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  • mistermuse 10:00 am on April 1, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , dirty words, , George Carlin, ,   

    I CAN’T USE IT 

    Today being April Fools’ Day, and April being National Humor Month, I thought I’d write a funny post. The problem is that I’m having problems writing a funny post. Either the jokes I find are losers, or I don’t ‘get’ them (obviously, if I don’t get them, they can’t be funny), or they contain one or more of the seven words you can’t say on television (or mention on a family blog) — you remember, the 7 words comedian George Carlin warned us about back in the 70s:

    Of course, you would hear every one of those words if you watched the above clip, so I can’t use it.

    And then I thought about using this clip,

    but….

    So, I can’t use it.

    Finally, out of desperation, I thought I’d call my neighbors, the Funnies, but they were out of desperation too. However, they did let me borrow yesterday’s newspaper containing these cartoons:

    https://www.indystar.com/story/opinion/columnists/varvel/2018/03/25/cartoonist-gary-varvel-donald-trumps-past/456682002/

    Now that, I can use.

     
    • Carmen 10:29 am on April 1, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Mister MUSE!! Such irreverent humour for April Fool’s Day!! Atta boy!! Big grin. . .. I haven’t heard that one by George Carlin for awhile and I was hooting!
      I’m so glad you’re watching those dingleberries. . . 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 11:09 am on April 1, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        That reminds me that after I called the Funnies, I should’ve called my neighbors on the other side, the Dingleberries. But it’s just as well I didn’t — after all, the Dingleberries ARE dingleberries, and I might have given their suggestions the raspberries.

        Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 2:29 pm on April 1, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks. As long as we’re being multi-dimensional, why settle for “Seeing three dimensions in two dimensions” when you can see three dimensions PLUS two dimensions:

        Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 2:41 pm on April 1, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Happy Easter, Sr. Muse. And April Fool’s Day. And National Humor Month. And Sexual Assault Awareness Month, proclaimed by the Sexual Assaulter-in-Chief.

      Liked by 4 people

      • mistermuse 4:09 pm on April 1, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Not to mention the Golden Rule Assaulter-in-Chief and Intelligence Assaulter-in-Chief. But on Easter Sunday, we should dwell on good eggs, so enough about him and Happy Easter to you too, Ricardo.

        Like

    • Garfield Hug 9:18 am on April 2, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      🤣🤣🤣You did it!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 1:27 pm on April 2, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      I think it is funny McGee. I actually saw George Carlin live once in Vegas, funny, very funny. When it comes to blue routines as they used to call them this guy is my favorite.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 3:27 pm on April 2, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        LMAO at that clip, Don.

        BTW, did you catch who that is in the B & W “Tain’t funny” clip? They’re Jim & Marian Jordan (better known as FIBBER McGEE & MOLLY, from the long-running — 1935-56 — radio show of the same name). They also made four movies (that two-second clip is undoubtedly from one of them).

        Like

    • Don Frankel 9:38 pm on April 2, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Muse, while I didn’t recognize them I was pretty sure they were from the radio show. I do remember that line.

      Liked by 2 people

    • kutukamus 2:29 am on April 10, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      The music of the Trump cartoon is good, and many thanks for the 7 no-no words! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 10:17 am on April 10, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        That’s funny, I didn’t hear any music with the Trump cartoons — then I turned the sound on 🙂 and I still didn’t hear any….not even songbirds tweeting like crazy, like Trump. But there SHOULD be music — music with lyrics using the 7 no-no words which are probably coming from the bedroom Trump can’t enter.

        P.S. Thanks for the thanks.

        Liked by 1 person

        • kutukamus 5:53 pm on April 10, 2018 Permalink

          Just checked. Strange. The music is still there (when I play the “Varvel: Drawing Trump non-disclosures” cartoon), a fun contrast to the character depicted. Then again, a version with Carlin’s 7 no-nos from behind the door sounds all the more exciting 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:00 am on May 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , George Carlin, Greatest Show on Earth, , , , Pearls Before Swine, , , , ,   

    WHAT WOULD GEORGE SAY? 

