OH, WHAT A RELIEF IT IS

Life is just a dirty four-letter word: w-o-r-k.  –J. P. McEvoy, writer/comic strip creator

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If you have a job that stinks because your caseload is overwhelming (like maybe social work, child welfare or criminal court), you can probably relate to this:

http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2016/01/09/3737789/ohio-judge-poem-mocks-inmate/

If I’m any judge, that’s a Judge (and fellow Ohioan) who knows how to do creative “sentencing” — a Cain who is able, as Judge Cain himself might pun. As a poet, I see poetry as a way to express myself creatively, but the above case demonstrates that poetry is also good for getting a load off one’s mind. Take those times I’m on the throne, dumping a commodious b. m. — I’d liken it to killing two turds with one stone, because at times, it may be the only place I find peace and quiet to compose the poems I post….such as this com-post:

THE REAL POOP BEHIND THE FLOOD

Noah did build a mighty ark;
He worked by day and he worked by dark.

From lands afar he gathered pairs
Of kangaroos and polar bears,

Of groundhogs and water buffalo,
And every creature, bound to go

With him o’er deserts, swamps and seas,
Across the Alps and Pyrenees,

Taking those beasties from where they were at,
Straight to his ark for a cruise to Mount Ararat,

Got them on board, two of each species,
Ere long to amass a mess of feces,

And though the elephants brought their trunks,
Two hoses could but horse with a stench like skunks.

Fortunately, as much as decks stinked,
Dinosaurs and mastodons had become extinct.

But how do we know Noah knew their gender?
The pairs multiplied like rabbits by THE ENDer….

LET OSPREY

Lord love a duck,
And the flighty flea;
Yet the skink liz., I think is
More grounded than we’ll ever bee.

And Lord love a fly
(Only God knows why) —
While no toucan swat flies, you can….though
It takes deet-o to defeat-o a mosquito.

Which leads one to wonder
What makes parasites tick?
Ticks are such louses,
They damn well make me sick.

Pray tell, when hyenas laugh,
Are they howling at jokes?
When possums play dead,
Are they living a hoax?

Do hummingbirds hum
’cause they don’t know the words?
Why don’t emus fly?
Do they think they’re not birds?

Do deer mice to mere mice
Write “Dear Mouse” letters?
Do billy goats bill,
Willy-nilly, billy goat debtors?

How hip are hippos?
Do garter snakes wear socks?
Are sockeye salmon
From the school of hard knocks?

Do caribou care?
Do antelope elope?
When push comes to shove,
Can two cockatoos cope?

If given an inch,
Will inchworms grow feet?
Are fool pigeons stool pigeons
When they rat on the street?

What makes a dog bark?
Does it think it’s a tree?
And why do owls look wise?
They must think that they’re me.