DEC. 19 IS HAVE A BAD DAY DAY

I kid you not not — today is Have A Bad Day Day, and I intend to honor said day with some bad Bad Day jokes, most of which you’ve probably heard before. If that doesn’t contribute to your having a bad day, I don’t know what will….but if I did know, I certainly would.

So, how do you know you’re having a bad day? Try these on for sighs:

Your wife calls you at the office, saying she has some good news and some bad news, but you tell her you’re running late and don’t have time for both, so she gives you only the good news: “The air bag on the new car works just fine.”

You call your wife and tell her you’d like to eat out tonight. When you get home, there’s a sandwich on the front porch.

Your wife is looking on while you open this humorous greeting card (signed ‘Brigitte’): SORRY YOU HAD A BAD DAY. YOU CAN TOUCH MY BOOBS IF YOU WANT.  (Your wife’s name isn’t ‘Brigitte.’)

You look in the mirror, and your reflection points at you and laughs.

You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.

You need a bathroom scale for each foot (speaking of which, remember that STRESSED backwards spells DESSERTS).