By the look of things, one of the worst transgressions one can commit these days is to own something that is “outdated.” The thing may be perfectly functional, but when the seductiveness of a shiny new model is insinuated in your head (regardless of whether it’s an improvement), chances are you’ll abjurus the old and covetus the new modus, lestus your status operandi turn corpus delicti.

With that in mind, let us sell out some of our old sayings (though they may retain continuing utility), because you certainly don’t want to be caught dead echoing words which put you in grave danger of being looked down on. Lucky for you, I have started the dirty work of updating enough outmoded sayings to teach you that old dogs can turn new tricks. If these don’t inspire you to take up where I leave off….

If you can’t stand the heat, sit down.

Malpractice makes perfidy.

Alimony is the loot of all evil.

Beauty is beholder deep and pound foolish

The.road to Hell is paved with good inventions (lies).

Familiarity breeds consequences

Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know (except for Trump).

Jack of small tirades and Mistermuse of pun.

That last one can be taken with a grain of solvent.