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  • mistermuse 12:00 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Democrats, , FDR, , Happy Days Are Here Again, , , Presidential campaign,   

    MISTERMUSE FOR PRESIDENT! 

    So, ladies and gentlemen, I am officially running for President of the United States, and we are going to make our country great again.” –Donald Trump, June 16, 2015

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    That was then; this is now.

    Fringe, Morons, Countrymen, lend me your rears. I am officiously running for President of the Disunited States, because I feel like it….and who isn’t in favor of doing what they feel like? Now, we know that The Donald feels likewise, but let’s face it — he’s an asshole.

    I can hear some of you Trumplodytes saying, “He may be an asshole, but at least he’s my asshole.” Sir — or ma’am, as the base may be — I admit that you’re entitled to your own asshole, but if you don’t mind my saying so, your asshole is full of shit….and after three-plus years of the shit fitting the man, enough of him is too much (and vice versa).

    Friends, you and I both realize that, though the Dems’ heart may be in the right place, they’ve been letting the bullying GOP kick their cajones from here to South America for too long. That is why, in addition to slumming for Pres, I am announcing the formation of a new political party called The Fair And Respectful Treatment Party (or FART for short), because that’s what the American people deserve — and when¬†I become President, they will get the FART they’re entitled to.

    It’s not going to be easy, friends. I’m getting a late start, and the dollar three twenty five I have in the bank is just enough to cover my ass until my unemployment compensation kicks in. So I’ll be counting on your support and the support of my billions of blog followers to finance my campaign. If you can’t afford to send money, other assets will be gratefully accepted so long as they pass the smell test.

    And although the Democratic party may no longer be the party of kick-ass Presidents like FDR, his campaign theme song is still just the ticket for me:

    P.S. Highest donor gets to head my campaign and handle the money (just keep it under your hat).

     
    • Notes To Ponder 12:23 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Outstanding! ūüôā

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 1:14 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        My first endorsement! Can more be far behind!

        Liked by 1 person

        • Notes To Ponder 1:17 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink

          Well you’re going to need 65,000 people to donate to the campaign and favourable ranking in national polls to score a chair in the next televised Democrat debate. ūüôā

          Like

        • mistermuse 1:39 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink

          Details, details! The Donald doesn’t sweat the details, and he got elected. Of course, he was born with a silver spoon in one of his holes and had Putin’s help, but I have billions of followers, so “We’ll see what happens” (to borrow one of Trump’s fav pearls of faux wisdom).

          Like

    • obbverse 1:34 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      At last! A breath of fresh air on the political front. So to speak. After the ‘great job’ -HUGE- Trump’s done, the window of opportunity has been left wide open. As it should be.

      Like

    • calmkate 2:05 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I’d vote for you!

      trying to start WWIII was a great distraction … what happened to the impeachment???

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 12:22 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Kate, obviously Trump thinks A DISTRACTION A DAY KEEPS IMPEACHMENT (and every other accountability) AWAY. And he may be right, considering that his base and GOP sycophants support him, no matter what.

        Liked by 2 people

        • calmkate 6:47 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink

          I think you’ll find Murdoch and Packer will do everything possible to keep him there too!

          Like

    • The Whitechapel Whelk 4:08 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Just like Mr Trump’s administration, I hope your campaign runs like ‘a finely-tooned machine’

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 12:30 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Calling Trump “Mr” is like calling a baboon “Sir” — except that a baboon has more integrity. Nontheless, I thank you for your good wishes, because I know your fart (like mine) is in the right place.

        Liked by 1 person

    • blindzanygirl 7:04 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Lol. Love the assholes. This is really funny! But I’ll vote for you!

      Like

      • mistermuse 12:33 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you, my friend. Vote early and often (or at least, often).

        Liked by 1 person

        • blindzanygirl 12:52 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink

          Lol. I will have to throw my vote across the pond ūüėÄ

          Like

        • mistermuse 9:38 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink

          I’d like to throw Trump across the pond to your country, Lorraine, but your country has enough problems without the orange dis-ass-ter landing in your midst.

          Liked by 1 person

    • Rivergirl 9:09 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      You’ve got my vote.
      And besides there’s so much foul air in Washington these days they won’t even notice the difference.

