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  • mistermuse 12:01 am on July 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Alex Trebeck, answers, , Jeopardy!, know-it-alls, , , , quiz shows, , Vladimir Putin   

    THIS IS JEP-R-DO! 

    As a big fan of JEOPARDY! (or JEP-R-DO!, as I like to call it), it caught my attention a few days ago that July 22 will be Alex Trebeck’s birthday (July 22, 1940). His upcoming birthday got me to thinking about doing a post relating to the program and/or its host, but I was doing little more than piddling around with the idea….until I saw this clip:

    My immediate reaction was I had no clue that any member of the Trump clan had the intellectual chops to watch a program which invites seeing if your pool of knowledge is deeper than a piddle. After getting past that shock, I realized that if a Trump can be more than a bump on a log where watching JEOPARDY! is concerned, surely I can count on my followers being more players than naysayers where JEP-R-DO! (my version) is concerned.

    Therefore, I have spared no expense to consult the world’s greatest know-it-alls (with the lamentable exception of the President) to put together a list of ten answers guaranteed to challenge even the amazing, incredible, great, terrific, tremendous, yuge reservoir of knowledge collectively held by you, my faithful readers. You will then have thirty seconds to come up with the correct questions. Since your time is limited, it is only fair that I use a matching format, listing the questions from 1 to 10 so all you need do is match the numbered questions in the second list with the lettered answers in the first list. Ready? Go!!!

    a. The greatest businessman, politician and showman/spin meister/hoax promoter in American history (famous initials P.T.)
    b. Playboy of the Western World
    c. Master of the Universe
    d. Disaster of the Universe
    e. Demander in Chief
    f. Liar, liar, rants on fire
    g. Pathological Narcissist
    h. Super Dupe-r
    i. Bully Boy
    j. Putin Patsy

    1. Who is President Trump?
    2. Who is President Trump?
    3. Who is President Trump?
    4. Who is President Trump?
    5. Who is President Trump?
    6. Who is President Trump?
    7. Who is President Trump?
    8. Who is President Trump?
    9. Who is President Trump?
    10. Who is President Trump?

    That wasn’t too hard now, was it?

     

     
    • Lisa R. Palmer 8:00 am on July 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Oh my gosh, this is awesome!! What a glorious way to wake up in the morning – with a belly full of laughter. Thank you, mistermuse!!

      Liked by 2 people

      • mistermuse 11:14 am on July 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        This is what happens when normally mild-mannered mistermuse has had a belly full of our vainglorious King. 😦

        Liked by 4 people

    • Garfield Hug 9:07 am on July 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Hahaha! You, Mistermuse can vie for Alex’s post as new show host..haha

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 11:21 am on July 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Unfortunately, GH, I’m even older than Alex, but if I’m still around when Alex retires, I’ll be glad to take the money and run (or, more likely, slow-walk) with it.

        Like

    • Paul Sunstone 10:42 am on July 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      I enjoyed that. Thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 3:44 pm on July 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Orange shit-gibbon is my current favorite

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 4:08 pm on July 21, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      A bit crude, Ricardo, but it pales in comparison with some of the shit the Orange man heaps on those who don’t genuflect before him.

      Like

    • renxkyoko 4:15 pm on July 22, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      I answered trump in 2 seconds.LOL

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 6:55 pm on July 22, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        I couldn’t get you to ‘bite’ on “a.” being P.T. Barnum? I have failed miserably! (Now if only Trump would have a ‘come to Jesus’ moment and admit his failings.) 😦

        Liked by 1 person

        • renxkyoko 9:20 pm on July 22, 2018 Permalink

          Although I did hesitate on master of the universe…. I used to watch the cartoon Thor when I was a kid, and Thor, master of the universe, ^_^

          Liked by 1 person

    • D. Wallace Peach 8:58 pm on July 22, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      That was way too easy. 😀 Lol

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:46 pm on July 22, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        If it were only half that easy to get Trump diehards to see him as the morally bankrupt braggart and “wise guy from Queens [who] apparently hasn’t yet managed to overcome childhood insecurities,” Republicans might yet do the right thing for the country and impeach him (quote courtesy of columnist Kathleen Parker).

