MISTERMUSE FOR PRESIDENT!
“So, ladies and gentlemen, I am officially running for President of the United States, and we are going to make our country great again.” –Donald Trump, June 16, 2015
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That was then; this is now.
Fringe, Morons, Countrymen, lend me your rears. I am officiously running for President of the Disunited States, because I feel like it….and who isn’t in favor of doing what they feel like? Now, we know that The Donald feels likewise, but let’s face it — he’s an asshole.
I can hear some of you Trumplodytes saying, “He may be an asshole, but at least he’s my asshole.” Sir — or ma’am, as the base may be — I admit that you’re entitled to your own asshole, but if you don’t mind my saying so, your asshole is full of shit….and after three-plus years of the shit fitting the man, enough of him is too much (and vice versa).
Friends, you and I both realize that, though the Dems’ heart may be in the right place, they’ve been letting the bullying GOP kick their cajones from here to South America for too long. That is why, in addition to slumming for Pres, I am announcing the formation of a new political party called The Fair And Respectful Treatment Party (or FART for short), because that’s what the American people deserve — and when I become President, they will get the FART they’re entitled to.
It’s not going to be easy, friends. I’m getting a late start, and the dollar three twenty five I have in the bank is just enough to cover my ass until my unemployment compensation kicks in. So I’ll be counting on your support and the support of my billions of blog followers to finance my campaign. If you can’t afford to send money, other assets will be gratefully accepted so long as they pass the smell test.
And although the Democratic party may no longer be the party of kick-ass Presidents like FDR, his campaign theme song is still just the ticket for me:
P.S. Highest donor gets to head my campaign and handle the money (just keep it under your hat).
Notes To Ponder 12:23 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
Outstanding! 🙂
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mistermuse 1:14 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
My first endorsement! Can more be far behind!
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Notes To Ponder 1:17 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink
Well you’re going to need 65,000 people to donate to the campaign and favourable ranking in national polls to score a chair in the next televised Democrat debate. 🙂
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mistermuse 1:39 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink
Details, details! The Donald doesn’t sweat the details, and he got elected. Of course, he was born with a silver spoon in one of his holes and had Putin’s help, but I have billions of followers, so “We’ll see what happens” (to borrow one of Trump’s fav pearls of faux wisdom).
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obbverse 1:34 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
At last! A breath of fresh air on the political front. So to speak. After the ‘great job’ -HUGE- Trump’s done, the window of opportunity has been left wide open. As it should be.
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mistermuse 10:01 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
Thanks for the vote of confidence, o.b. Now I know why it’s feeling drafty in here.
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calmkate 2:05 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
I’d vote for you!
trying to start WWIII was a great distraction … what happened to the impeachment???
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mistermuse 12:22 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
Kate, obviously Trump thinks A DISTRACTION A DAY KEEPS IMPEACHMENT (and every other accountability) AWAY. And he may be right, considering that his base and GOP sycophants support him, no matter what.
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calmkate 6:47 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink
I think you’ll find Murdoch and Packer will do everything possible to keep him there too!
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The Whitechapel Whelk 4:08 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
Just like Mr Trump’s administration, I hope your campaign runs like ‘a finely-tooned machine’
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mistermuse 12:30 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
Calling Trump “Mr” is like calling a baboon “Sir” — except that a baboon has more integrity. Nontheless, I thank you for your good wishes, because I know your fart (like mine) is in the right place.
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blindzanygirl 7:04 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
Lol. Love the assholes. This is really funny! But I’ll vote for you!
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mistermuse 12:33 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
Thank you, my friend. Vote early and often (or at least, often).
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blindzanygirl 12:52 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink
Lol. I will have to throw my vote across the pond 😀
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mistermuse 9:38 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink
I’d like to throw Trump across the pond to your country, Lorraine, but your country has enough problems without the orange dis-ass-ter landing in your midst.
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Rivergirl 9:09 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
You’ve got my vote.
And besides there’s so much foul air in Washington these days they won’t even notice the difference.
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mistermuse 12:41 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
Thanks, Rg. That reminds me to be sure to call in the fumigators before I enter the White House (the rest of Washington probably won’t bother, they’re so used to the stench).
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masercot 9:13 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
You’ve got all three of the votes I normally cast… I’m even writing you in for a member of the Fairfax County school board…
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mistermuse 12:58 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
The more (votes), the merrier, I always say (beginning now).
As for the school board, I won’t be eligible because one of my first acts as Pres will be to decree that all school boards be comprised only of students. Thus, any adult who want to run for school board will first have to go back to school. Hopefully, that will greatly reduce the number of ignoramuses running our schools.
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Ashley 11:12 am on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
You’ve got my vote! Do you still allow postal votes? The Fair and Respectful Treatment Party is something we could do with over here! Can you send me a copy of the manifesto?
