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  • mistermuse 11:11 am on December 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: bank robbers, , , , James Baldwin, , , , , , Will Rogers   

    MONEY: THE LOOT OF ALL EVIL 

    I rob banks because that’s where the money is. –Willie Sutton (though he denied saying it in his autobiography WHERE THE MONEY WAS)

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    It occured to me, as I was thinking about this, my 253rd post, that few (if any) of my previous 252 posts were about money….in fact, I can recall mentioning money in only one post, in the opening line of a 24-line poem titled A MIND IS A TERRIBLE THING TOO CHASTE:

    Money may talk,
    Though I can’t hear it —
    It takes a walk
    When I come near it.

    So a mistermusing on the subject seems long overdue….not unlike many of the bills I owe. Just kidding. I don’t not owe nothing to no one — no one that I owe of, anyway.

    Anyway, what I want to say, as is my wont to say when I can think of nothing more to say, is that I hope you enjoy the following quotes. I trust you will find them on the money:

    A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. –Bob Hope

    The lack of money is the root of all evil. –Mark Twain

    Money was fun only until you ran out of things to buy. –Gloria Swanson, actress (silent films, Sunset Boulevard, other movies)

    Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn’t have it and thought of other things if you did. –James Baldwin

    Money and women are the most sought after and the least understood of any two things we have. –Will Rogers

    Where I was brought up, we never talked about money because there was never enough to furnish a topic of conversation. –Mark Twain

    What this country needs is not more money, but more people who have some of it. –Evan Esar

    I am having an out of money experience. –Anonymous

    We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules. –Buzzie Bavasi

    If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. –Anonymous

    Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money. –Robin Williams

     

     
    • ladysighs 11:38 am on December 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      You already know this but will tell you again. I enjoy all of your posts. The money quotes are really great. Even if I have read some of them before, they still are funny.
      But the best part of your blog isn’t the quotes but your lead in to them … or what ever you are presenting. I could have stopped reading before the quotes and enjoyed. 🙂

      Like

      • mistermuse 2:43 pm on December 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        I think I’ve said this before to faithful follower Don, but I believe in gender equality, so I’ll say it to you as well: If I ever need a press agent, you da man – I mean woman. Bless you, my child.

        Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 11:52 am on December 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      “A nickle ain’t worth a dime anymore”–Yogi Berra

      Like

      • mistermuse 2:51 pm on December 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        ….and for those who love the smell of money, here’s another goody I left out: “Money is the best deodorant.” – Elizabeth Taylor

        Like

    • Don Frankel 4:12 pm on December 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I give to to Twain here although the Robin Williams quote is pretty good. The one about the $20 I heard used in the movie a Bronx Tale but it might have been around.

      Like

    • mistermuse 5:17 pm on December 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Here’s another one I left out that I probably should have closed my post with:
      “Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.” -Richard Friedman

      Like

    • Michaeline Montezinos 7:37 pm on December 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I enjoyed all of the comments here on mistermuse’s blog. Especially liked the Mark Twain one, the Richard Friedman one and the Bob Hope and Yogi Berra quotes.. All the quotes and the poem you wrote before and were intertaining.

      Like

    • mistermuse 8:36 pm on December 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Your comment has me wagging my tail, Michaeline. It must be true that all good things must come to an end.

      Like

  • mistermuse 10:33 am on October 29, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , Harold Macmillan, , , , , , Will Rogers   

    POLITICS – THE WORLD’S FUNNIEST PROFESSION 

    With Congress, every time they make a joke it’s a law. And every time they make a law, it’s a joke. -Will Rogers

    Mistermuse recently asked himself Why, if he likes jokes so much, he can’t stand politicians. After all, if it weren’t for politicians and the like, he would have to come up with all-original material for his posts instead of incorporating the likes of the above quote.

    So mistermuse tells himself it’s like taking the old Christian admonition to “hate the sin but love the sinner” and (as an ex-Christian in good standing) converting it: abhor the politicial sinners but adore the political sins. And what better time to put that into practice than the final days of interminable political ads before the merciful mid-terminal elections….starting with a sobering example of political confession:

    It must have happened during one of my drunken stupors. –Rob Ford (former mayor of Toronto) when a video of him smoking crack cocaine was uncovered by police months after he repeatedly denied its existence.

