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  • mistermuse 3:28 pm on January 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , humor quotation, stupidity,   

    OXY-BEN GAP FILLER 

    In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
    –Benjamin Franklin

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    Fellow American History lovers, I hadn’t intended to post again until Ben Franklin’s birthday tomorrow, but in doing research for same, I came across the above quote which so smoothly bridges the space between Ben and the subject of my last post, I would be stupid to let it pass.

    What’s that you say — letting it pass wouldn’t make any difference? Fine. Just for that, I have a good mind….not to invite you back tomorrow for more Ben. But I forgive you. Meanwhile, while drinking water, remember to filter it through your teeth to strain out the bacteria. I wish I could say that also works for straining out stupidity, but no matter — in your case, it’s too late anyway. Hahahahaha.

     
    • Don Frankel 3:46 pm on January 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      In vino veritas. Ahh, you knew that was coming but I got here first.

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    • mistermuse 5:18 pm on January 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Don, luckily I own a little book titled LATIN FOR ALL OCCASIONS (Lingua Latina Occasionibus Omnibus), from which I chose the following more or less appropriate responses (English translations upon request):

      Hoc ei propinabo!
      Caupo! Etiamnunc!
      Re vera, potas bene.
      Nonne de Novo Eboraco venis?

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    • arekhill1 8:26 pm on January 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I’m pretty sure Ben had gone flying to the Big Kite in the Sky before the concept of bacteria was fully formulated, Sr. Muse. Now that’s he’s been misquoted by a normally reliable source (you), I tremble to think that he never said that thing about beer being proof that God loves us.

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      • Joseph Nebus 11:36 pm on January 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        I have to say, I was skeptical that Ben Franklin could bring a witty little line in at under 540 words. He was pithy for the time, but he was working in a time when everybody wrote like an end-user license agreement.

        Liked by 1 person

        • mistermuse 12:13 am on January 17, 2015 Permalink

          I was also surprised to find that Franklin quote, not as much for its brevity as for the humor of its wit. But I’m not a Franklin scholar, so perhaps that type of Franklin wit isn’t as rare as I thought. I’ll be checking out more quotes attributed to him for my Franklin birthday post after I get a good night’s sleep.

          Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 9:36 pm on January 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      You had me worried there for a minute, Ricardo, so I consulted my old friend Barney Google and found that bacteria were discovered in 1676 by Antoni Van Leeuwenhoek (I’m not familiar with him either, but then his name doesn’t exactly lend itself to easy memorization). Ben wasn’t born until 1706, so I guess I’m still a reliable source. Normally.

      As for the beer quote, it seems that it’s actually a misquote, though Ben did say something similar about wine. Either way, I’d say it’s proof of something.

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    • Michaeline Montezinos 10:10 pm on January 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      In the Old Testament of the Bible, (I am not going to look it up but I do remember the general idea,) David as a Canaaite warrior fighting the bad guys, wrote in the Psalms, that after a battle to “Give wine to the wounded and stronger drink to the dying.” (Don’t quote me; this is the gist of what he wrote.) i don’t think they had the means or the money to make beer since the Isrealites were always being enslaved by one stronger nation or another.

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      • Michaeline Montezinos 10:16 pm on January 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        mistermuse, you are correct in writing that Anton van Leeuwenhoek (1632-1723) discovered bacteria. He was a Dutch natualist and pioneer in microscopy. He was not taken seriously until “germaphobics ” began to sit on those contour couches in psychiatrists’ offices.

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    • mistermuse 11:56 pm on January 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I note that van Leeuwenhoek lived to age 90 (a ripe old age in those days, or even today), so he must have taken his microbiology seriously even when others didn’t.

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    • scifihammy 12:55 am on January 17, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Love the quote. Now I am busy straining bacteria through my teeth as I drink my coffee!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 8:00 am on January 17, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      You know it’s a great quote when you don’t notice incorrect grammar….or if you do, you realize the quote is perfect the way it is. I refer to the word “bacteria,” which is plural (for “bacterium”). Technically speaking, the quote should end “there ARE bacteria” — but then, it wouldn’t end well, and we all know all’s well that end’s well.