        Liked by 1 person

        • D. Wallace Peach 12:57 pm on July 23, 2018 Permalink

          I have to admit that Trump’s behavior is less frightening to me than that of the Republicans. As a group, they are acting like cowards and traitors, willing to sacrifice the country for power, and that’s far more dangerous than one out of control man.

          Liked by 1 person

    • masercot 6:09 am on July 23, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      My son dated a girl who almost won Jeopardy’s Teen Tournament. It was painful to watch her lose: She gambled that she wouldn’t know the final jeopardy answer and, instead, she did… but didn’t bet enough…

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:01 am on July 23, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        I can feel the girl’s pain as well….make that, I can feel the girl’s pain TOO, masercot. The guys and gals who make it on to Jeopardy! are invariably interesting people–people you’d enjoy knowing personally–and so when one of them loses the way that girl did, you feel for them.

        Liked by 1 person

        • masercot 9:06 am on July 23, 2018 Permalink

          She couldn’t tell me how it ended but she hinted at it. I said, “You lost?” and she replied, “Yes”… so I said, “You couldn’t answer the last question?”… and then she got cagey.

          And, call me “Charlie”…

          Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 9:28 am on July 24, 2018 Permalink

          Charlie, I just remembered an old song about you (spelled a little different, but no doubt it ‘captures’ you perfectly). 🙂

          Like

    • mlrover 9:26 am on July 23, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      This is so funny! Thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

    • chattykerry 8:23 pm on July 25, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      That was so clever and snarky. I raise my hat to you, sir!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 12:42 am on July 26, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you! I never thought of myself as snarky, but I consider it a compliment in this instance. One can never be too snarky when writing about Donald Trump. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • Marietta Rodgers 1:49 pm on July 26, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      I much prefer JEP-R-DO to Jeopardy, because I knew all the answers (questions).

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 7:58 pm on August 7, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Sorry about my late noticing of your comments, Kerry and Marietta. For some reason, I didn’t receive emails from WordPress letting me know that you had made comments awaiting approval.

      Like

  • mistermuse 3:40 pm on January 23, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , By George!, Honesty is the best policy, , Jeopardy!, , , Rex Harrison,   

    GEORGE (STILL) ON MY MIND 

    I wonder how many readers of my previous post realized that its title was an old expression dating back over 300 years. According to grammarphobia.com, BY GEORGE dates from a 1694 translation of a comedy by Platus: “By George, you shan’t be a Sowce the better for what’s in it”….but “George” was used in an expression even earlier, as here (from a 1598 Ben Johnson play): “Well! he knowes what to trust to, for George.” Here is a more recent (1964) example of “By George!” by Rex Harrison in the above-average film MY FAIR LADY, starring Harrison and Audrey Hepburn:

    My larger point: the small percentage of people who know old adages and expressions  — at least, that is my impression from watching game shows like JEOPARDY!, where supposed broadly-knowledgeable players almost invariably don’t know a familiar (to me) old saying when the question arises. You may say That’s easy for me to say, an old codger who was probably around before most old sayings started. Very funny. I resemble that remark — and I’m not the only one:

    So much for idle rumors. If you’re so smart, let’s see how many of these old sayings you know at your tender age. No cheating. Remember, honesty is the best policy (why give insurance companies a legitimate excuse not to pay — they’ll give you a hard enough time on general principles). But just to keep you on your tokus, I’ll throw in several dishonest — I mean made-up — old aphorisms to see if you can separate the wheat from the shaft:

    A fool and his money are soon parted.

    A day late and a dollar early.

    A man who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client.

    Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.

    All work and no play makes Jack an ass.

    Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.

    Better late than never.

    Blood is thicker than tomato soup.

    Close but no cigar.

    Close only counts in horseshit.

    Curiosity killed the cat.

    Do unto others before they do unto you.

    The rest is yet to come….

    ….if I do a Part Two.

     
    • arekhill1 3:47 pm on January 23, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      You forgot “virtue is its own remorse.”

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 4:05 pm on January 23, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I soitenly did (but I didn’t forget that Curly often said “soitenly”).

      Like

    • Don Frankel 5:40 pm on January 23, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      1 P.T. Barnum 2 Fraud Alert 3 Clarence Darrow 4 Fraud Alert 5 Fraud Alert 6 W.C. Fields 7 Anonymous 8 Fraud Alert 9 Fidel Castro 10 Fraud Alert 11 Lassie 12 Julius Caesar then he said Et tu Brute 13 Fraud Alert.

