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  • mistermuse 9:53 pm on December 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Congress, , , , qoutations,   


    No article about Mark Twain would be complete without quotes by Mark Twain. –mistermuse.

    • * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Thank you, mistermuse, for calling attention to the lack of Mark Twain quotes (outside of two questions to Dorothy on an ocean liner) in the previous post, THE UNIVERSAL MARK TWAIN. But, for all we know, such absence may have been on purpose: merely the first leg of a two-port voyage, with Port II awaiting ship with its cargo of such quotes. In fact, unless our eyes believe us, we seem to be putting into port forthwith:

    Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

    God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

    I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

    Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

    I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.

    What would men be without women? Scarce, sir…mighty scarce.

    One frequently finds out how really beautiful a beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her.

    I am silent on the subject [the afterlife] out of necessity. I have friends in both places.

    I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

    Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.







    • scifihammy 11:42 pm on December 2, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Great quotes 🙂


    • mistermuse 7:54 am on December 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      We — Mark and me — thank you.


    • Michaeline Montezinos 8:26 am on December 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Wise and witty quotes from a gentleman who must have lived “billions and billions” of years before he was born.” We can read the wisdom in his wonderful words.


    • mistermuse 8:49 am on December 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I don’t know much about how reincarnation is supposed to work, but Twain may have been a fictional character in The Land Before Time in a previous life.


    • Michaeline Montezinos 9:04 am on December 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I know how it works and have been one of those souls that has been reincarnated many times. I believe in this theory since it is the basis for commen sense regarding the “after life.” I am not crazy or full of doubt about it. I once was a skeptic but my studies and research have shown me what to believe and not to believe.


    • mistermuse 10:09 am on December 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Michaeline, far be it from me to have a problem with what you believe, but I AM curious: you’d previously said you’d converted to Judaism — seriously, is it kosher for a Jew to believe in reincarnation?


    • Don Frankel 11:18 am on December 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Obviously Muse, Twain is one of my heroes.


    • arekhill1 11:43 am on December 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Even the wisdom of Twain can be overtaken by events. Remember, it was years before Kim Kardashian was born that he said “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”


    • mistermuse 3:00 pm on December 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I’ll have to admit that not everything was better in the good old days — ladies choices in fashion being one such thing.


    • Michaeline Montezinos 9:11 pm on December 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      mistermuse, I just saw your comment about Jews and reincarnation. Here is the answer. I am a Reform Jew which means I belong to the 3rd branch of major Judaism. First is the Orthodox branch. Those followers strictly follow the Torah and its commandments. You can see them with their curly ear locks and beards; the men wear black suits and hats and skull caps on their heads.They are mainly scholars; they do marry, including their rabbis ( spiritual leaders. )
      The Conservatives keep Kosher in their food and kitchens. Their outfits are not all black which allows them to look more modern. The women do most of the household chores and care for the children. They are a more relaxed version of the Orthodox. The Reform branch are more liberal in allowing their members to use their minds to not only folow the basic rules but to think. A Reform Jew can believe in the “Old Testament God.” Or they can form their own image of “God.” Surprisely, usually adult Reform Jews can become atheists and still be part of a congregation. I can believe in reincarntion because I have investigated it and I will not be ostracized for my personal belief. Being born a liberal intellectual, this suits my character and I feel comfortable in my thoughts and what I may or may not believe. I don’t broadcaswt them, however, in public. Especially when I go to sevices in the Temple. I respect the beliefs of others in my congrgation. this allows for a greater freedom in my thinking.


    • mistermuse 10:47 pm on December 3, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Very interesting, as our old friend Charlie Chan might say – but I don’t say it off-handedly. I find your comment interesting not only in itself, but also because as an ex-Catholic, I can’t resist observing that Jews should be thankful they don’t have a Pope, who, no matter how liberal or conservative a Catholic is, wouldn’t condone deviation from Church doctrine (at least, not “officially”). It amazes me that a Reform Jew can believe in anything or nothing and still be a Jew – I’m tempted to ask what’s the point of being a Jew, but then it’s no skin off my nose…or any other part of my anatomy. Mark Twain would probably find it all very amusing!


    • Michaeline Montezinos 2:04 pm on December 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      “Being a Jew” as you so candidly put it, is your observation. A concept I could not fully grasp when I was a member of the Catholic Church. Now that I am a Jewess (a female Jew,) I do believe in the Ten commendments and all the accompaning rituals and prayers. As a Jewess who believes in the spiritual life I have accepted, I find my life richer because I am a person who has infused her life with the concepts of family, education and spirituality.
      The fact that as I mature and can change my beliefs is wonderful for me since I am not hindered by rigid rules on how to think. Unlike Catholism and many onther organized religions, Reform Judaism allows me to nourish my intellect. This may have been the problem for you, mistermuse, since you have an high intelligence that seeks the truth and the reality of life. Catholism does not allow basic thinking and questioning of its doctrines. I hope this answers your question.


