THE RAIN IN TWAIN FALLS MAINLY ON THE BRAIN

It is best to read the weather forecast before we pray for rain. –Mark Twain

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It’s funny — April is NATIONAL HUMOR MONTH, but soddenly I don’t feel very humorous. It’s coming down in buckets out there, and some of what’s in the buckets is making its way into my basement. I hope whoever’s praying for rain is satisfied — now how about praying for it to stop? It’s bad enough that Mother Nature keeps raining on my head when I go outside — I don’t need her to greet my feet as a dweller in my cellar when I go down in the dungeon.

‘s no use. No letup in sight. Keeps rainin’ all the time….

But am I going to let a reign of rain ruin what I’m doin’? No way! Others can be a Debbie Downer, despairing in the deluge. It’s in my Genes to be….

P.S. The title of this post is word play on a song from a hit 1956 Broadway musical later made into a movie starring Rex Harrison and Audrey Hepburn. Can you name the song?

 

GOD’S QUESTIONNAIRE REVISITED (THE SECOND COMING)

And now two — question #2 in NPR’s “Car Talk” God’s Total Quality Management Questionnaire:

2. Which model Deity did you acquire?

__ Yahweh
__ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak)
__ Jehovah
__ Jesus
__ Krishna
__Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak)
__Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak)
__Allah
__Satan
__Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
__God 1.a (hairy thunderer)
__God 1.b (cosmic muffin)
__None of the above; I was taken in by a false god

You know, even at my advanced mile-age, I still don’t know which Deity is the real deal, but given the bewildering number of choices, how could any truly benevolent Big Dealer blame a prospective buyer for test driving as many of the above models as thought warranted? After all, no one wants to pay a lot of lettuce for a lemon. Many are called guarantees on paper, but few are the guarantees worth the paper chosen to be written on.

You can consult the Blue Book all you want to when you go to trade in your used model for, let’s say, a New Testament, but take my word, “they” know the only reason you’re getting rid of your clunker is because there’s something wrong with it and you’re desperate for reliable transportation. My old Trinity Pak wasn’t worth a denarius when I traded it in for a Deist, but that’s what I get for holding on to it for so long. What’s in your garage?

NEXT comes question #3.