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  • mistermuse 12:00 am on August 22, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, , Gottfried Leibniz, , Paris Hilton, , Samuel Goldwyn, , ,   

    HOW TO MAKE A WORLD OF (NON)SENSE 

    If you cannot read these directions and warnings, do not use this product. –WARNING ON DRAIN CLEANER LABEL

    What’s Walmart? Do like they sell wall stuff? –Paris Hilton

    I believe I’ve been reincarnated because every time I eat chicken, I eat with my hands….like they did in the olden days. –Lee Ryan, English singer/actor

    I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. –Arnold Schwarzenegger

    Just remember the words of Patrick Henry: “Kill me or let me live.” –Bill Peterson, football coach

    I don’t think anybody should write his autobiography until after he’s dead. –Samuel Goldwyn

    It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it. –George W. Bush

    [Who was President during the Civil War?] Ummm…. Winston Churchill? I wasn’t around then, so who cares? –Tommy Lee, rocker

    Predictions are difficult, especially about the future. –Yogi Berra

    I guess I’m gonna fade into Bolivian. –Mike Tyson, boxer (after losing his last big fight)

    I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist. –Tara Reid, actress (suggesting Jessica was stoned?)

    [This world is] the best of all possible worlds. –Gottfried Leibniz, German philosopher

    REALLY? That makes a world of sense to me….if our soul competition is the worst of all possible worlds. –mistermuse

     
    • Garfield Hug 2:09 am on August 22, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Great collection of (NON)SENSE😂👍

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 7:32 am on August 22, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        The first one (WARNING ON DRAIN CLEANER LABEL) sounds like one I might have ‘unwittingly’ stolen from your blog. If not, you’re welcome to add it to your ‘collection.’ 🙂

        Like

    • Edmark M. Law 5:39 am on August 22, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      It’s deja vu all over again. I just read some of these earlier 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 7:39 am on August 22, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      To paraphrase an old proverb, you can never get too much of a laughable thing (until it’s no longer laughable). 😦

      Like

    • Richard A Cahill 10:24 am on August 22, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I love warning labels, Sr. Muse. My favorite was on the manual for a cultivator I rented. It quite clearly stated YOU WILL BE KILLED if the directions weren’t followed.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 11:15 am on August 22, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        That sounds a bit harsh, Ricardo. I would choose a cultivator that promises no worse than a lost arm or leg.

        Like

    • MC Clark 4:32 pm on August 23, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks for the laughs. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 7:27 pm on August 23, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I’m late to the game here. I’m on a Jury. Of course I can’t tell anyone about the case but everyone is free to use their imagination and their common sense.

      But back to this article could we say that if it wasn’t for nonsense some people would have no sense at all?

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 9:18 pm on August 23, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Don, when it comes to the kind of nonsense that isn’t funny, I don’t have a prayer of being as magnanimous as Robert Frost: “Forgive me my nonsense as I also forgive the nonsense of those who think they talk sense.”

        Liked by 1 person

    • Mark Scheel 10:39 pm on August 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Muse–don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Reminds me of Leno’s Jay-Walking episodes. Heaven help us–that’s all the hope left.

      Mark

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 4:27 pm on August 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Maybe I should’ve subtitled this post ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE (compliments of Dante’s DIVINE COMEDY).

        Like

    • Mél@nie 3:40 pm on August 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      EXCELLENT post, comme d’habitude… 🙂

      • * *

      @”It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.”(George W. Bush) – oh, yeah, I do recall his “high” intelligence… we used to say about him – free translation:”he hasn’t invented hot water or the butter knife!” 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • mistermuse 4:40 pm on August 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Mél@nie, I don’t know about your country, but most Americans who had a low opinion of President Bush think he looks pretty good now, compared to The Donald. Many of us with a nostalgic bent even look back on that time as “the good old days.” 😦

        Like

    • loshame 12:56 pm on August 31, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I like it 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 12:01 am on February 24, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Christopher Marlowe, , , , , Patrick Henry, , Samuel Goldwyn, , , , , ,   

    MISTER MUSE AND MISS QUOTES 

    I have made it a rule that whenever I say something stupid, I immediately attribute it to Dr. Johnson, Marcus Aurelius or Dorothy Parker. –George Mikes, British author

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Fellow and female Americans: In case you’re not old enough — as I am — to remember the Father of our Country, George Birthington’s washday was February 22nd. OK, I admit that after all these years, I may have a hard time recalling names and certain words correctly, but what does it matter? As Christopher Shakespeare (or was it William Marlowe) famously wrote, a ruse by any other name would smell anyway.