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mistermuse 1:28 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
Thanks, Ashley. I will allow votes by any method except tweet, a means of transmission which Trump has irreparably despoiled for all eternity.
Manifesto-wise, I have yet to put one in writing and hesitate to do so, because it could be evidence my enemies might use against me. On the other hand, it may be unavoidable — like manifesto destiny.
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tubularsock 1:07 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
Check’s in the mail!
And remember some POT for EVERY CHICKEN!
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mistermuse 1:37 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
Thanks, t-sock. I’m sure the chickens would appreciate that, but since they’re too chicken to vote, I won’t scratch their backs unless they scratch mine.
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tubularsock 6:59 pm on January 14, 2020 Permalink
Seems reasonable. There is a pecking order after all!
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mistermuse 8:08 pm on January 14, 2020 Permalink |
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arekhill1 1:13 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
I hope you do better than I did, Sr. Muse. https://www.richardcahill.net/home/-gop-for-me-i-will-run-in-2016
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mistermuse 1:58 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
I’m sure you would’ve won the nomination if Donald Turd hadn’t entered the race the following month, Ricardo. When I am Pres, I will appoint you to the Supreme Court so you will have the chance to confirm his guilt for this and every other dastardly deed he will be convicted of, so help me God (sorry about that, Ricardo, but I’m not an atheist….yet).
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Elizabeth 6:32 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
Can you pick Steven Colbert as your running mate? If so, you have my vote.
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mistermuse 9:24 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
Will CLAUDETTE COLBERT do? As you can see (40 seconds into this clip), she starred in a film called THE PHANTOM PRESIDENT, which is what I am at this point. She may be dead, but at least that will keep her from misspeaking or making any wrong moves.
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Elizabeth 6:50 pm on January 12, 2020 Permalink
Good substitution. And maybe his fans will be confused enough to vote for you with her on the ticket.
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D. Wallace Peach 9:22 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
I’d vote for you over Trump. I’d vote for a fart over Trump. At least farts don’t try to take away healthcare, they don’t try to wreck the planet, and they don’t try to start wars. We’d all be a lot happier and safer with a fart in the Whitehouse. 🙂
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mistermuse 9:48 pm on January 11, 2020 Permalink |
Thank you, Diana. What more can I say? Anyone who would vote for a fart over Trump obviously has her priorities in the right place.
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jilldennison 4:23 am on January 12, 2020 Permalink |
Alright, sir … you have my vote, and I will even volunteer as your campaign speech writer, if you don’t already have one! I cannot send money, but as you said other assets would suffice, I am sending you 2 of our 5 kitties! One is mean as Attila the Hun and should be good for guarding you during campaign rallies. The other will warm your heart in times of trouble. I also love the name of your new party … now get out there and win some votes!
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mistermuse 9:52 am on January 12, 2020 Permalink |
I plan to write my own speeches, Jill, but I thank you for the kitties because I need the support of independents, and no one is more independent-minded than cats (well, except for my wife and daughters). I think I’ll call them (the kitties, not my wife and daughters) “EX-DEMOCRATS NOW COOL DEMOCATS FOR MISTERMUSE” to inspire other Dems to join the growing FART party. I can feel a surge in the making!
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jilldennison 4:53 pm on January 12, 2020 Permalink
You’re on the right track, my friend! You need to come up with a logo for your FART Party!
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mistermuse 7:11 pm on January 12, 2020 Permalink
I’d use Trump’s face, but that would be promoting him and the GOP instead of FART. Besides, I’m already so sick of seeing his face, I could PUKE.
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mlrover 10:00 am on January 14, 2020 Permalink |
Go for MM!!! You’ll know you’ve made it when Randy Rainbow does your parody.
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mistermuse 1:53 pm on January 14, 2020 Permalink |
I say with all sincerity that such a rarity would be a model of hilarity if there’s no disparity between my parody and the temerity of R.R.’s G & S parody:
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barkinginthedark 6:34 pm on January 22, 2020 Permalink |
FDR one of my heroes flaws and all. continue…
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barkinginthedark 6:35 pm on January 22, 2020 Permalink |
P.S. i can’t wrap my head around the fact that i’ve gone from FDR to this.
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mistermuse 4:19 pm on January 23, 2020 Permalink |
If it’s any consolation, we won’t go from FDR to Trump to Mike Pence, because there’s no chance the GOP will terminate Trump’s term, with Pence taking over as Pres.
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barkinginthedark 4:16 am on January 25, 2020 Permalink |
too sadly true – in many many ways too numerous to list. continue…
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Henry Lewis 10:12 pm on February 9, 2020 Permalink |
You can count on my FART!
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mistermuse 10:12 am on February 10, 2020 Permalink |
You’re a man after my own fart!
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