    America is the only country where you can go on the air and kid politicians, and where politicians go on the air and kid the people. -Groucho Marx

    The more you observe politics, the more you’ve got to admit that each party is worse than the other. –Will Rogers

    What’s the use of a third party when the country doesn’t know what to do with the two parties it has now? -Evan Esar

    I will make a bargain with the Republicans: if they will stop telling lies about Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them. –Adlai Stevenson

    I have never found in a long experience in politics that criticism is ever inhibited by ignorance. –Harold Macmillan

    To err is human, to blame it on the other party is politics. -S. Omar Barker

    Congress is really made up of children that never grow up. -Will Rogers

    Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise than Christianity has made them good. -H. L. Mencken

    And on that cautionary note, we note that next Tuesday is election day — vote for the lesser of two devils, even if you think it only encourages them.

     

     

     
    • arekhill1 1:11 pm on October 29, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      “I belong to no organized political party. I’m a Democrat.” I think it was Will Rogers way back when, but nowadays you could say the same about the Republicans.

      Like

    • mistermuse 1:44 pm on October 29, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Same principle with the Mencken quote – nowadays you could say the same for a number of religions, not only Christianity (yes, I know many religions do good things, but religion and doing good things don’t depend on one another).

      Like

  • mistermuse 12:05 am on August 15, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Grapes of Wrath, , , Judge Priest, Will Rogers   

    MISTER ROGERS TERRITORY 

    When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. level of both states. –Will Rogers, on Oklahoma farmers migrating to California to escape the Dustbowl during the Great Depression (a plight vividly portrayed in John Steinbeck’s 1939 novel/John Ford’s 1940 film The Grapes of Wrath).

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    If you’ve ever felt as if you’re a remnant (at least in spirit) of the bygone era of someone who passed away before you were born, you can imagine where I’m coming from when I write about Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash in Alaska on this August day in 1935 (a year before I was a gleam in my father’s eye).

    Rogers, the Oklahoma cowboy who became America’s favorite humorist and homespun philosopher in the 1920s & 30s, was born to part-Cherokee parents in 1879 when Rutherford B. Hayes was President and Oklahoma was still Indian territory. As Will wrote in his memoirs, “My ancestors didn’t come over on the Mayflower, but they met the boat.”

    In my July 29 post BEHIND THE SCENES, I wrote of several performers and directors from Hollywood’s fondly-remembered Golden Age, including John Ford and some of the great films he directed. Two of those were the above-mentioned Grapes of Wrath and Judge Priest (1934), starring Will Rogers. You may be surprised to learn, as I was, that Judge Priest — well, let Ford himself say it, as told to author Bryan B. Sterling in an interview later shared in Sterling’s 1976 book, THE WILL ROGERS SCRAPBOOK:

    Sterling:  You made three motion pictures with Mr. Rogers, Dr. Bull, Judge Priest and Steamboat ‘Round the Bend. The character of Judge Priest fit right in with that [Rogers’ small town Oklahoma] background. Was that shot on location?

    Ford:  No, we did it right in the studio.

    Sterling:  In those days, how long would it take to make a picture?

    Ford:  On the largest pictures it would take four to five weeks. And they weren’t expensive pictures at all, but they all did very well. In fact, my favorite picture of all times is Judge Priest.

    I hate to end on a sour note, but I doubt if Will Rogers would go over today. His humor was on the money, but of a different time. He told it like it was, but not in the gross fashion of our time. At age 55, he died before his time, but he lived at the right time.

    It was a time to which I can relate.

     

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    • Don Frankel 4:17 pm on August 16, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Harry Carey Jr. has some really nice things to say about Will Rogers as you know.

      I’m not so sure he wouldn’t go over today. There’s plenty to make fun of and while Bill Cosby might be a little dated neither he nor Jerry Seinfeld ever curse or get obnoxious.

      Like

    • mistermuse 5:25 pm on August 16, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      You may be right, Don. I guess I was just feeling grumpy when I wrote that.

      Like

    • D R (Donnie) Hosie 2:03 pm on November 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      The men of my father’s family, all revered Will Rogers. My Uncle Bill could still get choked-up talking about his death. Like being fans of ‘rock stars’ – like Elvis or the Beatles were – for so many of my own generation.

      Like

    • mistermuse 3:51 pm on November 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      In today’s political climate, one wonders if Will would still say today (as he said in his day) that he never met a man he didn’t like. No wonder your father’s family revered him.