      Like

      • mistermuse 12:41 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, Rg. That reminds me to be sure to call in the fumigators before I enter the White House (the rest of Washington probably won’t bother, they’re so used to the stench).

        Liked by 1 person

    • masercot 9:13 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      You’ve got all three of the votes I normally cast… I’m even writing you in for a member of the Fairfax County school board…

      Like

      • mistermuse 12:58 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        The more (votes), the merrier, I always say (beginning now).
        As for the school board, I won’t be eligible because one of my first acts as Pres will be to decree that all school boards be comprised only of students. Thus, any adult who want to run for school board will first have to go back to school. Hopefully, that will greatly reduce the number of ignoramuses running our schools.

        Like

    • Ashley 11:12 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      You’ve got my vote! Do you still allow postal votes? The Fair and Respectful Treatment Party is something we could do with over here! Can you send me a copy of the manifesto?

      Like

      • mistermuse 1:28 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, Ashley. I will allow votes by any method except tweet, a means of transmission which Trump has irreparably despoiled for all eternity.

        Manifesto-wise, I have yet to put one in writing and hesitate to do so, because it could be evidence my enemies might use against me. On the other hand, it may be unavoidable — like manifesto destiny.

        Like

    • tubularsock 1:07 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Check’s in the mail!

      And remember some POT for EVERY CHICKEN!

      Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 1:13 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I hope you do better than I did, Sr. Muse. https://www.richardcahill.net/home/-gop-for-me-i-will-run-in-2016

      Like

      • mistermuse 1:58 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        I’m sure you would’ve won the nomination if Donald Turd hadn’t entered the race the following month, Ricardo. When I am Pres, I will appoint you to the Supreme Court so you will have the chance to confirm his guilt for this and every other dastardly deed he will be convicted of, so help me God (sorry about that, Ricardo, but I’m not an atheist….yet).

        Like

    • Elizabeth 6:32 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Can you pick Steven Colbert as your running mate? If so, you have my vote.

      Like

      • mistermuse 9:24 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        Will CLAUDETTE COLBERT do? As you can see (40 seconds into this clip), she starred in a film called THE PHANTOM PRESIDENT, which is what I am at this point. She may be dead, but at least that will keep her from misspeaking or making any wrong moves.

        Like

        • Elizabeth 6:50 pm on January 12, 2020 Permalink

          Good substitution. And maybe his fans will be confused enough to vote for you with her on the ticket.

          Like

    • D. Wallace Peach 9:22 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I’d vote for you over Trump. I’d vote for a fart over Trump. At least farts don’t try to take away healthcare, they don’t try to wreck the planet, and they don’t try to start wars. We’d all be a lot happier and safer with a fart in the Whitehouse. ūüôā

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 9:48 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you, Diana. What more can I say? Anyone who would vote for a fart over Trump obviously has her priorities in the right place.

      Like

    • jilldennison 4:23 am on January 12, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Alright, sir … you have my vote, and I will even volunteer as your campaign speech writer, if you don’t already have one! I cannot send money, but as you said other assets would suffice, I am sending you 2 of our 5 kitties! One is mean as Attila the Hun and should be good for guarding you during campaign rallies. The other will warm your heart in times of trouble. I also love the name of your new party … now get out there and win some votes!

      Like

      • mistermuse 9:52 am on January 12, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        I plan to write my own speeches, Jill, but I thank you for the kitties because I need the support of independents, and no one is more independent-minded than cats (well, except for my wife and daughters). I think I’ll call them (the kitties, not my wife and daughters) “EX-DEMOCRATS NOW COOL DEMOCATS FOR MISTERMUSE” to inspire other Dems to join the growing FART party. I can feel a surge in the making!

        Liked by 1 person

        • jilldennison 4:53 pm on January 12, 2020 Permalink

          You’re on the right track, my friend! You need to come up with a logo for your FART Party!

          Like

        • mistermuse 7:11 pm on January 12, 2020 Permalink

          I’d use Trump’s face, but that would be promoting him and the GOP instead of FART. Besides, I’m already so sick of seeing his face, I could PUKE.

          Like

    • mlrover 10:00 am on January 14, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Go for MM!!! You’ll know you’ve made it when Randy Rainbow does your parody.

