STOP THE WORLD – I WANT TO GET OFF

Although every worsening day of the virulent Trump reign has served to make me wish the above urge was an option in 2020, today’s a day to look back and “Stop the World — I Want to Get Off” in the 1960s…..a decade when British singer, actor and songwriter ANTHONY NEWLEY (born Sept. 24, 1931) was as well known (especially in England) as David Bowie and Elton John were in the 1970s.

And yet, Newley is now all but forgotten  — so on his birthday, I want to devote a post to remembering this Songwriters Hall of Fame member whose talents I like so much that I still have 11 of his LPs in my collection – including the original Broadway cast album of the title show (co-written with Leslie Bricusse), featuring this song:

That was the #1 (but not the only) hit song from STOP THE WORLD. If you’re up for seconds, let’s give it a go:

Three years after they Stopped the World, Newly and Bricusse co-wrote THE ROAR OF THE GREASEPAINT – THE SMELL OF THE CROWD with more show-stopping songs, including this one which fits a certain braggart President who loves the smell of the crowd (and apparently the sight of their adoring, maskless faces, as well):

In closing, a bit of trivia: do you know who wrote the lyrics to the title song of this James Bond film (the answer is in the credits near the end of this trailer):

 

 

 

 

DON’T ASK

You Asked For It (according to my previous post) — but this post is a different story, so….

 

By a weird coincidence, ASK ME NO QUESTIONS AND I’LL TELL YOU NO LIES (a quote attributed to 18th century Irish novelist, playwright and poet Oliver Goldsmith) is my springboard for this post of “Don’t Ask” quotes — thus sparing you the fate of my last post, which subjected you to some questionable poems.

Let’s plunge right in with perhaps the most famous DON’T ASK quote (at least in America):

“Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.” –John F. Kennedy

Here’s another famous one (in jazz circles), leveled at squares:

“If you have to ask what jazz is, you’ll never know.” –Louis Armstrong

If you have a humorous bone in your body, the next three should bring a smile to your face:

“Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, Why me? Then a voice answers, Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.” –Charles M. Schulz

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people see things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” –George Carlin

“When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?’, it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” –Erma Bombeck

Now for some serious stuff:

“What then is time? If no one asks me, I know what it is. If I wish to explain it to him who asks, I do not know.” –Saint Augustine

“If you ask me whether the election of Barack Obama is the fulfillment of Dr. King’s dream, I say, ‘No, it’s just a down payment.” –John Lewis

To close, here’s a quote I like which is a stretch to fit the category, but since it’s the birthday of the author, don’t ask me to re-think its inclusion here:

“Thinkers think and doers do. But until the thinkers do and the doers think, progress will be just another word in the already overburdened vocabulary.” –Francois de La Rochefoucauld (9/15/1613–3/17/1680)

I think that does it for now. How’s that for progress?

 

 

YOU ASKED FOR IT! YOU GOT IT!

My last post featured poetry which one of you commented that you wanted more of. So, it is by popular demand (who am I to deny my adoring readers?) that my Fats friend and I are bound to reply:

The initials of that reader are mm. No, mistermuse isn’t the mm who asked for more. If you must know, it was magicmermaid, who I assume is a real person (not that mistermuse isn’t real — as real, at least, as magicmermaid….or as you, for that matter). You are real, aren’t you? — if not, just pretend you are, because mistermuse can use the reassurance.

THE FAUX PAS OF POSITIVE THINKING

“Doubt is not a pleasant mental state, but certainty is a ridiculous one.” –Voltaire

I can live with
Uncertainty and doubt —
It’s know-it-alls
I have my doubts about.

THE PETER PRINCIPLE

“I am not young enough to know everything.” –Sir James M. Barrie (author of the play subtitled The Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up)

Sorry that things didn’t quite Pan out
(except in Neverland….or thereabout).

