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  • mistermuse 9:20 pm on July 12, 2020 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Age before beauty, , , humorous poems, ,   

    PRIME RHYME, NO FIB (AND THAT’S THE RIB) 

    How about something I’ve not done for some time:
    Post a post so sublime, it don’t do nothing but rhyme.
    If I chose prose that’s verbose — longer than a rose is not a nose —
    What woes ‘twould expose, such that who knows how big it grows?

    Thus I propose, pun in hand, to avoid overflows
    And sink to new lows, to the confusion of my foes.
    So, friends, meat my poems that may stop on a dime;
    Just remember this tickler: not all ribs are prime.

    I WILL ONLY STOOP SO LOW

    I don’t do windows;
    I don’t do lawns —
    But when I doo-doo,
    I do do johns.

    AGE BE FOR BEAUTY

    Bald is beautiful —
    Or, so they say —
    But my head is only
    Bald half-way.

    Thus, I look forward,
    The more I age,
    To looking better
    At every stage.

    POST MORT ‘EM

    The world, it go to pot;
    Life literate is shot.
    O, woe is my bon mot….
    Bon mort, and thanks a lot!

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     
  • mistermuse 12:05 am on April 14, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: funny, , humorous poems, laughter, , , , , ,   

    LET’S CALL IT A DAY 

    Half the world doesn’t see how the other half can see anything funny in what it laughs at. –Evan Esar

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    As if there isn’t enough funny business going on in the world, today is INTERNATIONAL MOMENT OF LAUGHTER DAY. I don’t know who came up with this day (actually, I do…. but he’s not famous, so let’s let him rest in peace, even if he’s still with us). My point is, what is this world coming to if anyone and their Aunt Charlie can proclaim a DAY (an INTERNATIONAL day, no less) and expect it to be recognized? Well, I have half a mind to proclaim a DAY myself, which certainly makes me qualified. INTERNATIONAL HALF-WIT DAY, that’s what I’ll call it. I wonder if The Donald, if he hears of it, will deny it’s in his honor.

    Meanwhile, back at the wench, it’s time for those poems I promised last time:

    BUSYBODY BERATES BUSY BODY; BEELZEBUB BLASÉ

    “Say, have you been, sir, to Kathmandu?”
    “Nay, but I have sinned, sir, in Timbuktu.”
    “A tale of sin, sir? What did you do?”
    “Sailors would blush, sir, if I told you.”
    “My lips are hushed, sir — how ’bout a clue?”
    “Maidens of sin, sir, were none too few.”
    “May God rescind, sir, the sins you knew.”
    “I do not pray, sir, those sins to rue.”
    “Then may you pay, sir, the devil’s due!”
    “Satan would say, sir, c’est entre nous!”

    THE ORIENT EXCESS

    One fine night in old Hong Kong,
    White-skinned lady meet Mr. Wong.
    Mr. Wong say, “You fine missy.
    Let me favor you with kissy.”
    White-skinned lady say not to bother —
    Wong old enough to be her father.
    Mr. Wong say, “But I got money.”
    White-skinned lady say, “Kiss me, honey!”
    Well, one fine thing lead to another;
    Next time, Wong bring older brother.
    This time, lady draw line tight:
    “You know two Wongs don’t make a white.”

    And with that, ladies, what do you say….

     
    • America On Coffee 12:39 am on April 14, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Hahaha… !! So well scripted!!

      Liked by 3 people

    • Carmen 8:11 am on April 14, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      What a beautiful voice Marlene Dietrich had! Now I’ve got to start my day! 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 9:58 am on April 14, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Carmen, this song was ‘made’ for Marlene. For comparison, here’s another great singer of the time singing the same song, but….

        Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 9:59 am on April 14, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      I’m thinking there should be a Writer’s Day. Guess what? There is. March 3. Looks like we missed it. Why didn’t anyone tell us? But next year, if I’m still around I will make a big deal about it.

      Sinning in the Far East brought this song to mind.

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 10:48 am on April 14, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Good selection, Don — and rather fitting that this Far East song’s lyrics were written by Tim (are you ready for this?) RICE!

