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  • mistermuse 12:24 am on July 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: dieting, dough, , fat, , , Mother's Day, overweight, pants, , ,   

    DO YOU HAVE PANTY/WAIST PROBLEMS? 

    As you know, July 27 is one of the biggest holidays of the year: it’s TAKE YOUR PANTS FOR A WALK DAY. Now, those of us who take our pants (or panties) for a walk every day may wonder why there’s one special day set aside to celebrate such a normal, mundane activity. The answer, by way of analogy, is that most of us are mothers or fathers every day, but we still have single Mother’s and Father’s Days to honor what we do every day….unless, of course, we can afford to delegate the care of our offspring to a ritzy boarding school in France, or however parents who are wealthy get their darling little monster(s) out of their better-things-to-do lives for extended periods.

    Anyway, far be it from me not to take this walk day — and its health benefits — seriously. And yet, it seems to me that the idea of exercising your pants/panties is a red herringbone. Sure, your pants may be getting a tad tight around the middle, but is that your pants’ fault? Let’s face it — if your pants no longer fit, you’re getting fat, and a walk around the block isn’t going to do much for either you or your pants. You need to address the real problem — and luckily for you, I have the solution:

    THE WAGES OF THIN

    Overweight? Not to worry —
    You can lose it in a hurry!
    Here is all you knead to know:
    Inhibit your intake of dough.

    When, of dough, you indulges —
    Like your wallet, you get bulges.
    Don’t be all that you can be —
    Send half of all you make to me!

     
    • Michaeline Montezinos 12:26 am on July 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      very savvy mistermuse

      Like

    • mistermuse 5:18 am on July 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Such are the wages of sin that we deny the errors of our ways. Of course, I’m so svelte that I don’t have to worry about such things.

      Like

    • scifihammy 5:57 am on July 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      hahaha If it was that easy to lose weight, we’d all be super thin, and you’d be a billionaire! 🙂

      Like

    • mistermuse 6:15 am on July 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I’ll settle for millionaire. 🙂

      Like

    • Don Frankel 7:06 am on July 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Don’t laugh guys. No wait laugh. It’s a funny poem but if you’re up late at night or early in the morning there are a plethora of people out there telling you just that. You can lose weight without dieting or exercising. Just buy the pills or the powder that you sprinkle on your food. It’s all for 29.99. Or you if you want to look like some Olympic styled athlete, buy the DVDs for… you guessed it fans $29.99. I’d rather read Muse.

      No wait! That’s an idea read funny poems, read satirical articles by Don and Richard and laugh. Laugh so much you forget to eat and then of course, lose weight! And, all of this for just…. $29.99. Seems to be the magic number.

      Like

    • mistermuse 9:47 am on July 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Readers can send my $29.99 directly to Richard as a tax-deductible contribution to his Presidential election campaign….at least, I think it’s tax deductible. On second thought, better send it to me so I can check it out. Better yet, send cash and I won’t have to check it out. What Richard doesn’t know can’t hurt him.

      Like

    • arekhill1 10:33 am on July 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      And there’s much I don’t know, hence much that doesn’t hurt me. In the words of the song, what a wonderful world.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Osyth 12:14 pm on July 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Love that … don’t blame the pants (which being English are Panties the Pant being known as a trouser) 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    • mistermuse 3:53 pm on July 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Many thanks for the info. This is entirely within my mission of having a blog to go to for the real poop, if you’ll pardon my English. And the best part is that with contributions from knowledgeable sources like you, I come out smelling like a rose for attracting the best comments anywhere. 🙂

      Like

    • BroadBlogs 2:14 pm on July 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Who knew? Thanks for educating us. Nothing I love more than a good walk– Not many things, anyway. Unfortunately, I don’t think I will get a walk today. (Tear drop)

      Liked by 1 person

    • BroadBlogs 2:14 pm on July 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Oh, I just saw that this was posted yesterday. I did take a walk yesterday!

      Like

    • mistermuse 3:31 pm on July 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I forgive you, because I’m sure that’s the first mistake you’ve ever made. 🙂
      I, on the other hand, have never made any (since the last one). 😦

      Like

  • mistermuse 5:17 pm on February 19, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: appetite, fat, food, , marijuana, over-eating, , , satire humorous poem, will power   

    POT CAUSES POT BELLIES 

    I read in this morning’s paper a USA TODAY article titled STONED AND STARVING? HERE’S WHAT FUELS YOUR FEEDING FRENZY, reporting on a finding about “the insatiable hunger that strikes marijuana users.” According to the article, scientists at Yale University School of Medicine have identified brain cell circuits called POMC neurons which, under the influence of pot, switch from signaling “Don’t eat” to “Eat.” It seems that when researchers dosed mice with an imitation marijuana chemical, they (the mice, not the researchers) gorged on 3 or 4 times their normal amount of food.

    This is certainly welcome news to expansion-challenged men and women who are sick and tired of being accused of lacking the willpower to curb their appetites. Now, like a drunk driver who denies liability for crashing into a building such as that all-you-can-eat restaurant gluttons often patronize (because alcohol rendered him not responsible for his actions), you too may claim no responsibility for being unable to stop shoveling food into your mouth — you can claim to be a pot head (of which your mouth happens to be a part). Naturally, if you live in a state where marijuana is legal, all the better.

    Of course, being neither a fat head nor a pot head, I take but a passing interest in the above report, by way of passing said news on to those of you for whom the following poem may suggest the need to defend your, shall we say, appetites:

    JUST DESSERTS

    One day I looked down at my tum-tum,
    And found, to my great chagrin,
    That in place of what was my tum-tum
    Was a blob of fat with skin.

    “How could this have happened?” I wailed —
    But I knew the answer well….
    For my will power had come up short,
    And my tum-tum had gone to hell.

     

     

     

     

     
    • arekhill1 7:25 pm on February 19, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      The munchies are what made me give up pot way back when, Sr. Muse. That, and having memorized every episode of Monty Python. It was time to move on.

      Like

      • Joseph Nebus 7:46 pm on February 19, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        I understand there’s the whole Adult Swim lineup available to memorize these days.

        Like

    • mistermuse 9:09 pm on February 19, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I was only a middling Monty Python fan and have never watched Adult Swim, so what can I say except thanks for the comments, and move on.

      Like

    • Michaeline Montezinos 12:11 am on February 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Not a smoker or a toker; besides, pot would make me broker.
      Watched a Monty Python movie with my guy long ago and did not know what pot was.
      To me, it is only something to cook in, like pots and pans. And Florida had a vote and all forms of “mary jane” are illegal.

      Like

    • mistermuse 7:28 am on February 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I guess you could say Florida had no intention of going to pot, but no southern state has legalized it. However, you can take a bus back to Michigan if you ever need cannabis….for medicinal purposes.

      Like

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