HOW TO BETTER CULTIVATE KNOWLEDGE

“Scholars esteem knowledge not for its use in attaining other values, but as a value in itself.” –Max Eastman

Know,
Weigh,

Hoe
Say.

KNOW PROBLEM

“If reality wants to get in touch, it knows where I am.” –Phil Proctor

But if reality says,
“Hello there, it’s me” —
How would you know
Absent a show of real ID?

 

 

 

 

 

 

FOR THE TIME BEING

It’s been some time since I laid some poetry on you, but all good things must end (i.e., your luck has run out). What I’m getting at is, I’ve decided to resurrect a few old poems, as well as come up with a new one or two. If you object, you have the right to remain Soylent* because….

*Soylent: foodstuff made of soybeans and lentils

A POEM OF EXCEPTIONAL TASTE

Soybeans and lentils — what a treat!
I can think of nothing I’d rather eat!*
Just savor the flavor — they can’t be beat*….
But then, I’m a groundhog, so I don’t eat meat.

*except for watermelon: https://riversworld.live/2020/09/04/summer-means-watermelon/

I’LL TAKE A BRAINCHECK

“The difference between intelligence and wisdom is that intelligence is knowing half of what you hear or read is garbage, and wisdom is knowing which half.” –Seymour Fisher

From dilemmas of that class,
You’ll have to exempt me —
I’m still stuck on “Is the glass
Half full or half empty?”

WISE-ASS PLATITUDES

Utmost is the wisdom of the platitude —
But most, sadly, are lacking in latitude.
Is there never need for deviance?
I think I shall file a grieviance!
The grounds? Let’s just say they have an ATTITUDE.

LONG TIME, NO SEE

Youth is the stuff of time and place
The race of years cannot erase,
Seen through eyes too unwise to see
That all was not what it seemed to be.

Age is the stuff of hedging bets,
Of things undone and old regrets,
Seeing ourselves as others do,
Thinking “And so, what else is new?”

 

IT’S ABOUT A QUOTER TO NINE

Several days ago, one of my readers said she’s partial to humorous quotes, so I’ve been thinking about spending a whole lot of time thinking about devoting a post to things others have said which are funnier than what I say….but after searching high (brow) and low (brow), eye gave up. See what I mean?

Ha ha! Just kidding. Believe it or not, I was able to find nine selections funnier-than-mine (well, maybe somewhat funnier), though I’m sure I would’ve said them first if I’d thought of them first. Some of the nine guys & gals I’m about to quote said what they said before I was even born, thus taking unfair advantage of circumstances beyond my control. But this is my blog, so as a quoter of quotes, I at least get to determine the subject matter of the quotes I quote, and the quotes I’ve chosen to quote are quotes about quotes….and I quote:

“A quotation is a handy thing to have about, saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself – always a laborious business.” –A. A. Milne

“I googled the quote ‘Power means not having to respond.’ Nothing happened.” –John Alejandro King [what “Power means” sounds like something Trump might say, except nothing Trump says is worth quoting]

“Quotation: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.” –Ambrose Bierce

“There are two kinds of marriages: where a husband quotes the wife, and where the wife quotes the husband.” –Clifford Odets

“You can tell a really wonderful quote by the fact that it’s attributed to a whole raft of wits.” –Anna Quindlen

“I have made it a rule that whenever I say something stupid, I immediately attribute it to Dr. Johnson, Marcus Aurelius or Dorothy Parker.” –George Mikes

“That woman speaks eighteen languages and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them.” –Dorothy Parker

“You can always depend on children to quote you correctly, especially when it’s something you shouldn’t have said.” –Evan Esar

“I can’t see what Jack Warner [Warner Bros. movie mogul] can do with an Oscar – it can’t say Yes.” –Al Jolson

:

DON THE DISAGREEABLE (A tRump Roast for the Ages)

Today is the birthday of IVAN THE TERRIBLE (Aug. 25, 1530-March 28, 1584). For those of you who weren’t around back then and may not remember how terrible he was, here’s a refresher:

Which brings us to DON THE DISAGREEABLE, aka Donald Trump. For those who believe DISAGREEABLE doesn’t begin to do justice to Don’s place in posteriority, I would’ve titled this post DON THE DOUCHEBAG or DON THE DUCK-BILLED FATTYPUSS….but then I might be accused of gratuitous name-calling, which would be odiously unbecoming of an obviously objective observer of the Pres — a worthy calling indeed, coming, as it does, from he who any follower of this blog can vouch for; (s)he who disagrees is obviously a fatuous fart-face.

