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  • mistermuse 12:04 am on October 7, 2019 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , Bald Is Beautiful, , clip joint, corruption, , hair loss, haircut, , , Lost Horizon, , quid pro quo, , Rudy Giuliani, , snake oil   

    BALD AND FREE — HOW CAN THAT BE? (subtitle: The Bald And The Beautiful) 

    Nothing makes a woman feel as old as watching the bald spot increase on the top of her husband’s head. –Helen Rowland

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Oct. 7 is BALD AND FREE DAY, but personally, I’m not sure what one has to do with the other. I’m mostly bald, all right, but how free is a married man like me? Of course, I’m just kidding — my wife lets me out of my cage for an hour a week, even though I keep getting balder….and making her feel older. Maybe I shouldn’t be using that hour to get a haircut.


    As the years go by, my barber
    Takes less and less time with my hair
    Which only serves to remind me
    That there’s less and less of it there.

    To be sure, I’m not the only one whose predicament may become a hair-raising experience:

    That gave me a headache just watching it. If only I could trust the dubious ads that involve spending my moo-lah to get to the root of the problem, I might risk springing for mo-hair….but snake oil aside, there must be a less painful way to restore a Lost Hairy zone:

    Hmm. I wonder whether that great humanit-hairian, Donald Trump, would mind parting with some of his spare hair if I could dig up some skullduggery by his political opponents? For example, much corruption has been reported in the Caribbean nation of Hairti — and it’s surely a lock that all of the Democratic Presidential contenders are involved. All I’d have to do is send my nosey friend, Fruity Giuliani, there on behalf of our Pres with a quid pro-boscis that the Pres of Hairti can’t ignore.

    On second thought, if Agent Orange went to my head, my wife might think I’m losing it along with my hair. I might as well keep to my cage, skip my weekly trip to the clip joint, and try to console myself that, after all is said and done….

    Now, if I can only convince my wife.

  • mistermuse 12:01 am on July 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , snake oil,   


    What would you do without your head? Well, you might become a candidate for President of the¬†United¬†Horsemen of Sleepy Hollow….or President of the United States of America. Just the thought¬†of the latter¬†naturally points to the strange case of¬†one Donald Trump, a septuagenarian¬†who¬†appears to have a head — but every word emanating from said head makes it¬†apparent that it isn’t a real head, but a¬†cartoon head, with real drawing power.

    And here all the Time

    Now, it’s possible that¬†Sir Donald, of House of Orange fame,¬†was born with an¬†ordinary human¬†head¬†(hard to picture, but possible). If so, it seems¬†obvious that at some point¬†he irretrievably¬†lost it (perhaps in a naval exercise, or maybe it was told “You’re¬†fired!” when he was an¬†ANT¬†(Apprentice¬†Narcissistic Tycoon).¬†Of course, it would never do for someone of his stature to¬†appear¬†headless¬†(not great for¬†the image), so no doubt¬†he¬†struck a great¬†deal with¬†a¬†great cartoonist to¬†draw a big replacement head on his shoulders that would not only¬†be the¬†envy¬†of every bird seeking a nesting site, but would look great and inspire many tweets in the bargain.

    Needless to say, the cartoonist succeeded in creating an artistic wonder, notwithstanding the fact that¬†every time the head¬†said something, it¬†made¬†its bear-er¬†look like an ass. Of course, that’s not the cartoonist’s fault, but¬†Sir Donald¬†blamed him anyway, because that’s what winners do to losers (of everything but heads). Naturally, Sir Donald’s followers drank it up, because everything he says goes down¬†like Dr. Trump’s Original Snake Oil, ‘still-made’ right here in the good old U.S. of A. by¬†Mexican aliens, and guaranteed great for the constitution,¬†for soothing fear, and¬†curing everything that aliens you.

    And so, my fellow Americans, the choice is queer (heterosexually speaking). The time is now. Or is it the choice is now and the times are queer? Anyway, if your mind¬†(assuming you haven’t lost your¬†head reading this post) was¬†undecided as to¬†who or whom to vote for¬†at the¬†start of this treatise, I trust that is no longer a problem.