    Well, we know what they [politicians] want. I’ll tell you what they don’t want. They don’t want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They’re not interested in that. That doesn’t help them. That’s against their interests.
    They want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it. They want your fuckin’ retirement money, and you know something? They’ll get it from you sooner or later cause they own this fuckin’ place. It’s a big club and you ain’t in it.
    –George Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008)

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Remember George (“THE SEVEN WORDS YOU CAN’T SAY ON TELEVISION”) Carlin? I was reminded of him by this May 11 comic strip in the local paper:

    http://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2016/05/11

    ….while on the very next day (Carlin’s birthday), my erstwhile friend Richard “Ricardo” Cahill posted this piece on his blog:

    http://www.richardcahill.net/home/donald-trump-appreciation-day

    Those two items combined to make me wonder what Carlin, who died before Barack Obama was elected President, would say about today’s politics in general/Donald Trump in particular. Judging by the opening quote, I don’t think we have to wonder long.

    So, using the comb I no longer need to part the hair which parted ways with my skull years ago, I combed through the Carlin legacy to come up with these ever-apt ‘by George’ quotes:

    When you’re born, you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat (from which I gather that a Trump by any other name would spiel as P. T. Barnum).

    In America, anyone can become President. That’s the problem. (George, I doubt that even you appreciated how true that may prove to be.)

    By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. [I talk, therefore I lie.]

    Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay [yes, but it’s for a great cause]. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

    Now, there’s one thing you might have noticed I don’t complain about: politicians. [Really?] Everybody complains about politicians. Everybody says they suck. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? They don’t fall out of the sky. They come from American parents and American families, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re going to get selfish, ignorant leaders.

    Good honest hard-working people continue to elect these rich cocksuckers who don’t give a fuck about you. [Lucky for George, this isn’t TV.]  They don’t care about you at all. Nobody seems to care. That’s what the owners count on. It’s called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.

    So, it seems the title question has been answered. George would say today what he said then –  he’d just have even more clowns to laugh at. The Donald alone is an absurdist’s dream, not to mention such other relative newcomers to the national stage (aka The Theater of the Absurd) as Sarah Palin. But that’s show business….and, in the immortal words of P. T. Barnum, it’s still THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH.

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    P.S. Memo to Hillary: This post contains classified information. Please handle appropriately.

     

     

     

     

     

     
    • Cynthia Jobin 12:28 am on May 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I loved George Carlin as a humorist and a philosopher and just plain original thinker. Once he got into commenting on politics, however, I didn’t find him funny anymore, just bitter, and boring.
      Now I’m thinking of his “Weather Forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight with widely scattered light by morning….” and his “no one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.” I always thought his monologue comparing baseball and football was brilliant!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 4:17 am on May 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      There’s no denying he was bitter about politics….but the older I get, the more I don’t disagree with his bitterness, though how he expressed it could be off-putting to some.
      Among his many memorable quotes are the two you cited and, I think, this one: “I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.” 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • ladysighs 6:21 am on May 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I suppose you either like him or love him. I still laugh when I replay his videos. Like I’ve never heard them before. I am sure he would provide a fresh view of what’s going on today. Just when we think we’ve heard it all, he could come up with something new.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 8:20 am on May 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Perhaps the comic closest to Carlin today (wit-wise, not style-wise) is Steven (the) Wright(stuff). Here’s an example (speaking of “stuff”): “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”

        Liked by 1 person

        • ladysighs 9:09 am on May 15, 2016 Permalink

          You would be amazed at what gets stuffed under the bed at my house. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 1:51 pm on May 15, 2016 Permalink

          Ladysighs, I think I’d only be amazed at what gets stuffed under your bed if it included your hubby….in which case, I’d wonder why you don’t just put him in the doghouse like most wives do! 🙂

          Like

    • Carmen 7:04 am on May 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Not only was the acerbic George Carlin funny; he was almost always right. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • Midwestern Plant Girl 8:26 am on May 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I bet George is rolling in his grave about now!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 1:29 pm on May 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        No doubt he would be rolling if he had a grave, but George was cremated and had his ashes strewn in front of various nightclubs he’d played (I guess that’s what you might call ‘giving back’ to those who supported you). 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 11:07 am on May 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Whaddaya mean, “erstwhile?”

