HALFWIT HUNT

My last post ventured forth in search of the brilliant wit of certain Presidents/would-be Presidents (past and present). Now I think it only fair to give equal time to the dim-witted musings of those of such sapience as to merit their own re-visiting. By so doing, I intend to demonstrate that a politician need not be Ronald Obama, Barack Reagan, or even Lucy Lou* to prove his/her comedic bone fides (or fidos, as the case may be) for high office.

*canine Mayor of Rabbit Hash, KY, whose dogged bid for the Presidency regrettably went up in smoke when her campaign headquarters went down in flames:

So, without further adog, let us turn our attention to the business at hand (or paw):

When a great many people are unable to find work, unemployment results. –Calvin Coolidge

Rarely is the question asked, “Is our children learning?” –George W. Bush

The voters have spoken — the bastards! –Morris Udall (after his loss in the 1976 Democratic Presidential primary)

It isn’t pollution that’s harming our environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. –Dan Quayle (V.P. under George H. W. Bush and later a Presidential candidate for a short time)

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country, and neither do we. –George W. Bush

My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, never surrender to what is right. –Dan Quayle

Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country. –George W. Bush

I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future. –Dan Quayle

Hattie, I’m horny. –Bruce Babbitt to Mrs. Babbitt (not realizing his microphone was on) during his 1988 Democratic Presidential campaign

A zebra cannot change his spots. –Al Gore (not true; zebras change their spots every time they move — ha ha)

I want to be sure [the choice for new IRS commissioner] is a ruthless son of a bitch, that he will do what he’s told, that every income tax return I want to see, I see, [and] that he will go after our enemies and not our friends. If he isn’t, he doesn’t get the job. –Richard Nixon (May 1971 tapes)

There’s a place in Hell reserved for women who don’t support other women. –Sarah Palin on 10/4/08, when she was John McCain’s running mate

Well, Sarah, I may not be a woman, but I’ll be damned — who knew that you could be counted on to support Hillary Clinton for President in 2016? And now I can bring this post to a close, mercifully finding no need to inflict on my readers proof, in so many words, of The Donald’s endlessly witless qualifications.

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21 comments on “HALFWIT HUNT

  1. Thank you for some good laughs, mistermuse. In my own twisted way,I think I like half-wit even more than wit. It’s often a whole lot funnier.

    In the interest of fair play, however, I should point out that just this past February of 2016, Madeleine Albright, Democrat, former Secretary of State and FOH (Friend of Hillary) said, at a Clinton rally in New Hampshire: “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” Did she steal that from Sarah P. or vice versa? As a person of the female persuasion, I say a pox on both their houses.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse says:

      Funnier indeed, because most of those statements came out the opposite of what the speaker meant. Dan Quayle, of course, was notorious for his malapropisms, and George W. Bush was no slouch either.
      Thanks for the point about Madeleine Albright, which made me so curious about the origin of the quote that I turned to Google, but Barney wasn’t exactly definitive. I did see that when asked if she agreed, Hillary replied that Madeleine’s “been saying that for as long as I’ve known her, which is about 25 years.” So, if you believe Hillary (and who doesn’t?), Madeleine said it first and Sarah was being a tiny bit fey — and no one can tell Tina Fey and Sarah apart ever since.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Carmen says:

    It’s 3:13 a.m and I am stuck at San Francisco airport for 24 hours. .. I laughed out loud at these, mistermuse! Thanks for the humour injection. Oh, and I’m with Cynthia re: the pox. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse says:

      Thanks, Carmen — I’ve got a feeling you’re not going to leave your heart in San Francisco, but if it’s any consolation, it could happen at any airport. 🙂
      P.S. I look forward to your resuming posting when you get home. It’s been a while!

      Like

  3. These were funny! I found a few recent dooseys from Hillary…
    “No. We just can’t trust the American people to make those types of choices…. Government has to make those choices for people.” –Hillary, on whether Americans should be able to make their own health care decisions.
    “We are going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good.”
    “The American people are tired of liars and people who pretend to be something they’re not.”

    Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse says:

      Her biggest doozy was on March 13 in the coal mining state of West Virginia when she said “we’re going to put a lot of coal miners and coal companies out of business.” She meant it in the context of replacing those jobs with clean energy jobs, but it was a tone-deaf thing to say and (although she later apologized) it will no doubt cost her the state of West Virginia in the election.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Don Frankel says:

    “If nominated I will not run. If elected I will not serve.” William Tecumseh Sherman. No half wit he.

    Yes others have said this but I think he was the first.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. mistermuse says:

    If only The Donald were so noble (Trump, not Frankel).

    Like

  6. linnetmoss says:

    “Rabbit Hash” is very funny in and of itself. I don’t think anyone will ever wrest the King of the Morons title from Dan Quayle. With George W., one felt that he had a wire loose that kept discombobulating him. With Quayle, one could only conclude that he was wireless.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse says:

      It certainly makes one wonder why in the world George H. W. Bush would pick someone like the “King of the Morons” as his VP (not to mention John McCain choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate). But, not content with wacko VP candidates, Republicans have now come up with The Donald to run for Pres. All I can say is that Hillary must be living right to find herself pitted against the only office seeker in the country more disliked than she is.

      Liked by 1 person

      • linnetmoss says:

        Haha! Well, as a Hillary supporter I don’t understand the intense dislike. But I realize that she doesn’t excite people–she is too wonkish for that. She’s got to find a way to communicate that has more intuitive appeal, and I’m hoping she will do it through humor 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  7. There are certainly a lot of places that have been reserved in Hell to this date, and I think that’s all to the good–when I get there, I’m hoping to be turned away for lack of a reservation.

    Like

  8. Ha ha. Oh my. GWB was full of them. Quayle’s are pretty hysterical too. And Trump is going to need a whole post to himself!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. mistermuse says:

    Re GWB and Quayle, I think linnetmoss got it exactly right with the first of her two comments (above). As for Trump, I need a long vacation from anything he says (or has said)!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. RMW says:

    “The voters have spoken — the bastards!” Overheard in London very recently…

    Liked by 1 person

  11. mistermuse says:

    Although most losing politicians may not say it, I suspect they think it. In London, probably even most non-politicians (who voted to remain in the EU) think it!

    Like

  12. eths says:

    Wonderful, wonderful quotes!

    Like

  13. Oh dear. I fear our politicians are not much better. No Donald trump, though, at least. That’s something to be grateful for, I guess.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. mistermuse says:

    I just read your ANTHONY GREEN post on your Australian blog and wonder if he would be just as accurate at predicting the outcome of the American Presidential election. If he would come to America and predict with certainty Trump will win, he can stay here and I’ll move to Australia!

    Like

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