GET YOUR EPITAPHS HERE!

Because my last post celebrating Day of the Dead, All Souls Day, and Plan Your Own Epitaph Day was such a tour de farce, I got to thinking about how to show my appreciation to my faithful followers….so I’ve come up with an idea to save you the trouble of planning your own epitaph. How? By my doing it for you, of course. Naturally, this will entail some grave cogitating and heavy (en)crypting on my part, but departing is such sweet sorrow that, for this post only, I’ve decided to forego my usual ghostwriting fee.

The beneficiaries of this one-time free service will be several select souls who have already suffered enough by being long-time (in blog time) followers. If you don’t find yourself among the following suffragettes and suffergents, don’t feel slighted. Rest assured, it’s not due to undue favoritism or that you haven’t suffered enough, but simply that you had the good fortune to luck out. Speaking of which, if you’re willing to part with some of that fortune, I will put you on my waiting list for future such post-perpetuity.

IN MEMORY OF SHE WHO, IN VITA,
WAS KNOWN MAINELY AS RIVERGIRL.
HER DRINKING BUDS WERE MARG And RITA,
BUT HER BEST BUD WAS MS RED SQUIRREL.

BENEATH THIS MARBLE SLAB
LIES ONE NOT TO BE FORGOT….
ON THE OUTSIDE, MISTER GIFT OF GAB
(BUT HIS PEN NAME WAS MASERCOT).

ASLEEP IN THE DEEP, RESTS MAGICMERMAID.
ALAS, WE KNOW NOT JUST WHERE SHE LIES.
v WE ASSUME THAT DAVY JONES
v HAS A LOCKER FOR HER BONES
BUT IN OUR HEARTS, HER SPIRIT NEVER DIES.

HERE LIES THE BODY OF OBBVERSE;
FOR HIS WORDS, WE’RE NONE THE WORSE.
HE MAY EVEN HAVE OBSERVED WE’RE BETTER
WHEN, OF THE LAW, WE’RE ABOVE THE LETTER.

WE MOURN THE GREAT LOSS
OF LYNETTE d’ARTY-CROSS.
WE COULD SAY MUCH MORE
BUT WHAT ON EARTH FOR?

Just remember — if you see the above as low humor, them’s graveyard words:

What’s that you say? Where’s my own epitaph? Very well….it’s a dead end job, but if you insist:

HERE LIES ONE WHO WROTE VERSE
WISELY BUT NOT WELL….
OR WAS THE DISORDER IN REVERSE?
SOME SAY ONE COULD NEVER TELL.