So the only fair way to do justice to Don’s legacy is to limit ignominious epithets to those names he has called others — particularly in view of the penchant he has for labeling many of them what he is himself. Examples of such may be found among this compilation of takes-one-to-know-one insults (object of insult(s) in parenthesis):

JEFF BOZO (Jeff Bezos)
CHEATIN’ OBAMA (Barack Obama)
PUNCHY (Robert De Niro)
MORNING PSYCHO (Joe Scarborough)
SLIMEBALL (James Comey)
WACKY AND DERANGED OMAROSA (Omarosa Manigault Newman)

FAT JERRY (Jerry Nadler)
LITTLE MARCO (Marco Rubio)
POCAHONTAS/THE INDIAN (Elizabeth Warren)
DUMMY BETO (Beto O’Rourke)
SHIFTY SCHIFF/ADAM SCHITT (Adam Schiff)
CUTIE PIE (Jonathan Karl)

CRAZY/CROOKED HILLARY (Hillary Clinton)
CRAZY/NERVOUS NANCY (Nancy Pelosi)
CRAZY/SLEEPY JOE (Joe Biden)
CRAZY BERNIE/BASICALLY BRAINDEAD BERNIE (Bernie Sanders)
CRAZY ARNOLD (Arnold Schwarzenegger)
CRAZY MEGYN (Megyn Kelly)

As you can see, you don’t have to be CRAZY to make Trump’s wanton list….but it helps.

 

 

 

 

 

RELAX REDUX / IN THE LAP OF LUX

After my last post (“RELAX”), the title of a possible sequel (“RELAX REDUX”) came to me….however, further inspiration waned, leaving me a title in search of a post. But fear not. We artistes are too artiste-tic to give up a half-asinine idea without a fight….and, in time, a way forward hit me: if RELAX REDUX became the asinine half of a whole post, the whole post would be half-asinine if the second half of the whole were also half-asinine. In other words, the second half of the whole must be better than half-asinine, or the whole post is half-asinine.

In short, to half or not to half — that was the question. The answer came to me when I asked myself what can be logically paired with relaxation to buttress a less asinine whole, and I answered myself: luxury, that’s what. Hence I appoint IN THE LAP OF LUX to serve as my better half….whether my wife likes it or not.

So, Weather* you’re weady or not, it’s time to welax — er, RELAX. That’s half the battle.

*LAZY WEATHER was one of a number of songs written by white composer Peter DeRose and black lyricist Jo Trent in the late 1920s (a time when such bi-racial collaboration was almost unheard of)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Now on to IN THE LAP OF LUX:

“Living in the lap of luxury isn’t bad, except that you never know when luxury is going to stand up.” –Orson Welles

“If your neighbor has it, a luxury immediately becomes a necessity.” –Evan Esar

“The older I get, the more I realize that the ultimate luxury is time.” –Michael Kars

“Someone loving you back with all they’ve got is perhaps the greatest luxury of this rotten modern times, when lovers are easy but love is rare.” –Nitya Prakash

“Contentment is natural wealth; luxury [is] artificial poverty.” –Socrates

“Authentic luxury flourishes in the untying of self-worth from popular opinion.” –Ann Brasco

“Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three — and paradise is when you have none.” –Doug Larson

“It is only to the happy that tears are a luxury.” –Thomas More

So….