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  • mistermuse 11:43 am on January 14, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , stupidity,   

    OXY-MORONS 

    The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
    –Harlan Jay Ellison, writer

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    Don’t forget one part oxygen,
    because it’s gotta be the water.

     
    • linnetmoss 5:09 pm on January 14, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Great quote. I love Harlan Ellison!

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    • mistermuse 5:19 pm on January 14, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I love great quotes, not only for themselves, but “to jump off of.” If I can thereby make a little splash, all the better!

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      • Michaeline Montezinos 12:12 am on January 15, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        My Mom gave me a diary years ago that had great quotes on every day page. I did read them when times were challenging. The quotes inspired me; still have that book. Too bad I can’t swim but love to use them as a starting point in the marathon of writing. 🙂

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    • mistermuse 9:02 am on January 15, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I can’t swim either, but I still like to make that little splash I spoke of in my previous comment.

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    • arekhill1 8:27 pm on January 15, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      What order do they come in?

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    • mistermuse 9:57 pm on January 15, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I don’t know the order, but the ratio is H to O. Apparently, those who drink it religiously may become addicted to stupidity. It’s a fundamental problem.

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    • Don Frankel 7:08 am on January 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Oxy-moron, oxycodone, oxycontin all go best with a little water and maybe some Scotch. Take your pick.

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    • mistermuse 9:09 am on January 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Maybe I’d better stop equating drinking H2O with stupidity. After all, I drink the stuff, and my IQ is higher than I can count (is that funny, or am I stupid? — don’t answer that).

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  • mistermuse 12:11 am on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Barbara Boxer, , , George Gobel, , Gerald Ford, , , Marion Berry, , stupidity,   

    NO BRAINERS 

    February 27 is NO BRAINER DAY, the one day in the year which provides all the excuse I need to do a post requiring no intelligent writing on my part (as opposed to all those posts for which I had no excuse). This will be, in other words, a post of others’ words. I will, however, endeavor to be clever as ever by never resorting to quotes irrelevant to the subject of the day.

    The world is more like it is now than it has ever been before. -Dwight Eisenhower

    Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, “Thank God, I’m still alive.” But of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again. –Calif. Senator Barbara Boxer

    If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate. -former Washington D.C. Mayor Marion Berry

    More and more of our imports are coming from overseas. –George W. Bush

    A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer voters going to the polls. -Dan Quayle

    If it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching TV by candlelight. -George Gobel

    Ignorance has its virtues: without it, there would be mighty little conversation. -Evan Esar

    There is nothing so stupid as the educated man, if you get off the thing he was educated in. -Will Rogers

    The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. -Joe Theisman

    Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean. -Pedro Guerrero

    I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. –Winston Bennet

    Most ignorance is vincible ignorance: we don’t know because we don’t want to know. -Aldous Huxley

     
    • Don Frankel 6:49 am on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      At first I was thinking no Yogisms? But then Yogisms make sense when you think about them. Like “Some guys don’t like to swing on 3 and 0 because they swing.” But today is a day I can relate to and will enjoy. Because “You can’t hit and think at the same time.”

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    • mistermuse 7:43 am on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      In a way, these quotes make sense too if you think about them, otherwise they wouldn’t be funny. I would’ve included some Yogisms (and Goldwynisms), but I’ve already done posts on them on SWI. Whether they still exist or not, I haven’t checked, but maybe I’ll do so and, if they’ve been deleted, repeat them here (as best I can) when my brain can’t think of anything else to write about.

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    • arekhill1 3:25 pm on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Personally, I notice that I can only be wrong when I’m sure I’m right.

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      • mistermuse 6:30 pm on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        I think the same could be said of Tea Party members (except they never notice it).

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    • pat hagan 5:45 pm on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      There’s a lot of unintentionally funny stuff here, most of which I hadn’t heard or seen before. I imagine that you are well aware of this, but, just to be sure all are, Gobel, Esar, and Rogers were not being stupid… they were intentionally being clever and funny.

      Keep up the good work!

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    • mistermuse 6:37 pm on February 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Right, Pat. Of course, Aldous Huxley wasn’t being unintentionally funny either – in fact, he wasn’t being funny at all. That’s why I saved his quote for last, to end on a serious note.

      Thanks for your comment.

      Like

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