        Like

    • Carmen 10:24 am on April 14, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Great old pics! I think I like MD’s better! 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

      • mistermuse 12:49 pm on April 14, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Great old pics to go along with a great old song, Carmen. The more I listen to Lee Wiley’s version, the better I like it — still, M.D. and this song were made for each other. Let’s call it a way to say they are both superb!

        Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 12:35 pm on April 14, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      I don’t think Trump qualifies for Halfwit Day, Sr. Muse. There would have to be an International Unbelievably Slimy Scumfuck Day in order to celebrate the true nature of the man.

      Liked by 3 people

    • pjlazos 12:46 pm on May 12, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      So great!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 3:23 pm on May 12, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you! So, instead of just “LET’S CALL IT A DAY,” let’s call it a….

        Like

    • America On Coffee 10:26 pm on May 12, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      You’re a romantic!

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:01 am on October 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , humorous poems, Job, Old Testament, ,   

    TWO BAD 

    Well, no one has blasphemed against the one-line poems in my last post, so by all that is holy, I should forget about my threat to up the ante with a post of two-line poems this time around. Ha ha — I’ll forget when Hell freezes over! Although no one commented to complain, I expect the thought crossed the minds of some….and even if it didn’t, the very suspicion demands consequences. Consequently, I am left with no choice but to proceed with the poems I intended to post anyway, and it serves you right!

    My first two-line poem is unWitt(er)ingly brought to you by….

    SPIES LIKE US*

    We measure success
    one imposter at a time.

    *If this title sounds familiar, but you can’t quite ‘picture’ it….there’s always Google! Ha ha ha!

    THIS IS A TITLE

    Sometimes a poem
    is entitled to be obvious.

    ENVIRONMENTALLY CORRECT [previously published]

    Poems don’t grow on trees….
    however, some are recycled.

    HEARING I’M PAIRED

    Poetry is that
    conversation we could not
    otherwise have had.
    –Cid Corman, Kyoto, Japan

    Sorry I do
    not speak haiku.

    We interrupt this post for another commercial:

    OBSESSION

    buy Calvin Klein.
    Sell futures.

    GIVE ME THAT OLD-TIME RELIGION

    Of course God knows everything —
    He’s been around forever.

    WHAT GOD TOLD ADAM AND EVE

    You don’t want to know
    (so, on with the show).

    IS THIS GREAT POETRY, OR WHAT?

    The power of suggestion
    is that it begs the question.

    Is this a great job, or what? But apparently not everyone shares my view:

    OLD TESTAMENT RE-VIEW

    Take this Job
    and shove it.

    FINNEGAN’S DYING WISH

    Wake me when it’s over
    (re Joyce).

    We conclude with….

    TWO MORE POEMS BY MISTERMUSE

    One
    short.

     

     

     
    • arekhill1 10:53 am on October 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      So you’re doing exactly what you wanted to do and it’s my fault, Sr. Muse? Don’t think you’re the first person who’s ever said that to me.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 11:41 am on October 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I would never think such a thing, Ricardo; nonetheless, I am considering making you pay the price of your protest by filling my next post with THREE-line poems.

        Like

    • Cynthia Jobin 11:12 am on October 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Two true to be good….

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 11:35 am on October 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Then it must be bad, which is the new good (well, maybe not new anymore, but new enough to serve my purpose here, you bad girl). 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • Cynthia Jobin 11:55 am on October 15, 2016 Permalink

          The young texters have adopted the numeral “2” as an all purpose savior from having to tremble between “to,” and “two,” and “too” for grammatical correctness. Why didn’t we think of that?

          Liked by 1 person

    • eths 11:42 pm on October 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I like these a lot, especially Cid Corman’s.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:54 am on October 16, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Like-wise. In fact, I liked it so much that, as I recall, it instantly inspired the two-liner which follows it (sometimes a poem rings so true, it almost ‘demands’ a response — which we can’t always articulate in a way that does justice to the poem, but when it does….).

        Like

    • Don Frankel 11:35 am on October 16, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Not sure which is my favorite Muse, Take this Job or Wake me when its over by Joyce. No wait there’s God know’s he’s been around forever. Classic Muse, classic.

      Like

    • mistermuse 11:24 pm on October 16, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks, Don. Speaking of the latter, I’m getting so old that sometimes I feel like I’VE been around forever.