 

 

 

 

 

CLOWNING AROUND

Tomorrow is NATIONAL CLOWN DAY and also marks the start of INTERNATIONAL CLOWN WEEK (August 1-7).  Clowns have a long and interesting history, as chronicled in this scholarly(?) introduction to the subject:

No doubt you noticed in the above video (unless you were clowning around while it was playing) that the first clowns were court jesters.  In the Middle Ages — as can be seen in this scene from the middle of a bygone century — THE COURT JESTER* typically played the fool and looked uncannily like Danny Kaye:

Who knew film — technicolor, no less — existed way back then to record such scenes? But nowadays, clowns have a farcical role model who is an amalgamation of Court Jester, Bozo the Clown, and Tyrant-osaurus Rex:

https://imgflip.com/memegenerator/77899773/Donald-Trump-Clown

The moral of the amoral story is that, if you asspire to the highest office in the land, you could hardly do worse than pattern yourself a-Round-Old Mc-Donald Trump. All Hail to the Cheat —  er, Chief!

….so BE A CLOWN!

*THE COURT JESTER is a 1956 feature film starring Danny Kaye as a fatuous faux court jester (co-starring Angela Lansbury, Basil Rathbone, and Glynis Johns, among others).

 

I COULD HAVE ROMANCED ALL NIGHT….

I could have….that is, if I were fifty years younger. But why bemoan it if Mother Nature no longer shores up the animal in me? Still, she’s no spring chicken herself, so you’d think she’d cut old geezers like me some slack.

Moving on from my love life of fond memory: Wouldn’t it be loverly if I instead celebrated the 164th birthday of my near-contemporary George Bernard Shaw with a selection of songs from MY FAIR LADY (based on his play PYGMALION), followed by a bit of biography, a serving of Shaw quotes, and a nightcap of Shavian brew-haha.

From “Wouldn’t It Be” to “I Could Have”….

In this scene, Stanley Holloway is seen lifting his spirits on his last night of ‘freedom’:

Next in line, the bit of bio:

https://www.biography.com/writer/george-bernard-shaw

Now sink your teeth into the quotes:

I was a freethinker before I knew how to think.

Lack of money is the root of all evil.

Beware of the man whose god is in the skies.

The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that’s the essence of inhumanity.

You’ll never have a quiet world till you knock the patriotism out of the human race.

There is only one sort of genuine Socialism, the democratic sort, by which I mean the organization of society for the benefit of the whole people.

We should have had socialism already, but for the socialists.

….which leads us to the brew-haha / brouhaha between Shaw and fellow socialist H.G. Wells (click on the title below the cartoon caricature):

….which takes us at a social difference to

THE END

THE RAINBOW MAN

A few weeks ago, I saw a post (on a blog I don’t recall) with a photo of a rare double rainbow. Today, out of the blue, that image came to mind as I was perusing a biography of lyricist E. Y. Harburg of OVER THE RAINBOW fame, who also wrote the score for the 1968 film FINIAN’S RAINBOW….and I thought, now that’s a double rainbow if I ever heard one.

Everyone knows OVER THE RAINBOW (from The Wizard Of Oz), but how many of you remember FINIAN’S RAINBOW starring Fred Astaire in his last musical at the age of 69? Here is the “Rainbow” song from that film:

And here he is singing and dancing to one of the film’s definitive songs, WHEN THE IDLE POOR BECOME THE IDLE RICH:

I say “definitive” because it’s a reflection of E. Y. Harburg’s very liberal leanings, as exemplified in these lyrics from the song:

When a rich man doesn’t want to work,
He’s a bon vivant
Yes, he’s a bon vivant
But when a poor man doesn’t want to work.
He’s a loafer, he’s a lounger,
He’s a lazy good for nothing,
He’s a jerk.

If Harburg were alive today, I have no doubt that he would appreciate the ‘music’ of another Rainbow man, name of Randy:

Yes, friends, let us look to November 3 and the rainbow following the dark storm of the Trump presidency.