    • mistermuse 3:27 pm on December 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Your second-last sentence pretty much explains why I left the Catholic Church, though I have since come to realize that I would’ve eventually left anyway, even if questioning of doctrines were allowed. If one no longer believes the whole basis for the Catholic Church, there is no point in being Catholic. Though it’s not my place to apply this to adherents of other religions, those who are disquieted by such adherence might do well to reexamine “where they’re at.” You seem to have found your happy place, Michaeline, so end of story!


  • mistermuse 4:27 pm on March 26, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Congress, Damn the torpedoes, , , March 26, , Prince Jonah Kuhio Kalanianaole,   


    One would think it’s easy to make up your own holiday. How hard can it be, given the hundreds of made-up holidays continually added to the archives over the years by the compilers of such things …. not to mention the official holidays made up by Congress and state legislatures.

    March 26, for example, is also Prince Jonah Kuhio Kalanianaole Day, a holiday in Hawaii honoring the territorial delegate who introduced a bill in 1919 requesting that Hawaii be admitted into the union as a full-fledged state — a petition which, for the information of those who claim Congress never gets anything done, was ratified into reality a mere 40 years later (and only 37 years after the good Prince said “Aloha” to this world). But I, like Congress, digress.

    My point is that, with so many holidays heretofore (I hear two to four) taking up every day of the year, it’s NOT all that easy to come up with a new original holiday. A sampling of this week’s holidays, for instance, will demonstrate: March 24, National Chocolate Covered Raisin Day; March 25, Maryland Day, Pecan Day and Waffle Day; March 27, National “Joe” Day; March 28, Something on a Stick Day; March 29, Smoke and Mirrors Day.

    Thus, one may think one is the first to come up with a new holiday, but how can one be certain? One could examine every day of the year on every list and calendar known to man …. or one could proclaim Damn the Torpedoes Day, and full speed ahead. I say DAMN THE TORPEDOES!

    So feel free to send me your holiday nomination (accompanied by a voluntary donation). My holiday choice is obvious: my birthday. I would decree October 18 MISTERMUSE DAY. All businesses and institutions would get the day off except Congress, which must spend the day debating whether October 18th is October 18th. Any attempt to refer the matter to committee for further study would be blocked by my congressman, Phil A. Buster (if he wants to continue getting my $2 campaign contributions).

    The winning entry will chosen by an unbiased panel of distinguished friends and family,  and become official on October 18.

    • Don Frankel 5:02 pm on March 26, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      Excellent idea Muse and I second the nomination of Mistermuse Day. But no comment to this article would be complete without the recommendation of a holiday. So I propose for one and all DAMN THE TYPO’S FULL SPEED AHEAD DAY. The day of the year will be April 26 in accordance with the Baptism day of William Shakespeare. It seems we don’t know his actual birthday. Now the Bard did not live in a time where there were typewriters, computers or typo’s but then there wasn’t any regulated use of grammar or spelling either. And the idea of this holiday is that all writers not get hung up or upset of an occasional miss spelling or mistake but keep their eyes on the prize.

      If we have some opposition to using the Bard’s day, well we could use Anonymous’s birthday in which case you pick whatever day you want and just tell your boss after you didn’t show up.


    • mistermuse 7:28 pm on March 26, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      I likewise second your nomination, Don – and I don’t even use a spell checker program (which I have had occasion to regret). Nonetheless, DAMN THE TYPOS, FULL SPEED AHEAD!


    • arekhill1 11:09 pm on March 26, 2014 Permalink | Reply

      THE PRO FOOTBALL EQUINOX. Approximately halfway between the Super Bowl and the beginning of the new season in September, this second Monday in June is celebrated in stadium parking lots all over the land. Uncomfortable cheese hats, brightly painted faces and pointless fistfights between opposing fans are the order of the day, along with liquor in cleverly concealable flasks and beer chugged as if rushing to the gates for the opening kickoff. By four o’clock, all celebrants have achieved that numb, hollow, pre-hungover feeling that comes with watching one’s team blow a last-second field goal to lose the game, and everyone goes home resigned to watching baseball until September.


      • mistermuse 7:05 am on March 27, 2014 Permalink | Reply

        I hadn’t heard of that particular celebration, Ricardo, but it sounds like an excellent event to have a beer (disguised as root beer) and football helmet (for weenies’ head protection) concession stand.


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