THRICE AS NICE AS ONE AND DONE

Boys and girls (or vice-versa), we are on a 3-day roll, and you are in the middle of it: Dec. 4 was Santa’s List Day, Dec. 5 is Walt Disney’s birthday, and Dec. 6 is St. Nicholas Day.

I certainly hope you made it unto Santa’s “good” list yesterday. Not only is it bad if you didn’t, but you’re running out of time to change Santa’s mind before he comes to town:

As for Dec. 5, what would visions of Christmas be like without Walt Disney having contributed to bringing them to life? But frankly, boys and girls, who remembers his birthday, because Walt has been dead for 49 years! Despair not, however, because his body is rumored to have been frozen and put in a vault, like a reel of disintegrating old film, awaiting restoration when science conquers death! Walt Disney, as you know — now that I’m telling you — is said to have been fascinated with death since killing an owl at age seven (referring, of course, to Walt — the owl’s age at the time is not known). Whether it was the same owl who-o-o is seen in this scene is also unknown….but, oh, what a hoot:

That leaves us with St. Nicholas Day, which is celebrated, appropriately enough in light of the above, not on his birthday, but on the day of his reported death, Nov. 6, 343 A.D. As I’m sure you girls and boys have been told, Santa Claus is really St. Nicholas….or, at least (given that he most likely would be too arthritic for the job at his age if he were still alive), his ghost. What better way to close than with a visit from the old boy himself:

A ST. NICHOLAS DAY THOUGHT

It’s only (almost) Dec. 6, St. Nicholas Day, but we’ve already received several Christmas cards at our house, including one with a “generic” Christmas letter enclosed. If past be prelude, that was but the first of quite a few such “catch up” letters, which are welcomed by Mrs. Muse and not unwelcomed by Mr. Muse, understanding that who has time to write individualized holiday missives (though that would be nice) to dozens of friends and relatives?

Thus, we bow to the same exigency, with she doing the initial writing and me doing the editing, which often consumes as much time as the writing, because I don’t take such tasks lightly. This has me thinking, why should we start from scratch every holiday season? It would save both of us a lot of bother to come up with the mother of all generic Christmas letters and be done with it — a glorified form letter, if you will, which would serve the purpose every year, with perhaps a blank space or two here and there to fill in, if one wishes to be specific about something that happened during the year, such as:

As you may or may not know, (name) died of (disease) in (month). At least, we assume (name) died, because they buried the old fart.

Need I add, heed should be taken not to send same to the immediate family of the (assumed) deceased, which shouldn’t be a problem, as there are always a few Christmas cards you set aside where you just write a few words without enclosing a letter.

Of course, no Christmas letter would be complete without recounting your vacation and/or travels during the year. Unfortunately, Mr. & Mrs. Muse don’t get around much any more, so we may have to embellish slightly our trip to the Amish farm market an hour’s drive away:

This past summer, we ventured to an agrestal land of bearded men and oddly dressed women whose rustic appearance spoke of a time before civilization came to be. We nonetheless managed to befriend them by giving green paper in exchange for some of the fruits (and vegetables) of their labors. However, as we were leaving, a strange-looking, horned animal took an interest in our bounty and began chasing us. Fortunately, we barely beat the ferocious beast back to our car and escaped with our lives.

Happy holidays.