      Like

      • mistermuse 1:53 pm on January 14, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        I say with all sincerity that such a rarity would be a model of hilarity if there’s no disparity between my parody and the temerity of R.R.’s G & S parody:

        Liked by 1 person

    • barkinginthedark 6:34 pm on January 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      FDR one of my heroes flaws and all. continue…

      Liked by 2 people

    • barkinginthedark 6:35 pm on January 22, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      P.S. i can’t wrap my head around the fact that i’ve gone from FDR to this.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 4:19 pm on January 23, 2020 Permalink | Reply

        If it’s any consolation, we won’t go from FDR to Trump to Mike Pence, because there’s no chance the GOP will terminate Trump’s term, with Pence taking over as Pres.

        Liked by 1 person

    • barkinginthedark 4:16 am on January 25, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      too sadly true – in many many ways too numerous to list. continue…

      Liked by 2 people

    • Henry Lewis 10:12 pm on February 9, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      You can count on my FART!

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:00 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , Democrats, , , , John Adams, John F. Kennedy, , , , , ,   

    WIT HUNT 

    Eight years ago, I said it was time to change the tone of politics; in hindsight, I should have been more specific. — Barack Obama (2016 White House Correspondents’ Dinner)

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    I am¬†going to miss President Obama when he’s ‘gone’….if¬†for no other¬†virtue¬†than his¬†laid-back wit —¬†a¬†quality¬†sadly lacking¬†in the two¬†major¬†candidates to succeed him, Hillary Clinton¬†and Donald Trump¬†¬†(not to mention¬†his wit-less¬†former GOP rivals):

    One View: 2016 candidates lack wit of predecessors

    At least¬†Hillary managed a treasonable¬†(to Trump apologists) facsimile of wit¬†in¬†a June 21 speech: “Trump has written a lot of books about business – they all seem to end at chapter 11” (a reference to his four corporate bankruptcies). Granted, that line was probably conceived by a speech writer, but she delivered it as if it were her baby,¬†and¬†to hold it against her¬†is extraneous to¬†witticisms delivered¬†by past actual or would-be Presidents. Wit the help of¬†assiduous research, here are¬†a dozen¬†of yore favorites (and I quote):

    I¬†do declare, if this be true, General Pinckney has kept them all for himself and cheated me out of my two. –John Adams (in response to rumors that he had dispatched¬†the General¬†to England to bring back four mistresses: two for¬†Pinckney¬†and two for Adams)

    If I had two faces, would I be wearing this one? –Abraham Lincoln (when accused by Stephen Douglas of being two-faced)

    Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction. –Adlai Stevenson

    Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the¬†first. –Ronald Reagan

    Being President is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening. –Bill Clinton

    If the Republicans will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them. –Adlai Stevenson

    Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. –Abraham Lincoln (Are you listening, Donald Trump?)

    I¬†hope you’re all Republicans. —Ronald Reagan (to surgeons upon entering the operating room following 1981 assassination attempt)

    I¬†think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered together at the White House, with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone. –John F. Kennedy (at a White House¬†dinner honoring Nobel Prize winners)

    I¬†have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency — even if I’m in a cabinet meeting. –Ronald Reagan

    A¬†hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation. –Adlai Stevenson

    When they call the role in the Senate, the Senators don’t know whether to answer “present” or “not guilty.” –Teddy Roosevelt

    And with that exhaustive compendium, I’m at wit’s end.

     

     
    • Michele 12:57 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Yes the living here in Florida is easy but also challenging at times. I liked your Wits End poem and enjoyed the commentary from several of our nation’s wittiest politicians. Oh my! I had not realized how life of John Adams’ was so stressful that he chose to have a duel Thank you mistermuse for writing about this topic.

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 2:18 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Michele, I’m guessing that you meant “duo” (not “duel”) — although, if the rumors had been true, Adams might have chosen to duel the General for having “kept them all for himself!”