      Like

    • RMW 12:30 pm on October 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Always enjoyed Johnny Paycheck’s song… his number one hit… that was pretty much my mantra during all my many corporate jobs… thank goodness I don’t have to sing it anymore!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 8:38 pm on October 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I’m sure that song’s title expresses what many ‘wage slaves’ wish they could say to their employer….and then feel (to paraphrase Martin Luther King Jr.) free at last, free at last, thank God, I’m free at last!

        Liked by 1 person

    • Cynthia Jobin 1:35 pm on October 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Just stopping by to wish you a very happy upcoming natal anniversary celebration, mistermuse, rich with love and contentment. Oh..and cake! Happy Birthday!

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:01 am on April 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Academy of American Poets, , humorous poems, , , , , , , ,   

    A TOWERING FIGURE IN POETRY 

    April is NATIONAL POETRY MONTH (as decreed by the Academy of American Poets in 1996). Can there be any doubt that a poet of my stature* would be expected to contribute a poem to the celebration?

    *about 5′ 7″

    As it happens, I had a poem in my April 20 post, but that doesn’t count….unless I say it does, which I don’t, because I’ve composed a new poem for the occasion (or any occasion, for that matter). The point is that this occasion happens to be at hand and is sufficiently worthy of a work of such distinguĂ© distinktion:

    ONCE A POET

    Once I wrote poems;
    Writing poems was fun.
    Once I wrote poems;
    Now I write none.

    Once I wrote poems;
    Poems were my life.
    Once I wrote poems;
    Then I met my wife.

    I’m just joking, of course;
    I still write, as you see —
    For my wife loves my poems,
    And I still loves she*.

    *That end word was going to be me, but that might be the end of me, so I reconsidered.

    Thank you very much, ladies and sentimentalmen. I’m glad you appreciate the heartfelt passion and savoir fairy that went into said poem. Your defecating applause on this historic day warms my cockles to the core. This calls for a curtain call. But I don’t have another new poem handy, so how about two oldies that survived previous publication:

    RHYME GONE TO HELL

    I don’t comprehend
    why poems that rhyme
    must, most of the time,
    just rhyme at line’s end.
    Who so decreed it to, as though it needed
    to? And would it spell

    nonsense if most rhymes
    commence where lines start?
    Dare we call it art?
    Where I’m at, at times,
    is: does it matter where rhyme is, if indeed
    it’s where mine is? Hell!!!

    TRYING TIMES

    Forgive me, please, my verse you’ve read —
    Much better works are in my head….
    –  But they’ll remain there
    –  Until the brain there
    Learns how to extract gold from lead.

    But enough about me. Let us close on a serious quote from ex-Chancellor of the aforementioned Academy of American Poets, Pulitzer Prize-winning poet/novelist, Robert Penn Warren, who was fittingly born (April, 1905) in what would become National Poetry Month:
    Historical sense and poetic sense should not, in the end, be contradictory, for if poetry is the little myth we make, history is the big myth we live, and in our living, constantly remake.

     

     

     
    • scifihammy 1:48 am on April 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Love your poems! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 2:25 am on April 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Me too! And I also admire my humility! 🙂

      Like

    • Cynthia Jobin 8:07 am on April 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I had not thought of begin-rhyme as an alternative to end-rhyme…an ingenious idea! And I see your poetry as taking a place in the great canon of verse somewhere beside/between Edward Lear and Ogden Nash…but I could be mythtaken…

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 3:13 pm on April 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Cynthia, if Robert Penn Warren was right, we’re both mythtaken (a designation I’m honored to have in common with you). I would suggest reflecting our status by changing our names to myth-termuse and Mythnia Jobin, but our readers might think we both lisp.

        Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 9:23 am on April 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I wish you would remind me earlier of these national month celebrations, Sr. Muse. It’s the 25th and I haven’t rhymed a damn thing.

      Like

      • mistermuse 3:35 pm on April 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        As Yogi Berra once said,
        It ain’t over till it’s….dead.
        Others say, not until the fat lady doth sing —
        So you still have 5 days to rhyme a damn thing.

        Like

    • Don Frankel 9:49 am on April 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I think you’ve got the gold from lead down pat Muse.

      I also think rhyme comes from the need to memorize. It’s a memory trick. Don’t forget people were writing poetry long before anyone figured out how to write it all down.

