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  • mistermuse 12:00 am on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Balzac, , , , , , , , , Rodney Dangerfield, , wedding anniversary,   

    MARRIAGE TO A-MUSE 

    Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? –Groucho Marx

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    My wife and I celebrated our 48th wedding anniversary yesterday. You may think that, unlike the 50th, a 48th wedding anniversary is no big deal — and I wouldn’t disagree. But, being in need of an idea for this post, I wasn’t about to look a gift source in the mouth; thus, yesterday’s anniversary became my inspiration to write about….divorce.

    Ha ha — just kidding (my wife might kill me if I were serious). This post will, of course, be about MARRIAGE….a fate which, as fates go, beats being killed (almost) any day. Ha ha ha. Just kidding again! Lest there be any doubt concerning my true feelings about marriage:

    Yes, just as in the song, ask the local gentry, and they will say it’s elementary. But why stop with the local gentry? I believe my readers are nothing if not broad minded:

    Marriage is the most licentious of human institutions — that is the secret of its popularity. –George Bernard Shaw

    Getting married, like getting hanged, is a great deal less dreadful than it has been made out. –H. L. Mencken

    It’s no disgrace for a woman to make a mistake in marrying — every woman does it. –Ed Howe

    A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. –Michel de Montaigne

    Marriage is like paying an endless visit in your worst clothes. –J. B. Priestley

    When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. –Prince Philip

    Marriage is a feminine plot to add to a man’s responsibilities and subtract from his rights. –Evan Esar

    Before marriage, a man declares he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his paper to talk to you. –Helen Rowland

    The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. –Honore de Balzac

    I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. –Rodney Dangerfield

    Ha ha ha ha….I mean, Yes, dear — I’m listening. Seriously.

     

     
    • painkills2 12:13 am on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      48 years is quite an accomplishment… for your wife. 😀

      Liked by 3 people

    • Carmen 7:53 am on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Congrats to both of you! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • linnetmoss 8:23 am on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Congratulations to you both! I have noticed that the Irish love mordant jokes about marriage:
      An Irishman surprised his wife and her lover in the act.
      He grabbed a pistol and pointed it at his head, which made his wife burst out laughing.
      “What do you think you’re laughing at,” he cried, “you’re next.”

      Liked by 2 people

    • arekhill1 10:19 am on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Lucky you, Sr. Muse. If you added my years of marriage to yours, you’d be at 50 exactly.

      Like

      • mistermuse 1:03 pm on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Lucky indeed, Ricardo….apropos of which, here is an appropriate song (from the same film featured in my previous post):

        Liked by 1 person

    • Mary Cathleen Clark 11:48 am on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Congratulations…48 years is quite an accomplishment.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Don Frankel 4:03 pm on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Congratulations to you and Mrs. Muse and as you just pointed out, you remembered it.

      Like

      • mistermuse 4:47 pm on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, Don. At my age, it’s no small thing to remember small things (or, sometimes, even large ones).

        Liked by 1 person

    • Cynthia Jobin 5:28 pm on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I’m never sure if a marriage is an accomplishment, but yours certainly has been long. Warmest wishes as you celebrate!

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 6:17 pm on September 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks, Cynthia. Some say you have to work to make marriage work, so in that sense, I guess it is an accomplishment (though I don’t think of it as work!). 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Jane 4:56 am on September 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Congratulations on surviving 48 years! 😉 There are some ripper quotes there and I’m looking forward to using them myself on occasion. Thanks for the laughs! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 7:25 am on September 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you, Jane. One of my favorite tasks in writing posts such as this is doing the research and choosing about ten ‘killer’ quotes (those which, paradoxically, are the “surviving” finalists from the hundreds available). 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Garfield Hug 9:13 am on September 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Congratulations mistermuse to you and yours!! Diamond anniversary is around the corner…so plan a big party and a great gift for Mrs😊

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 11:08 am on September 17, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Well, first I’ve got to make it to our Golden (50th) Anniversary! 🙂 As for a great gift for the Mrs., I’m thinking what could be better than a furball Garfield? My bank account tells me a diamond wouldn’t be appropriate until our Diamond (60th) Anniversary….ha ha.

      Like

    • Mél@nie 12:23 pm on September 18, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      admiration and respect, Sir… send you my very best: health, joy, love and long life together… sincerely, Mélanie NB

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 4:30 pm on September 18, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you, Mél@nie — my best to you as well.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Belle Papillon 24/7 8:55 am on September 27, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Wow! Some people are blessed to meet that one person who will complement them and are willing to work on the marriage no matter what. Congratulations to you both and I wish you the best.

      How I wish I was fortunate enough… but I have given up on that institution.
      I have accepted the fact that I’m a frog picker so I will shy away from that and say never again.

      Namaste!