      Like

      • mistermuse 1:38 pm on May 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        As far back as I can remember, I thought “erstwhile” was akin to “estimable.” Now that I look it up after all these years, I find that it actually means “past” or “former.” That’s what I get for living in the past. Sorry about that, my estimable friend.

        Like

    • arekhill1 2:30 pm on May 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      No problem, Sr. Muse. I thought maybe I had offended you unintentionally, as I sometimes display that gift with people. It was only when my first novel was being proofed that I discovered that the term “hoi polloi” meant the exact opposite of what I usually used it for.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 4:36 pm on May 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      When I first saw the headline I was thinking of George Steinbrenner as things have not been going so well for my Yankees. And, I’ve been thinking that if he were still around he would have fired and rehired and fired the manager. Fired at least 3 or 4 pitching coaches and 2 or 3 hitting coaches.

      But we’re talking about George Carlin and I actually saw him live in Vegas. He was hysterical. He was a great comedian. I think there are only three or four words still on that list. I know you can say tits and piss. I think you can say cunt. But the rest are still no no’s, although they’ve been blurted out on live TV from time to time.

      Like

      • Carmen 4:58 pm on May 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        NOt to mention that they get blurted out on blogs, too… 🙂

        Like

      • mistermuse 11:24 pm on May 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I’m tempted to say that obscenity may always be vulgar, but vulgarity isn’t always obscene. Many more things are obscene than the most vulgar of words, although in many cases, that’s faint praise for vulgar words (depending on the way they’re used). I’d say more, but I don’t want to sound like a #*%*#*ing preacher.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 8:48 am on May 16, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Carmen you’re right but certainly not mistermuse your’s truly. We’d never do such a thing.

      Muse, words are just sounds or symbols. They mean what we think they mean. We could say the vulgarity lies not in the words but in ourselves.

      Like

    • mistermuse 10:15 am on May 16, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Perhaps the best measuring stick of such words is whether or not they’re used gratuitously, which to me is a pretty sure sign that the writer or speaker resorts to their use out of a lack of educated vocabulary, sophistication of language, and/or wit. It’s not for me to judge crudity of expression in a moral sense (unless, of course, I think the writer or speaker is an a-hole — ha ha).

      Like

    • D. Wallace Peach 10:45 am on May 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I remember sitting in the living room, playing board games with my brothers and listening to Carlin “albums.” He was a funny man with a wit based on the absurdity of our modern culture. Would George be laughing today or rolling over in his grave? I don’t know how to respond to the insanity in the US. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cringe, but deep down I have to cry.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:16 am on May 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      The thing about people like Trump is that they are so full of themselves, they don’t know when to stop. Even if he tries to paper over the lies, insults, ignorance and grandiosity that he got away with in the Republican primaries, it’s too late — it’s all on the record, and the Democrats will not only give him a taste of his own medicine, they’ll pound him with it non-stop. His act simply won’t cut it with the country as a whole. At least, that’s my prediction, and if I’m wrong, you won’t be the only one to cry.

      Liked by 1 person

    • BroadBlogs 4:47 pm on May 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      “In America, anyone can become President. That’s the problem.”

      The Donald is bringing out a lot of new voters. Unfortunately, these folks are low information voters — explaining why they aren’t typically politically involved. So they don’t understand what’s going on, or the issues. Scary stuff!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:50 pm on May 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Scary indeed. If Hillary were a less flawed candidate, Trump wouldn’t have the proverbial snowball’s chance in hell of being elected. Hopefully she will soon start displaying more of her human side and less of the political animal that she can’t seem to help being.

      Like

  • mistermuse 12:04 pm on August 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: doctrine, dog days, dogma, , George Carlin, , Isaac Asimov, karma, , , , time flies when you're having fun,   

    DOGMA DAY AFTERNOON 

    Here it is, the afternoon of August five, and my spirits have taken a dive. In my last post, I let it be known that frequent publication was becoming an over-extended labor of love, and I’d need to pare down my postings to one every five days, starting today.

