When I was young, I never thought about getting old (a stage of life known as having one foot in the grave — almost curtains). So, having two feet in the grave was the last thing on my mind. Now I’m a senior citizen, and I’m still not ready to kick the bucket, but my feet are killing me like I am about to kick bucket — or, with my luck it (this bucket) kicks me:

Foot cramps, ingrown toenails, fungus among-us, smelly feet (you know this from my last post) — it’s like I got my feet at the Bad Feet Store. You name it, my feet are treating me like a heel. Don’t laugh — someday you may walk in my shoes, and then you’ll know the agony of de feet and be the sole of remorse for not seeing fit to empathize. But I guess you’ll cross that footbridge when you come to it.

Having retired from a desk job, I didn’t spend most of my life upon my feet, so my tootsies aren’t letting me down because of being mistreated. Likewise, I’ve seldom, if ever, worn high heels (I may have BEEN a heel a time or two, but that’s a different story). I don’t know — maybe I’m finally footing the bill for writing such poems as this:

All humans have more than one foot,
Unless one has less than two.
One can trust I count two on me —
More or less, can one count on you?

Groan. I guess my days of being this are over:





  1. I was forced to forward your post to the proper authorities on the grounds it was exceeding the legal pun limit.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. calmkate says:

    how footuitous that you have both feet in the grave, are down in the heel and obviously in need of a swift shoe up the posterior IMHO πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse says:

      Fortunately, I only have one foot in the grave, calmkate. When I have two feet in the grave, I won’t be replying to your comments (or anyone else’s, for that matter). πŸ™‚

      BTW, “one foot in the grave” is an expression which dates back to the 17th century, which makes it almost as old as I am. It means ‘near death’ (like most of my puns).

      Liked by 1 person

  3. masercot says:

    “You need feet, to stand up straight with,
    You need feet, to kick your friends,
    You need feet, to keep your socks up,
    And stop your legs from, fraying at the ends.” – “You Need Feet” Edwin Carp

    Liked by 3 people

  4. My name is River… and I have bunions. Don’t get me started on feet! My issues started when I was 40 and that’s just not fair!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. It’s living in Ohio that’s hurting your wheels, Sr. Muse. Move to a warmer clime, like I’ve lived in most of my life, and liberate those tootsies from the confines of shoes at, least nights and on weekends. Flip-flops never gave anybody bunions.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. mistermuse says:

    Unfortunately, a move to a warmer clime isn’t in my foreseeable future, Ricardo, but if I can just hang around for another century or so, global warming will have moved to me, thereby saving me the trouble.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Elizabeth says:

    My sympathy. We have frequent user discounts at the podiatrist!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. A great post and a toe-tapper of a tune! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse says:

      Glad you liked both. The composer of the tune was Carmen Lombardo, brother of Guy Lombardo. He was the lead saxophonist in Guy’s orchestra, which you may remember because it was one of the most popular dance bands of all time for many years.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. The song you posted, “Footloose and Fancy Free”, is a great start to the day. Thanks for that!

    And thanks for the Bucket Truck video – I mean it. It’s fascinating! Now I want to ride in one.

    Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse says:

      Glad you enjoyed both the song and the Bucket Truck video, which I was lucky to stumble upon as a good fit for this post. Some amusement park should come up with a version of the Bucket Trucks for a kids’ ride (including us adult kids)!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. equipsblog says:

    I’d hate to foot the bill for this entertaining post, because if we have to pay by the pun, it’s very expensive.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. mistermuse says:

    Actually, “Its” is pronounced “Itz”….but it’s the pits in both cases, so I’ll call it a night before I get in any deeper. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

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