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  • mistermuse 12:01 am on August 30, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: catholicism, first grade, , kindergarten, nuns, parochial school, , , , , school days   


    For those who couldn’t get enough (?) of the broad humor in my last post (THE PUNS OF AUGUST), I thought I’d close out the month with more of same (with apologies if you’re put off by nuns being spoofed — broad-ly speaking):

    What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep? A roamin’ Catholic.

    What do you call a nun with a limp? Hopalong Chastity.

    Two nuns are walking through the park. Suddenly they are accosted by two guys who rip off their habits and start raping them. The first nun looks up to heaven and cries, “Forgive him, Father, for he knows not what he is doing.” The second nun turns and moans, “Oh God, mine does!”

    Nuns are married to God, so….if they divorce, do they get half the universe?

    It’s after dark, so the parish priest accompanies the nun back to the convent. Upon arriving, he asks if he can kiss her. She replies, “Well, alright, as long as you don’t get into the habit.”

    Why did the nun become a seamstress? Because God told her sew.  

    Sew much for nuns puns. Seams to me, what with the school year just beginning in many places, it’s a good time to ask how many of us remember our first day of school? Back in the days before pre-school, when a five year old kid started cold in kindergarten or first grade, going to school for the first time on that first day could be a rather traumatic experience….especially if it was a parochial school and the kid hadn’t yet been exposed to the accoutrements of Catholicism. You might recall it something like this:


    Sister Scholastica,
    It’s my first day of school;
    I pray mom was right when
    She told me nuns aren’t cruel.

    You’re covered all in black
    From your head to your toes….
    What’s to become of me,
    I’m afraid God only knows.

    Are you even human, or one
    Of those “other world” things?
    You can’t be an angel,
    Because angels have wings.

    Still, you must have been sent
    From God’s home in the sky —
    Mom said you do His will
    And don’t even ask why.

    So much for August. If you’re wondering whether I plan to carry my every-fifth-day August publishing schedule over into September and beyond, the answer is wait, and “Si.” Caveat: you may, on rare occasions, see an in-betweener…but I plan nun-such in the foreseeable future.




    • Stella's Mommy 9:28 am on August 30, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I think I’m going to print this post out and put it in Stella’s homework folder to turn into her catholic school teachers 🙂 At the very least I am going to make sure Stella memorized some of these jokes for some good playground humor.


      • mistermuse 12:44 pm on August 30, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        I hear that nowadays, most of the teachers in Catholic elementary schools are laywomen (by which, of course, I mean non-nuns, not women who got laid…off from other jobs). But if any of Stella’s teachers are nuns and see this post, I hope they have more of a sense of humor than I remember! 😦 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • arekhill1 10:15 am on August 30, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Nuns, priests, indeed the whole American Catholic church is passing into history, Sr. Muse. When we are gone, none will remember the schoolrooms ruled by guilt and violence in which we endured our formative years. They will be as extinct as the dodo.

      I blame global warming, myself.


    • mistermuse 1:01 pm on August 30, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      You may be right, Ricardo, but never underestimate the staying power of dogmatic fundamentalism – it has always been with us, and my guess is that it always will be. But at least the legion of Catholic dogmatists has the decency not to behead those who disagree with them, so I must admit they have evolved somewhat since the Inquisition.


    • michele39 5:04 pm on August 30, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I made the transition from playing with toys among the kids from kindergarden at age 5 to learning how to read and write in my Catholic school kindergarden. I was very good until I giggled and chattered with 3 other girls while the Nun tried to teach the class a song. The four of us were punished and I never spoke out of turn again. I did not like some of your Nun jokes, Although I now embrace the Jewish faith, I am still respectful of the nuns and priests. I didn’t. have any lay teachers but my girls did. Some were great and some were not . A lot depends on the student of course.


    • mistermuse 6:08 pm on August 30, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      The first five of the six jokes are from “jokes” sites on the internet – only the seamstress joke and the poem are mine. Nuntheless, I take full respunsibility for them, as a politician might say (and I apologized in advance in my first paragraph).


    • Don Frankel 3:16 am on August 31, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I wanted to make a really smart comment but then I just had nun.


    • mistermuse 7:05 am on August 31, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Same here….so I’ll borrow a pun that michele39 might have appreciated re her Jewish faith:
      How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.


    • BroadBlogs 2:03 pm on September 3, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Love these nun puns!


    • mistermuse 4:22 pm on September 3, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I didn’t know, until I looked it up today, that “nun” is the 14th letter of the Hebrew alphabet — no wonder michele39 didn’t like some of my nun jokes (no offense intended, michele39!). Anyway, I love them too, but enough is enough, so there will be nun in my next post.


    • barkinginthedark 4:20 pm on April 25, 2019 Permalink | Reply


      Liked by 1 person

  • mistermuse 5:41 pm on March 30, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , catholicism, , ,   


    Shortly after I became an ex-Catholic, my non-Catholic son-in-law asked why I’d remained in the Church so many years. Off the top of my head, I replied that I was brainwashed. I could’ve added that, possibly, that was the same reason he remained ideologically conservative all his life.

    Yet, I doubt that such an observation would have led him to consider re-examining his own thinking. In my experience, even very intelligent people like him seldom change their mindset – they’re so invested in what they’ve been and where they are. And, to be honest, maybe it’s just as well.

    We can theorize that self-questioning of entrenched views would lead automatically to a better place. Granted, it could lead you to a more open place, a wiser place, but a better place (if you equate better with more comfortable), probably not. There is nothing comfortable about realizing that everything you believed (or, at least, hoped) was gospel, is not. I would hate to think I caused someone I love to abandon their black & white comfort zone for a gray area they may not be equipped to face. An evangelizer, I am not. But if I were, I would challenge you to ask why you don’t challenge at least some of your own assertions.

    Even I’m not right 100% of the time.

  • mistermuse 12:38 am on March 31, 2009 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: catholicism, , , , intelligent design,   


    I was a practicing Catholic for decades before finally confessing (to myself) that all that practicing hadn’t really made me believe the “revealed” God is the real God. If you, too, are a slow learner, perhaps my evolution to deist may interest you. Not that I seek a label for my spiritual status, but the definition of deist appears to fit, so….

    I’ll start here: the belief that God is perfect, and Leibniz’s contention that this is the best of all possible worlds, seem to stand or fall in concert. Thus, even if God is perfect in his omnipotence and the world is the best possible arrangement of natural laws, by what logic does it necessarily follow that the creator is perfect morally? Wouldn’t a perfect God know that might does not make right?

    The opposite side of the coin, atheism, also fails my “smell test.” There isn’t a snowman’s chance in hell that the complexity of the universe and life came about by anything other than intelligent design. But this design must include ALL of creation. You can’t pick and choose, crediting the creator for all things good and beautiful while absolving him for creating diseases and natural disasters. Let’s face it – we were deliberately made to suffer and die and not know why.

    Some have tried to put a positive spin on suffering by saying it can build character and maturity. But how does that apply to infants suffering from terminal cancer, for example? Others justify our mortal condition by defending some variation of the might makes right argument. How does that square with the “God is love” claim?

    I don’t know if there is life after death, but it doesn’t seem to make sense that the creator would go to all this complexity just for the sake of creating and then walk away from it. Surely, given reversed roles, the creator wouldn’t want done to him what he has done to us. And yet, unless everything can somehow be made right in the next life, what is the basis for a moral, loving relationship between creator and created (not to mention between created and created)? In that context, the word “somehow” seems beyond amoral omnipotence.

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