Santa was a real guy just an idea of giving. And yes this is a lot easier to read and you are half linked to SWI so the next time your daughter comes over have her finish the job.


    • mistermuse 12:03 pm on December 17, 2013 Permalink | Reply

      I very much appreciate your suggestion, Don, but after giving it some thought, I probably won’t do that. I realize it would invite more traffic if I did, but at my age and stage of life, I already don’t have enough time for the things that matter to me the most….so, I’d rather just keep it simple, even at the expense of the fame & fortune I believe would surely come my way with a little more push on my part (I also believe in Santa Claus and have deep existential dialogues & exchanges with him, as you can see in my Dec. 16 post).


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