    Little did I realize at the time that August 5 is WORK LIKE A DOG DAY. So much for taking it easy just as I try to ease into a more liberating schedule. The bright spot, however, is that August 5 looks to be a temporary glitch, offset, as fate would have it, by August 10 (LAZY DAY) and August 15 (RELAXATION DAY)….or,  MAKE-UP FOR AUGUST 5 DAY and PHONE-IT-IN DAY, as I call it. That’s a pun, in case you weren’t paying attention.

    Meanwhile, if I must work like a dog today, the post that suggests itself is about dogs. Problem is, I haven’t had a dog since I was a boy, and frankly, I don’t have much interest in writing about some other man’s best friend, or even dogs in general. So, if it’s OK with you (and even if it isn’t), I’m going to write instead about a pet peeve of mine which, in its own way, is even more of a dog: dogma.

    My dog-eared dictionary defines dogma doubly as a declamation of doctrines deemed true by a religious sect, and/or as an assertion of beliefs or unproven principles proclaimed to be absolute truth. Well, I suppose every dogma must have its day, but unfortunately, no dogma is satisfied with so limited a lifespan. Come to think of it, neither is this post — it needs to live five days, or I’m barking up the wrong tree with my new schedule. It therefore behooves me to call upon some dead wags and wits whose quotes on the subject survive them, and will hopefully survive being posted here:

    Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma. –George Carlin

    On the dogmas of religion as distinguished from moral principles, all mankind, from the beginning of the world to this day, have been quarreling, fighting, burning and torturing one another, for abstractions unintelligible to themselves and all others, , and absolutely beyond the comprehension of the human mind. Were I to enter on that arena, I should only add to the number of Bedlamites. –Thomas Jefferson

    Dogma does not mean the absence of thought, but the end of thought. –G.K. Chesterton

    Until every soul is freely permitted to investigate every book and creed and dogma, the world cannot be free. It is amazing to me that a difference of opinion upon subjects we know nothing with certainty about, should make us hate, persecute and despise each other. –Robert Ingersoll

    So the universe is not quite as you thought it was. You’d better rearrange your beliefs, then, because you certainly can’t rearrange the universe. –Issac Asimov

    Look for yourself. This is the concentration camp and crematorium at Auschwitz. This is where people were turned into numbers. Into this pond were flushed the ashes of some four million people. And that was not done by gas. It was done by arrogance, it was done by dogma, it was done by ignorance. When people believe that they have absolute knowledge, this is how they behave. This is what men do when they aspire to the knowledge of gods. –Jacob Bronowski

    Believe those who are seeking truth. Doubt those who find it. –Andre Gide

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    Enough. That does it until August 10 (LAZY DAY), when, I dare say, the effort that goes into my post will be considerably less dogged. If five days away seems far off, remember this:

    Time’s fun when you’re having flies. –Kermit the Frog

     

     

     
    • arekhill1 12:11 pm on August 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      As the wise man once said, “Everybody has to believe in something, and I believe I’ll have another beer.”

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 3:37 pm on August 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        That is true wisdom indeed, Ricardo. In fact, I believe I’ll drink to that.

        Like

    • DoesItEvenMatterWhoIAm? 1:46 pm on August 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      What an excellent post with perfect quotes! Carlin was such an intelligent and observant soul. Take it easy my friend, rest up, and I’ll “see you” again in 5 days! Xoxo Melanie

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 3:45 pm on August 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Did you notice that even his name – CARlin – went perfectly with his quote? Now that’s what I call karma! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • DoesItEvenMatterWhoIAm? 4:06 pm on August 5, 2015 Permalink

          Yes! It’s awesome!

          Like

    • Don Frankel 3:31 pm on August 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      This is apropos as these are the Dog Days of Summer. Now I’m working on another theory, a rather involved and of course all encompassing theory of everything a la Stephan Hawking type thingy and it’s Everyone Got Paid. But it’s too complex to explain in this space or even in my mind, so it may never see the light of day.

      Like

    • mistermuse 3:55 pm on August 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Personally, I like Kermit the Frog’s theory: just take it as it comes.