      ❤ BP

      Liked by 2 people

    • mistermuse 1:14 pm on September 27, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      The old saying “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” may be an iffy proposition when it comes to marriage, but as one who got it right the first time, who am I to judge? So I will shy away from “never again” as an absolute….but if that’s what it’s come to in your case, more power to you! 🙂

      Like

  • mistermuse 12:30 am on November 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , home, , , Rodney Dangerfield, , , Wm. Hazlitt   

    HOME IS WHERE THE OLD FART IS 

    No doubt you’ve heard this old familiar saying:

    Home is where the heart is. -Pliny the Elder

    As much as I loved to travel (50 U.S. states & 9 foreign countries) in my pre-Elder days, home, even then, was where the heart is; it was always good to return home and get back to work (well, at least, to return home). Although those days are now beyond return, being a senior homebody has its own pleasures….not the least of which is having time to reflect on what the hell the world is all about. Of course, I am far from the first to think along these lines:

    I should like to spend the whole of my life traveling, if I could borrow another life to spend at home. -William Hazlitt

    A man’s home is his castle. -Sir Edward Coke

    A girl phoned me the other day and said, “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home. -Rodney Dangerfield 

    Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. -Henny Youngman

    A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. -Charles Spurgeon (perhaps referring to political attack ads)

    The cool thing about being famous is traveling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff. -Britney Spears

    Never go on trips with anyone you do not love. -Ernest Hemingway

    Home is heaven for beginners. -Charles Henry Parkhurst

    There’s no place like home plate. -mistermuse, batting for Yogi Berra

    There’s no place like home. -Judy Garland:

     
    • arekhill1 1:06 am on November 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Was that Pliny the Elder? I thought it was Dale Evans.

      Like

      • mistermuse 7:36 am on November 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        Lucky for me, it was Pliny the Elder, because “in my pre-Evans days” (post’s next sentence) wouldn’t have made much sentence – er, sense.

        Like

    • ladysighs 6:18 am on November 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      ” Of course, I am far from the first to think along these lines”
      They are good lines no matter who thought of them. 🙂
      And worth repeating. Thank you!

      Like

    • Don Frankel 1:56 pm on November 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I was just reminiscing with my Cousin about the Wizard of Oz, one of the all time great movies.

      Just remember when you are at home plate, “You can’t think and hit at the same time.” And if you get a 3 and 0 count. “Some guys don’t like to swing on a 3 and 0 pitch, because they swing.” Both Yogisms.

      Like

    • Don Frankel 1:56 pm on November 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Oh yeah and this Sir Edmund Coke here, is he one of those Coke brothers we hear about?

      Like

    • mistermuse 6:15 pm on November 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I learned after Googling Sir Edmund Coke that his last name is pronounced “Cook,” as in too many Cooks spoil the stupid. Speaking of spoiled and stupid, what are we to make of that Britney Spears quote? OK, I’ll be nice – she just isn’t well edumacated.

      Like

    • Michaeline Montezinos 7:17 pm on November 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I love to buy hats of all kinds. I also like to travel. So to me, “Where I hang my hat is home.”

      Like

    • mistermuse 8:34 pm on November 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Then you should love this, Michaeline:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pe0x_QHUwdA

      Like

    • Michaeline Montezinos 6:30 pm on November 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you, mistermuse, for having Barbra sing to me that song. I also listened to the one she sang from “Color me Barbra.” I liked both of them. 🙂

      Like

    • mistermuse 8:37 pm on November 5, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      You’re welcome, Michaeline. For the record, “Anyplace I Hang My Hat Is Home” was composed by Harold Arlen, with lyrics by Johnny Mercer.

      Like

  • mistermuse 11:02 pm on June 12, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: 13, computers, females, Friday the 13th, , Rodney Dangerfield, , , wine women and song,   

    WINE, WOMEN, AND SONY 

    What do alcoholfemales and electronics have in common, you ask? I thank you for asking, as that just happens to be what I was about to write about (while I’m sober).

    The answer to that question, if you must know, is that all three facets of it have the inherent property of being able to confuse me if indulged in excessively. Correction — with the last two of the troika, even the least interaction has the potential, at their whim and discretion, to turn me into a quivering paroxysm of bumfuzzlement (a word which, for those ingrates who don’t make it their business to follow me faithfully, you will find defined in my previous post).

    Now, you take my wife — please! Ha ha ha (I bet that Rodney Dangerfield, if he were still alive, would wish he’d thought of that one). I love my wife as much as any man, which might impress you more if I were bisexual….but the point is that my wife is a woman, which doesn’t always work to my advantage. For instance, if I (perish the thought)  or any man should take his beloved for granted when he wants food or sex on demand, she may get the mistaken impression that he’s an insensitive boor who thinks only of himself. But enough about her.

    Now take electronics — specifically, computers. Like females (which computers probably are), they seem to have minds of their own, can immediately and irretrievably dismiss my most brilliant postulations if I touch the wrong button, and they have no conception of, or sympathy for, the unfairness of it all. Furthermore, certain computer alternations seem to live in different time zones.