      Like

    • mistermuse 3:39 pm on April 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Good point, Don. At my age, I need all the memory tricks I can get.

      Like

    • BroadBlogs 3:48 pm on April 26, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Fun poems!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 5:50 pm on April 26, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I’m just a fungi — I mean, fun guy! In any case, I’m glad you enjoyed the poems.

      Like

    • RMW 10:47 am on April 27, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Did not realize this was National Poetry Month… So when is National Prose Month?

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 1:24 pm on April 27, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks for that thorny question.
      There doesn’t seem to be a National Prose Month, but there is a National Rose Month (June). Those who prefer prose to rose could “p” on a rose and make it prose, and perhaps it will catch on and become National Prose Month. After all, a rose by any other name would….whatever.

      Liked by 1 person

    • D. Wallace Peach 9:11 pm on April 29, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I hope you can hear the “deafening” applause from over here! Loved them. LOL

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 4:02 pm on May 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks. Sorry for the late response to your comment, but your applause was so deafening, I didn’t hear it until now. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:01 am on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Bay of Fundy, born-again, British Columbia, Canada, high tides, humorous poems, nincompoops, Nova Scotia, , , Terrytoons,   

    CANADIAN CAPERS 

    I suppose I might’ve waited until July 1 (Canada Day) to publish this post, but winter cold seems more fitting than summer heat for conjuring up Canadian karma. Even in January, having traveled its provinces by car from Nova Scotia to British Columbia in my younger days, I can draw on many warm memories of America’s northern neighbor — not to mention one or two bordering on boorish (experiences at entry points). But that’s ancient history. So, rather than bore you with vacation stories, I’ve decided to bore you with a few neighbor-ly poems:

    JOGGING ON THE BEACH AT JOGGINS

    On the fossil beach at Joggins,*
    One finds fossil bods and noggins
    Washed up from the Bay of Fundy**
    On tides higher than born-agains on Sunday.

    *Joggins, Nova Scotia
    **haunt of the world’s highest tides

    BEEN THERE, DUMB THAT

    Lost on my way to old Kamloops,*
    I came upon two nincompoops.
    When I asked where I was, I knew they were dumb:
    They advised me to return where I just came from.

    *Kamloops, British Columbia

    SNOW CANADA

    Snow may fall, in fall, in places;
    Like autumn leaves, it leaves its traces.
    Come May, there may still traces be;
    But may I say, it leaves….eventually.

    In departing, I was going to leave you with a clip of an old song called CANADIAN CAPERS, but as I was clipping along, I came across this old cartoon of the same name (it’s not aces, but it’s funny in places):

     

     
    • carmen 4:46 am on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Well, aren’t you full of surprises, mistermuse?? Good cartoon, too!

      Oh, and we’ve got snow – in fact, we all got a ‘storm day’ on Wednesday; school was cancelled and it snowed pretty much all day. Our grandchildren came yesterday, thinking they’d be able to sled in front of the house, but the snow had all blown away!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:28 am on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Carmen, knowing you live on the Bay of Fundy, I thought this post might get a “rise” out of you! 🙂

        As you know better than I, Canada’s Maritime Provinces are wonderful to visit. So many beautiful and interesting places to see and experience: Hopewell Rocks, the Alexander Graham Bell Museum, the Anne of Green Gables House — and that’s just scratching the surplus!

        Like

        • carmen 7:33 am on January 15, 2016 Permalink

          Ha, ha mistermuse – “scratching the surplus” I could have used that line on Don! 🙂
          P.S. I can see the Bay of Fundy from every window in my house! And if that’s not enough, there’s a wall painting in my living room. .. sheesh!