      Like

      • mistermuse 7:11 pm on January 23, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Don, I know you got the Fraud Alerts and Lassie right. I’ll take your word for the rest.

        Like

    • ladysighs 5:43 pm on January 23, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      My favorite in your list is: Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
      It also makes the heart to wander yonder. 😦

      Like

      • mistermuse 7:19 pm on January 23, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Having been happily married to the same woman for only 46 years, I’ll have to take your word for it, ladysighs. 🙂

        Like

    • Michaeline Montezinos 5:51 pm on January 23, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I am not as “old” as some people I know but I do recall those adages, mistermuse. You did not fool me with those fake ones either, by George!

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:28 pm on January 23, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Curses! Foiled again! 🙂

      Like

    • Don Frankel 2:29 pm on January 24, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Do I win anything? I mean I just took this 12 question world history test on Facebook and got them all right and I asked did I win anything? And, well I got no answer.

      Like

    • mistermuse 5:44 pm on January 24, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Don, I got to thinking that Lassie, being a dog, couldn’t be the right answer to #11 – it had to be a horse. So even if you got the rest right, the answer to your question is literally #11.

      However, I won’t let that be the end of it – here’s some info that’s straight from the horse’s mouth, and even better than a prize: I checked Wikipedia’s “List of historical horses” and found that a horse named FRANKEL is listed as the “Highest rated horse in history” (undefeated in 14 career starts). So now, if anyone ever calls you a horse’s ass (not that anyone ever would), you can tell them to kiss your rear just like all the other losers wound up doing.

      Liked by 1 person

    • carmen 5:16 am on December 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      You might be interested to know that NOEL Harrison had a 300-acre farm not far from where I live, in the early 70’s; he was a well-known figure in these parts. I believe he was here for about 10 years.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 7:33 am on December 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks for the info. I didn’t know that, so I checked Wikipedia for the details. Turns out he bought a farmhouse & moved to Mt. Hanley, Nova Scotia, in 1972. The house burned down in the winter of 1974, but he built a new one (without electricity, would you believe) and didn’t return to England until the late 1990s. His photo shows a distinct resemblance to his father (Rex).

      Like

      • carmen 10:34 am on December 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        I graduated High School in 1975. The parties over there were lengendary by that time; many teenagers were attracted to him and the ‘characters’ he befriended. At that time, I had no idea what the big deal was about the guy. . .interested in other things, I guess. It wasn’t until years later that I finally figured out, “OH! THAT’s who he is” 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 5:16 pm on March 23, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: "recommended" books, bathroom humor, bizarre trivia, bookworms, crap, death during sex, , Jeopardy!,   

    BOOKS I CAN RECOMMEND WITHOUT READING (PART ONE) 

    As a long-time customer of a mail-order bookseller, I regularly receive catalogs listing a wide variety of books by category, such as biographies, sports, history, etc.  The most recent catalog includes a category (“Absurdities & the Bizarre”) I hadn’t seen before, the book titles and descriptions of which captured my attention like naked women at a Republican National Convention (or any Convention, for that matter). The prurient, and of course intellectual, attraction of some of these books is so intriguing, I’m sure that the interest of those with no more curiousity than a worm would be piqued, if not aroused. Bookworms are people too, don’t forget.

    Now, knowing the discriminating tastes of my readers, I believe they deserve an expert who can narrow down the selection and recommend only the cream of the crap, so I have engaged the services of a world-class literary critic of the highest academic and professional standards — namely, moi. Knowing your time is valuable, I will dispense with moi’s credentials and get right down to the business at hand job:

    5 PEOPLE WHO DIED DURING SEX — According to the description, this book offers a wealth of fascinating titbits — er, tidbits — as befits a collection of “Terribly Tasteless Trivia Lists.” A must for would-be Jeopardy! contestants!

    HOW TO POO AT THE OFFICE — “Making a misstep when you’ve got to go at the office can land you in some serious doo-doo,” according to this guide to handling potentially awkward situations in the workplace bathroom. Illustrated and paperbound….though I’m not sure that behind-scenes art work on t.p. does much to move book sales.