      Like

  • mistermuse 11:52 am on May 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: comic books, , , Popeye the Sailor, , Spider Man, Walter Winchell, Will Rogers   

    FUNNY ON PAPER 

     

    Comic strip

    Yesterday was Free Comic Book Day, which I didn’t know about until I heard it on the late news last night — not that I would’ve gone out of my way to take advantage of the occasion. It’s a distributor-coordinated promotional event started in 2002 to cash in on the hoopla surrounding the Spider Man and X-Men movies. Participating comic book retailers give away free copies on the first Saturday in May annually, hoping to make regular customers out of new or occasional ones.

    I haven’t been a comic book fan since I was a teenager (my boyhood collection would be worth a lot more than a few laughs today if I’d saved it), but I still regularly follow about a half dozen comic strips in the daily newspaper. Recently I came into possession of a very long and interesting magazine article from 1933 titled The Funny Papers. For those who may be curious about the early years of comic strips, I thought I’d pass along some of that 80+ year old history.

    First of all, a few statistics. In 1933, there were almost 230 comic strips appearing in U. S. newspapers. Of 2,300 daily papers, only two of any importance (the New York Times and Boston Transcript) didn’t include comic strips. Of the approximately 200 funnies’ artists, less than 100 were widely read; the top 20 or so, including Bud Fisher (Mutt & Jeff) and Harold Gray (Little Orphan Annie), grossed from $1,000 to $3,000 a week (big money in those depression days). It was estimated that 70 to 75 per cent of newspaper readers followed the comic sections regularly.

    The business end of the funny business was handled by features syndicates (features included columns such as those of Walter Winchell and Will Rogers, as well as the funnies), which sold their features to as many papers as they could amass. There were two kinds of syndicates: one with a key paper or string of papers behind it, such as the Hearst-owned King Features; and second, the independent syndicate which survived on the strength of its major stars such as cartoonist/inventor/author Rube Goldberg (of whom more later).

    Most of the cartoon characters popular in 1933 (a cross-section of which appears above the text of this post) have faded from memory, like slow-acting invisible ink. Of the characters depicted, few are remembered today. Note another anachronism — the “blank” character representing balloon-speaking manikins through which advertisers could market their wares via their proximity to Barney Google, Maggie & Jiggs and other syndicated headliners.

    It is inevitable that the humor in most of those almost-century old cartoons had a limited lifespan and, looked at today, is laughably dated. But some have stood the test of time and remain popular, if perhaps quaint. We will take a closer look at some of these creations and their creators in another post.

    TO BE CONTINUED

     

     

     

     

     

     
    • Don Frankel 7:57 am on May 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Great subject Muse. I just heard that Google is coming out with new Iphone that you’ll place on wrist. Sound familiar? Calling Dick Tracy.

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    • mistermuse 1:04 pm on May 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks, Don. Chester Gould (Dick Tracy creator) is one of the star cartoonists covered in the 1933 article. The Dick Tracy comic strip started in 1931, based on a NYC detective Gould was interested in.

      There is such a wealth of material in this article that I could probably write a dozen posts based on it, but I’ll play it by ear and see how it goes. By the way, I found it interesting that the NY Times was one of only two newspapers that didn’t yet carry comic strips in 1933. They must have thought it was beneath their dignity!

      Like

    • arekhill1 2:03 pm on May 7, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      When are you going to get to Walt Kelly, the greatest of them all?

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      • mistermuse 4:20 pm on May 7, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        Pogo was a classic, but unfortunately, Walt Kelly didn’t start that comic strip until 1941 after 5 years as an animator for Disney. Even his close friend Al Capp (Li’l Abner) didn’t become a cartoonist until 1934, so of course neither of them are in the 1933 article which serves as the springboard for FUNNY ON PAPER.

        However, I’m glad to say that your question refreshed my recollection of an old book titled THE SMITHSONIAN COLLECTION OF NEWSPAPER COMICS that I’d forgotten about, stored away (among many other books) in the recesses of a closet. Lo and behold, both Kelly and Capp are included therein, so my comics postings won’t be over when I’m finished with the 1933 treasure trove.

        Thanks for the memory-jog.