        Like

    • Michele 1:10 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      A funny and entertaining poem and commentary. Your quotes are notable. The elected officials are not always the smartest but they are certainly easy to talk with on more than one question:

      Liked by 1 person

    • charlypriest 6:36 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I won¬īt get into politics because we disagree and I will make you such a great argument to vote for Trump and that you would be so dazed that I will have to buy you a weel chair…..so I got the so I got the real solution, I¬īm going to get into the race so you can vote for me. These are my 3 primary things to change in America
      1- Manddatory to go to MacDonalds once a day
      2- Mandatory to have sex at least 3 times a week( that would bring the calories of the burger down, see? Balance)
      3- Mandatory to party twice a week ( taking off the stress will make you go back to work on Monday with renewed energy therefore the workforce will be more productive)

      My slogan: CHARLY WILL MAKE AMERICA GREATER THAN GREAT

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:08 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I suspect a multi-million dollar donation from MacDonalds to your campaign is in the mail as we speak (as well as similar donations from Wendy’s, Burger King, Arby’s, etc. to your opponents’ campaigns).

        Liked by 2 people

    • linnetmoss 8:07 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Hillary has an unexpected talent for delivering funny lines. If only she would loosen up a little and learn to love a joke ūüôā Lord knows we need something to laugh about these days.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 10:26 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I’d like to see Hillary use more lines like the “chapter 11” zinger I cited in my post. As I said, I doubt that she came up with it herself, but her delivery was spot-on, which is a talent in itself. Obama probably doesn’t write most of his funny lines, though I believe he is more than capable of doing so (Hillary, not so much).
        Looking over the list of 12 quotes, it would be interesting to know which ones were original to those who spoke them. My money would be on Lincoln, Adams and Stevenson for sure, and Reagan for at least the “I hope you’re all Republicans” quip.

        Liked by 2 people

        • linnetmoss 12:47 pm on June 25, 2016 Permalink

          Hillary might be funny in private. That’s what her aides say, any way. It’s riskier for women to use humor in public. But I agree that she should develop that talent for delivery. And get some good writers. Humor can be a powerful weapon in the coming election!

          Liked by 3 people

        • mistermuse 4:23 pm on June 25, 2016 Permalink

          I agree that “Humor can be a powerful weapon in the coming election” — but with the emphasis on “can be”….as in POWERFUL BUT NOT SUFFICIENT (a variant of ‘necessary but not sufficient’). There has probably never been a wittier Presidential candidate than Adlai Stevenson, but the relatively humorless Dwight Eisenhower beat him in a landslide in the 1952 election. Fortunately for Hillary, The Donald is no Eisenhower, and I think more wit of the “chapter 11” type would serve her well.

          Like

    • Don Frankel 10:10 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I like TR’s the best there as it seems the most apropos in New York right now. But what will all this Brexit mean? Tune in Monday and find out. Also an update on Dumbgate.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 10:36 am on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Speaking of TR, what this country needs right now is one more Teddy Roosevelt and one less TRump running for President.

        Like

    • D. Wallace Peach 4:57 pm on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      These are great. Who knew Reagan was such a wit? Sad that some of the old ones still apply today ūüôā

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 6:05 pm on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Reagan proved that one doesn’t have to be an intellectual to be witty. On the other hand, Adlai Stevenson (who is little remembered today) proved that an intellectual can be extremely witty (but not necessarily a successful Presidential candidate).

      Liked by 1 person

    • Cynthia Jobin 7:16 pm on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      What is “an intellectual”? Who is “smart?” Shouldn’t the humor of wit appeal in a universal way, to regular human beings in general, and not as an adolescent “in joke” appealing to the cafeteria table where all the popular kids hang out? (for example, “chapter eleven” would be meaningless to a great number of ordinary people, and is it actually true about the number of chapters in the book?) I say this because I find nothing to enjoy or find witty about Barach Obama or Hillary Clinton. I take a risk weighing-in here, since the smoke of lopsided partisan politics is so thick it forms the letters: “MEMBERS ONLY.”

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:05 pm on June 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I suppose one could put “an intellectual” in the same class as Potter Stewart’s being unable to define pornography, but knowing it when he sees it. So I don’t find it hard to see Adlai Stevenson as an intellectual and Donald Trump as other-wise, though it goes without saying (?) that not every juxtaposition is so black and white….speaking of which, I half agree with you regarding Barack Obama, and completely agree re Hillary Clinton (as I indicate in my post). I think Obama is pretty darn funny at the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinners (though I’m sure most, if not all, his witty remarks come from his speech writers). Outside of such occasions, he is indeed almost entirely serious….and I probably would be too, in his position.

