BETTER HATE THAN NEVER

It does not matter much what a man hates provided he hates something. –Samuel Butler

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Eight days from today, much of the civilized world will celebrate Valentine’s Day. Between now and then, the candy kiss and chocolate industry will make nothing short of a mint, selling sweet somethings to buyers to treat lovers….what some might call a vast capitalist conspiracy to take advantage of the lovesick. I* call it, “Bah! Humbug! A poor excuse for picking a man’s pocket every 14th of February!”

Therefore and mean-while, I’m proposing to you the need for a date — a day to counterbalance that upcoming day of over-commercialized romance and mushy love with a date which celebrates its opposite: hot-blooded, hard-boiled HATE. And what better way to inspire a hateful frame of mind than appropriate mood music:

*and Ebenezer Scrooge

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Still not feeling the hate? All right, ladies, repeat after me: I Hate You, Darling….

However, being the sensitive soul that I am, I’d rather you not hate me personally. So let’s broad-en the scope and close on this e-gal-itarian note:

Hold on. We can’t close without a name for this hate date. Down With Love Day? Cupid Sucks Day? Miss Ogamist Day? Better Hate Than Never Day? Wait a sec — now we’re back where we started.

This is the end.

 

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FAVORITE CHRISTMAS LINES FROM SONG & FILM

I hear that Dec. 25 is Christmas, so I’m departing from my every-five-days schedule to post a day early. For this post, I thought I’d make a little game out of several of my favorite Christmas lines from song and film. It’s simple enough: below are the lines; you name the song or film from whence they came. If you’ve been good, attentive little girls and boys, you should get all of them right; otherwise, I’ll tell Santa you’ve been naughty. However, if you’re a big, grown-up girl, I’ll let him know — ere he shows up down your chimney tonight bearing gifts — that you plan to behave yourself (unless you have other ideas).

 1. He’s making a list. Checking it twice. Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice.

2. Christmas Eve’ll find me where the love light gleams. [SONG TITLE] if only in my dreams.

3. SCROOGE: “Let us deal with the eviction notices for tomorrow, Mr. Cratchit.”
KERMIT: “Uh, tomorrow’s Christmas, Sir.”
SCROOGE: “Very well. You may gift wrap them.”

4. You can’t fool me – there ain’t no Sanity Clause.

5. Although it’s been said, many times, many ways….Merry Christmas to you.

Now for the answers:

1. SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN  (song)

2. I’LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS  (song)

3. THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL (film)

4.
Chico Marx to Groucho in A NIGHT AT THE OPERA

5. THE CHRISTMAS SONG

You say you answered them all correctly, and you want to know what you get? BAH HUMBUG, that’s what! Nonetheless….

 

DEC. 21 IS HUMBUG DAY – BAH! HUMBUG!

Let misanthrope Ebenezer Scrooge fend off Christmas giving for all he’s worth — for my money, the humbug that refuses to be set aside and saved for another time is old age. This is not to shortchange fate’s other humbugs (such as incurable diseases and pompous politicians) — old age is like a bad penny: once one aproaches one’s November-December years, it won’t stay away, no matter how august one feels.

Having resigned myself to that venerable state of longevity,
I now find myself amenable to stating my stages with levity:

First, you forget names.
Then, you forget faces (& toil to let out feces).
Next, you forget to pull up your zipper.
Last, you forget to pull it down.

At age 4, success is….not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is…having friends.
At age 16, success is…having a driver’s license.
At age 19, success is…having sex.
At age 40, success is…making a lot of money.
At age 50, success is…making a lot of money.
At age 65. success is…having sex.
At age 78, success is…having a driver’s license.
At age 80, success is…having friends.
At age 84, success is…not peeing in your pants.

The trouble with old age is there’s not much future in it.

An old person is someone who is ten years older than you are.

You know you’re getting old if…
…5 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
…you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
…you give up all your bad habits and you still don’t feel good.
…you sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
… you wake up looking like your driver’s license picture (unless you’ve always woken up looking like your driver’s license picture).
…you can’t remember how you were going to end this post, so you end it like this.