    This has been a public service announcement brought to you as a public service. I thank you.

    P.S. Thanks also¬†to Wayne Hogan for providing the cartoon which provided the¬†idea for this post. If¬†his name sounds vaguely familiar,¬†another great¬†Wayne’s world classic¬†appears on¬†the cover of my book SEX SCELLS, which I seem to recall a few of you buying under¬†duress¬†way back when (and of which I just happen to have some leftover copies, in case anyone’s interested).

    • arekhill1 2:25 pm on July 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      It’s too bad Trump already has a biographer that detests him, Sr. Muse, because it was a lucrative position you could have easily filled.


    • mistermuse 6:19 pm on July 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I’d heard that The Donald has a biographer, but I wasn’t aware that the biographer detests him. I wouldn’t be surprised if his barber — er, hair stylist — detests him too, having to clean all the bird poop from The Donald’s scalp before starling — er, starting — on his hair.


    • inesephoto 7:51 am on July 31, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Whatever you get, guys, you will have to keep living. Politicians come and go, but you have only one life.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 12:02 pm on July 31, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      True, but at my age, my one life is already approaching an American man’s average life span, and I’d like to live it out under a President who isn’t full of himself and who thinks of none other than himself . ūüė¶

      Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 2:17 pm on August 1, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I think you’re being too kind to The Donald Himself. First he is not a Sir. You have to get knighted by the Queen to be a Sir anything. But we’ve tried to make the connection to Hitler once before and it seems the message did not get out. However tune in tomorrow where we try again.


    • mistermuse 5:49 pm on August 1, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I will indeed tune in tomorrow, Don, and any reader here can do the same by going to the Blogroll near the bottom of the column to the right and clicking “Speak Without Interruption” to view your post on Aug. 2.


    • eths 6:20 pm on August 1, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Well, he is really outdoing himself this week with spewing even more hatred!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 9:02 pm on August 1, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Nothing Trump says surprises me any more. Some might call him an ignoramus on steroids, but that would be an insult to typical ignoramuses.


    • M√©l@nie 9:45 am on August 3, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      @”What would you do without your head?” – the Romanians use to reply: well, it would rain or snow in your throat… ūüôā

      • * *

      just like you, nothing surprises us about the wigged ignorant racist “dude”… he used to be an entertainer, he’s turned into an embarrassing and shameless character for lots of Americans, both in the US and abroad… brrr!!!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 2:57 pm on August 3, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      If I ever travel to Romania, I must remember to keep my head in bad weather! ūüôā

      Words are completely inadequate to describe this travesty of a potential President named Donald Trump. We can only hope that our votes against him are adequate to defeat him


    • BroadBlogs 1:53 am on August 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      “the choice is queer (heterosexually speaking). The time is now. Or is it the choice is now and the times are queer?”

      Both, I’d say.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 7:15 am on August 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      It’s clear you’re right.


  • mistermuse 12:01 am on August 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , opinion polls, , public opinion, snake oil, there was no there there, Warren Buffett   


    In 1934 Gertrude Stein was on a book tour of her native America after 30 years living abroad in Paris. After arriving in San Francisco, she decided to take a ferry across the bay to Oakland to visit her childhood farm and the house she grew up in on 13th Avenue, but when she got there, she found the farm gone and the house razed. She wrote:

    ….there was no there there…. Ah,¬†Thirteenth Avenue was the same it was shabby and overgrown…. Not of course the house, the house the big house and the big garden and the eucalyptus trees and the rose hedge naturally were not there any longer existing, what was the use…

    You may think it strange, but the words “there was no there there” conjured up a fantasy-picture, a vision in my mind,¬†of an imaginary scene wherein a latter-day Gertrude¬†Stein¬†went looking for¬†Donald Trump decades after they¬†had been¬†childhood friends,¬†only to find that the boy she’d known had¬†not¬†merely been¬†raised¬†but¬†razed, and there was no there there….