          Liked by 1 person

    • Michaeline Montezinos 4:50 am on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      mistermuse I relished your poems and if they were eatable, then I fancy I would have been more pleasantable. Food for thought? I think it ought to be food for the limbic part of my beleaguered brain. But enough of this dribble I will not quibble but so endorse your poetry as I would a dark horse at the race track. Do we still have these magnificent arenas of overly trainable horses covered with sweat so shiny in the afternoon sun? I would miss the scent of dirt and mulch and horsey deposits all in a mixture along with the nervous energy of those equine and wealthy donners of fancable hats upon the long tresses the young women wear that uncannigly remind me of the mane on the winning mare.
      In other words I loved your poems and you still are my source of inspiration, dear mistermuse.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 7:38 am on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Many thanks, Michaeline — it’s good to hear from you again after a bit of an absence. Hope you have been well, and that the new year has been treating you well so far (or, if not treating you, at least not making you pay through the nose). 🙂

        Like

        • Michaeline Montezinos 4:48 pm on January 16, 2016 Permalink

          Thank you for your good wishes mistermuse. Yes I have been absent due to two accidental falls in July.. One into my kitchen and one into my “vanitory” That word is in my Scrabble dictionary. I finally found one good primary care doctor and about a hundred specialists. I feel like I have been through a maze with so many office visits and two ‘adbombnible’ procedures that I did not enjoy. Of course the doctors want to repeat them again. Like the late Mrs. Nixon, I am “just saying no to drugs.” and more procedures. All of this medical attention has been hitting my pocket book with intense fury. Lucky us since we have secondary insurance and Medicare, of course. Since March of last year I have written two poems but now I am working on the composing of more rhymes. I gave up on writing my life story. I will continue reading your column as I have been doing unknown to you and the gang.. I was just too hurt to write many comments. Have a happy New Year and stay warm; I heard it is beastly cold up there.:-)

          Like

        • mistermuse 6:07 pm on January 16, 2016 Permalink

          Sorry to hear about your accidents., Michaeline. I know what you mean about excessive “procedures” – sometimes they reach a point where you begin to wonder if the only thing they’re accomplishing is making $ for the specialists.

          Yes, old man winter came late this year (first snowfall Jan. 12, the second latest first snowfall on record), but he now seems determined to stick around a while, as do I. You do the same.

          Like

    • Don Frankel 6:41 am on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      All these things going on in Canada, who knew?

      I see shades of the rascally rabbit in this cartoon and it seems the best laid plans of “mice an men (and mosquitoes) Gang aft agley”,

      Liked by 1 person

      • carmen 6:44 am on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Why Don, we’ve got all that and more! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:02 am on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Don, after taking a second look at that cartoon, I like it even more than the first time. The scene where the old man throws the bird eggs from his beard to the ground where, instead of smashing, they become instant birdies, is especially funny….and the moose reflection-in-the-water scene reminds me of the mirror scene in the Marx Brothers DUCK SOUP, which was filmed two years later.

        Like

    • ladysighs 7:17 am on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      You are going to be sorry you mentioned Canadian Capers. Somewhere deep down in some obscure folder I am sure I have that song. lol
      Be prepared! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • Midwestern Plant Girl 9:22 am on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      OMG! Ice skating mosquitoes. That is scary.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 10:05 am on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Who knew that in winter, mosquitoes not only survive, but thrive? It would serve them right if they got frostbite (or died pleading from reading my rhymes).

      Like

    • arekhill1 10:35 am on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      A stirring tribute to the true North strong and free, Sr. Muse. Did you feel constrained by copyright law from adding a cartoon of Dudley Do-right and Nell?

      Like

    • mistermuse 11:43 am on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I apologize for not doing right by Dudley, but I’ll keep him in mind if I ever do CANADIAN CAPERS II….which of course depends on the original being a box office smash before I do a sequel. Or maybe I’ll settle for half a million Likes.

      Like

    • hooklineandinkwell 5:57 pm on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      This is brilliantly entertaining! I love your play on words and how you capture the Canadian essence so very well. Great work, eh!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:26 pm on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks. I regret that, although I’ve been as far northeast as Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island, I never made it to your neck of the woods in Newfoundland. From what I’ve read, it’s a land of much natural beauty.

      Like

    • hooklineandinkwell 4:07 am on January 16, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      You are welcome! Many folks travelling the Canadian landscape don’t make it to our dear province but our door is always open. Hopefully you will make it here sometime and you can write all about it’s beauty from experience 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • carmen 6:31 am on January 16, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I’ll vouch for that, ‘hook’ – love Newfoundland’s rugged beauty and the most friendly people of Canada! 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

        • hooklineandinkwell 6:32 am on January 16, 2016 Permalink

          🙂 here, here!! 😀

          Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 3:49 pm on January 16, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Apparently the above comment didn’t make it here whole, but the gist of it is that you should do as I did and click on ladysighs (above) to view and listen to her excellent post and vocalizing.