        BTW, if I may say so, I definitely do not agree that the humor of wit must NECESSARILY appeal only to “regular human beings in general,” although perhaps in an ideal world, it should. Take, for example, the John F. Kennedy quote (or the Hillary quote, for that matter). Should those quotes be disqualified as witty just because “a great number of regular human beings” may not ‘get’ them? That seems to me to make a virtue of insufficient education (which I don’t mean in a way that faults anyone for something that may well not be their fault). I don’t think humor needs to fit in one box. Jokes no doubt should appeal in a universal way; wit: not so much.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Cynthia Jobin 9:45 pm on June 25, 2016 Permalink

          I like what you say here. I still think the chapter eleven joke was a joke and not wit, as you’ve nicely differentiated those things. Now for another expression…which, as a life long teacher, and denizen of schools, I would be interested to explore, if I weren’t too weary at the moment: “insufficient” education…I have known persons with a PhD.. whom I would deem insufficiently educated.

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 10:35 pm on June 25, 2016 Permalink

          I think we can probably agree that there are a number of things that can’t be completely separated in all instances, and that, though I drew a distinction between jokes and wit, there can be crossover. I will therefore meet you halfway on “chapter eleven” and call it a witty joke. And you will get no argument from me regarding some with a PhD being insufficiently educated!

          Liked by 1 person

    • Richard 1:30 pm on June 27, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Should we lower the level of humor to a universally understandable one for reasons of political correctness. (Still on vacation, and can`t find the rightside up question mark on this Spanish keyboard). Wouldn`t that leave us with nada but knock-knock jokes? (Found it!) But I will also regret the changing of Adminstrations no matter who wins. When will we have a President as chill as Obama again? You and I may well not live long enough to see it, Sr. Muse.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 2:57 pm on June 27, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      My guess is that the average person (who isn’t well-versed in history and current events) probably finds much of my wordplay over their heads, but if one must lower his/her “level of humor” to a universally understandable one, what’s the point — that anyone who doesn’t ‘dumb down’ their wit is guilty of being an ELITIST (pardon my language) and should be ostracized? In short, I agree with you, Ricardo.

      Like

    • eths 12:22 am on June 28, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Wonderful! I think Hillary has a great sense of humor. Watch: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/hillary-clinton-bar-talk/2916002

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 9:15 am on June 28, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks for the clip, in which Hillary does very well. I agree that Hillary has a good, & perhaps even great, sense of humor, but there are lots of people who have a good sense of humor who aren’t witty, and I would put Hillary in that category. I don’t mean that in a derogatory sense, because I think wit is in a person’s DNA, and to not have it is not that person’s fault.

      What I really like about that clip is that she’s not afraid to be self-deprecating, and that’s a type of humor that is completely foreign to the likes of Donald Trump, who has probably never said a self-deprecating thing in his life.

      Like

    • Richard Cahill 11:08 am on June 29, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      The dumbing down of humor would be a bad idea indeed, Sr. Muse–all we would have left would be knock-knock jokes.

      Like

    • mistermuse 3:07 pm on June 29, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Knock-knock,
      Who’s there?
      June.
      June who?
      June 29th.
      So what?
      So tune in tomorrow for the follow-up to this post.

      Like

    • barkinginthedark 12:07 am on July 21, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      “If the Republicans will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.” ‚ÄďAdlai Stevenson one of the all-time wittiest quotes….just like W. – or Trump eh? continue….

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:09 am on July 21, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      If only Adlai were alive today, I would love to see him running for Pres against The Donald (aka the battle of The Wit against The Witless).

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:02 am on October 10, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Democrats, , grammar, , , literacy test, , , , ,   

    GOP AIN’T GOT NO USE FOR PROPER GRAMMAR NOHOW 

    In a recent study by those grammar-checking nerds at http://www.grammarly.com/ (which is literally the literacy liturgist of all things literate and literary), it was found that supporters of current Republican candidates are more than twice as grammatically challenged as their Democratic counterparts.