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:42 pm on August 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Well, perhaps if a dog ate something that didn’t agree with him (like maybe a frog), he might turn green. And if he ate it for lunch, it could be a Dog Day Afternoon. And if it’s a Dog Day Afternoon, I think we’ve seen that movie before.

      Like

  • mistermuse 10:35 am on January 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , conservatives, George Carlin, , , , , ,   

    BY GEORGE 

    In my October 8th post CAN’T GO WRONG WITH WRIGHT, I mentioned several affinities I share with stand-up comedian Steven Wright….such as we both dig Woody Allen and the late George Carlin (1937-2008). I’ve done several posts featuring Woody and/or his films, but nothing by George. Time to stand up for George.

    CARLIN (a Mark Twain Prize winner for American Humor) was probably best known for his comedy routines about taboo subjects such as his famous “seven dirty words you can’t say on television,” but I prefer his political and counterculture satire. He was born in Manhattan of Irish-Catholic parents (an ancestry to which I can relate). When he was two months old, they separated due to his father’s alcoholism (did I mention he was Irish?). George was Catholic, as he said, “until I reached the age of reason.”

    I won’t delve further into his background, as his life and career can be easily checked out on Google if interested. There is also an official website: http://www.georgecarlin.com/
    So, without further ado, let’s get to the good stuff — his humor:

    A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed 27 people, they say, “He was a loner.”  Well, of course, he was a loner; he killed everyone he came in contact with.

    Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

    Religion has convinced people there’s an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

    Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

    Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle.

    I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else.

    Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

    Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

    Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for.

    George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.

    Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?

    I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

    SOS.

     
    • arekhill1 11:05 am on January 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Ah, George! Always thought he was too mean to die, then he up and proved me wrong.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 1:08 pm on January 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Let’s hope he went up, and not down below. Too bad he was cremated – if he’d chosen burial, I bet he’d have come up with a great one-liner for his headstone.

        Like

    • ladysighs 11:21 am on January 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Truly my favorite comedienne! I can laugh at his words over and over again. Thanks for the post. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 1:22 pm on January 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Pardon my perverted sense of humor, but I never saw him in drag (comedienne?)! Anyway, I appreciate your comment, and I’ll try to be resist such a dig in the future. 🙂

      Like

    • mistermuse 2:34 pm on January 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      P.S. Click on ladysighs’ blog if you appreciate squirrels. Jan. 21 is their day, and I was considering doing an appropriate post before deciding nut to – make that NOT to….which worked out well because ladysighs went squirrely today and saved me the trouble.

      Like

    • Michaeline Montezinos 7:09 pm on January 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I am reticent to make a comment, mistermuse, since you have already said Ladysighs “went squirely” today. Otherwise I agree that George Carlin was quite funny in his satire and one of my favorite comedians.

      Like

    • mistermuse 8:34 pm on January 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Unfortunately, I’m cursed with an aversion to making generic comments or replies. I admit that “customizing” runs a risk of seeming to try too hard to be funny, so maybe I should offer double my funny back to unsatisfied customers. Or I could just say I have the best, most understanding readers in the world, such as yourself, Michaeline (and ladysighs).

      Like

    • Don Frankel 5:57 am on January 22, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I saw him in a nightclub once. Very, very funny man. First thing I thought of when I saw his name here was. “Tonight’s forecast dark…”

      Like

    • mistermuse 9:02 am on January 22, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      There are a lot of stand-up comedians out there, but in my opinion, few, if any, top Carlin and Steven Wright.

      Like

  • mistermuse 8:53 am on October 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: fishing, George Carlin, humot, joke, Monopoly, , ,   

    CAN’T GO WRONG WITH WRIGHT 

    After coming across the right-on Wright quote I used in my last post, I did a search for more and found that the first was no fluke. There’s no shortage of equally great stuff where that came from, which allows me not only to give Steven Wright his just due,  but to do a fun post without doing most of the work. That works for me every time.

    It seems he and I have a lot in common. Like me, Wright was raised Catholic, digs George Carlin & Woody Allen, thinks existential thoughts, and falls readily asleep while sitting. He does stand-up comedy, I do stand-up urinalogy. Here’s a sample of him doing his thing, followed by more Wright quotes:

    Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

    If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

    I installed a skylight in my apartment….the people who live above me are furious!