      Like

    • RMW 12:42 pm on January 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Fun poems, a little chuckle…

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 2:38 am on July 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: experience, humorous poems, learning from experience,   

    AND THEN YOU DIE…. 

    The trouble with experience is that so few people are born with it.
    –Evan Esar

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    THE LATE SHOW

    Experience is the best teacher —
    Of that, there is little doubt.
    But many a thing learned by experience,
    It’s too late to do anything about.

    WIN SOME, LOSE SOME

    Know this as you slog
    Through life like a migrant:
    Sometimes you’re the dog,
    And sometimes the hydrant.

     

     
    • scifihammy 3:09 am on July 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      hahaha 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 3:55 am on July 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Every Dog has his day. Not sure who said that first. But as I like to say, say life is hard, then you die. But first we get a few laughs, a few base hits, score a few touch downs, date some beautiful women, listen to some great music and read mistermuse. Not so bad, even for a Dog.

      Like

    • mistermuse 6:17 am on July 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      You’re right, Don. Nowadays, even beautiful women can date beautiful women — if that’s not Equal Rights, I don’t know what is. Anyway, speaking of who said that first, I knew I’d heard “then you die” before, but I forgot who said it. Try not to grow old, Don, unless you don’t mind your memory becoming a hydrant that Father Time pees on at will.

      Like

    • arekhill1 10:22 am on July 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Speaking of dogs, I always thought the expression was “Life’s a bitch. Then you marry one. Then you wish you were dead.”

      Can the complexity of existence really be reduced to a simple zero-sum equation of dog vs. hydrant? True, sometimes you’re the dog, and sometimes you’re the hydrant. But sometimes you’re the car forgetfully parked in front of that hydrant, with a dog locked inside on a hot day…

      The path of philosophy is endless.

      Like

    • mistermuse 12:56 pm on July 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      “I swear that hydrant wasn’t there when I parked my car, officer!” I recall a scene like that in one of the old classic comedies (possibly Laurel & Hardy)….and the funny thing was that the hydrant was in process of being replaced and wasn’t there when he parked.

      Just another example of the complexity of existence.

      Like

    • BroadBlogs 1:02 pm on July 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      “The trouble with experience is that so few people are born with it.”

      Sometimes I get annoyed thinking about the times I’ve screwed up, but then I remember what this quote says so eloquently.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 3:06 pm on July 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      When I was searching for an appropriate quote to set up my two poems, I chose that one because it’s not only eloquent, but witty. I also considered the following runner-up, which, while eloquent, lacked the wit I was looking for:

      “Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him.” -Aldous Huxley

      Like

  • mistermuse 1:47 pm on April 3, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , humorous poems, , , ,   

    BEWARE OF TOURISTS! 

    Spring is here and summer is near.
    Comes that time of the year
    Tourists can be a pain in the rear.

    But some are like me, so be of good cheer —
    I’m not as ill-bred as I may appear
    (if I ever doubt it, I look in the mirror).

    Now, money is something I know you hold dear,
    So if you’ll take my tip, get your ass in gear
    And earn it like me — do I make myself clear?

    ENDEMIC SPECIES

    What time do they let the animals out of the park?
    –sightseer at Denali National Park

    Park rangers (we bet) know
    Why nature lovers grieve —
    Animals are ‘let go’….
    But the tourists won’t leave.

    BLUE NOSE TOURS RED-LIGHT DISTRICT

    Whores!

     

     
    • arekhill1 4:19 pm on April 3, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      As long as we’re discussing prostitution, let me quote again my favorite Dorothy Parker line: “You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.”

      Like

    • mistermuse 6:07 pm on April 3, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Well, let’s not be too hard on whores – they have to live too.

      Like

    • Joseph Nebus 1:38 pm on April 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Aw, but tourists can add such an atmosphere to a place. It’s an atmosphere of being photographed and moved past, but that’s still something.

      Like

    • mistermuse 4:58 pm on April 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Many’s the time I’ve been a tourist myself, and many’s the photo album I’ve filled as a result….so this post was more caricature than eyewitness account, but I did observe a few “Ugly Americans” along the way.