    Yes, friends, that which¬†I have long suspected….has now been proven true: many right-wing¬†Republicans don’t know their asterisks from a hole in the ground. According to the study, ass-kissers of GOP candidates on Facebook made an average of 8.7 grammatical mistakes (misspellings, punctuation, etc.)¬†per 100 words, compared to 4.2 mistakes for supporters of Dems. Furthermore,¬†Dem ass-kissers demonstrated a larger vocabulary, using on average 300 unique words per 1,000 words, while Repubs used butt¬†245.

    But¬†I’m almost at a loss for words¬†at the news¬†that the biggest loser was DONALD TRUMP, whose partisans made an average of 12.6 mistakes per 100 words. In fact, not a single GOP candidate’s backers¬†scored better than the¬†backers of¬†any of the five Democratic candidates, whose scores ranged¬†from 3.1 mistakes (Lincoln Chafee) to 3.7 (Bernie Sanders) to 6.3 (Hillary Clinton).

    I hate to say it, but let us face facts. As much as we may¬†revel in the boastful¬†bloviating of The Donald, not to mention¬†Rick Sanitarium (11.5¬† supporter mistakes per 100) and the rest of the¬†GOP Presidential-wannabes, their constituents are a bunch of semi-literate, half-witted cretins (not to put too fine a point on it). And, sad to say, because of their limited vocabulary, these language-challenged dunces often resort to mean-spirited name calling as their only means of expressing their idiotic opinions — something which this writer, of course, would never¬†stoop to.

    This is indeed a sorry state of affairs. America can ill afford to have elections decided by those who¬†don’t know the difference between a diphthong and a dipstick¬†(not to mention elections¬†decided¬†by those whose opinions differ from mine). Perhaps it’s time to bring back the old¬†voter literacy tests — but instead of tests meant to keep Southern State¬†blacks from voting, we need tests designed¬†to keep ignorant right-wing Republicans from voting.

    This need not be complicated. Disqualification could be as expedient as this:

    If you plan to vote for a candidate whose first name is Donald, Rick, Ted,¬†Ben,¬†Bobby, Carly, or Mike,¬†sign¬†on¬†this line with an “X” ______.¬† God bless you¬†for exorcising your right to vote.

    P.S. As¬†my faithful readers know,¬†I posted my choice¬†a month ago. I’m voting for Lucy Lou.

     

     

     
    • scifihammy 12:57 am on October 10, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      haha I really enjoyed this ūüôā

      Liked by 3 people

    • mistermuse 6:25 am on October 10, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      ….but probably not half as much as I enjoyed writing it!!! ūüôā

      Liked by 1 person

    • Rita 7:39 am on October 10, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Wow, I’m for Lucy as well. This is great.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 10:03 am on October 10, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you for joining the I LOVE LUCY crowd – I’m sure you will have a Ball. ūüôā

      Like

    • arekhill1 1:28 pm on October 10, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Republicans have sought to corner the idiot vote for years. Who can argue with this? As a wise illiterate once said, it am what it be.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 4:42 pm on October 10, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      “Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.” –Friedrich Schiller

      Liked by 1 person

    • charlypriest 6:27 am on October 11, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      So half of the country are gramatically challenged to say the least then……
      Anyways, what I found amusing here is that there are guys that will come up with this idea. Got to love the U.S of A. It certainly makes politics interesting

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:13 am on October 11, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Not just politics, but the whole of human nature. Now that I think about it, that must be why I titled this blog THE OBSERVATION POST.

      Liked by 1 person

    • TOKEN 8:09 pm on October 12, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Adoxography and witzelsucht!

      It is simply because the intelligent Republicans are at work and don’t have the time to respond to such sophistry, as opposed to many inaniloquent lefties who have nothing better to do with their time than attend to the concilliabule.

      Did they actually count how many nasty names were called along the way? I’ll bet the abderian Dems won that contest too.

      Just my observations if semi-literate, half-witted, mean-spirited, hate-mongering, racist cretins and vocabulary-challenged dunces are still permitted to comment…

      Bring on the exsibilation… Peace ūüėČ

      Like

    • mistermuse 10:55 pm on October 12, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Just a thought, but if you have time, you may want to consider the possibility that if the “intelligent Republicans don’t have time to respond to such sophistry,” it’s because they’re too busy engaging in their own sophistry.