    Anyway, my point is that quotes may frequently get mis-attributed, but Miss Attributed couldn’t care less, so why should we? Well, I’ll tell you why — because we’re righters, that’s why, and we righters deserve credit where credit is dubious. Therefore, with the aid of my busty — I mean, trusty — aide, Miss Quotes, the objective here was to do an extensive investigation into the subjective and dig up our quota of misquotes (our quota being whenever we decided to quit) . You are now about to be the beneficiary of our research, which we bent over backwards to have ready for this post (just to make it a bit more fun, I’ll throw in a few correctly-attributed quotes; can you pick them out of the pack?):

    1. “I cannot tell a lie.” –George Washington
    2. “Give me liberty, or give me death.”  –Patrick Henry  
    3. “The British are brave people. They can face anything except reality.” –George Mikes
    4. “Anybody who hates dogs and children can’t be all bad.” –W.C. Fields
    5. “Our comedies are not to be laughed at.” –Samuel Goldwyn
    6. “I never said most of the things I said.” –Yogi Berra
    7. “Let them eat cake.” –Marie-Antoinette
    8. “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics.” –Mark Twain
    9. “Elementary, my dear Watson.” –Sherlock Holmes (in the stories of A. Conan Doyle)
    10. “I am the greatest!” –The Donald

    Here are the misattributions:

    1. The quote itself is a lie. An Anglican minister, Mason Locke, ascribed it to our first President in his pietistic biography of Washington as part of the made-up ‘Who chopped down the cherry tree’ story: “I can’t tell a lie, Pa; I did cut it with my hatchet.”
    2. Possibly another biographical fiction, though not as clear-cut as the cherry tree story. Biographer Wm. Wirt based his attribution on the memory of two Henry contemporaries. The phrase resembles a passage from CATO, a 1713 play written by Joseph Addison.
    4. Actually said by humor writer Leo Rosten in introducing Fields at a dinner.
    5. An old Hollywood gag, not said (at least originally) by Goldwyn.
    7. By all accounts, Marie-Antoinette never uttered those words. Several years before she supposedly said them, they appeared in Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s THE CONFESSIONS.
    8. Although Twain used this quote in his autobiography, he credited it to Benjamin Disraeli.
    9. Doyle never put those words in the great detective’s mouth in any of his four novels and 56 short stories about Holmes between 1887-1927.  It was actor Basil Rathbone, playing Holmes in the late 1930s-1940s, who spoke those words and made them famous.
    10. Donald Trump may think it, but it was Muhammad Ali who said it.

    As a bonus, I leave you with this quote:

     

     

     

     
    • mistermuse 12:04 am on February 24, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      NOTE: By virtue of February having less than 30 days (even in this year of the leap), my post-every-fifth-day schedule is doomed to run into “the best laid plans of mice and men” by the end of the month. Thus, my last Feb. post will be on the 29th, and I’ve opted to move this post up to Feb. 24.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Joseph Nebus 1:37 am on February 24, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Coincidentally, the old Roman calendar treated the 24th as the leap day. That is, in a leap year, they had two days that were both what we’d call the 24th of February. This sounds confusing, but it’s honestly better than what they had before, which was to in some years stick a whole extra month in between the 24th and 25th of February.

        Anyway, point being, having a post on the 24th so that you have a post timed for Leap Day works nicely. Somehow.

        Liked by 2 people

    • Don Frankel 8:56 am on February 24, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I knew that was Ali at the end there as I’m not only old enough to remember but I know Trump said. “It’s huge.” Which is now being pronounced as Yyyyuge. But it might get miss quoted or I might be miss quoting as Bernie Sanders also says Yyyuge as does Larry David and well most of us here in New York City.

