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  • mistermuse 8:53 am on October 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: fishing, , humot, joke, Monopoly, , thesaurus,   

    CAN’T GO WRONG WITH WRIGHT 

    After coming across the right-on Wright quote I used in my last post, I did a search for more and found that the first was no fluke. There’s no shortage of equally great stuff where that came from, which allows me not only to give Steven Wright his just due,  but to do a fun post without doing most of the work. That works for me every time.

    It seems he and I have a lot in common. Like me, Wright was raised Catholic, digs George Carlin & Woody Allen, thinks existential thoughts, and falls readily asleep while sitting. He does stand-up comedy, I do stand-up urinalogy. Here’s a sample of him doing his thing, followed by more Wright quotes:

    Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

    If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

    I installed a skylight in my apartment….the people who live above me are furious!

    There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

    I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.

    What’s another word for Thesaurus?

    I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

    There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

    My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

    I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

     
    • Don Frankel 8:33 am on October 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      He sounds little like Yogi if you stop to think about it.

      Like

    • mistermuse 9:25 am on October 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Berra or Bear? They both talk in sound “bites” – hahahahaha. (Sorry about that, Don.)

      Like

    • arekhill1 9:57 am on October 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      If a man has an opinion, but does not share it with his wife, is he still wrong?

      Like

    • mistermuse 10:35 am on October 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Good question. I’d ask my wife, but…..

      Like

  • mistermuse 3:05 pm on February 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: axioms, expressions, , , lightbulbs, , , , Seeing is believing, thesaurus, , turnips, ,   

    SO THEY SAY (PART THREE) 

    Time once again for another exciting episode of SO THEY SAY, so let’s get back to where Part Two left off, and continue putting the right slant on some questionable old axioms. My readers deserve nothing less, because….well, they just don’t.

    *****************************************************************************

    The best things in life are free.
    Nevertheless, donations are acccepted for this and all previous and future posts.

    She will talk to a wooden Indian.
    That’s why I keep a wooden Indian around the house.

    You can’t get blood out of a turnip.
    Try praying harder.

    The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
    Try praying harder, but only for small turnips. If they fall hard enough, the big turnips should bleed on their own.

    It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.
    Or, you could pay your electric bill or replace that burned-out bulb.

    Six of one, half dozen of another.
    The correct Jeopardy! answer is: How many Ricardos and Dons does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Seeing is believing.
    How true. I see much better now, after turning on the candle in the light socket.

    She can’t help being ugly, but she could’ve stayed home.
    Maybe she had to run out and buy a thesaurus.

    There’s no fool like an old fool.
    I prefer to think of it as being special.

    Say what you mean and mean what you say.
    But don’t be mean when you say it.

     
    • arekhill1 11:17 am on February 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Are you just checking if I’m reading, Sr. Muse? As a writer, I am capable of changing a lightbulb by myself, but only after it goes on an emotional journey.

      Like

    • Don Frankel 4:46 pm on February 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Since it takes 12 government employees to change a light bulb you can have both of us. Then you might need a few others as the 12 government employees would have a meeting to change the light bulb. That would not necessarily get the bulb changed. In which case you might be sitting in the dark until you lit a candle or hired a private contractor to change the light bulb.

      Like

    • mistermuse 5:01 pm on February 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Ricardo, would I ever doubt your loyalty? (Don’t answer that).

      Actually, you and Don were the unfortunate victims of desperation on my part with regard to “Six of one, half dozen of another.” Rejoinders to the other axioms came to me fairly readily, but try as I may, that one had me stumped until I thought of the old joke about how many Polacks does it take to change a lightbulb?

      Apologies to you, Don and any Polacks who may be tuned in.

      Like

    • Michaeline Montezinos 10:03 am on February 7, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I accept your apology since I knew you were jesting. My brother called me a “Polack,” and I was upset. Of course, he was in his cups and he is Polish, too. I enjoyed your revisions of these common mottoes or cliches. Please include me in future bulb changing episodes as I am not as sensitive as others can be and not easily offended. Funny stuff mistermuse. I always enjoy your writing. 🙂

      Like

    • mistermuse 4:48 pm on February 7, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks, Michaeline. I was almost hoping that you wouldn’t see my “Polack” explanation, as I remembered that you’re part Polish, and I didn’t want to offend, though I agree it shouldn’t offend. There are lots of jokes about drunken Irishmen, for example, but I’m not sensitive about them although I’m part Irish. Maybe it’s because Irishmen can laugh at themselves.

      Like

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