      And, as you can tell by my approving your comment, “semi-literate, half-witted, mean-spirited, hate-mongering [your addition to the list], racist cretins and vocabulary-challenged dunces” are indeed permitted to comment.

      Peace is good. Seriously. Peace.

      Like

    • TOKEN 11:22 pm on October 12, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I expect that is probably true. That is what is wrong with it all, isn’t it?

      LOL And as you can tell, I wouldn’t waste time and do so enjoy the abuse, therefore I expected nothing less from you in the first place!

      However, judging from the candidates we have on all sides, I’m seriously considering a vote for the Resident of Rabbit Hash or a Californian of some description…

      Like

    • mistermuse 11:45 pm on October 12, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I was just about to add to my previous reply that it should be seen in the same spirit as this post, which was categorized and tagged as “humor and “satire,” but your second comment beat me to the punch. In any case, I repeat “Peace is good,” and I’m glad I lived up to your expectations. ūüôā

      Like

      • mistermuse 4:11 am on October 13, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        It dawned on me this morning, what with my first name being Ken, that if “TOKEN” is taken as a contraction of “TO KEN,” the instigator of last night’s back-and-forth may be someone who knows me from palmier days at SWI. If so, the tenor of TOKEN’s comments leads me to suspect that his first name is Michael, and perhaps I should revisit his (what first struck me as) something approaching affectation….as, rather, something approaching affection?

        If I’ve left my imagination run away with me, I trust TOKEN will pardon my jumping to conclusions. Otherwise, it’s always good to hear from you, Michael, though you might have waited until Halloween to come disguised as a TOKEN of yourself. Clever masquerade, though. ūüôā

        Like

    • To Ken 6:14 am on October 13, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Alas you crafty devil; you have figured out my chicanery! I did enjoy getting away with it, even for just a short time. Just a token of my affection… Have a great day ūüôā

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:40 am on October 13, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      From now on, when I hear the old saying, “Don’t take any wooden nickels,” it will inevitably translate in my mind to DON’T TAKE ANY WOODEN TOKENS. At any rate, I miss our old “meeting (of the minds) place” – that is, your reflections on nature – and hope you enjoyed my Sept. 25 post THE NATURAL LIST.

      Like

    • BroadBlogs 12:22 pm on October 13, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Their thoughts are so jumbled, how could their words not be?

      Like

    • mistermuse 3:58 pm on October 13, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Perhaps that’s why the elephant is the symbol of the GOP – you know, Jumble the elephant…..oh, wait, I confused Jumble with Jumbo. I’d better get my act together before people start to think I’m a Republican. Or even a jackass, but I’m not a Democrat either.

      Like

    • Don Frankel 6:47 pm on October 13, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Lucy Lou’s supporters make no mistakes.

      Like

    • mistermuse 9:00 pm on October 13, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      To the best of my knowledge, Lucy Lou has never denied being a dog (which is more than you can say for most politicians), so how can we make a mistake supporting such an honest candidate?

      Like

    • M√©l@nie 1:32 am on October 19, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      your witty, common sense and realistic article has reminded me that we lived in Houston, TX(NASA area) for 5 years, but we did visit other states…. as a language teacher, I was beyond surprised to come across English native speakers who used to ask me spelling, grammar, or syntax questions… btw, English is my 3rd language, so long story, short: you’re sooo right, Sir! ūüôā

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 7:18 am on October 19, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Because English is your 3rd language, I can’t help but admire (even though you’re a language teacher) your ability to “get” my frequent use of wordplay, much of which I suspect is more than many Americans get. So, when you were in Texas and other states, I’m not all that surprised that you were asked such questions. In my opinion, Americans (in general) are very good at technology, but sadly lacking in sophistication language arts-wise.

      Like

  • mistermuse 8:42 pm on August 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Brazil, Democrats, Ecuador, election campaigns, , , , , ,   

    CONTORTIONISTS AND DUMMIES 

    Every nation gets the government it deserves.¬† –Joseph de Maistre, 1811

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Every once in a while — like¬†every day — you see on TV/the Internet, or read in the newspaper, that politicians¬†have done or¬†said things¬†that are¬†so over-the-top,¬†you can’t believe they emanated from a¬†sensible, reasonable¬†human being. And, of course, you are correct — they were actually¬†begot by a verbal¬†contortionist or a¬†ventriloquist’s dummy. Who else could¬†engage in such¬†twisted¬†logic¬†or move their lips to the¬†voice¬†of¬†ideological rote?

