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  • mistermuse 12:56 pm on November 16, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Chia Pet, Christmas gift giving, , , , ties, , When you gotta go,   

    CHRISTMAS CAVEAT – GIFT ME NOT 

    When I posted THE TIES THAT BIND (Nov. 11), I thought it was a caveat emptor which put cravats behind me once and for all. But that was before my wife and other hangers-on started asking what I want for Christmas in the form of a wish list, which is of minor import compared to the things I DON’T want for Christmas — ties, of course, being #1 on that list.

    The thing is, why should I strain my brain trying to think of what I want for Christmas when I have no idea what I want for Christmas….well, except for God to let me know if He really exists, because if He doesn’t, it’s high time the name of the holiday be changed to SANTA CLAUS DAY (inasmuch as everyone in Virginia and elsewhere knows YES, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS).

    So I’m going to do the next best thing (actually, the best thing): compile a DO NOT WANT FOR CHRISTMAS list — a list of gifts it would make me most happy NOT to receive. Anything I get that isn’t on this list, I’ll do my best to appreciate (provided it doesn’t explode in my face or need to be fed):

    1. A tie (already covered, but bears repeating)

    2. Fruit cake (surprise, surprise)

    3. An old-fashioned clock (it’s ticky)

    4. Taco Bell gift card (it’s tacky)

    5. A “WHO YOU CALLING AN OLD FART?” T-shirt (it’s ticky-tacky)

    6. A twelve-pack of tubeless t.p. (see my Sept. 9 post “WHEN YOU GOTTA GO….”)

    7. A lifetime pass to anything (at my age?)

    8. Belly button brush (not needed – I keep my belly button covered with Scotch tape)

    9. Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia Pet (Sp-Sp-Sp-Spare me)

    10. _________ (to be filled in the day after Christmas/Santa Claus Day)

     

     
    • scifihammy 12:31 am on November 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      ha ha I like number 10 best 🙂

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    • Don Frankel 9:27 am on November 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Good luck.

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    • mistermuse 9:54 am on November 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I’m re-considering #5 – a “WHO YOU CALLING AN OLD FART?” T-shirt might be good to wear when in-laws visit. It lets them know I’m hip to what they’re calling me behind my back.

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    • arekhill1 10:37 am on November 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Sr. Muse, you know one of my habits is theological nitpicking, so may I remind you that in order to celebrate Christmas with the proper religious ardor, you not only have to believe in a God but also in a Jesus? As for even thinking about Christmas before Thanksgiving, my personal faith forbids it.

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    • mistermuse 2:24 pm on November 17, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I was so brainwashed by my former Catholic faith that even now, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are inseparable, like three Persons in one God, the Three Musketeers in one novelist, the Three Stooges in one lunatic, the Three Amigos (Ricardo, Sir Don and mistermuse) in one blogospirit, etc.
      I’m with you on the Christmas before Thanksgiving thing, but obviously my wife isn’t, or she wouldn’t have asked for my Christmas wish list a week ago. I don’t ask for her wish list. I’ll wait until Christmas eve, go to Home Depot and buy her a nice snowblower – with luck, they’ll have enough of a selection left that I can get one in her favorite color.

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  • mistermuse 1:10 pm on November 12, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: cravats, , , , , ties   

    THE TIES THAT BIND 

    If I had my druthers —
    As would many others —
    I would burn every cravat
    From here to Mount Ararat.

    As for tie manufacturers,
    Save my neck, I would fracture theirs.
    Why should man be a slave to what’s fashional?
    It’s like it’s knot cool to be rational.

     
    • arekhill1 1:12 pm on November 12, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Getting dressed up today, Sr. Muse?

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    • mistermuse 1:22 pm on November 12, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Only if the Grim Reaper calls, Ricardo.

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    • mistermuse 8:28 pm on November 12, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      The previous comments remind me of the old joke about a dead atheist being all dressed up with nowhere to go. As a deist, I don’t know if I’m going anywhere, but it’s irrelevant because I’m opting for cremation, and to hell with “the ties that bind.”

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    • Don Frankel 3:59 pm on November 13, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      If you’re a deist you might as well get dressed because you might be going somewhere.

      I think I’ve worn a tie 3 or maybe 4 times in the last decade. I hate those things.

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    • mistermuse 4:32 pm on November 13, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Don, I wouldn’t know whether to wear an asbestos suit or a tux with wings. But I’m with you regarding ties – I can’t think of anything more useless except maybe a battery-powered battery charger with batteries not included.

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    • Joseph Nebus 4:36 pm on November 13, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I like to think I cut a great figure in a bow tie. I’m wrong, but it’s a figure at least. Maybe it’s somebody else I’m thinking of.

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    • mistermuse 6:49 pm on November 13, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Joseph, I’d like to think it’s me you’re thinking of, but I neither cut a great figure nor wear a bow tie. But now that I think about it, I suppose a bow tie beats a regular tie, if only because it saves material.

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