July 1 is International Joke Day, one of those days when I get to pilfer humor from others rather than strain my brain for something original. Hence, if you find any of the following jokes offensive to your ethnicity, they’re not my jokes, so don’t shoot the messenger. Yes, I’m posting them, but the devil made me do it (just so you know who to blame). Thus pre-absolved, off we go around the world:
What do you name a retarded Chinese baby?
Sum Ting Wong.
What’s the difference between an Irish wake and an Irish wedding?
There’s one less drunk at the wake. (Or, as I would’ve said, one less Irish stewed.)
A French chef, Monsieur H. Cuisine, tired of being a glorified cook, decided to retire and raise rabbits to sell to Paris’s finer restaurants. After searching all over the city for a place to raise his rabbits, an old priest at the cathedral agreed to rent him a small plot behind the rectory. The venture proved so successful that one restaurant owner asked where he got such tasty rabbits. Monsieur H. Cuisine smiled and replied, “I raise them myself, near the cathedral. Actually, I have a….hutch back of Notre Dame.”
If you want to eat well in England, eat three breakfasts daily. –W. Somerset Maugham
A New Zealander, hoping to immigrate to Australia (which was largely a British penal colony until the 1850s), was questioned by a customs officer upon arrival: “What is your business in Australia?”
“I wish to immigrate.”
Customs officer: “Do you have a conviction record?”
Confused, the New Zealander answered, “I didn’t think you still needed one.”
Why do Italian men have mustaches?
They want to look like their mama.
It’s almost impossible to do inventory in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.
My next door neighbor is loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
January 19th was Martin Luther King Jr. Day in America….or, as it’s known in the south, Monday.
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive. –W.C. Fields