      My favorite miss quote is General Sherman’s. “War is all hell.” He didn’t say it but when he found out he said it, he kept saying it, till he said it.

      Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 10:44 am on February 24, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      “When in trouble, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.” That’s my favorite quote. Google can’t really tell us its origin, although some people attribute it to the neo-Nazi science fiction author Robert Heinlein.

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 11:25 am on February 24, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Don, when Trump said “It’s huge,” I thought he was referring to his ego (or the unbelievable gullibility of his followers).
      Good comment about Sherman. He certainly turned Atlanta into hell when he burned it.

      Liked by 3 people

    • mistermuse 11:33 am on February 24, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I like the quote, Ricardo….though I must admit I haven’t heard it before and don’t know who said it. It couldn’t have been The Donald, because he’s never in doubt about anything (& wouldn’t admit it if he was).

      Liked by 2 people

    • Mél@nie 11:08 am on February 27, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      over here, in “old Europe”, we just can’t imagine the fair-wigged ignorant racist as the POTUS!!! same for ted cruz(doesn’t deserve capitals!!!)

      • * *

      oh, it seems that Marie-Antoinette never stated that sentence… it’s been invented, as the French people didn’t like “the snobbish Austrian waster”… 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • tomorrowdefinitely 1:51 pm on March 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Nice one! I especially like the quote at the top 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • Mark Scheel 12:40 am on June 16, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      mistermuse,
      Now that was educational. I knew only a few for certain. Makes you wonder if anybody ever really says anything! Ha.

      Mark

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 7:20 am on June 16, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Mark, all my posts are educational — even those expose that, unlike quote #10, I’m not the greatest (just the 3rd greatest, behind The Donald and Muhammad Ali). 😦 😦 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • dbmoviesblog 12:16 pm on August 25, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Thought-provoking post. The number nine made me smile because most people will swear they read it in the novel haha. I kinda always hoped that people know that the quote “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics” belongs to Disraeli, and I also know that there are so many things that Marie-Antoinette allegedly said which are not just not true. The whole French Revolution seems to have a bunch of slogans and quotes which were simply made up afterwards to heighten the effect.

      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 3:30 am on June 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Andrew Greely, , , Josef Stalin, , , Samuel Goldwyn,   

    WOULD THAT IT WERE SO 

    I found that there is only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.  –Rodney Dangerfield

    God Himself could not sink this ship.  –Deckhand on the Titanic

    I see no good reasons why the views given in this volume should shock the religious sensibilities of anyone.  –Charles Darwin, preamble to THE ORIGIN OF SPECIES

    Moral systems are devised not to make life difficult, not to forbid pleasure, but to protect human beings from other human beings.  –Rev. Andrew Greeley

    I tell you, cocaine isn’t habit forming. I know, because I’ve been taking it for years.  –Tallulah Bankhead

    Live and learn.  –Old proverb

    I think we agree, the past is over.  –George W. Bush (to John McCain)

    I often think how much easier the world would have been to manage if Herr Hitler and Signor Mussolini had been to Oxford.  —Lord Halifax

    Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union.  –Josef Stalin

    Once you’ve seen one ghetto, you’ve seen them all.  –Spiro Agnew, former Governor and Vice President

    It’s so bad being homeless in winter. They should buy a plane ticket and go somewhere hot like the Caribbean where they can eat free fish all day.  –Lady Victoria Harvey

    We shall never make war except for peace.  —President William McKinley

    I thank you for your very kind attention from the bottom of my post.  –mistermuse

     

     

     

     

     

     
    • Don Frankel 6:55 am on June 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      “You can observe a lot just by watching.” Yogi.

      I think on the past I’ll stick with Faulkner not that W didn’t say some memorable things. “The past is never dead. It’s not even the past.”

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:18 am on June 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      You can’t go wrong with Yogi (Berra, for those who don’t know & can’t Berra not to). Love the Faulkner quote too.

      Like

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