Have you seen this “scandalous” video? (It may take a few seconds to appear):
As they used to say
back in the day,
What is this world coming to….anyway?
WELL! All I can say is….
“Anyway” is here and now, baby.
You go, girl!
Get used to it, Troglodytes!
Get a life, Pruneface (Mitch) McConnell!
Up yours, Donald Trump!
With Congress, every time they make a joke it’s a law. And every time they make a law, it’s a joke. -Will Rogers
Mistermuse recently asked himself Why, if he likes jokes so much, he can’t stand politicians. After all, if it weren’t for politicians and the like, he would have to come up with all-original material for his posts instead of incorporating the likes of the above quote.
So mistermuse tells himself it’s like taking the old Christian admonition to “hate the sin but love the sinner” and (as an ex-Christian in good standing) converting it: abhor the politicial sinners but adore the political sins. And what better time to put that into practice than the final days of interminable political ads before the merciful mid-terminal elections….starting with a sobering example of political confession:
It must have happened during one of my drunken stupors. –Rob Ford (former mayor of Toronto) when a video of him smoking crack cocaine was uncovered by police months after he repeatedly denied its existence.
America is the only country where you can go on the air and kid politicians, and where politicians go on the air and kid the people. -Groucho Marx
The more you observe politics, the more you’ve got to admit that each party is worse than the other. –Will Rogers
What’s the use of a third party when the country doesn’t know what to do with the two parties it has now? -Evan Esar
I will make a bargain with the Republicans: if they will stop telling lies about Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them. –Adlai Stevenson
I have never found in a long experience in politics that criticism is ever inhibited by ignorance. –Harold Macmillan
To err is human, to blame it on the other party is politics. -S. Omar Barker
Congress is really made up of children that never grow up. -Will Rogers
Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise than Christianity has made them good. -H. L. Mencken
And on that cautionary note, we note that next Tuesday is election day — vote for the lesser of two devils, even if you think it only encourages them.
April 17 being both NATIONAL CHEESEBALL DAY and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH DAY, my thoughts naturally turn to politics and politicians as subject matter for today’s post. Of course, many politicians are unintentional comedians, so there is a verbal plethora of political humor to choose from — too much, in fact, to arrange here in any coherent fashion in one day (not that I would care to do so anyway, had I the election of a plethora of days). I’ll start with an entree — The Devil’s Dictionary definition of politics — followed by a potluck buffet of jokes, quotes, axioms, etc. in no pontifical order:
Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. –Ambrose Bierce
Four surgeons are taking a coffee break and discussing their profession. The first says, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”
The second says, “I think librarians are the easiest. You open them up and everything is in alphabetical order.”
The third says, “I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.”
The fourth says, “I like to operate on politicians. They’re heartless, mindless, spineless, and their heads and their asses are interchangeable.”
We’ll let the other countries of the world be the peacekeepers and the great country called America be the pacemakers. –George W. Bush
“I have had great financial sex.” –Presidential candidate Ross Perot (intending to say “financial success“)
Congress is strange: a man gets up to speak and says nothing; nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees. –Evan Esar
“I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.” –Dan Quayle, former Vice President
The highest function of conservatism is to keep what progressiveness has accomplished. –R. H. Fulton
“The American peole’s expectations are that we will fail. Our mission is to exceed their expectations.” –George W. Bush
The chief defect of a democracy is that only the political party out of office knows how to run the government. –Evan Esar
“The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.” –George Stephanopolous, former aide to Bill Clinton
I have never found in a long experience in politics that criticism is ever inhibited by ignorance. –Harold Macmillan
“This is a great day for France!” –Richard Nixon (while attending President DeGaulle’s funeral)
Etc., etc., etc….
One would think it’s easy to make up your own holiday. How hard can it be, given the hundreds of made-up holidays continually added to the archives over the years by the compilers of such things …. not to mention the official holidays made up by Congress and state legislatures.
March 26, for example, is also Prince Jonah Kuhio Kalanianaole Day, a holiday in Hawaii honoring the territorial delegate who introduced a bill in 1919 requesting that Hawaii be admitted into the union as a full-fledged state — a petition which, for the information of those who claim Congress never gets anything done, was ratified into reality a mere 40 years later (and only 37 years after the good Prince said “Aloha” to this world). But I, like Congress, digress.
My point is that, with so many holidays heretofore (I hear two to four) taking up every day of the year, it’s NOT all that easy to come up with a new original holiday. A sampling of this week’s holidays, for instance, will demonstrate: March 24, National Chocolate Covered Raisin Day; March 25, Maryland Day, Pecan Day and Waffle Day; March 27, National “Joe” Day; March 28, Something on a Stick Day; March 29, Smoke and Mirrors Day.
Thus, one may think one is the first to come up with a new holiday, but how can one be certain? One could examine every day of the year on every list and calendar known to man …. or one could proclaim Damn the Torpedoes Day, and full speed ahead. I say DAMN THE TORPEDOES!
So feel free to send me your holiday nomination (accompanied by a voluntary donation). My holiday choice is obvious: my birthday. I would decree October 18 MISTERMUSE DAY. All businesses and institutions would get the day off except Congress, which must spend the day debating whether October 18th is October 18th. Any attempt to refer the matter to committee for further study would be blocked by my congressman, Phil A. Buster (if he wants to continue getting my $2 campaign contributions).
The winning entry will chosen by an unbiased panel of distinguished friends and family, and become official on October 18.
Some might say that the last thing the world needs is another set of letters following a person’s name indicating his or her expertise in a given area. But they proliferate anyway. –J. Brendan Ryan
The above quotation is from a recent newspaper article concerning the proliferating use “of letters following a person’s name” in order to sound impressive, without the years of study, training and experience of those who have earned their credentials, such as John Figurehead, CPA (Certified Public Accountant), and Susie Moneybags, CFA (Certified Financial Planner). According to the article, many unearned letter designations are procured for little more than payment of a fee, so be wary of acronyms which may look impressive, but may be misleading (if not bogus).
In the public interest, The Observation Post’s highly-qualified proprietor, mistermuse, COP (Certified Observation Post-man), has investigated this crime against humility and has compiled a list of suspect entities in order to protect you, valued reader, from being taken in by those who want you to fatten their bank accounts or suscribe to their ideology or cause. Here is a sampling of said suspicious entities; as for each of their acronyms, you do the math — I mean, the letters:
Licensed Improving Speech Pathologist
Certified Reactionary Against Progress
Authorized Shitting Specialist
Accredited-Hater Of Liberal Ethics
Bachelor Of Official Broad-based Studies
Doctor Of Religious Kookism (or of Religious Kosherism, whichever way your karma krumbles)
Armed with the above information, you are now uniquely prepared to avoid being hoodwinked by Charlatans, Hucksters And Other Scoundrels. Aren’t you glad you’re a TOP reader?
