RETURN OF THE SNIGLETS

Sniglet: a word that doesn’t appear in the dictionary, but should –Rich Hall

You (or, at least, I) don’t hear much about sniglets these days, but as an unrepentant sniggler, I find those pun-like definitions worth keeping alive. Here are some of my favorites from the past:

ALPONIUM – The initial blast of odor upon opening a can of dog food.
ARACHNIDICT – A person who, after wandering into an unseen spider web, begins flailing about wildly.
CHOCONIVEROUS – When eating a chocolate Easter bunny, the compulsion to bite the head off first.
CINEMUCK – The combination of popcorn, soda and candy goo covering the floors of movie theaters.
DETRUNCUS – The embarrassment of losing our bathing trunks when diving into a swimming pool.

ELECELLERATION – The notion that the more you press an elevator button, the faster it will arrive.
EXPRESSHOLES – People who take more than “8 items or less” into the express checkout lane.
MAGGITS – The subscription cards that fall from the pages of magazines.
MITTSQUINTER – A fielder who looks into his glove after dropping or misplaying a baseball.
MUSTGO – A food item left in the fridge so long it has mold and/or maggots.

NAPJERK – The sudden convulsion of the body just as one is about to doze off.
PHONESIA – Dialing a phone number and forgetting who you were calling just as they answer.
ROVALERT – The system whereby one dog can set off an entire neighborhood network of barking.
SHOEFLY – Terminology for a punter who misses the football and launches his shoe instead.
SLOTGREED – The habit of checking every coin return one passes for change.

Now for a few originalets (sniglets I thunk up myself and hope they’re original):

BLANDROID – A dull operating system for dumbphones.
CLUBMEDEA – Electronic and print media overkill of real or mythical news.
CRYBERSPACE – The place where lost-in-process drafts, comments and messages go to commiserate.
EBAY-OF-PIGS – Where politicians render pork in return for fat campaign contributions.
LOL-E-GAG – A posted joke, pun or quip to which the response is an abbreviated laugh so LOUD it is beyond the frequency range of human hearing.

That brings this presentation to a close. Thank you for the thunderous LOL, applause, or whatever it was I didn’t hear. Now, how about contributing to the cause with a sniglet or two of your own making or re-telling?