    If you’ve ever given much thought to why people turn out¬†as they do, perhaps the above whimsy may not seem so strange after all.¬†Obviously, we’re not all destined to become men and¬†women of¬†unbounded¬†fulfillment (however that¬†may be¬†defined), but¬†was¬†Stein looking¬†for¬†a man grown so¬†full of himself, so far removed from there,¬†what was the use?¬†How does¬†a man who¬†would be king — or at least¬†President —¬†become¬†almost a¬†caricature, a pretender, if you will,¬†to the prone, meaning¬†those prone to¬†embrace simple answers to complex issues/prone to settle for simplistic¬†bombast¬†over¬†substance? His¬†bandwagon may have¬†many jumpers-on, but,¬†to quote¬†Warren Buffet, A public-opinion poll is no substitute for thought.

    Humor and satire being my preferred¬†manner of dealing with the theater of the¬†absurd, I seldom write seriously¬†about politics/politicians….but, with The Donald, seriously:¬† Where is the substance? Is there a¬†there there?

    In the end, it matters not, Trump deriders.¬†You’ve heard of¬†snake oil.¬†Deal with it!


    • arekhill1 1:00 am on August 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      At least the man has courage, Sr. Muse. I have seen pictures of the candidate in a baseball cap. Anybody who would plop a baseball cap over the engineering feat that is The Donald’s hair must have that.

      Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 1:05 am on August 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Or in other words, there may be no there there, but there’s hair there. There you go.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 5:35 am on August 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Hair today, gone tomorrow (if America’s lucky, nomination-wise).

      Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 2:41 pm on August 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      So Gertrude Stein used it first eh. Well that’s like the line. “I’ll be back.” That is attributed to Arhnuld. I’m watching that old John Ford Western Fort Apache and John Wayne as Captain York rides out to save Colonel Thursday/Henry Fonda but before he charges off he says. “I’ll be back.”

      Besides, the Clintons use that line all the time. Usually about the scandalous charges leveled against them but who knew they were quoting Old Gertie?

      Hey how’s about. “Hair is hair, is hair”? But everyone shouldn’t get too excited about leading in the polls. It’s not the same as actually getting votes.


    • mistermuse 3:22 pm on August 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I think you’re right about leading in the polls now, Don. When the field of 17 candidates eventually narrows down to 3 or 4, 20% isn’t going to seem that impressive even if he doesn’t slip below that level by then.


    • Don Frankel 3:54 pm on August 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Like I said about him somewhere I forget but it’s that he’s big, he’s orange and he says outrageous things. Hell I write about him because he’s in the news. Who wants to write about Lindsay Graham?


    • mistermuse 6:09 pm on August 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Actually, Lindsay Graham is probably one of the more sensible Republicans in the field, but you’re right – who cares?

      Liked by 1 person

    • BroadBlogs 5:07 pm on August 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      He probably ran just to get attention and was surprised by how well he did. But he’ll probably never get more than 1/9 of the US vote.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:02 pm on August 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Some say they like Trump because he says what he thinks. Well, any idiot can say what he thinks. By that standard, any idiot is qualified to be President.

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 6:45 am on August 22, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Merci, Mel@nie! Having not yet heard the news this morning, I very much appreciate your link to the story about the “American heroes in France!”

      Liked by 1 person

    • pjlazos 8:05 pm on September 1, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Love it! You must have tremendous fun writing this blog. Good for you!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 10:33 pm on September 1, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you. Writing this blog IS a lot of fun, but also takes a lot of thought and time….but then, that’s usually the price to be paid to create something worthwhile. If it were easy, it would be hard to feel much satisfaction.


    • JosieHolford 5:53 pm on July 17, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      A rose is a rose is a rose but the marmalade moron is a mirage.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:12 pm on July 17, 2019 Permalink | Reply

        I’d say he’s more of a joke, Josie — both as a President and a human being — but the joke is on us, and not a bit funny.


    • barkinginthedark 6:57 pm on August 29, 2019 Permalink | Reply

      even less than there there. continue…

      Liked by 1 person

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