      Like

  • mistermuse 7:28 am on February 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , humorous poems, ,   

    TITLE POWER (THE UN-TOLD STORY) 

    IS THIS A GREAT POEM, OR WHAT?

    The power of suggestion
    is that it begs the question.

    UNTITLED

    This poem’s title is Untitled —
    Not because it is untitled,
    But because I am entitled
    To entitle it Untitled.

    If I’d not titled it Untitled,
    It would truly be untitled,
    Which would make me unentitled
    To entitle it Untitled.

    So it is vital, if untitled,
    Not to title it Untitled,
    And to leave the title idled,
    As a title is entitled.

     

     
    • ladysighs 7:40 am on February 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Are you finished with your recital about the title?

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 9:40 am on February 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      All right-al.

      Like

    • Don Frankel 10:06 am on February 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I know you wrote this Muse but it begs to be by Anonymous.

      Like

    • mistermuse 11:37 am on February 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Actually it’s by Anomalous.

      Like

    • arekhill1 12:04 pm on February 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I think you’ve demonstrated you’re entitled to your sense of entitlement.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 4:49 pm on February 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I guess that makes it Unanimous.

      Like

    • errinspelling.wordpress.com 6:31 pm on February 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      i loved it

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:42 pm on February 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      In that case, I love you (what my wife doesn’t know won’t hurt her).

      Like

    • Joseph Nebus 10:54 pm on February 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Once back in college I impishly gave our arts-and-poetry newspaper edition a poem titled, “How life appears to a person sitting in his dorm room watching people come in and go out all night”, with the body of the poem being, just, “Transitional.”

      The editor misunderstood at first and that all that was the poem and laid it out as “Untitled” but I caught that and explained my prank. Happily, he loved it way more that way.

      Like

    • mistermuse 11:52 pm on February 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Some might say that’s life – either a dorm room or a prank. I don’t know – I just work here.

      Like

  • mistermuse 11:53 am on January 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , humorous poems   

    READY, SET, GOING TWO PIECES 

     

    LITTLE-READ WRITING HABIT

    A poem a day
    Keeps the poet awake.

    GREAT POEMS NEED GREAT READERS

    Sign here _______________________

     
    • arekhill1 11:57 am on January 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Talk about having greatness thrust upon me!

      Like

    • ladysighs 1:37 pm on January 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I’ll come back and sign when there is not such a long waiting line.

      Like

    • mistermuse 1:39 pm on January 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Glad to offer the opportunity, Ricardo….but I can’t help wonder why you signed in invisible ink.

      Like

    • mistermuse 1:44 pm on January 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Speaking of invisible, where’s the long waiting line, ladysighs? 🙂

      Like

    • Don Frankel 5:05 pm on January 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      “There are no great readers just ordinary readers confronting great works.” Or something like that from Admiral Halsey.

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:05 pm on January 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      No doubt Admiral “Bull” Halsey often saw red, but how well he read what he saw, I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to take a pass on that quote, Don.

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:07 pm on January 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Whatever works, Michaeline. 🙂

      Like

  • mistermuse 6:41 pm on June 1, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: brevity levity, humorous poems, , short poems, Three's a crowd   

    BRIEF CASES 

    MORE THAN ENOUGH LINES FOR A POEM?

    Three or two —
    When one
    Will do.

    NOT ENOUGH LINES FOR A POEM?

    One.
    Two’s poetry.
    Three’s allowed.

     
    • arekhill1 12:20 am on June 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Succinct, I think

      Like

    • mistermuse 6:52 am on June 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I’m glad
      you didn’t add
      “they stink.”

      Like

    • Don Frankel 8:12 am on June 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Since we’re going with brevity today LMAO.

      Like

    • mistermuse 8:58 am on June 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      “LMAO” proves brevity is the soul of wit
      Though it must make it a pain to …. do it.

      Like

    • Don Frankel 3:19 pm on June 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      You’re talking to a man who just had his Colonoscopy Saturday. Luckily they can give great meds during the procedure but there is no avoiding the preparation. Butt all’s well that ends well.

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:36 pm on June 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Been there, done that, Don, so I can empathize. You might say I stand colorected.

      Like

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