        Like

  • mistermuse 8:52 pm on April 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , April 3, freedom, , Independence Day, July 4th, liberty, Soren Kierkegaard, Will Rogers, Woodrow Wilson   

    APRIL 3 IS INTERNATIONAL KISS MY ASS DAY 

    If ever someone invented a freedom-loving holiday, this is the day. July 4th may be Independence Day, but April 3rd is even more liberating (if less patriotic). July 4 is a federal holiday when servicemen present arms at certain ceremonies; April 3 is an international holiday when fed-up men present asses without ceremony — and if anyone doesn’t like it …. well, (s)he can smooch you-know-what. As for me, I’m going to present the liberated observations of other men, and take the rest of the day off (April 3 also happens to be Don’t Go To Work Day):

    What distinguishes Independence Day from all other days is that both orators and artillerymen shoot blank cartridges.  –John Burroughs

    Liberty doesn’t work as well in practice as it does in speeches.  –Will Rogers

    Liberty, n. One of Imagination’s most precious possessions.  –Ambrose Bierce (THE DEVIL’S DICTIONARY)

    Liberty is being free from the things we don’t like in order to be slaves of the things we do like.  –Ernest Benn

    Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting.  —Alan Dean Foster

    The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that you have to spend much of your life defending sons-of-bitches.  –H. L. Mencken

    People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.  —Soren Kierkegaard

    The greatest freedom of speech [is] the greatest safety, because if a man is a fool, the best thing is to encourage him to advertise the fact by speaking.  –Woodrow Wilson

    Give me liberty or give me drink.  –Patrick O’Henry

    The last word goes (as usual, ha ha) to a woman:

    Please feel free to contact me with other matters that are of importance to you. I am honored to serve as your representative in the U. S. Congress. i think you’re an asshole.  –Jo Ann Emerson (letter sent to constituent; she subsequently claimed no knowledge of how the last line got added)

     

     
  • mistermuse 12:11 am on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Barbara Boxer, , , George Gobel, , Gerald Ford, , , Marion Berry, , , Will Rogers   

    NO BRAINERS 

    February 27 is NO BRAINER DAY, the one day in the year which provides all the excuse I need to do a post requiring no intelligent writing on my part (as opposed to all those posts for which I had no excuse). This will be, in other words, a post of others’ words. I will, however, endeavor to be clever as ever by never resorting to quotes irrelevant to the subject of the day.

    The world is more like it is now than it has ever been before. -Dwight Eisenhower

    Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, “Thank God, I’m still alive.” But of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again. –Calif. Senator Barbara Boxer

    If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate. -former Washington D.C. Mayor Marion Berry

    More and more of our imports are coming from overseas. –George W. Bush

    A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer voters going to the polls. -Dan Quayle

    If it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching TV by candlelight. -George Gobel

    Ignorance has its virtues: without it, there would be mighty little conversation. -Evan Esar

    There is nothing so stupid as the educated man, if you get off the thing he was educated in. -Will Rogers

    The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. -Joe Theisman

    Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean. -Pedro Guerrero

    I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. –Winston Bennet

    Most ignorance is vincible ignorance: we don’t know because we don’t want to know. -Aldous Huxley

     
    • Don Frankel 6:49 am on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      At first I was thinking no Yogisms? But then Yogisms make sense when you think about them. Like “Some guys don’t like to swing on 3 and 0 because they swing.” But today is a day I can relate to and will enjoy. Because “You can’t hit and think at the same time.”

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:43 am on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      In a way, these quotes make sense too if you think about them, otherwise they wouldn’t be funny. I would’ve included some Yogisms (and Goldwynisms), but I’ve already done posts on them on SWI. Whether they still exist or not, I haven’t checked, but maybe I’ll do so and, if they’ve been deleted, repeat them here (as best I can) when my brain can’t think of anything else to write about.

      Like

    • arekhill1 3:25 pm on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Personally, I notice that I can only be wrong when I’m sure I’m right.

      Like

      • mistermuse 6:30 pm on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        I think the same could be said of Tea Party members (except they never notice it).

        Like

    • pat hagan 5:45 pm on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      There’s a lot of unintentionally funny stuff here, most of which I hadn’t heard or seen before. I imagine that you are well aware of this, but, just to be sure all are, Gobel, Esar, and Rogers were not being stupid… they were intentionally being clever and funny.

      Keep up the good work!

      Like

    • mistermuse 6:37 pm on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Right, Pat. Of course, Aldous Huxley wasn’t being unintentionally funny either – in fact, he wasn’t being funny at all. That’s why I saved his quote for last, to end on a serious note.

      Thanks for your comment.

      Like

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