CONFUCIUS, PRO AND CON

Yesterday, Sept. 29, was CONFUCIUS DAY. Confucius say: Mistermuse perfect pundit to write Sept. 30 CONFUCIUS DAY post because he always a day late and a yuan* short. Mistermuse say: I not a day late, Confucius Day a day too soon — besides, everyone know yuan is actually Spanish/Latino name (as in Don Juan), not Chinese. Latinos say: Whatever. Just don’t Confuci-us with the Japanese, who have the yen. Anyway, before yuan thing lead to another, what counts is the way we Americans say it: “A day late and a dollar short.”  USA! USA! USA!

*Chinese currency

Now that we’ve cleared that up, let us get down to the business at hand, which happens to be a selection of profound proverbs by Confucius, followed by an equal proportion of proverbial conclusions by Contrarius (which happens to be the pun name of Anonymous).

Choose a job that you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.
To see and listen to the wicked is already the beginning of wickedness.
He who speaks without modesty will find it difficult to make words good.
Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.
The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell.

Man who stand on toilet may be high on pot.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Passionate kiss like spider web: leads to undoing of fly.
People who eat too many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion.

THE END (and not a moment too soon)

 

 

 

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SAY WHAT?

When I make use of old sayings or adages (such as the title of my last post, DOLLARS TO DOUGH-NUTS), I sometimes hesitate to do so because I’ve observed that (unlike my generation)  many people these days don’t know them….which, in turn, means that the reader probably “doesn’t get it” and my wordplay didn’t work. You might claim that’s because my generation was around when most of these old sayings originated, so naturally I’m familiar with them. Very funny.

DOLLARS TO DOUGHNUTS, for example, is a 19th century pseudo-betting phrase implying short odds (dollars are valuable but doughnuts aren’t), as in this sentence in a February 1876 Nevada newspaper: Whenever you hear any resident of a community attempting to decry the local paper…it’s dollars to doughnuts that such a person is either mad at the editor, or is owing the office for subscription or advertising.

Well, I’ve got news for you — I wasn’t around in 1876, but I still knew the phrase. How familiar are you with old sayings such as these (just to make it interesting, all but one of the following have a slightly altered word or two; if you can make the appropriate corrections, I’ll admit that you came up smelling like a tokus — I mean, like a rose):

1. A bird in the hand is worth two in the blue.
2. It ain’t over, still the fat lady sings.
3. It’s all over but the shooting.
4. The best laid plans of mice and men oft go oy vey.
5. A stitch in time saves a dime.

6. A picture is worth a thousand turds.
7. All good things come to those who can’t wait.
8. All is fair in love and divorce.
9. Behind every Dodge Stratus there’s a Silverado.
10. Better late than whatever.

11. He who hesitates is last.
12. Neither rhyme nor treason.
13. Blood is thicker than liquor.
14. Don’t change houses in the middle of the storm.
15. No rest for the wicked.

And now, if you’ll pardon me, it’s time for my nap.

 

 

 

 

REIGNING CATS & DOGS TODAY

According to a recent article in the Cincinnati Enquirer, “Frank, a cat, lay sick as a dog” and “in critical need of care”at a local boarding kennel a few years ago, while the cat’s owners were out of the country. They could not be reached, so the kennel’s owner rushed Frank to a 24-hour facility “which is like the Mayo Clinic for animals” instead of his regular veterinarian.

The “Mayo Clinic” saved Frank (so-named after Ol’ Blue Eyes, Frank Sinatra), but when his owners returned home and went to pick him up, the bill was $2,600+ more than their regular vet would’ve charged. Long story short, owners hired attorney, sued kennel owner. Case finally comes to a hearing January 2015. Verdict: kennel had acted reasonably. Frank’s owners not only lost the case, they lost Frank, who had died in the meantime. They now have a dog.

What am I make to of all this? Another post about old sayings and proverbs, of course….but limited to cats and dogs — though human readers are welcome to tag along too. This being a pet-friendly site, there will be some doggone purrfect quotes but no trick sayings thrown in (as was the case in my Jan. 23 post GEORGE (STILL) ON MY MIND). Today, cats and dogs reign!

The dog may be wonderful prose, but only the cat is poetry. –French proverb

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. —Jeff Valdez

Cats were put into the world to disprove the dogma that all things were created to serve man. –Paul Gray

No mater how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. —Abraham Lincoln (who apparently didn’t feel free to say the same of humans)

The cat loves fish, but is loath to wet her feet. –English proverb

The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something that can be learned in no other way. —Mark Twain

You own a dog but you feed a cat. –Jenny de Vries

A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself and does a damned impressive job of it. –Joseph Epstein

In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. –Dereke Bruce

The cat is domestic only as far as suits its ends. –Saki

Speaking of ends….

 

 

 

 

PROVERBS I LIKE

A lie becomes true when one believes it. –German proverb

The more one knows, the less one believes. –Italian proverb

Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away. –English proverb

If you would call the dog to you, do not carry a stick. –West African proverb

We should weep for men at their birth, not at their death. –French proverb

What little Hans didn’t learn, big Hans doesn’t know. –German proverb

It is necessary to start from a truth in order to teach an error. –French proverb