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  • mistermuse 12:01 am on April 19, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: A Good Man is Hard to Find, henpecked, , Husband Appreciation Day, husbands, Lizzie Miles, , ,   

    Get Ready For HUSBAND APPRECIATION DAY 

    You may recall that in my last post on April 14th (LET’S CALL IT A DAY), I took exception to the fact that a person of nil repute actually did call it a day (namely, INTERNATIONAL MOMENT OF LAUGHTER DAY ). Today, I humbly take back my ‘exception-taking’ by admitting there is an exception to the reason I took exception to what I took exception to, because the day after tomorrow is the exception of all exceptions: HUSBAND APPRECIATION DAY….a day of such exceptional exceptionalism that it doesn’t matter who proclaimed it. Frankly, I don’t know — or even care — who proclaimed it (though I’m pretty sure it wasn’t my wife).

    Yes, brother husbands, there’s a day set aside for us to finally be shown the respect we so richly deserve. For too long, we husbands have been taken for granted, like henpecked clucks, while our wives get all the glory. Don’t get me wrong — I love my wife as much as the next “Yes, dear” guy, but is it asking too much to be appreciated for all we do that’s above our pay grade? For example, the other evening I took out the kitchen trash, even though she could’ve sat on it to squish it down, creating enough space for the half dozen beer bottles I’d be emptying before the night was o’er. I did so even though I had a good notion to suggest that she might as well go on a diet if she’s not going to put her fat butt to the good use I had in mind. If that’s not showing restraint and consideration, I don’t know what is.

    My fellow Lords and Masters of our domains: good husbands like me (and, I presume, you) don’t grow on trees. We know that our wives could have done a lot worse than us. Therefore, why shouldn’t we expect them to overlook our few minor foibles and appreciate us for the paragons of postpubescence we are? It’s time they realize how very lucky they are to have found us, because….

    P.S. Please put down that frying pan, honey buns — you know I’m just kidding, don’t you?

     
    • Don Frankel 3:42 pm on April 19, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      You need to play the B side of this record which is ‘A Hard Man is Good to Find’.

      Liked by 2 people

    • vintage45 5:16 pm on April 19, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Play it loud

      Liked by 3 people

    • Carmen 6:07 pm on April 19, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Is your cheek sore from lodging your tongue in it? 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 6:39 pm on April 19, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        That’s a rather cheeky question, Carmen, but the only sore spot is the top of my head (that frying pan is more like a cast iron skillet). 😦

        Liked by 1 person

    • nonton film online sub Indo 10:18 am on May 12, 2018 Permalink | Reply

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      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:01 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , Brigham Young, , , husbands, , men, , , , , , Solomon, , ,   

    HUSBAND APPRECIATION DAY 

    The third Saturday in April, which happens to be today, is HUSBAND APPRECIATION DAY. Unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case may be), I have but one wife to appreciate me. Not that I’m greedy, you understand, but I can’t help wondering what it would be like having many wives appreciate me — like in such open-minded countries as Afghanistan, where polygamy is a common practice. Speaking of practice, practice may make perfect, but prudence dictates that such things should be checked out before one plunges into it.

    Luckily, one has only to turn to Googlepedia to find pertinent reports. For example, a well-educated Imam of Islam, Mohammed Bello Abubakar, was quoted in The Christian Science Monitor and the BBC as saying, “I married 86 women and there is peace in the house — if there is peace, how can this be wrong? A man with ten wives would collapse and die, but my own power is given by Allah. That is why I have been able to control 86 of them.” By the time of his death on January 28 at 92 (years, not wives), he actually had not 86, not 92, but 120 wives, and had fathered 203 children. And I thought I was busy.

    But Bello Abubakar was a piker at polygamy compared to that wisest of Old Testament wife hoarders, King Solomon, who is said to have had up to 1,000 wives….not to mention 300 concubines on the side. Apparently, it helps to get religion if one hopes to honey-up and handle hives of wives. Bee that as it may, the problem is that one can’t grab unto just any religion in order to have one’s fill of mates. For example, I was raised Catholic, which is not the most reasonable religion in the world when it comes to conjugal largesse. On top of that — though I am now free of such doctrinaire prohibition — the secular powers-that-be in America maintain equally unenlightened views in marital matters. So you can see what we poor, monogamous men are up against in so-called liberal democracies.

