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  • mistermuse 2:54 pm on March 24, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Albert Fish, beards, , Clyde Barrow, dead humor, dead poets, , humorous books, Longfellow, New York bad guys, , , William "Boss" Tweed, Willie Sutton   

    BOOKS I CAN RECOMMEND WITHOUT READING (PART TWO) 

    THE UPSIDE OF UNDERTAKING — These “hilarious stories of the dead and living that will keep you laughing for hours” include “a humorous account of a day with a mortician.” This book could obviously lighten up your day, especially if you have a fatal disease and want something to look forward to a.d. …. which leads to moi’s next selection.

    100 THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU’RE DEAD — Offers “100 useful, productive and money-saving ideas for how your body could be put to use after you’ve spent your last breath.” No doubt there are people who will want to save money when they’re dead, especially if planning to have their body shipped to Cabo or Antigua instead of Purgatory for the duration, but I know of no religion that offers that choice …. unless it’s Catholic, now that Pope (“Who am I to judge?”) Francis is in charge. No doubt the Vatican Travel Bureau is conclaving some money-saving travel deals behind closed doors even as we speak.

    JERKS IN NEW YORK HISTORY: SPEAKING ILL OF THE DEAD — “Features 15 short profiles of notorious bad guys, misunderstood thinkers and other antiheroes from the history of the Empire State,” from “Boss” Tweed to Albert Fish …. presumably including Brooklyn-born bank robber Willie (“Because that’s where the money is”) Sutton. As it happens, another notorious bank robber, Clyde (“Bonnie and Clyde”) Barrow, was born on this day, March 24, though not in New York. Though the Big Apple can’t claim all the bad apples, at least Fish didn’t get away.

    POETS RANKED BY BEARD WEIGHT — “See how Whitman’s beard stacks up against Browning’s, Longfellow’s and Tennyson’s.” Longfellow’s would seem a safe bet, but perhaps length doesn’t equate with weight. Emily Dickenson lived such a reclusive life that no one knows how her’s stacks up.  And let us not forget living beards like that of yours truly — if he refuses to lose his and mistermuse’s chooses, it has miles to grow before he sleeps. His wife says it’ll be a snowy evening in hell before that happens.

     
    • Don Frankel 3:35 am on March 25, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Tweed did leave us Tweed’s Courthouse which is very beautiful. That’s not the one you see in the movies though. The one they always use is Surrogate’s Court which is right across the street.

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    • mistermuse 7:21 am on March 25, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks, Don – I wonder why they don’t use Tweed’s Courthouse in the movies?
      Did you know that (according to Wikipedia) Willie Sutton denied ever saying “Because that’s where the money is,” claiming a reporter made it up….though Sutton doesn’t deny he would’ve said it if he’d thought of it.

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  • mistermuse 10:41 pm on February 16, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Buzzie Bavasi, coins, , , , , , Kin Hubbard, Lydia, , Massachusetts, , , , , Willie Sutton   

    ON (THE) MONEY, TO COIN A PHRASE 

    I rob banks because that’s where the money is.  –Willie Sutton

    The history of money is a fascinating subject, if you can afford the time to check into it. According to my Ye Olde Encyclopedia, early people had no system of money, probably because they had to spend all their waking hours hunting, eating, painting caves and avoiding being stepped on by dinosaurs and woolly mammoths. These pre-historic people, known as the Earlyites, used either the barter system of trading, or the no-holds-bartered system of robbing and killing, to get what they wanted. Some things never change.

    Speaking of change, the first coins were made in the 600’s B.C. in Lydia, the Tatooed Lady — I mean in Lydia, the extinct country, in what is now western Turkey. In America, the Massachusetts Bay Colony was the first to make coins; an English court allowed them to do so in 1652 before permission was withdrawn shortly thereafter. But Massachusetts continued to issue coins for 30 more years by dating all coins 1652 regardless of when made. Apparently England couldn’t make heads or tails out of why Massachusetts never ran short of 1652 coins, so they made the best of it by increasing the Colony’s taxes. Needless to say, this did not suit the Tea Party, so they threw the British into Boston Harbor, declared independence and took control of Congress before you can say New England, which on a clear day you can see from Alaska if the sun doesn’t get in your eyes.

    But enough about what I have to say, money-wise. Let us see what others have had to say about money:

    The only problems money can solve are money problems.  –Kin Hubbard

    Lack of money is the root of all evil.  –Mark Twain or George Bernard Shaw (you pays your money and you takes your choice)

    If a fool and his money are soon parted, why are there so many rich fools?  –Evan Esar

    Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.  –Robin Williams

    If you would know what the Lord God thinks of money, you have only to look at those to whom he gives it.  –Maurice Baring

    There is an easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.  –Jack Yelton

    We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules.  –Buzzie Bavasi

    Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.  –Henny Youngman

    Women prefer men who have something tender about them — especially the legal kind.  –Kay Ingram

    I don’t like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves.  –Joe Louis

    I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.  –George Carlin

    That money talks/I’ll not deny/I heard it once/It said, “Goodbye.”  –Richard Armour 

     

     
    • Don Frankel 9:15 am on February 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I thought I left a comment it seems to have disappeared or I didn’t hit the right button. Imagine the first guy who showed up at the market with his vegetables expecting to return home with a nice fat chicken but only wound up with a few pieces of metal with some noble’s who he didn’t like face on it.

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    • mistermuse 9:54 am on February 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Returning home with pieces of metal instead of a chicken must have been hard to swallow, Don. Even the last residents of Lydia ended up half a Turkey better off than that.

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    • mistermuse 6:19 am on February 18, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      To lucindafer: I note that you clicked the “Like” icon on this posting and I thought I’d see if I might reciprocate, but for some reason I can’t “find” you, although you apparently have a new blog (the blurb that goes with your photo indicates you have a blog but no readers). I will be happy to read what you have to say if you’ll let me know how to get there.
      Good luck with your writing.

      Like

    • pendantry 5:00 am on March 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      On the subject of money: are you aware of Positive Money?

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 9:52 am on March 15, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      I’m not, but I’m pretty sure Willie Sutton was (judging by the quote which opened this post).

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