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  • mistermuse 2:59 pm on April 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: baccarat, blackjack, cards, , casinos, gambling, , , , , poker, , Steve Allen, Steven Wright,   

    WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE 

    Do you know what day it is today? Of course you do — April 5 is GO FOR BROKE DAY. “Going for broke,” I suppose, could be spun several ways, but as the subject of this post, it’s a day for the (w)ages. I’m putting my hard-earned money on gambling, and I’m betting that you”ll treasure these quotes on the subject. If not, they come with a funny-back guarantee, so what have you got to lose?

    There is an easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one. -Jack Yelton

    I like to play blackjack. I’m not addicted to gambling, I’m addicted to sitting in a semi-circle. -Mitch Hedberg

    Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. -Unknown

    Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -Steven Wright

    I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That’s how I lost my mind. -Steve Allen

    I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn’t come in until half-past five. -Henny Youngman

    I don’t gamble, because winning $100 doesn’t give me great pleasure. But losing $100 pisses me off. -Alex Trebeck

    Nobody has ever bet enough on a winning horse. -Richard Sasuly

    You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people. -Will Rogers

    Someone once asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage. -Gloria Steinem

    Money can be lost in more ways than won. -Evan Esar

    Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar, I would have stayed. -Mark Twain

    Of course, no discourse on gambling would be complete without this:

     
    • Don Frankel 5:23 pm on April 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      “Oh Monsieur Rick, Monsieur Rick.” The girl from Bulgaria.
      “He’s just a lucky guy.”

      Like

      • mistermuse 8:14 pm on April 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Love that scene, Don….and the previous one, and the next one, and every one..

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    • arekhill1 7:33 pm on April 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Duly noted, Sr. Muse. Do you happen to know when it will be “Go for Baroque Day?”

      Like

    • mistermuse 8:24 pm on April 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      If you’re referring to Barack’s older brother, Baroque Obama, I think his day is long past. Come to think of it, Barack’s days are dwindling down to a precious few too. Maybe Hillary will return the favor when she’s elected President and appoint him Secretary of State.

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    • Michaeline Montezinos 9:06 am on April 6, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      The one thing I learned in Las Vegas was how to roll quarters into the slot machines. This skill helped me when vending machines used to take small change. Now the soda pop and snack vendors only collect the green stuff. No fun trying to roll dollar bills into the slots and those darn macines won’t give you your change anyway.
      I am also waiting for a Baroque Day. I nominate April 20. Which is also the birthday of Adolph Hitler, who absolutely went Baroque trying to conquer Russia.

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    • mistermuse 10:58 am on April 6, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Now that you mention Hitler, I can’t think of one time in CASABLANCA that his name was mentioned. I wonder if that was a deliberate decision by the writers, not to pay him that “honor.”

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    • Michaeline Montezinos 6:38 pm on April 6, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      If I remember correctly mistermuse, I think that the mention of Hitler or any referemce to Nazism was deliberately omitted from the film CASABLANCA. One of my favorites also.

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 12:42 pm on April 7, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Michaeline, I’ve just watched CASABLANCA again, and I was mistaken about Hitler’s name not being mentioned. Near the beginning of the film, when Major Strasser arrives in Casablanca and is greeted by Captain Louis Renault, they exchange “Heil Hitler”s. But that is the only time, so I was close but no cigar.

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    • Michaeline Montezinos 5:48 pm on April 7, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      That was a long reach since the heil to Hitler was just a greeting. The film was finally released to theaters after many delays. It seems the beginning of World War II coincided with the making of CASABLANCA. I think Hollywood did not want to make create a movie that relied on the timeline of that war. which now makes the film fit in with any generation. It is timeless. Good attempt to correct your misgivings but no still cigar for you, mistermuse. ūüôā

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    • mistermuse 6:17 pm on April 7, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Well, I already said “close but no cigar” – so I’m not sure what you meant by that, Michaeline. In any case, the story of the making of CASABLANCA is interesting in itself, and no matter how many times I see the film, I never tire of watching it

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    • Michaeline Montezinos 7:20 pm on April 7, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I meant no harm and no foul, mistermuse. However, I did feel a bit overlooked when I wrote about “Hitler going for Baroque in trying to conquer Russia.” So, now I guess we are even and you were very close in deed by mentioning “Heil Hitler.” Most of us probably missed that greeting but you did catch it, so kudos to you! By the way I must admit that my birthday is also on April 20th. Hopefully I turned out better than aforementioned dictator.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 3:59 pm on April 8, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Michaeline, I often don’t congratulate readers like Ricardo & others on their witticisms (and vice versa) because I think there’s an understood appreciation of each other’s writing ability, and explicit praise seems unnecessary…even embarrassing or awkward. So take it as a compliment that I think your writing has reached a point where your “gems” no longer need (ap)praising. ūüôā

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    • M√©lanie 10:55 am on April 8, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Bogie and Claude Rains… “o tempora, o mores!” I still watch “Casablanca” called in French “film-culte”, each time it’s on a TV channel…

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 1:39 pm on April 8, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      In America, a cult film is generally regarded as a film with an extremely enthusiastic, but relatively limited, following. By that definition, CASABLANCA is too broadly popular to be considered “film-culte.” Personally, I like the term and think it suits almost any truly classic film, regardless of its mass appeal.

      Speaking of classic films, “o tempora, o mores” is spoken by the reporter (according to Wikipedia) in INHERIT THE WIND, the Spencer Tracy/Fredric March-starring drama based on the Scopes MonkeyTrial. I’ve seen that movie a few times but don’t recall hearing that classic phrase, so I’ll have to watch/listen for it the next time it’s on TV.