    Of course, we could resort to bigamy, but at what cost? It’s a sad state of affairs when you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. But never let it be said that I’m not a broad-minded guy — thus, I call on the following sexpert testimony, which unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case may be) includes no female witnesses:

    Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. –Oscar Wilde

    The best argument against bigamy is that it leaves a man no place to hang his clothes. –Evan Esar

    Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong. –Bob Hope

    Why a man would want a wife is a mystery to bachelors; why a man would want two wives is a bigamystery. –Evan Esar

    Polygamy, n. A house of atonement, fitted with several stools of repentance, as distinguished from monogamy, which has but one.–Ambrose Bierce (The Devil’s Dictionary)

    Brigham Young originated mass production [in America], but Henry Ford was the one who improved on it. –Will Rogers

    Polygamy: an endeavor to get more out of life than there is in it. –Elbert Hubbard

    Every man should have four wives: a Persian, with whom he can converse; a woman from Khorasan, for the housework; a Hindu woman to raise the children; and one from Transoxiana, whom he can beat as a warning to the others. –Mirza Aziz Koka

    That last quote seems a bit over the top, I must admit. How could the average person be expected to know where the hell Khorasan and Transoxiana are?

     

     
    • linnetmoss 7:13 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Groucho: “Well whadaya say girls? Are we all gonna get married?” Woman: “All of us? But that’s bigamy!” Groucho: “Yes, and it’s big-a-me too.”

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 9:47 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        I remember that joke, but I’m not sure if Groucho was the first to say it. No matter — no one ever said it better!

        P.S. For the benefit of those not up on their Marx (Brothers), Groucho said it in ANIMAL CRACKERS (1930).

        Liked by 2 people

    • Carmen 10:20 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I’ve never heard any women saying they’d like to have multiple husbands. . Hmmm. . . Wonder why? 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 10:47 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Carmen, I can only speak for myself: when a wife has me for a husband, she thinks….

        Liked by 1 person

        • Carmen 11:14 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink

          I’m laughing.

          But since it’s Hubby Appreciation day, I will save my deprecatory comments. 🙂
          (and don’t tell me, you think that song is about you)

          Liked by 2 people

        • mistermuse 11:36 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink

          Carmen, I trust that you are giving your hubby the appreciation he is due today! 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

        • Carmen 11:44 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink

          Always! (in fact, he really is quite spoiled – just ask our daughters!)

          Liked by 2 people

    • arekhill1 10:42 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Transoxiana was easy for Google to find, Sr. Muse, and it turns out to be modern Uzbekistan, approximately. Apparently its natives have always preferred to live in a nearly unpronounceable land.

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 11:33 am on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I clicked “Like” but I meant “Don’t like.”

      Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 6:24 pm on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      This brings up images of monogamy and or memories of Mr & Mrs Bundy but then there is nothing to suggest that Cahn and Van Heusen were talking about only one marriage. Just that you need love.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 7:39 pm on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Don, as it happens, one of the books I bought at that library book sale several months ago was Sammy Cahn’s autobiography titled I SHOULD CARE….and one of the chapters is titled LOVE AND MARRIAGE. I haven’t gotten around to reading the book yet, but I can tell you that he was married more than once (but not at the same time, because that would’ve been bigamy — or rather, biga-him).

        Liked by 2 people

    • Carmen 7:09 pm on April 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I thought you made this up. Just took a ‘stroll’ through Noseybook and indeed, it’s true! (I mean, it HAS to be if it’s on FB!)

      I should know better than to doubt you, mister muse. . .

      Liked by 2 people

    • Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC 12:14 am on April 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      SO sorry I missed Husband Appreciation Day, but since I am no longer so encumbered, I hope I may be forgiven. I hope you enjoyed your day.
      xx,
      mgh
      (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMORE dot com)
      ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
      “It takes a village to educate a world!”

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 10:23 am on April 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks, Madelyn. I got a big kick out of Husband Appreciation Day because my wife waited on me hand and foot (a hand grabbing unto my ear and a foot launched at my rear end). It’s good to know she still loves me after all these years.

      Liked by 2 people

    • D. Wallace Peach 5:14 pm on April 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Ha ha ha. Great post. I love the Wilde and Esar quotes. I hope Koka was a bachelor.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Lavinia Ross 7:42 pm on April 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Have you seen the 2009 Woody Allen movie “Whatever Works”? 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • heidi ruckriegel 12:26 am on May 24, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      That whole thing of one guy having 100 wives always seemed a bit selfish to me. Wouldn’t there be 99 guys who have to stay single?

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:40 am on May 24, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Possibly….but 50 of them might WANT to stay single (just kidding — I’d make a quip of almost every single reply if I could!). 🙂

        Like

    • equipsblog 1:24 pm on February 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

      If you want peace, don’t have a little piece on the side.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 5:57 pm on February 22, 2021 Permalink | Reply

        I like Oscar Wilde’s quote (first quote in the post), which would seem to solve the problem. 😉

        Like

  • mistermuse 12:00 am on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Balzac, , , , , husbands, , , , , , wedding anniversary,   

    MARRIAGE TO A-MUSE 

    Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? –Groucho Marx

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    My wife and I celebrated our 48th wedding anniversary yesterday. You may think that, unlike the 50th, a 48th wedding anniversary is no big deal — and I wouldn’t disagree. But, being in need of an idea for this post, I wasn’t about to look a gift source in the mouth; thus, yesterday’s anniversary became my inspiration to write about….divorce.

