Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
May the devil write your obituary in weasel’s piss. –old Irish curse
Hold on — how did that get there? Either the devil made me do it, or me computer is up to no good (which wouldn’t be the first time). To be sure, me fine lads and lassies, this post is about curses in verses, but a curse alone does not a poem make. As for that derelict curse above, there are no weasels in Ireland unless you count the sloat (which is often mistaken for a weasel) or the lowly human (which often acts like a weasel, but technically is not).
Be that as it may, I haven’t got all (St. Patrick’s) day, so let’s get on with it. Here is a cultivated selection of VERSES WITH CURSES which, not least among its Hibernian virtues, could serve to show America’s petulant President how to insult his inferiors with a bit more savoir fairy (class, in plain English) than is typical in his limited vocabulary:
THE CURSE by John Millington Synge
Lord, confound this surly sister,
Blight her brow with blotch and blister,
Cramp her larynx, lung, and liver,
In her guts a galling give her.
Let her live to earn her dinners
In Mountjoy with seedy sinners:
Lord, this judgment quickly bring,
And I’m your servant, J. M. Synge.
from THE CURSE OF DONERAILE by Patrick O’Kelly
Alas! how dismal is my tale,
I lost my watch in Doneraile.
My Dublin watch, my chain and seal,
Pilfered at once in Doneraile.
May Fire and Brimstone never fail,
To fall in showers on Doneraile.
May all the leading fiends assail
The thieving town of Doneraile,
As lightnings flash across the vale,
So down to Hell with Doneraile.
The fate of Pompey at Pharsale,
Be that the curse of Doneraile.
May beef, or mutton, lamb or veal
Be never found in Doneraile,
But garlic soup and scurvy kale
Be still the food of Doneraile.
And forward as the creeping snail,
Th’ industry be, of Doneraile.
May ev’ry churn and milking pail
Fall dry to staves in Doneraile.
May cold and hunger still congeal
The stagnant blood of Doneraile.
May ev’ry hour new woes reveal
That Hell reserves for Doneraile.
May ev’ry chosen ill prevail
O’er all the imps of Doneraile.
May not one prayer or wish avail
To sooth the woes of Doneraile.
May the Inquisition straight impale
The rapparees of Doneraile.
May curse of Sodom now prevail
And sink to ashes Doneraile.
May Charon’s Boat triumphant sail
Completely manned from Doneraile.
Oh! may my couplets never fail
To find new curse for Doneraile.
And may grim Pluto’s inner jail
Forever groan with Doneraile.
RIGHTEOUS ANGER by James Stephens
The lanky hank of a she over there
Nearly killed me for asking the loan of a glass of beer:
May the devil grip the whey-faced slut by the hair,
And beat bad manners out of her skin for a year.
That parboiled imp, with the hardest jaw you will see
On virtue’s path, and a voice that would rasp the dead,
Came roaring and raging the minute she looked on me,
And threw me out of the house on the back of my head!
If I asked her master, he’d give me a cask a day;
But she, with the beer at hand, not a gill would arrange!
May she marry a ghost and bear him a kitten, and may
The High King of Glory permit her to get the mange.
THE CURSE OF NOT BEING IRISH by mister O’muse
And so we can see, Donald T.,
What the problem may well be:
In your entire immigrant ancestry,
Of Irish blood, you’re entirely free.
But on St. Patrick’s Day, luckily,
Every man is an Irishman, glory be!
So depart for today from your family tree,
Uproot this curse, branch out, and be free!
From ass act to class act, verily
This very day, you can transformed be….
Therefore, by virtue of the Irish in me,
I dub thee, please God, President Donald O’T.
Rivergirl 8:12 am on August 25, 2020 Permalink |
I can’t even. We tried to watch some of the Republican convention last night, just to be fair. We tried.
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mistermuse 9:16 am on August 25, 2020 Permalink |
Trump takes advantage of those who try to be fair, because that’s what bullies do. Biden and Harris mustn’t take any guff from Trump, but they also need to not let Trump’s insults become a distraction because that would be playing into his hands. Talk about a balancing act!
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Rivergirl 12:34 pm on August 25, 2020 Permalink
The bodyguard of western civilization.
Can you see my head exploding?
😳
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masercot 8:45 am on August 25, 2020 Permalink |
Those were some crazy people.
Oh me, oh MY!
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mistermuse 9:27 am on August 25, 2020 Permalink |
They ain’t got nothin’ on Trump, but at least their craziness didn’t hurt anyone but themselves (though the little dancing gal didn’t hurt herself, and she was a riot!).
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masercot 7:33 am on August 26, 2020 Permalink
The little dancing girl was cute as hell.