    For example, suppose I were writing a post about Friday the 13th which, being a logical man, I might wish to publish on Friday the 13th. So here it is, just before midnight on Thursday the 12th, and the time at the bottom of my computer screen nears 11:59 PM. So I wait until midnight — even one minute after, to be safe —  and click “Publish,” but is my post dated the 13th? Of course not — in that alternation, it’s 11:01 PM –still June 12, and my post bears that date instead of June 13.

    Now, if computers were like high-rises which often skip from the 12th to the 14th floor without committing building code violations (or collapsing), I might be able to overlook such high-handed treatment. But my computer is no taller than a breadbox, and in any case, I doubt that it’s superstitious. Obviously, this leaves me with but one choice.

    I give up.

     

     

     
    • Don Frankel 4:19 am on June 13, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Muse there is definitely an evil spirit in my computer who can wipe out whole paragraphs on a whim. He can only be combated by persistence, patience and the frequent use of the word “mutherf*cker’.

      If we say it is the 13th, then it is the 13th.

      Like

    • mistermuse 6:37 am on June 13, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Don, this being Friday the 13th, it is fortunate that you use the short version of your first name, because if you go by the number of letters in Donald Frankel, things might not go well for you today. Let us hope that our friend Ricardo Cahill realizes the chance he’s taking if he doesn’t do something about his name today. Fortunately, he has a number of suitable options: Rico Cahill, Ricardo Molehill, Ricardo Camountain – which I’m sure he will appreciate my bringing to his attention.

      Like

    • arekhill1 10:02 am on June 13, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I always can use my preferred nickname, ¨Chill,¨ which as bestowed on me by telemarketers in a hurry to pronounce ¨Cahill.¨I´m making my annual trip to Mexico anyway, where I am inevitably addressed as ¨Meester Richard,¨since ¨Cahill¨is apparently very difficult to pronounce for Spanish-speakers. Only fair, since many, many of their words are unpronounceable for me.

      Like

    • mistermuse 3:56 pm on June 13, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I wish you hadn’t disclosed your preferred nickname, Chill, because I’ve grown so accustomed to Ricardo that I just can’t relate to you as “Chill” (maybe if your photo pictured you with a cold one in your hand, it would help me to make the connection – or to call you “Meester Cerveza”).

      Have a happy Mexico.

      Like

  • mistermuse 3:30 am on June 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Andrew Greely, , , Josef Stalin, , Rodney Dangerfield, ,   

    WOULD THAT IT WERE SO 

    I found that there is only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.  –Rodney Dangerfield

    God Himself could not sink this ship.  –Deckhand on the Titanic

    I see no good reasons why the views given in this volume should shock the religious sensibilities of anyone.  –Charles Darwin, preamble to THE ORIGIN OF SPECIES

    Moral systems are devised not to make life difficult, not to forbid pleasure, but to protect human beings from other human beings.  –Rev. Andrew Greeley

    I tell you, cocaine isn’t habit forming. I know, because I’ve been taking it for years.  –Tallulah Bankhead

    Live and learn.  –Old proverb

    I think we agree, the past is over.  –George W. Bush (to John McCain)

    I often think how much easier the world would have been to manage if Herr Hitler and Signor Mussolini had been to Oxford.  —Lord Halifax

    Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union.  –Josef Stalin

    Once you’ve seen one ghetto, you’ve seen them all.  –Spiro Agnew, former Governor and Vice President

    It’s so bad being homeless in winter. They should buy a plane ticket and go somewhere hot like the Caribbean where they can eat free fish all day.  –Lady Victoria Harvey

    We shall never make war except for peace.  —President William McKinley

    I thank you for your very kind attention from the bottom of my post.  –mistermuse

     

     

     

     

     

     
    • Don Frankel 6:55 am on June 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      “You can observe a lot just by watching.” Yogi.

      I think on the past I’ll stick with Faulkner not that W didn’t say some memorable things. “The past is never dead. It’s not even the past.”

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:18 am on June 8, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      You can’t go wrong with Yogi (Berra, for those who don’t know & can’t Berra not to). Love the Faulkner quote too.

      Like

  • mistermuse 2:43 pm on October 5, 2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , Rodney Dangerfield   

    WITH RESPECT TO RODNEY 

    Rodney “I get no respect” Dangerfield died on this day (Oct. 5) in 2004. Now that’s a comedian I can relate to, the more the years pile on me. As the English novelist and playwright J. B. Priestley once said, “There was no respect for youth when I was young, and now that I am old, there is no respect for age — I missed it coming and going.”

    Well, better “late” than never, Rodney. I respect you, and I can think of no better way to show it than with these Dangerfield dandies:

    Some dog I got. We call him Egypt. In every room he leaves a pyramid.

    My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

    I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice — I don’t know if I’m coming or going.

    When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

    I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

    I had so many pimples as a kid, one day I fell asleep at the library and when I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

    I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

    I close with this (click the following): Rodney’s classic stand-up comedy routines.

     
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