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  • mistermuse 10:35 am on January 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , conservatives, , , , , , , Steven Wright   

    BY GEORGE 

    In my October 8th post CAN’T GO WRONG WITH WRIGHT, I mentioned several affinities I share with stand-up comedian Steven Wright….such as we both dig Woody Allen and the late George Carlin (1937-2008). I’ve done several posts featuring Woody and/or his films, but nothing by George. Time to stand up for George.

    CARLIN (a Mark Twain Prize winner for American Humor) was probably best known for his comedy routines about taboo subjects such as his famous “seven dirty words you can’t say on television,” but I prefer his political and counterculture satire. He was born in Manhattan of Irish-Catholic parents (an ancestry to which I can relate). When he was two months old, they separated due to his father’s alcoholism (did I mention he was Irish?). George was Catholic, as he said, “until I reached the age of reason.”

    I won’t delve further into his background, as his life and career can be easily checked out on Google if interested. There is also an official website: http://www.georgecarlin.com/
    So, without further ado, let’s get to the good stuff — his humor:

    A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed 27 people, they say, “He was a loner.”¬† Well, of course, he was a loner; he killed everyone he came in contact with.

    Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

    Religion has convinced people there’s an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time.¬†But he loves you.¬†He loves you and he needs money.

    Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

    Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle.

    I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else.

    Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

    Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

    Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for.

    George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.

    Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?

    I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

    SOS.

     
    • arekhill1 11:05 am on January 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Ah, George! Always thought he was too mean to die, then he up and proved me wrong.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 1:08 pm on January 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Let’s hope he went up, and not down below. Too bad he was cremated – if he’d chosen burial, I bet he’d have come up with a great one-liner for his headstone.

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    • ladysighs 11:21 am on January 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Truly my favorite comedienne! I can laugh at his words over and over again. Thanks for the post. ūüôā

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 1:22 pm on January 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Pardon my perverted sense of humor, but I never saw him in drag (comedienne?)! Anyway, I appreciate your comment, and I’ll try to be resist such a dig in the future. ūüôā

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    • mistermuse 2:34 pm on January 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      P.S. Click on ladysighs’ blog if you appreciate squirrels. Jan. 21 is their day, and I was considering doing an appropriate post before deciding nut to – make that NOT to….which worked out well because ladysighs went squirrely today and saved me the trouble.

      Like

    • Michaeline Montezinos 7:09 pm on January 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I am reticent to make a comment, mistermuse, since you have already said Ladysighs “went squirely” today. Otherwise I agree that George Carlin was quite funny in his satire and one of my favorite comedians.

      Like

    • mistermuse 8:34 pm on January 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Unfortunately, I’m cursed with an aversion to making generic comments or replies. I admit that “customizing” runs a risk of seeming to try too hard to be funny, so maybe I should offer double my funny back to unsatisfied customers. Or I could just say I have the best, most understanding readers in the world, such as yourself, Michaeline (and ladysighs).

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    • Don Frankel 5:57 am on January 22, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I saw him in a nightclub once. Very, very funny man. First thing I thought of when I saw his name here was. “Tonight’s forecast dark…”

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    • mistermuse 9:02 am on January 22, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      There are a lot of stand-up comedians out there, but in my opinion, few, if any, top Carlin and Steven Wright.

      Like

    • tref 2:49 am on July 31, 2020 Permalink | Reply

      Reading all your “George” posts.

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 8:53 am on October 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: fishing, , humot, joke, Monopoly, Steven Wright, ,   

    CAN’T GO WRONG WITH WRIGHT 

    After¬†coming across the¬†right-on Wright quote I used in my last post, I¬†did a search for¬†more and¬†found that¬†the¬†first¬†was no fluke. There’s no shortage of equally great stuff¬†where that came from, which allows me not only to¬†give¬†Steven Wright¬†his just due,¬†¬†but to¬†do a fun post¬†without doing most of the work. That works for me every time.

    It seems¬†he and I have a lot in common. Like me,¬†Wright¬†was raised Catholic,¬†digs George Carlin &¬†Woody Allen, thinks existential thoughts,¬†and falls readily¬†asleep¬†while sitting.¬†He does stand-up comedy, I¬†do¬†stand-up urinalogy. Here’s a sample of him doing his thing, followed by more Wright quotes:

    Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

    If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

    I installed a skylight in my apartment….the people who live above me are furious!

    There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

    I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.

    What’s another word for Thesaurus?

    I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

    There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

    My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises¬†he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

    I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

     
    • Don Frankel 8:33 am on October 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      He sounds little like Yogi if you stop to think about it.

      Like

    • mistermuse 9:25 am on October 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Berra or Bear? They both talk in sound “bites” – hahahahaha. (Sorry about that, Don.)

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    • arekhill1 9:57 am on October 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      If a man has an opinion, but does not share it with his wife, is he still wrong?

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    • mistermuse 10:35 am on October 9, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Good question. I’d ask my wife, but…..

      Like

  • mistermuse 5:15 am on October 6, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: abstract art, abstract expressionism, , minimalism, , , Steven Wright   

    THE ART OF ABSTRACT EXPRESSIONISM 

    I’ve been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract.
    No brush, no paint, no canvas. I just think about it.
    –Steven Wright, humorist

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *¬†* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Fellow poets and poetasters, what’s¬†Wright for the palette is¬†right for the poem:

     

     

     

    –mistermuse, minimalist

     
    • Don Frankel 7:10 am on October 6, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I always say it is extremely important that we abstract. But it doesn’t mean we have to do anything about it.

      Like

    • mistermuse 8:39 am on October 6, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Nonetheless, I dig your comment, Don.

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    • arekhill1 9:45 am on October 6, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I’m drawing a blank. Right here.

      Like

    • mistermuse 12:33 pm on October 6, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      It’s looking good, Ricardo….in fact, I’d say it compares favorably with mine. We should open a gallery and charge omission.

      Like

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