    CRAP AT MY PARENT’S HOUSE — No, this is not a sequel to the office-poo guide, but a celebration of “the weird and unfathomably tacky stuff our folks accumulate, from deer hoof bottle openers to soccer-playing Jesus ceramics.” Personally, I don’t see anything weird and tacky about such stuff, and I’m pretty sure my Camouflage Jesus-loving friend Ricardo doesn’t either.

    (TO BE CONTINUED)

     
    • arekhill1 11:35 am on March 24, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Dollar Store Camouflage Jesus could kick the crap out of Soccer Jesus any day. Pun intended. That being said, He would make a tasteful companion piece to DSCJ.

      Like

      • mistermuse 3:22 pm on March 24, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        Sight unseen, I agree – Soccer Jesus gets taken out before he knows what hit him.
        And by the power of suggestion vested in me, Soccer Jesus would make a fine birthday or Christmas present for DSCJ’s thoughtful matchmaker.

        Like

    • Don Frankel 1:59 pm on March 24, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I’m glad to know that HOW TO POO AT THE OFFICE comes in paperback so it can be put to its proper use.

      Like

      • mistermuse 3:35 pm on March 24, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        T.P. or not T.P., that is the wise-ass question, Don. Flush when ready – it’s the best I could come up with.

        Like

  • mistermuse 3:05 pm on February 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: axioms, expressions, , Jeopardy!, lightbulbs, , , , Seeing is believing, , , turnips, ,   

    SO THEY SAY (PART THREE) 

    Time once again for another exciting episode of SO THEY SAY, so let’s get back to where Part Two left off, and continue putting the right slant on some questionable old axioms. My readers deserve nothing less, because….well, they just don’t.

    *****************************************************************************

    The best things in life are free.
    Nevertheless, donations are acccepted for this and all previous and future posts.

    She will talk to a wooden Indian.
    That’s why I keep a wooden Indian around the house.

    You can’t get blood out of a turnip.
    Try praying harder.

    The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
    Try praying harder, but only for small turnips. If they fall hard enough, the big turnips should bleed on their own.

    It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.
    Or, you could pay your electric bill or replace that burned-out bulb.

    Six of one, half dozen of another.
    The correct Jeopardy! answer is: How many Ricardos and Dons does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Seeing is believing.
    How true. I see much better now, after turning on the candle in the light socket.

    She can’t help being ugly, but she could’ve stayed home.
    Maybe she had to run out and buy a thesaurus.

    There’s no fool like an old fool.
    I prefer to think of it as being special.

    Say what you mean and mean what you say.
    But don’t be mean when you say it.

     
    • arekhill1 11:17 am on February 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Are you just checking if I’m reading, Sr. Muse? As a writer, I am capable of changing a lightbulb by myself, but only after it goes on an emotional journey.

      Like

    • Don Frankel 4:46 pm on February 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Since it takes 12 government employees to change a light bulb you can have both of us. Then you might need a few others as the 12 government employees would have a meeting to change the light bulb. That would not necessarily get the bulb changed. In which case you might be sitting in the dark until you lit a candle or hired a private contractor to change the light bulb.

      Like

    • mistermuse 5:01 pm on February 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Ricardo, would I ever doubt your loyalty? (Don’t answer that).

      Actually, you and Don were the unfortunate victims of desperation on my part with regard to “Six of one, half dozen of another.” Rejoinders to the other axioms came to me fairly readily, but try as I may, that one had me stumped until I thought of the old joke about how many Polacks does it take to change a lightbulb?

      Apologies to you, Don and any Polacks who may be tuned in.

      Like

    • Michaeline Montezinos 10:03 am on February 7, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I accept your apology since I knew you were jesting. My brother called me a “Polack,” and I was upset. Of course, he was in his cups and he is Polish, too. I enjoyed your revisions of these common mottoes or cliches. Please include me in future bulb changing episodes as I am not as sensitive as others can be and not easily offended. Funny stuff mistermuse. I always enjoy your writing. 🙂

      Like

    • mistermuse 4:48 pm on February 7, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks, Michaeline. I was almost hoping that you wouldn’t see my “Polack” explanation, as I remembered that you’re part Polish, and I didn’t want to offend, though I agree it shouldn’t offend. There are lots of jokes about drunken Irishmen, for example, but I’m not sensitive about them although I’m part Irish. Maybe it’s because Irishmen can laugh at themselves.

      Like

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