    Case in point:¬†on Wednesday last, House Republicans sued¬†the President for overreaching without¬†congressional authority; on Thursday, they¬†issued a statement putting the onus on the President to act on his own “without the need for congressional action, to secure our borders” — a¬†contradiction that even¬†several Republicans admitted made little sense.

    So what else is new(s)? Who elects such hypocrit-ters? Well, after exhaustive research, extensive investigation and having previously¬†made up my mind, I have come to the conclusion that….WE do. Yes, it’s true. We voters are such dumb asses that we¬†have been known to¬†elect a¬†real ass¬†to¬†office if¬†he belongs to our political persuasion.

    Take the case of the good citizens of Milton, Washington, who in 1938 elected Boston Curtis to be Republican precinct committeeman.¬†The Democratic mayor, to prove the point that many voters¬†have no¬†clue who they’re voting for, had managed to get Boston Curtis on the ballot by signing the filing¬†documents as legal witness. Boston Curtis was a brown mule. I suspect that, like most¬†mule-headed politicians,¬†animal instinct¬†took over¬†and¬†Boston Curtis¬†refused to resign¬†even after¬†the truth came¬†out when he brayed his victory speech.

    At least, Boston Curtis was among the living. Dead people have been known to win elections as well. In 2009, a 77 year old Alabama Republican¬†ran for Bibb County Commissioner and won on the strength of straight party line voting, despite departing this vale of tears¬†prior to¬†the election. Likewise, a 96 year old Florida man won 56% of the vote for Orange County Tax Collector,¬†notwithstanding¬†dying before being elected. Apparently, tax-resenting¬†voters figured a 96 year old tax collector¬†wasn’t going to be too swift on the job, dead or alive.

    Of course, America doesn’t have a monopoly on clueless voters. In 1967, during¬†an election campaign in Picoaza, Ecuador, the makers of Pulvapies (foot powder) aired an ad proclaiming, “Vote for any candidate, but if you want well-being and hygiene, vote for Pulvapies.” You guessed it — voters elected Pulvapies their new mayor (who knows — compared to the other candidates, Pulvapies may have been the best choice, hands down).

    On the other hand, the people of Sao Paulo,¬†Brazil, knew very well who and what they were voting for when they elected a clown to their congress in 2010….an actual,¬†illiterate clown, no less. Francisco Everardo Oliveira Silva (professional name Grumpy the Clown”), who ran using the campaign slogan, “It can’t get any worse,” got over 1.3 million votes (more than double the number of votes¬†for his nearest challenger) by promising to do absolutely nothing if elected, other than finding out what they do with their time in Congress and telling the voters. Now that’s what I call a candid-ate.

    GRUMPY THE CLOWN! GRUMPY THE CLOWN! GRUMPY THE CLOWN! He da mano*!

    *Mano is slang for “man” in Portuguese (the language of Brazil).

     

     
    • Don Frankel 6:10 am on August 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      If the dead can vote then by God I say they can also serve!

      Like

    • mistermuse 8:12 am on August 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I would vote for a dead tax collector every time.

      Like

    • arekhill1 9:59 am on August 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I salute the Brazilian clown, and if I had the time, energy and moral character suited for any kind of office, would happily run on a program of doing absolutely nothing except cash my paycheck.

      Like

    • mistermuse 10:48 am on August 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Despite the fact that we already have enough clowns in Congress unsuited for office and accomplishing nothing, I would vote for you, Ricardo, because as Grumpy said, “It can’t get any worse.” Just kidding – I don’t know how, but it probably could get worse. ūüôā

      Like

    • Michaeline Montezinos 9:04 pm on August 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I would vote for both of you, mistermuse and Richard on the very fact you are both so knowledgeable about politics that in doing nothing you both may stem the dam of repitive gerymandering and hypocritical assumptions. ūüėČ

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:06 am on August 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Don’t forget Don Frankel – since his hip operation, I’m sure he’s very knowedgeable too.
      I would also vote for you, Michaeline, just on general principles – such as the idea that you would vote for me.

      Like

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