    Ha ha — just kidding (my wife might kill me if I were serious). This post will, of course, be about MARRIAGE….a fate which, as fates go, beats being killed (almost) any day. Ha ha ha. Just kidding again! Lest there be any doubt concerning my true feelings about marriage:

    Yes, just as in the song, ask the local gentry, and they will say it’s elementary. But why stop with the local gentry? I believe my readers are nothing if not broad minded:

    Marriage is the most licentious of human institutions — that is the secret of its popularity. –George Bernard Shaw

    Getting married, like getting hanged, is a great deal less dreadful than it has been made out. –H. L. Mencken

    It’s no disgrace for a woman to make a mistake in marrying — every woman does it. –Ed Howe

    A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. –Michel de Montaigne

    Marriage is like paying an endless visit in your worst clothes. –J. B. Priestley

    When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. –Prince Philip

    Marriage is a feminine plot to add to a man’s responsibilities and subtract from his rights. –Evan Esar

    Before marriage, a man declares he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his paper to talk to you. –Helen Rowland

    The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. –Honore de Balzac

    I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. –Rodney Dangerfield

    Ha ha ha ha….I mean, Yes, dear — I’m listening. Seriously.

     

     
    • painkills2 12:13 am on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      48 years is quite an accomplishment… for your wife. 😀

      Liked by 3 people

    • Carmen 7:53 am on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Congrats to both of you! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • linnetmoss 8:23 am on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Congratulations to you both! I have noticed that the Irish love mordant jokes about marriage:
      An Irishman surprised his wife and her lover in the act.
      He grabbed a pistol and pointed it at his head, which made his wife burst out laughing.
      “What do you think you’re laughing at,” he cried, “you’re next.”

      Liked by 2 people

    • arekhill1 10:19 am on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Lucky you, Sr. Muse. If you added my years of marriage to yours, you’d be at 50 exactly.

      Like

      • mistermuse 1:03 pm on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Lucky indeed, Ricardo….apropos of which, here is an appropriate song (from the same film featured in my previous post):

        Liked by 1 person

    • Mary Cathleen Clark 11:48 am on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Congratulations…48 years is quite an accomplishment.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 4:03 pm on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Congratulations to you and Mrs. Muse and as you just pointed out, you remembered it.

      Like

      • mistermuse 4:47 pm on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, Don. At my age, it’s no small thing to remember small things (or, sometimes, even large ones).

        Liked by 1 person

    • Cynthia Jobin 5:28 pm on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I’m never sure if a marriage is an accomplishment, but yours certainly has been long. Warmest wishes as you celebrate!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 6:17 pm on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks, Cynthia. Some say you have to work to make marriage work, so in that sense, I guess it is an accomplishment (though I don’t think of it as work!). 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Jane 4:56 am on September 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Congratulations on surviving 48 years! 😉 There are some ripper quotes there and I’m looking forward to using them myself on occasion. Thanks for the laughs! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 7:25 am on September 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you, Jane. One of my favorite tasks in writing posts such as this is doing the research and choosing about ten ‘killer’ quotes (those which, paradoxically, are the “surviving” finalists from the hundreds available). 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Garfield Hug 9:13 am on September 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Congratulations mistermuse to you and yours!! Diamond anniversary is around the corner…so plan a big party and a great gift for Mrs😊

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:08 am on September 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Well, first I’ve got to make it to our Golden (50th) Anniversary! 🙂 As for a great gift for the Mrs., I’m thinking what could be better than a furball Garfield? My bank account tells me a diamond wouldn’t be appropriate until our Diamond (60th) Anniversary….ha ha.

      Like

    • Mél@nie 12:23 pm on September 18, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      admiration and respect, Sir… send you my very best: health, joy, love and long life together… sincerely, Mélanie NB

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 4:30 pm on September 18, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you, Mél@nie — my best to you as well.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Belle Papillon 24/7 8:55 am on September 27, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Wow! Some people are blessed to meet that one person who will complement them and are willing to work on the marriage no matter what. Congratulations to you both and I wish you the best.

      How I wish I was fortunate enough… but I have given up on that institution.
      I have accepted the fact that I’m a frog picker so I will shy away from that and say never again.

      Namaste!

      ❤ BP

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 1:14 pm on September 27, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      The old saying “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” may be an iffy proposition when it comes to marriage, but as one who got it right the first time, who am I to judge? So I will shy away from “never again” as an absolute….but if that’s what it’s come to in your case, more power to you! 🙂

      Like

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