    There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

    I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.

    What’s another word for Thesaurus?

    I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

    There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

    My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

    I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

     
    • Don Frankel 8:33 am on October 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      He sounds little like Yogi if you stop to think about it.

      Like

    • mistermuse 9:25 am on October 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Berra or Bear? They both talk in sound “bites” – hahahahaha. (Sorry about that, Don.)

      Like

    • arekhill1 9:57 am on October 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      If a man has an opinion, but does not share it with his wife, is he still wrong?

      Like

    • mistermuse 10:35 am on October 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Good question. I’d ask my wife, but…..

      Like

  • mistermuse 10:41 pm on February 16, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Buzzie Bavasi, coins, , , George Carlin, , , Kin Hubbard, Lydia, , Massachusetts, , , , ,   

    ON (THE) MONEY, TO COIN A PHRASE 

    I rob banks because that’s where the money is.  –Willie Sutton

    The history of money is a fascinating subject, if you can afford the time to check into it. According to my Ye Olde Encyclopedia, early people had no system of money, probably because they had to spend all their waking hours hunting, eating, painting caves and avoiding being stepped on by dinosaurs and woolly mammoths. These pre-historic people, known as the Earlyites, used either the barter system of trading, or the no-holds-bartered system of robbing and killing, to get what they wanted. Some things never change.

    Speaking of change, the first coins were made in the 600’s B.C. in Lydia, the Tatooed Lady — I mean in Lydia, the extinct country, in what is now western Turkey. In America, the Massachusetts Bay Colony was the first to make coins; an English court allowed them to do so in 1652 before permission was withdrawn shortly thereafter. But Massachusetts continued to issue coins for 30 more years by dating all coins 1652 regardless of when made. Apparently England couldn’t make heads or tails out of why Massachusetts never ran short of 1652 coins, so they made the best of it by increasing the Colony’s taxes. Needless to say, this did not suit the Tea Party, so they threw the British into Boston Harbor, declared independence and took control of Congress before you can say New England, which on a clear day you can see from Alaska if the sun doesn’t get in your eyes.

    But enough about what I have to say, money-wise. Let us see what others have had to say about money:

    The only problems money can solve are money problems.  –Kin Hubbard

    Lack of money is the root of all evil.  –Mark Twain or George Bernard Shaw (you pays your money and you takes your choice)

    If a fool and his money are soon parted, why are there so many rich fools?  –Evan Esar

    Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.  –Robin Williams

    If you would know what the Lord God thinks of money, you have only to look at those to whom he gives it.  –Maurice Baring

    There is an easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.  –Jack Yelton

    We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules.  –Buzzie Bavasi

    Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.  –Henny Youngman

    Women prefer men who have something tender about them — especially the legal kind.  –Kay Ingram

    I don’t like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves.  –Joe Louis

    I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.  –George Carlin

    That money talks/I’ll not deny/I heard it once/It said, “Goodbye.”  –Richard Armour 

     

     
    • Don Frankel 9:15 am on February 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I thought I left a comment it seems to have disappeared or I didn’t hit the right button. Imagine the first guy who showed up at the market with his vegetables expecting to return home with a nice fat chicken but only wound up with a few pieces of metal with some noble’s who he didn’t like face on it.

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    • mistermuse 9:54 am on February 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Returning home with pieces of metal instead of a chicken must have been hard to swallow, Don. Even the last residents of Lydia ended up half a Turkey better off than that.

      Like

    • mistermuse 6:19 am on February 18, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      To lucindafer: I note that you clicked the “Like” icon on this posting and I thought I’d see if I might reciprocate, but for some reason I can’t “find” you, although you apparently have a new blog (the blurb that goes with your photo indicates you have a blog but no readers). I will be happy to read what you have to say if you’ll let me know how to get there.
      Good luck with your writing.

      Like

    • pendantry 5:00 am on March 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      On the subject of money: are you aware of Positive Money?

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 9:52 am on March 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I’m not, but I’m pretty sure Willie Sutton was (judging by the quote which opened this post).

      Like

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