And now two — question #2 in NPR’s “Car Talk” God’s Total Quality Management Questionnaire:

2. Which model Deity did you acquire?

__ Yahweh
__ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak)
__ Jehovah
__ Jesus
__ Krishna
__Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak)
__Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak)
__Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
__God 1.a (hairy thunderer)
__God 1.b (cosmic muffin)
__None of the above; I was taken in by a false god

You know, even at my advanced mile-age, I still don’t know which Deity is the real deal, but given the bewildering number of choices, how could any truly benevolent Big Dealer blame a prospective buyer for test driving as many of the above models as thought warranted? After all, no one wants to pay a lot of lettuce for a lemon. Many are called guarantees on paper, but few are the guarantees worth the paper chosen to be written on.

You can consult the Blue Book all you want to when you go to trade in your used model for, let’s say, a New Testament, but take my word, “they” know the only reason you’re getting rid of your clunker is because there’s something wrong with it and you’re desperate for reliable transportation. My old Trinity Pak wasn’t worth a denarius when I traded it in for a Deist, but that’s what I get for holding on to it for so long. What’s in your garage?

NEXT comes question #3.



  1. arekhill1 says:

    Hairy Thunderer vs. Cosmic Muffin–the question that has plagued mankind through the ages.


    • mistermuse says:

      In my endless search for meaning, I found these lines from a National Lampoon parody song:

      Therefore make peace with your god,
      Whatever you conceive him to be:
      hairy thunderer or cosmic muffin

      When you see God in movies, He usually appears as a hairy thunderer. Apparently Hollywood doesn’t have any cosmic muffin costumes. He would die at the box office anyway.


  2. Don Frankel says:

    First I want to thank God that we got question #2 as I was worried that it might not come till I reached the Undiscovered Country.

    My answer is None of the above but I didn’t even get a False God. I got nothing. I didn’t get a middle name either. And, yes I spent ten years in therapy.


  3. mistermuse says:

    Two down and seven to go, Don. Maybe I’d better abridge & consolidate the rest into one or two more posts. I don’t want to press my luck too far.


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