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mistermuse 5:24 pm on August 26, 2020 Permalink
Makes me wonder what ever became of her.
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mlrover 9:13 am on August 25, 2020 Permalink |
Where do you find this stuff? So fascinating! And that’s some fine singing. The craziness is a distraction from their excellence.
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mistermuse 9:33 am on August 25, 2020 Permalink |
The Boswell Sisters were the finest girl singing group of their era….or, arguably, any era, in my opinion. I’m glad you appreciate them!
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Don Ostertag 12:08 pm on August 25, 2020 Permalink |
That person really acts like a 6 year od with his stupid name calling. He must have really been a bully back in school.
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mistermuse 12:48 pm on August 25, 2020 Permalink |
From what I’ve read, Trump is”‘his father’s son” — or, as another old saying has it, “Like father, like son.” All I can say is that millions of American voters must like bullies.
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D. Wallace Peach 1:12 pm on August 25, 2020 Permalink |
Ugh. I tried to watch the Republican “convention” last night and just couldn’t take all the fear-mongering. I guess I’m going to join a mob and wipe out a suburban neighborhood this winter. Or I’m going to turn my neighbor’s kids into drug-using communists. I turned it off after ten minutes. 🙂
Here’s to peace, kindness, and truth – may it ultimately prevail.
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mistermuse 4:31 pm on August 25, 2020 Permalink |
Diana, if you do plan to join a mob or turn your neighbor’s kids into drub-using communists, I suggest you make a big fat donation to Trump’s re-election campaign and publicly kiss his butt. That will surely get you a Presidential pardon if you’re arrested (unless he’s not re-elected, in which case I never heard of you and you’re on your own). 😉
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D. Wallace Peach 5:13 pm on August 25, 2020 Permalink
Lol. Sounds like a plan (?)
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JosieHolford 3:59 pm on August 25, 2020 Permalink |
Don the Dotard works well too. (Best thing to ever come out of North Korea.)
Or Don the Demented, Deranged, Disturbed, Dangerous, Disturbed, Depraved, Disgusting, Dirty and yes Deplorable.
So many dire choices.
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mistermuse 4:46 pm on August 25, 2020 Permalink |
All delicious choices, Josie. Or, how about a non-D name to go along with IVAN THE TERRIBLE: DONALD THE UNBEARABLE
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magickmermaid 4:56 pm on August 25, 2020 Permalink |
Hilarious videos! 😀 A so-called adult who behaves like a petulant child bully should be sitting in the corner wearing a dunce cap; not occupying the corner office.
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mistermuse 5:42 pm on August 25, 2020 Permalink |
Actually he belongs in prison….but I’ll settle for the corner wearing a dunce cap, if the corner is in a cave on another planet.
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magickmermaid 6:10 pm on August 25, 2020 Permalink |
Al Capone went to prison for tax evasion. So maybe all is not lost if his tax returns are investigated.
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mistermuse 7:12 pm on August 25, 2020 Permalink |
Thankfully, (as i understand it) possible tax evasion is being investigated by the State of New York. If it were a federal case, Trump’s Attorney General, Wm. Barr, would see to it that Trump gets away with it.
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Elizabeth 4:16 pm on August 26, 2020 Permalink |
I think “nasty” is in competition for his favorite attack word. At least for women. As for that newsreel–those weight loss machines look x-rated!
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mistermuse 5:15 pm on August 26, 2020 Permalink |
Trump called Kamala Harris “nasty” almost as soon as Biden named her his VP choice, and it has indeed become one of his favorite attack words (most, if not all, of the epithets listed in my post are not as recent). As for that “x-rated” weight loss segment: please spread the word, Elizabeth, so that more people may be enticed to check out this post and my blog. 😉
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Elizabeth 3:55 pm on August 27, 2020 Permalink
Ha!!
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annieasksyou 3:28 pm on August 27, 2020 Permalink |
Don the Despicable works for me. Glad you brought some fun to this ugliness.
I so wish Biden would listen to Tom Friedman, who suggested Biden should agree to debate ONLY if trump releases his tax returns first AND there’s an on-site fact-checker.
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mistermuse 10:55 pm on August 27, 2020 Permalink |
I’d especially like to see the debates contingent upon an on-site fact checker. Although Biden wouldn’t have a problem with it, but I’m sure Trump would refuse and probably call the idea part of a socialist conspiracy against him. That’s what despots like Trump do when they’re afraid of the truth.
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Marietta Rodgers 5:42 pm on August 27, 2020 Permalink |
I tried to watch a little of the RNC but I kept having to hurl in a bucket.
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