BOOKS I CAN RECOMMEND WITHOUT READING (PART ONE)

As a long-time customer of a mail-order bookseller, I regularly receive catalogs listing a wide variety of books by category, such as biographies, sports, history, etc.  The most recent catalog includes a category (“Absurdities & the Bizarre”) I hadn’t seen before, the book titles and descriptions of which captured my attention like naked women at a Republican National Convention (or any Convention, for that matter). The prurient, and of course intellectual, attraction of some of these books is so intriguing, I’m sure that the interest of those with no more curiousity than a worm would be piqued, if not aroused. Bookworms are people too, don’t forget.

Now, knowing the discriminating tastes of my readers, I believe they deserve an expert who can narrow down the selection and recommend only the cream of the crap, so I have engaged the services of a world-class literary critic of the highest academic and professional standards — namely, moi. Knowing your time is valuable, I will dispense with moi’s credentials and get right down to the business at hand job:

5 PEOPLE WHO DIED DURING SEX — According to the description, this book offers a wealth of fascinating titbits — er, tidbits — as befits a collection of “Terribly Tasteless Trivia Lists.” A must for would-be Jeopardy! contestants!

HOW TO POO AT THE OFFICE — “Making a misstep when you’ve got to go at the office can land you in some serious doo-doo,” according to this guide to handling potentially awkward situations in the workplace bathroom. Illustrated and paperbound….though I’m not sure that behind-scenes art work on t.p. does much to move book sales.

CRAP AT MY PARENT’S HOUSE — No, this is not a sequel to the office-poo guide, but a celebration of “the weird and unfathomably tacky stuff our folks accumulate, from deer hoof bottle openers to soccer-playing Jesus ceramics.” Personally, I don’t see anything weird and tacky about such stuff, and I’m pretty sure my Camouflage Jesus-loving friend Ricardo doesn’t either.

(TO BE CONTINUED)