Five days ago, this blog broke the news of a fetching, but pugnacious, new Presidential candidate: Lucy Lou, border collie Mayor of Rabbit Hash, KY.
Three years ago, in a post for another blog, I urged the need for a viable third party in America to break the stranglehold of the two entrenched parties on the electoral process.
Today, we bring it all together by proposing that Lucy Lou head up such a third party in order to enhance her chances of winning the election. But let us not put the cart before the tail — the first thing a third party needs is a catchy name to get the ball cart rolling. Three years ago, I proposed such potential attention-grabbers as The Holier-Than-Thou Party, The Head-Them-Off-At-The-Impasse Party, and The Free Beer Party, but not even the latter went down well with more than a handful of readers — possibly because I didn’t have more than a handful of readers at the time.
In any case, as I reported then, my one or two minutes of exhaustive research found that when a 3rd or 4th party tried to jump start their bid for popular support, most barely got off the ground, even in other countries — despite choosing such serious sobriquets as the following:
THE DEADLY SERIOUS PARTY (Australia)
THE PARTY! PARTY! PARTY! PARTY (Australia)
THE ABSOLUTELY ABSURD PARTY (Canada)
THE FED-UP PARTY (aka THE F U PARTY) (Canada)
PARTITO DELL’AMORE (THE LOVE PARTY) (Italy)
But I am not deterred, because this time we will have man’s best friend as our standard bearer, and I believe that any appellation which reminds the electorate of that fact will serve the purpose. Thus, I propose the following names for consideration, and I invite my by-now-vast legions of readers to vote for their favorite, or even come up with a write-in candidate if none of these suit your fancy:
THE I LOVE LUCY LOU PARTY
THE OPEN BORDER-COLLIE PARTY
THE CANINE REFORM ALLIANCE PARTY (CRAP)
THE RAISE THE MINIMUM WAGS PARTY
THE PARTY POOPER PARTY
THE WHAT GOOD ARE CATS PARTY
THE LET THEM EAT KIBBLES ‘N BITS PARTY
THE HOWLING HAIRY HUSH PUPPIES PARTY
THE TOP DOG PARTY
Finally, getting the campaign off on the right paw requires a campaign song, and it’s hard to imagine a more fitting campaign song for a good ol’ country dog from Kentucky than this: